A
female
age
30-35,
*unshineofyourlove
writes:Hi everyone!So I have been seeing a new guy for about two months that I met online. He is pretty awesome, has a great personality, and is very handsome. He is about 15 years my senior (I am of legal age, 21), never married and has no kids. He moved out here just recently from another state. He is a bit socially awkward (so am I) but is very charming. He had some drug and alcohol problems in the past but has been completely clean for a few years now. He is in no way the bad boy type. He does smoke a lot, doesn't bother me much though. Our first few dates went great, more friendly and innocent than romantic. He is quite older but still seems very boyish in many ways. We began having sex a few dates in when I started to hang out at his place. He has had no problem initiating sex and getting hard but I think he may have a problem getting off with me. I have never felt him *** inside me, no pulsating or moaning or trembling on his part. He is not very vocal in bed, doesn't tell me what he wants or needs, but is very assertive in his movements. I suppose it could be out of shyness but I'm not sure.There was one time where I thought he might have come but I'm not entirely sure. It was a tiny bit of heavier breathing and different movement when he was doing me from behind. Most of the time I don't feel any differences in his movement or moaning. The two other men I have been with had always made it very clear when they were ******* by actually saying it, harder thrusting, and much heavier breathing. I could also feel it happening inside. They also had talked about sex a lot outside the bedroom, about what they liked, what they wanted to try, their turn ons and turn offs. This guy doesn't do any of that at all. He is a sweetheart and I don't think he would be with me if he didn't want me, but then again, I'm not totally sure. He is a mystery to me.This is starting to make me a bit self-conscious. I've been feeling like he's not into me, maybe not attracted to my body or something along those lines. Or maybe I'm just being paranoid about this all. Every man is different. They're not all going to make love and *** the same way. Or do I need to actually be worried? Can a man get hard when messing around with you but not actually be into you? He is definitely a man I would see myself marrying. I hadn't ever felt that with my other boyfriends. That's why this subject is so important to me. Any advice would greatly help! Thank you so much. 2
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met online, moved out, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 September 2014):
 Ok, I am going to look like really thick here, or maybe at my age I should know better, but I don't get how you cannot know if he has come or not, regardless of moaning, grimaces , and verbal cues.
I mean- tryng not to be too graphic - if you use a condom, you'd see if it has been filled. If you don't- liquid leaks - liquid goes downward when you stand up or just move around in the bed. And no, it does not have the same texture, colour or smell than YOUR fluids. Pretty easy to spot IF he has come, I'd say ?...
I also do not undertand the " pulsating " thing. Any other " sign " is a matter of acquired, semi- voluntary behaviour ( moaning or not moaning, he can choose ). But if by pulsating you refer to the throbbing of a penis when it ejaculates- those are involuntary spasms, he can neither fake nor suppress them. So.. I did not quite get what's happening ( or not happening ).
Anyway, for all the rest I would not worry that much, sexual behaviour allows for a wide range of expression, - the lovers you had before were vocal and demonstrative, but all meny are different, some are loud and nosy, some are very quiet and don't show much .
Generally that's because they are shy, or unexperienced. Or ,sexually repressed , a bit inhibited, they have grown up with the idea that sex is dirty or " secret ". Or , they are types who have a gret control over their emotions, a great self restraint, and at some level they feel that letting themselves go at the moment of orgasm shows vulnerability and weakness. Stuff like that.
You can talk about it, you know ? It's not an offence, you are not rating or criticizing his performance- you can tell him what you like, what turns you on, what would make you more comfortable and make it more enjoyable for you. If he KNOWS what you like and what you are used to, he can try to loosen up a bit and meet you halfway ( but not expect him to turn into a yeller if he never was ).
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (16 September 2014):
 Honeypie is right on
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 September 2014):
Before I answer your questions, can I just say.. USE a CONDOM every time. And BOTH of you go get tested for STD's. You are letting a guy you BARELY know (2 months) ejaculate inside you without really knowing his past sexual history?
Why not be a little bit more ... responsible sexually?
OK, off my soap box.
Why not talk to him? I mean you can get naked and intimate with him, so why not talk about it?
Most people know WHAT to do, not all know HOW to do it well (when it comes to sex). My guess is he doesn't have much experience and if you two don't talk about it, he might think what he is doing now is how you like it.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 September 2014):
 There are a few possibilities. Some men take forever to cum. He's afraid of getting you pregnant. He's made women pregnant before and regretted it because it wasn't the right relationship. He doesn't know yet where this relationship is going. Because he is older than you he may not even think about long term yet. Sexually he is attracted to you otherwise he wouldn't have invited you in.
I supposed you are on birth control. If he came inside a condom you would have seen it. You have to make sure you two have the same intentions. It's not too early to start this conversation. If you are ready for sex you are ready to open up and talk about your feelings.
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