A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've noticed lately that my boyfriend doesn't like or care when people compliment us on our relationship. For instance, the other day some random lady asked us for directions and then joked about how cute I looked and then said that my boyfriend has a good choice in women. To her comment, my boyfriend said that "yes, I stole her from somewhere" i don't remember what the "somewhere" was but, he didn't say thank you or anything sweet. He's a very funny and I find him to be a people pleaser at times. Today, we were studying together all day (we both like to study together) and one of his friends came over and asked what we were doing. I told him we had been studying all day and he said "Wow, you guys are a match made in heaven" to which my boyfriend didn't say anything. Does this mean that he is not proud of having me as his gf? Or, maybe it's his low self esteem. He's 25 and has had major hair loss (it runs in his family) in the past 3-4 yrs and he constantly tells me that he's not as attractive as he used to be in high school. He also complains about being fat (which he isn't). Overall, I know that he definitely doesn't consider himself attractive. And, I'm not the most attractive girl in the world either! So, maybe it's his self-esteem issues?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2014): Let me guess your boyfriend doesn't take compliments well in any form from people he doesn't know? I bet he either doesn't know what to say or tries to hide his discomfort with jokes. Am I right?
OP I don't find anything cute or sweet in people complimenting my marriage. They're just stating the obvious to me. I know it's great, I know we work well together and I don't need others to tell me that, I don't care what other people think my wife likes it of course but she's a woman and that comes with territory for them. social acceptance is huge deal for you ladies. Not so for me.
Sounds like your boyfriend is just bashful, OP, it's nothing to do with how happy or not he is with you. If anything people noticing and complimenting you on it should be confirmation enough for you.
Not all of us respond well to compliments, if it's something I did in a game, something I achieved that's tangible I find them nice. Like when I win an MMA bout. But complimenting my personality, my marriage or other such things mean nothing to me and frankly from strangers they can make me a bit uncomfortable because if they don't know me or my marriage then it's just a loaded platitude. In terms of my wife or me personally I don't need affirmation or confirmation of how great I have it, I know I do.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 September 2014):
 You write: "So, maybe it's his self-esteem issues?"
HIS self-esteem?????? "Sounds" like it's YOUR self-esteem that might be microscopic. The examples that you gave are routine goings-on in life.... and his behaviour - as you describe it - doesn't sound out-of-the-ordinary at all.
Please think long and hard as to whether or not YOU are fabricating a "problem" that doesn't, really, exist...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (19 September 2014):
I find it strange that you are even thinking about this. The examples you gave were so mundane and petty that I wouldn't even have noticed them.
I don't know much about your relationship, but on the very limited info you've given it seems like you are the one with the self esteem problem.
Don't try to read so much into little things. People just don't always react the way you think they should, and they don't always have the "perfect" reaction.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 September 2014):
 Then maybe it's YOUR self esteem that's a problem. You feel unattractive and you need to be reaasured about your power of attraction at every twist and turn, even when it's superfluous or frankly rididcolous.
The two explamples you gave, for instance. An older lady says " what a cute couple ... " and what is he supposed to do ? Blush , and go all " Aww shucks ,geee" ? He did comment back, with a witty quip . It was humorous AND affectionate, in his intentions.
As for the friend, it was another jocular comment. True, but humorous too. What did you want him to say ? " Yes, we undoubtely ARE a match made in heaven ". It would have sounded so pompous ! Stop taking casual comments so seriously, stop taking the issue itself so seriously.
If you mean that maybe your bf is not too prodigal of compliments to YOU, well that's another thing , girls , both self cofident and insecure, like a compliment every now and then, but that is something you two can work on a bit, together, he learns to be more verbally expressive and you learn to be less needy of verbal affirmations.
But for the rest , really, I would let it go, don't lose any sleep over this.
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