A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:It looks like I am spending Christmas on my own this year as I am single, childless still since my divorce - so its just me and my dog! In the past I had Christmas's ruined by my ex husband and his family so now I am divorced I don't have that drama to contend with. My parents live a three hour car journey away and "hate Christmas" (their words)and refuse to watch all the good TV on the day. They are not happy people and I feel it should be a happy time or at least set out that way - I have had far too many bad Christmas's and the thought of it at theirs fills me with dread. Last year I was on my own (unplanned) all day and I found it depressing. I want to feel good this year, almost treat myself a bit perhaps, but being on your own and yet really in need of company whilst celebrating and finding something that will allow a dog to stay is almost impossible. Everyone else I know has children or go to family and I don't want people to feel sorry for me and tag me on. Has anyone spent Xmas on their own or 'single' in similar circumstances that has any ideas? Much appreciate any thoughts..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2014): I wrote the original post and just wanted to say how incredibly grateful I am for the time and kind everyone has put into your replies. The issue was really weighing me down and now I feel lighter about it and you have all shown me that there are so many other ways to 'celebrate' Xmas time in the company of others or on my own. There is also so much pressure on everyone to do the right thing or do things a certain way that I realise my perception of failing is based on fear of social stigma and feeling somehow left out - which in itself is based on a stereotype of how things should be. Heartfelt thanks again x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2014): A few years back I lost my husband just days before Christmas. So Christmas is now more emotional for me to celebrate having suffered that loss. We were childless. I have a cat. My friend rallied around me and I went to her sister's house for Christmas. It was extremely hard for me to do. Everyone was nice, but it was not my family and I was still in shock from late husband's death.The next year, I got sympathy invites for Christmas, so I wouldn't be alone, but I declined them.I actually wanted to be alone. I didn't decorate or anything like that--my first time ever. What I did was drive down to a pizza place, got a pizza made for me, then drove home and popped it into the oven and celebrated my Christmas that way and with a glass of wine.I had the fireplace going, a good book to read and my cat on my lap and I watched the snow silently come down outside.For the first time I felt at peace without all the family dramas being played out from years before.It was a no fuss Christmas and a quiet and relaxing one.That was the Christmas I chose for myself. You can too, if you so choose.The other posters here have excellent ideas.I hope this helps.Know that I will be thinking of you this holiday season and wishing you and your dog a Merry Christmas!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (16 September 2014):
 Further: The last two years, my G/f and I have had an "orphans'" dinner.... We invite all our counterparts.... singles and couples.... who are here in Florida, and have no family nearby (Neither of us does - have family nearby....) Remember, that is what Florida "is." EVERYBODY who lives here "comes from (someplace else)"...... It has worked out fine, both times.... and we'll do the same thing this year, I'm sure.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (16 September 2014):
 Tere are church groups all around you that would love to have you share the holiday with them.Reach out to any one of them and you'll never be alone again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2014): Welcome to the single alone club, Im yr age and I spend every xmas alone, either working then alone rest of day or a day off.Im renting, single, no kids, and am not allowed a dog, at least you have a pet to keep you company, I have noone, my friends don't care and do their own thing, my family (younger sister and brother) live in different places to me do their own thing with their family and friends, no one cares for me. Do things for you, make yr own xmas dinner at home, watch tv you like, go for a drive or a walk, play those xmas songs or dvds at home stuff everyone else! xmas is a lonely time for those of us that are unwanted, by that I mean me, at least you have had romance in yr life, no one wants me, im unwanted. Focus on yr friends, call them xmas day, or text, im sure they care, unlike mine. You have had love once at least, thats more than some of us could ever dream of.
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female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (15 September 2014):
Why don't you invite other single friends over and have everyone prepare something to share for the day.
You could volunteer at a local soup kitchen. You can volunteer at a local hospital for the day. There are lots of good charities out there they need people like you to share the day with.
Christmas is a tough time of year. But it doesn't have to be. It is all a mind set.
I wish you a very (Early) Christmas ((hug))
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2014): You could look into inviting someone to a holiday dinner with you at your own home. You can check out AdoptAUSSoldier.org and SoldiersAngels.org, where they have programs for volunteers to invite deployed soldiers or soldiers stationed away from home to a holiday meal. I imagine they may have some programs like this in the UK as well.
That way you can help another person, who may otherwise spend Christmas alone away from family and friends, have a nice meal and celebration.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2014): I guess the hardest and only lonely Christmas I can ever recall was the year my partner died. Those months following were very hard for me. The Holidays ominously approached like the day of execution on death-row. You may not relate to that analogy, since there is no longer a death penalty in the UK.
I dragged myself through the company Christmas Party. I supervise; so it is a very expensive catered yearly event. Attendance is mandatory for management. I put on a face for that. Some people forgot my partner passed on, and asked for him. My heart dropped to the floor.
My friends invited me to a few parties. I made an appearance and stayed about an hour or so, chatted and put on my face again. I hate those sympathetic looks people give you, and asking you how you're getting along. So it was tough staying.
I had a little pug dog myself. He was eleven at that time. He was my tight little companion. Always greeting me at the door. Ready to curl up in my lap; or sit and pant in my face. I decided I didn't feel like flying home that year. So I didn't make my flight reservations ahead of schedule as I've done year after year.
I just imagined a quiet Holiday. I still decorated the house, because it's tradition. I played Tony Bennett carols, and Vanessa Williams. My favorites, but didn't feel the spirit of the Holiday. Dragged myself to the church pageant, and put on the face for well-wishers.
Within a week of the holiday, my brother called. He asked me who I planned to stay with? I hadn't told anyone I wasn't coming, I just wanted to be alone. I was tired of people trying to cheer me up. I told him, I'd get back to him. My little dog looked at me, and tilted his head. As if to ask, what was that about?!! I recall it vividly to this day. I had not made plans to do anything. I was going to call my brother back after the Holidays and give him a lame excuse. That was the plan.
I took my two-weeks vacation early. So four days before Christmas, something hit me. I needed to be with family. I needed it. I couldn't let grief overwhelm me anymore.
I decided to take a train!!! I love trains. I had train sets when I was a boy. I used to ride the mini-train at the amusement park as a kid. It was my favorite ride!
I went online, made reservations and got my first-class seat next to the bar car. Yes, first class! Who'd a thunk it? My dog stays with a neighbor when I have to travel, no problem there. I've never taken a train home before. It was a long ride. There were several stops and connections along the way. I packed light.
I can only tell you, I met some very interesting people along the way. It was the longest trip I've ever had on a train. People told me stories, I overheard really annoying loud conversations; people chatting incessantly on cell phones.
It was the best adventure ever!!! Passing through several states, there was a new flavor of people at every stop.
My favorite was a fireman with dozens of family phone pics of his beautiful kids and lovely wife. A photo of a high tech firetruck he negotiated down the cost for, and got for his station. As the trip progressed, I can only tell you that Christmas was feeling a lot better, and my spirit picked up. It was being on an adventure that made it worthwhile. People holding wrapped gifts, some sitting with mean scowls like Scrooge. I hope I wasn't one of them.
Looking back on it, I didn't only need to be around just the people I loved. They were my reward at the end of my journey. My journey made all the difference for me. No one knew me, they were all happy and on their way home somewhere. Their joy rubbed off on me. I didn't know them from Adam's house cat. I was distracted from my own miseries. Just reading expressions, observing people, and adjusting my own attitude. I felt the sadness melting away.
I shared hard cider with a friendly lady who was all giggly and smelled of a really lovely fragrance. I got persistently nudged and elbowed by a nice lady knitting to my left, who told me all about her niece attending a prestigious women's college. Listened until my ears were numb to a couple of teenage-girl chatter-boxes, who started every sentence with "like!" They dragged syllables on words at the end of every sentence. That's how some teen-American girls talk. It's cute and very annoying at the same time.
It's an affront to grammar, but better than slang.
When I reached my final destination and surprised the family I was home, that made my Holiday. They thought it was really weird I chose to take a train all that way. If it wasn't for that, I would have sat home alone. Grieving. My dog would have been my only company. I'm glad I didn't. I accidentally had the greatest unplanned Christmas; because I waited until the last minute to even think about it.
See what plan pops into your head at the last minute.
Even if it's a train trip to visit a relative, or a long lost girlfriend you haven't visited in ions! You must alert people in advance, if you're coming. You shouldn't impose.
Just one suggestion.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (15 September 2014):
Volunteer or travel to an exotic country to see how they celebrate Christmas. Its easier to make friends in the road.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 September 2014):
 Oh sure. I have spent lots of single and / or alone Xmas days, and , let me tell you, I loved it. Where I live the only relative I have is my son and I made a point to pack him off to spend Xmas with his dad, even if maybe he was not that sold on the idea ( the relationship with his father is a bit coldish ). But, he sees ME everyday, and since I do not mind at all being on my own for Xmas, ... it 's easy being " selfless " in this case, lol.
Well, to tell you the sincere truth, I am a bit cheating, because in my specific case, I have Jewish , Muslim and Buddhist friends so I am never really alone on Xmas, unless I choose to. I know plenty of people who 's got time on their hands and are off work ( because Xmas in national holiday anyway ) yet don't do a family /formal celebration , so we can eat out, go to the movies, play cards , do normal " Sunday " stuff.
But, if you can't get a non- Christian circle of friends fast enough :)- I have a few suggestions :
1 ) Do not discount your friends, and do tag along, if they invite you . Or even, drop the hint that you are alone for Xmas and see what they say. Your friends ARE family, it's the family you have chosen, rather the one you were born in ( and often you are stuck with whether you like them or not ). Why would you have to feel that you are imposing on them, or that they pity you ? If they " feel sorry " for you- they do it in a good way, meaning that they feel bad that you are going to be on your own when it does not have to be so , and they want to include you in the celebrations and merryment because they LIKE you and they WISH you to be there too and have fun with them. Otherwise what friends would they be ? If you get invited, do not have any scruples, there's always room for a cool honorary childless aunt to spoil the young ones or listen to the teen's woes :).
2 ) if that does not appeal to you , because you don't like children, or don't like long family dinners or whatnot- Sageoldguy's suggestion is excellent. Contact now some volunteer organization, ask your Church or Council what help can they need that day . You'll keep busy , it will keep your mind off things, you'll do a good deed, plus chances are it will also be a new interesting experience and you'll meet new people.
I can say my best Xmases ever ( Xmas' Eve, actually ) wre the couple I spent manning the lines of a suicide hotline, and tryng to convince the callers ( very numerous and very desperate in the holiday season ) to not do anything stupid. By any mean necessary , since I was alone during my shift and the calls more than usual. So for once I did not follow the official " neutral " , soft, non judgemental guidelines , I answered more with my style on DC - harsh , at times. Ok, well, basically, I BULLIED them into not offing themselves. How do I know they did not ? because my coleagues of the following shifts told me they ALL called back the day after , or the 26 th, saying that they had made it through the night and through the day , as I had made them promise. So - all present and accountable for , ALSO because of me- and , let me tell you, that felt like a great Xmas gift , it felt like being the angel in that old Jimmy Stewart's movie :).
Go to a soup kitchen. Go to visit inmates, or hospital patients , or lonely old folks, - or wherever they tell you there's a need for you.. It sound sad, depressing ? it's not. It puts things in perspective for you, as Sage says, it makes you feel useful- and you come away with so much more warmth, love and appreciation than what you gave, that's even humbling. Plus, it's interesting, even if maybe not exactly " fun ". Trust me, I am a b...h, I never do anything which is not fun OR interesting or rewarding somehow. But I am willing to bet you'll find it emotionally and psychologically rewarding.
3 ) If you can afford it, travel. Organize your little " escape from Xmas " . Go visit some European capital or something. Sure, it's Xmas there too- but tourists, and tourists places, do not really feel it that much , it's more or less business as usual- monuments, museums, guided visits, even shopping places , restaurants, hustling and bustling- all open. And nowadays there's a lot of people travelling on their own , don't worry , you won't feel or look conspicuous at all. Plan a couple of days full of visits and activities and you won't even think of Xmas.
4 ) failing all else, make Xmas a " me " day . Stay home, but with the right spirit. Not the spirit of " I am a sad sack , woe is me " but with the spirit of " I am taking a day off to recharge , regenerate , rejuvenate and indulge myself ". Spoil yourself. Offer yourself a fancy breakfast, cook yourself ( or eat out ) a lovely Xmas meal - offer some to your dog too. Do your hair, nails, a facial, a scrub, make yourself pretty, all those stuff you never have time to do. Listen to your favourite music, buy yourself that great 800 pages blockbuster , and settle down to read it with a glass of good wine at your elbow. Organize a DVD marathon of your favourite movies or TV series . ( AS a matter of fact, you gave me an idea, if the non Christian friends aren't doing anything- this year I may have an Inspector Barmaby's marathon- whoah, I can't wait :) ). Or, just watch that good Tv you say it's on , on Xmas day - lucky you, here Xmas day's Tv sucks. Or , offer yourself a good movie, a good play, a good concert - something you love but you 'd give up because you have to go on your own. Well, you may be on your own, that does not mean that for once you can't offer yourself the very best .
And , take an hour or two to just relax, meditate, go within- to come up with new plans, new objectives , the way you could improve your life in 2015, and try to come up with a written plan to make these wishes come true. It does not matter if it's not a too realistic plan, it's for fun, it's to lift yor spirits and clear the cowbwebs off your brain. Decide what new sports, new hobbies , new diet,new look, new habits you are going to adopt, and write it all down.
To sum it up, whatever you do, do it with regard, love and affection for a very special person who deserves being pampered and treated well ; YOU .
... And, failing all else ... sign on and come on over on Dear Cupid to give us a hand. Most of the regulars will be busy or absent that day.... but love trouble never stops and never ends :)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 September 2014):
How about volunteering to help prepare and serve the meal at a homeless shelter????? (Might help you to put things in perspective.....)
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2014): Loads of cottages and hotels are dog friendly - just google dog friendly holidays. However, as you mentioned you get lonely, but need somewhere to go with dog friendly people, then this site seems to go a bit further:
http://www.happydogworld.co.uk/news/42/Christmas-holiday-dog-friendly-suggestions!.html
and suggests getting a dog walking group together for Xmas - see point 3 on the main page.
I think if you sign up/join this group then they would help you to organise a group holiday, if not for this year then next.
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