A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am frustrated with myself and my boyfriend. We were in a distance relationship but I moved to live with him about six months ago. Mostly it's been great. He has this female friend though. I've never felt that comfortable about their friendship cos I have heard him compliment her looks to his friends and rave about how cool she is. I really wasn't looking forward to meeting her but was determined to be my usual friendly self in the hopes that she'd like me enough to respect the boundaries between her and my boyfriend. I first met her in class and I introduced myself and said how lovely it was to meet her and that we should have a chat sometime to get to know each other. She was friendly towards me at the time but seems to have gone out of her way to avoid me ever since. I don't understand. Now I feel like she can't be bothered to make an effort with me it makes me angry and hurt just seeing photos of her with my boyfriend posted online. I don't want to be angry or jealous. I've tried to speak to this girl since the day we met but mostly she replies in one word answers or pretends she didn't hear me . what can I do?
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (18 September 2014):
 Make it a point to get to know her better so she gets to know you. She might just be a bit protective of her friend not wanting to see him get hurt or something. Deep breath and proceed.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2014): She hasn't chosen to be friends with you. She figures you're like most girlfriends, you don't really like her. She probably thinks you're just pretending to be nice to her; so she's saving you the trouble of being phony. She is letting you know, she doesn't like you straightaway.
She is competing with you for your boyfriend's attention; and as usual, he pretends to be oblivious to it all. Let's not forget that you moved a long distance to be with a guy you knew has a "female-friend" he posts pictures with on Facebook. You've uprooted yourself to be with him, he didn't change his life to be with you.
He already had a unusually close friendship with another female in-place; which should have discouraged you from moving until you knew what was going on between them. Instead, you thought moving in would separate them. It didn't work did it?
There is always going to be a competition between you and her. He's going act like he's not aware of it; and ignore your complaints about it.
She is going to step it up and turn up the heat, if she knows you've complained to your boyfriend. Your boyfriend was supposed to have gotten the whole deal squared away BEFORE you moved-in.
You're focusing on her, when you should have focused on him before you put yourself in the middle of all this. He's got the upper-hand, because he can always say if you got a problem, go back to where you come from. Leaving you in the submissive-position in all this bullsh*t; because moving again would be a total inconvenience, and you'd feel she's the winner should you have to leave.
Instead of competing and dealing with their cozy little friendship. Go back to where you come from. The time to have dealt with all this was before you moved in, not now.
You saw the pics already on line, heard him bragging about her looks, but still want to keep a jerk like that as a boyfriend. Go ahead and tell him how you feel. My guess is he's not going to do a damned thing about it.
You see, the fact is; you shouldn't have to say anything in the first place. It should have all been fixed before you arrived. A guy who loves you, makes sure all his friends show you respect and make you feel welcomed. He makes sure lady-friends stay at their proper distance, and that you don't have to come to him to tell him what he should do.
The old pics with her would either go, or be pushed into the old album collection; because they would be replaced with new pics of both of you. You've got yourself a stupid dick of a boyfriend; because he should already know that.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 September 2014):
 You can talk to your bf, not to the girl.
The girl is not obliged to become your bosom buddy too , just because she is friends with your bf. As long as she is civil, she can choose to keep to herself.
And she could " respect your boundaries " anyway, even if you two do not interact much. If there are OBJECTIVE boundaries to be respected ( "Don't sleep with my bf " comes to mind :) ) they exist anyway, regardless of your degree if closeness.
We are talking about subjective boundaries here , I guess. Like posting on FB pics of her and your bf . Sounds innocent enough , being that they are friends, and i think it would not bother all Gfs the same , but it bothers tou , so it's your subjective boundary. Now, I don't think your BF does not know he is being photographed , or he is being photographed with her against HIS will. He is part of this boundary crossing behaviour.
So, he is the one you have to go to , if it bothers you. You should ask HIM to stop having his pic taken with his friend, or to talk to his friend and tell her that HE does not approve of her posting their pics online.
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