A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I went to a wedding recently with an ex bf. we didn't go as a couple but we went together because we were both invited, our mutual friends would be there as well. during the wedding I noticed him talking to this girl on the dance floor. then I saw the two talking again near the bar. then she was trying to dance with him and she kept walking over to where he was standing. I was bothered and he noticed that I was upset from the look on my face. I know that I don't have the right to be angry we are not a couple, but it does bother me because we were sleeping together at the time and were somewhat involved with one another. I feel disrespected that he chose to dance with this girl and not me. (I feel like im 12 saying that) but you know that feeling in your stomach you get when you notice the man you love flirting. and not to sound mean but she was trashy. and some of my friends noticed what was going on which also made me feel foolish. I confronted him later that night saying it bothered me and that maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore.should I be upset? how should I have handled it? I mean if he really cared enough about me he would have given me attention right?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2014): Right here, right now, block him on any social media sites. Take his number off your cell. Don't answer his calls. Throw, tear, shred, burn his pictures if you so choose. Throw any momentos away if you feel like it.
It's time to move on and not give this guy any more of your self! He is taking the sex because you offer it. It's just sex to him and nothing else. You are better than that.
Get rid of him.
At the right time a decent man will show up and treat you with the respect you deserve.
Start treating yourself with respect too and no FWB relationships. They never work out.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (16 September 2014):
 He was very disrespectfull as a minimum. I don't know why you felt compelled to tell him how you were upset though. As you said you were not a couple. But he was dumb and inconsiderate. Oh well, lesson learned.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2014): I would add that if he REALLY cared about you and was an upstanding guy he wouldn't humiliate you or any woman by having her as a Fuck Buddy.. he is a turd. Get some determination and stop giving him any part of yourself. An x should allow you to move on unless they have some real intentions to get you back, not jerk you around this way. You have every right to be mad at him, and I would add that since you continued a sexual relationship(big mistake) you are more likely to get jealous etc., but you also need to look at your own behavior. Stop allowing him to disrespect you this way!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2014): You are right. If he really cared about you he absolutely would've given you the attention. You two broke up for whatever reason. He is not trying to get back together with you. Seems like he sticks around because he is reaping all the benefits of the relationship without the commitment e.g. sex. His actions are making it clear that he is not in love with you. You should stop sleeping with him and find a guy who is actually into you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2014): You need to end it with this guy entirely. Cut him out of your life. Obviously, he doesn't return your feelings, and you will only get hurt again. It's time for you both to move on.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 September 2014):
 OP, ... if he really cared about you, .. he would not be content with being your ex and / or just your FWB partner. If he cared, he'd want more than that.
Should you be mad ? Well, you clearly are, and there's not much you can do about that, but no, technically you should not, because he has not done anything wrong. Not only you have no mutual committment and you both are free to dance , flirt and sleep around as much as you like. But, also, you went to this wedding not as a couple or even as lovers,- basically you went there as each other's " plus one ". People go to weddings and other social events also to have fun, mingle and socialize, so he would not have been expected anyway to stand by your side all the time, or to dance with you only. But, the thing is that if he had been a real " plus one " , i.e. just a friend or an acquaintance, you would not have cared , or even noticed, whom he was dancing with or giving attention to.
That's the flaw in FWBs, that somehow there's always one who still cares and has feelings - while the other is just having fun, as per " job description ". There is an inbalance, and if it gets to be too painful, it's best to cut your losses and move on ( apparently you have figured this out alreay ).
I'd be curious to know what he said when you " confronted " him- has he been kind and understanding ? good for you , and then he is basically a nice person. Technically ,he woud have had all the right to tell you " What a nerve !, I do not have to justify to you anything I do ".
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 September 2014):
 You are/were having a FWB - which doesn't make you a couple or involved (at least NOt in his eyes).
He SEES himself as single with a convenient F-buddy (you) but free as a bird to chase any chick he wants, in front of you or when you aren't around.
Stop having sex with him. You have sex because you HOPE he will want to BE with you. He is having sex with you, because he can.
Should you be mad? Well, obviously you are. So I can't tell you are not allowed to be mad. However, it's illogical. And then calling the girl trashy doesn't make YOU any better.
The ANGER you feel shouldn't be directed at a GIRL you don't know. A girl who HAD no clue as your "arrangement".
My advice, smell the coffee, the guy isn't into you, he just like some uncomplicated sex with you, now and then. If you want more.... HE isn't it. You already know that. You are just ignoring it.
He is an EX for a reason.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 September 2014):
 Your answer is found in your own words:
"but you know that feeling in your stomach you get when you notice the man you love flirting. "
I noticed that you use the present tense of "love" in stead of "used to love". You're not over him, so as long as you're still hung up on him, he's going to offend you every second you're not with him, because it sounds like he IS over you.
You are disqualified from confronting him. In fact, the "disrespect" was yours, as you are out of line telling him who he should dance with.
The key is to get over him. Make that present tense your fast tense, and then he could be dancing with anyone and it wouldn't raise your blood pressure one single bit.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2014): This is a no brainer: stop having sex with this idiot and stop going to weddings with him or anywhere. He is your x bf, don't have sex with him or anything unless he and you decide to get back together, in case don't get back together with him he has proven himself to be a jerk. Otherwise you are just setting yourself up for pain and humiliation like this.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (15 September 2014):
He doesn't Cate enough about you for your needs. You want something that he doesn't seem to want. Live with it or stop seeing him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2014): Not the classiest act on his part, true, but if the two of you are not in a committed relationship anymore he technically has the freedom to flirt (or even sleep) with anyone he pleases.You can't control his choices, but you can choose not to continue the physical relationship now that you are no longer a couple in any other way. Just guessing here, but it sounds like he's the one who wanted to move on and you may have hoped remaining intimate with him would cause him to reconsider in time. Going no contact with him is probably the best way to get over him, a course of action you should definitely consider. Flirting openly with other women in front of you is not behavior indicative of a man who still cares about your feelings.Good luck and best wishes.
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