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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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My Boyfriend Thinks I'm Faking Orgasm's!
Q. My boyfriend thinks I'm faking orgasm's! We have been together for just over a year and I have never faked an orgasm with him. I don't even think I would be very good at faking one! First of all, why does he think that? My downstairs tenses and ...
A. 13 February 2015: Curious. For saying that, it means he expects to see or feel something specific that it is not happening, and this, in his mind, means that your are not having one. And it also means that in his mind ALL women orgasm in the same way with the same ... (read in full...)
I let myself go and am not quite sure how to get myself back together?
Q. I just turned 21 and I've seriously let myself go. Basically I was abused and it got really bad when I was 17. The person is no longer able to hurt me and I've been to counselling but I sort of regressed into a frightened shell of a person and ...
A. 13 February 2015: "how can they say 8 sessions and off you go ?".. The poster is British, SVC. I suppose it is an NHS thing. Don't get me wrong, I think that NHS is a must and a wonderful conquest of a modern society. At least, if you need a heart transplant or a ... (read in full...)
Do I try to pursue a relationship with this friend?
Q. So my friend and I have been friends for a long time. 3 years ago we ended up sleeping with each other and after that we went on dates shortly after we just decided on being friend (just cause I didn't want anything serious at the moment, got out of ...
A. 13 February 2015: Pursue at your own risk and peril:). Actually, it seems to me that you should not pursue at all because the situation does not warrant it in the least, and I, not having the hots for this girl, think that anybody would see it from miles afar... but ... (read in full...)
Can some men be interested in just being nice and your friend?
Q. Can some men be interested in just being nice and your friend? I know a man from work and have became good friends with him over the past few months, he has also helped me out around the house. I have just moved into my first house myself, he helps ...
A. 13 February 2015: I agree with the others. While in general it is surely possible that a man and a woman are just friends, in this particular situation I feel that your Mom is super-right and you should listen to her.
It sounds to me like he is sort of groo... (read in full...)
Am I being selfish when I feel that he's too clingy when perhaps he is being concerned and serious about me?
Q. Hello everyone! I'm 21 and before I left to study abroad (6 month exchange program) I was seeing someone (let's call him B) exclusively for about a month. I did not get into an official relationship with him because I felt that it was difficult to ...
A. 13 February 2015: Why would you be selfish ? If not wanting to get married within two years, and to a virtual stranger that you basically do not know anything about yet, means being selfish, then there must be millions of people who are as selfish as you and more ... (read in full...)
Was my husband being inconsiderate?
Q. I have an question. I want to know if my husband was being inconsiderate or am i just tripping. Since yesterday i have been battling a major toothache where as my jaw is swollen and half my tooth is gone. All day yesterday i stayed in bed due to the ...
A. 12 February 2015: Honeypie is right ( hi Honeypie, I am back ) go to see a dentist , don't just lie there being miserable ! You say your jaw is swollen , and the tooth is half gone- who knows, you could have an abscess.Don't wait.
I think too that yes, your husb... (read in full...)
I feel like my colleagues aren't pulling their weight
Q. More than anything I need to rant right now, and hear if this is something others have found good ways to deal with. I recently started in a new job, but Im already feeling like several of my co-workers don't do their share, yet expect me to do ...
A. 12 February 2015: I understand your frustration, what you describe IS annoying, and yet I would advise you to be patient for the time being and not to make too many waves . As you said, you are new on the job- who knows, you may have to / want to stay there a good ... (read in full...)
Seeking input on which is the better work option. Current employer or a change?
Q. I am hoping someone can help me! I am currently a nanny and work 16 hours a week mainly working from 2.30 until 6.30 Monday to Thursday. I am also not on a contract. However, the family are moving abroad next August. They have asked me to work...
A. 28 October 2014: You prefer not to work weekends , so, if you are given this possibility- don't work weekends and get the new job.
Besides, it seems to me that your employers are being a bit smug in their requests. I don't know your labour laws, and you work... (read in full...)
He's controlling and abusive. What's the best way to handle this situation?
Q. Been with my partner almost five years, we have a four year old son together. For the last two years our relationship has been very rocky. It has been an unhappy relationship for me, since being with him he has stopped me seeing family and frien...
A. 28 October 2014: I think he did you a big favour by finally booting you out of the door, since so far you haven't had the determination, courage and lucidity to terminate an abusive relationship.
Only, he is bluffing, because he knows it's likely to end like... (read in full...)
Should I go along to the Doctor with my fiance when she visits the Doctor to talk about contraception?
Q. Hi everyone. I am engaged to get married next year in june. It is about my fiance going to be using birth control. She plans to go see the doctor and get all that figured out. But when would be a good time to go to the doctor and should i go alon...
A. 28 October 2014: Why don't you ask her your fiancee' what she prefers to do ?
Personally I find slightly bizarre the presence of a fiancee' at what is, after all, a professional and private consultation with her OB/GYN, and I am sure that your fiancee', guid... (read in full...)
Am I overthinking this? My friend wants me to accomodate her friends at my home. I don't know them and feel uncomfortable about her request.
Q. Friends question. I got a bit bewildered to day by friend's request. She is my very good friend, I know her for 15 years. They have this friends a couple from a different city who comes on vacation to our part for New Year's Eve and stay for ...
A. 28 October 2014: Yes, your friend had some nerve, and you were right, and well within your boundaries , to say no. You are not an innkeeper, if you don't want to host semistrangers that's fine and normal. As for, lending semistrangers your home when you are away ? ... (read in full...)
His apartment is freezing, but he doesn't turn up the heat! Do I stop visiting?
Q. Perhaps this is a weird question, but some suggestions on how to best deal with this would be nice. I've got a key to my boyfriends apartment, and I have been staying at his place for about every other day these last months. It's usually his plac...
A. 27 October 2014: Stop visiting. Since you have offered to pay for the extra hearing and the extra food, so the problem is not money- apparently not only he does not know how to make you feel at home, he does not want to you to feel at home, or comfortable. ... (read in full...)
Can a married man fall in long with his mistress? Or is the lover just used for sex on the side?
Q. Do married men only use their lover on the side just for sex only? Can they actually fall in love with their mistress, despite being torn because of the children? ...
A. 27 October 2014: Never say never, so I imagine that some of them can,and do.
If they are " torn " between lover and family, though, I'd be skeptcal, I'd take it as if they have decided they'll stay with their family.
At risk of sounding horribly cynical.... (read in full...)
Can you help calculate the maths to perhaps arrive at which guy is the likely father?
Q. This is kind of embarrassing but i just want an opinion im fairly sure i know the answer would like some opinions though. I am 6 mths pregnant. at the time of falling pregnant i slept with 2 guys. im fairly sure i know who the dad is but was w...
A. 27 October 2014: Guy n.1 would be textbook- 14th day of your cycle. If your cycle is fairly regular, and between 26 - 30 days, no,1 would be very probably the father.
Of course, though, we are talking about probability, not certainty. It's not impossible that tha... (read in full...)
Is it mean to take back my necklace that my boyfriend wants to keep?
Q. Hey, so I'll make this short and sweet. I needed a second opinion, because my friend said that this was a bad idea. Last week when I was over at my boyfriend's house I left my FAVORITE guitar pick necklace, it's my absolute favorite necklace...
A. 27 October 2014: No, I don't think it's mean. Wasn't your bf supposed to wear your necklace only to keep it safe until you could retrieve it ( and supposedly wear it yourself ) ? You never said you were going to GIVE IT to him, and in fact , if one wanted to be ... (read in full...)
I have trouble with eye contact with people and I look down or I stare. What to do? I Need help.
Q. Omg, i am terrible when it comes to eye contact! I am 15 now but ever since i started secondary school (11yo) i've had trouble keeping eye contact, especially with teachers. I used to NEVER make eye contact, look down etc. except when i spoke to ...
A. 27 October 2014: I must have read it on Cosmopolitan so I don't know if it works, but it makes sense in theory- Look at the root of their nose, the area between just under their nostrils and their upper lip. To them it LOOKS like you are making eye contact, but ... (read in full...)
Did hiring a escort make me look bad?
Q. I'm doing an update since my post "I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?" (I'm 28 now)and have not post anything for few months. Well I hired a escort and done the deed, and I can my experience was not bad as ...
A. 27 October 2014: So, OP.... what was the point of your initial question again, please ? would you mind to clarify ?
" Did hiring an escort would make me look bad ( in a woman's eyes ) " ?...
You have already decided / guessed / devined that there will be ... (read in full...)
My parents need me to get in contact with my ex?
Q. I have an issue. My mom and dad need me to get in contact with my ex. My ex and I dated last year, and it was a horrible, horrible relationship. He broke my heart, and made my life miserable. By far, the worst relationship I ever had. He left me ...
A. 27 October 2014: Simple. Tell your father to send your ex's dad a Registered letter with Return Receipt. ( If the ex's dada is such a hot shot should not be so difficult to find his official address through Internet, or at leat his work address ) Then whether ... (read in full...)
Feeling guilty about ignoring my family. How can I explain that I want a relationship and to see my family?
Q. Hello all... Briefly, i am in a new relationship.We have been together a month, met on the internet. Yes we had sex soon!too soon, i;m 24, hes 25. He lives in london. He is lovely! we went to wales last weekend and man treated me like a queen,...
A. 26 October 2014: I don't think his request is unreasonable at all. In fact, tbh, I think that if you have this kind of limitations ( objective, or self imposed ) you should not even arrempt to be in an LDR.
It's not as if he is in London and you in New Zeal... (read in full...)
Why did my ex boyfriend disappear instead of properly breaking up with me?
Q. I decided to ask this question because I'm just curious about it. Earlier this year, I was in a relationship (4 months, not very long) with someone I met on a dating site. I'm 19 and he was 22. He was very strange and there were many red flags, a...
A. 26 October 2014: 1 ) To save themselves annoyances. Possible confrontations, tears, reproaches, requests for explanations, requests for " working things out ",etc.Not that I justify the " chicken " way to dump people, but, objectively , generally it does not go ... (read in full...)
Did hiring a escort make me look bad?
Q. I'm doing an update since my post "I'm a 27 year old virgin, should I go hire an escort to experience sex?" (I'm 28 now)and have not post anything for few months. Well I hired a escort and done the deed, and I can my experience was not bad as ...
A. 25 October 2014: Consenting adults, though, can't do all the f...k they want just because they are consenting.
In USA prostitution is illegal everywhere but in 11 Nevada counties, and hiring a prostitute is illegal anywhere but those Nevada counties, and clas... (read in full...)
Is it common for CrossDressers to have multiple personalities that don't always communicate
Q. My boyfriend is a crossdresser as time hit gone on he has become more and more into dressing up for atleast the last 6-9 months he has been doing things like wearing my favorit lingerie while Im not home usually hes on Craigslist looking for other ...
A. 25 October 2014: Are you saying, is it possible that, the moment he wears woman's panties,... he gets DID ( dissociative identity disorder, once known as split personality disorder ) ? with amnesia ?
... Naaah. Never say never with mental illnesses, but... bare... (read in full...)
Is chocolate syrup safe to use with condoms?
Q. For years I have used chocolate syrup on condoms to make them more palatable for girls who don't like the taste of latex in those situations where one of us (or both of us) insist on using a condom for oral sex. It seems to serve the purpose. ...
A. 25 October 2014: Yes, all oil based products may deteriorate latex and break it down quite fast, so do not use chocolate syrup on a condom.
Buy, instead , flavoured condoms, they are available in various tastes ( mint, chocolate, strawberry, etc. Rven bacon !, I... (read in full...)
He lied to me and now I can't just forgive and move on
Q. I really need help. My boyfriend and I had been friends for a couple of years before dating. He had asked me out several times but I always declined. Mostly because I was in an on and off again relationship at the time and did not want to get him ...
A. 25 October 2014: I don't know OP, ...IMO, either way back then you were just friends ( although with benefits, since occasionally you were sleeping together ). Ergo, what he did in the caribbean was not even really your business to begin with .
OR, you were boyf... (read in full...)
If he cheats to be with you, does that mean he will 100 per cent cheat ON YOU?
Q. Hi everyone. I have been dating a married man for almost a year and a half. He does have genuine feelings for me and we have great sex and chemistry and a good friendship. He is comfortable with his wife and not leaving. I am not totally okay w...
A. 24 October 2014: Interesting, how often OPs do it: omit in the main post relevant details that would change completely the perception of their story by the readers, and the readers' answers. Well, I suppose everybody has got the right to tell their story as they ... (read in full...)
If he cheats to be with you, does that mean he will 100 per cent cheat ON YOU?
Q. Hi everyone. I have been dating a married man for almost a year and a half. He does have genuine feelings for me and we have great sex and chemistry and a good friendship. He is comfortable with his wife and not leaving. I am not totally okay w...
A. 24 October 2014: I can only think of one thing that's always 100 percent sure to happen, and this is death ( sorry for the gloomy reminder ). For all the rest, go figure, it's difficult to work out an exact stat with risk percentages, precisely because not all men ... (read in full...)
Is this a normal part of aging for men?
Q. My spouse is a few years older. We have an active sex life, but however, there are times that he has a hard time reaching an orgasm. Is this a normal part of aging for men? Is there any lubricant or any recommendation that will assist him in ...
A. 24 October 2014: He should discuss this problem with his urologist, or , better, his andrologist, and they may have suggestions about what will HELP improve things.
But, basically, getting " frustrated " about that it's a bit like getting frustrated because his ... (read in full...)
Things he's told me about his past make me question whether I want to be with him
Q. I am upset because of my boyfriend's past. He is much older than I am. I am 30 and he is 51. We have been together for three years. We have had completely different lives. It makes me wonder why we are together. I already knew that he had been with ...
A. 24 October 2014: Yeah that would make me very uncomfortable too . Of course you can't crucify people for mistakes which they did 20 years before, bt, apparently, he does not even SEE this as a mistake, just as a funny anecdote. And of course people can change in ... (read in full...)
Should I de-value myself and have sex with someone who doesn't respect me just because I need sex right now?
Q. A guy and I had agreed to have casual sex before the holidays. We agreed on coffee first to get to know each other, a sleepover to somewhat test compatibility, then sex. A lot of it. He wants to keep it monogamous, and the order of this was his idea ...
A. 24 October 2014: I think I would give it a miss. He does not seem too bothered with you. Yes, he was busy, but somehow people have this nearly magical ability to make themselves un-busy when they think it's worth the pain- when there' s enough interest, ... (read in full...)
I'm interested, but she's cancelled twice in a row
Q. met a nice girl. went out for dinner, both said we had a nice time and wanted to meet up again. So arranged a time and place - we both sounded positive in communication etc. But the day before she said she had to postpone - concentrate of h...
A. 24 October 2014: I agree with Honeypie : give her the benefit of doubt and one more chance. ONE.
It is true that life gets very hectic and complicated at times, - reason for which she gets the third and last chance, then again yes, she does not sound very keen... (read in full...)
Ten years later, and despite being in a relationship, I am still obsessing about this guy from the past. How can I move on or resolve this ?
Q. This is taking over my life. I think about this guy constantly and torture myself by looking at his picture on-line a lot! I hear through the grape vine he's a bit of a player (I hate that in a guy.) But still can't stop thinking what could be if...
A. 23 October 2014: C'mon, OP, don't be chicken :). If it happens it happens, but maybe you can give a little push to destiny . You have the best excuse ever, you are a hockey fan so I suppose you know about the game and can speak about it competently . Take this ... (read in full...)
Do I have the right to be mad at her for reading my diary?
Q. So i have this friend who i was really close to but now she has done something that i don't think i can forgive her for. We are both holiday reps working abroad and for the last six months we have shared an apartment. She has always been my best ...
A. 23 October 2014: You have every right to be mad at her ! some friend, she is.
First she butts into your private life, what business is of hers if you have slept with guy X or not ? Unless the guy was her husband ! Ok you are best friends and roommates, so pret... (read in full...)
Is this a normal part of aging for men?
Q. My spouse is a few years older. We have an active sex life, but however, there are times that he has a hard time reaching an orgasm. Is this a normal part of aging for men? Is there any lubricant or any recommendation that will assist him in ...
A. 23 October 2014: Yes, it is normal. Aging changes sexual response in both genders.
Some men may have trouble in reaching or maintaining an erection, some have " softer " erection than when they were younger. Some have less contractions durng orgams, ... and some... (read in full...)
I no longer fancy my wife
Q. Hi all, I am in my 50's been married 25 years got two great kids , grown up, mootgage payed blah blah but just hate my life My wife does a lot, cook, wash, iron that's it, a housemaid She is lazy, layback, won't communicate with me. My life is c...
A. 23 October 2014: Yes, you have lost your plot. And your capacity to perform very simple calculations.
Good thing that you don't want a housemaid. Because probably you could not afford one, if you should hire somebody else doing all which your wife does for your... (read in full...)
Lost him after 8 1/2 years overnight
Q. 8 1/2 years we were together through all kinds of troubles but after 8 1/2 years he ended it in a cruel way. I think he planned ahead. Came to my house took things he hdId for and ended it by telling me I was selfish stubborn ect.... I was in shock ...
A. 22 October 2014: Dear lady, give us some credit, will you. I don't think anybody who said " he does not want you any more " said it in the spirit of " nyah nyah nyah , eat your heart out ! ".
They said it to underline how you are most, most probably just flog... (read in full...)
I'm in love with him but there's another woman in his life
Q. dear cupid am dating a man I met and dated two years back we broke up that time and I got married to another man, now my marriage did not workout so am single now and this man I knew before has asked that we be together again, I have fallen inlove ...
A. 22 October 2014: OP, did you even consider the possibility that he's telling you a lot of BS ?
" My wife does not want to have sex with me " is a variation of " My wife does not understand me ", in the typical vocabulary of the typical cheating lieing bull... (read in full...)
He's like drug, I can't help myself, so does this mean he is the one using me?
Q. What's wrong with me? Iv been seeing this guy for 2 years now. Hes 21 and I'm 25. Everything has been great moved in.together its good. Recently a old friend with benefits got in contact, saying he really wanted/needed to see me. I have known him ...
A. 22 October 2014: If he was the one, he would not be with another woman , don't you think ? he would make sure to make himself single and available so you could leave your current bf and live your " love " in the open. Variation : he would DEMAND that you leave ... (read in full...)
Can soul mates find each other at such a young age?
Q. Hi there people, I was just wondering is it possible to meet your soul mate in school. I have been with my boyfriend 7 years (since we were 15). We have an amazing relationship i really couldnt complain. We both have good career paths hes a proje...
A. 22 October 2014: That's a bit like asking : do people really win the lottery ? Do people really survive a shark attack ?
Of course they do ! Just... not many, really.
I don't think people are really sniggering or patronising you- they just can't help being re... (read in full...)
Do I ask her if she likes me or just move on?
Q. There is this girl, and to make it short, I feel as if she stole my heart an never gave it back. Therefore it's really hard for me to be open to feel anything for anyone else. I told her I like her but she reacted in the way I figured she woul...
A. 21 October 2014: No no, OP, maybe I did not express myself clearly. I did not mean that it does not sound true, or it can't be true .
My point was another , the following :
so this girl had a secret boyfriend. You did not know she had a bf, and the other st... (read in full...)
Boyfriend went away on a trip and I am upset it was not a long, romantic good bye like I expected.
Q. My boyfriend went away with his family for a couple of weeks on a holiday. Before he left, he kissed me on the lips. That was it. We talked for 45 minutes first. He was joking and playful with me. Generally seemed happy to be with me. He kissed me...
A. 21 October 2014: YES ! BIG TIME !:)
Unless there's something that you did not say and that gives you a reason to worry. Like, he has a story of vanishing suddenly from your radar and then reppearing. Or, of breaking promises, says he'll call then he never does... (read in full...)
He said he liked me and was going to ask me out but then asked out another girl instead!
Q. So I have been talking to this guy, and he was honest about liking me and this other girl, he told me I was the one he chose and how it was going to be me, and then he asks out the other girl and I really started to fall for him and his been my ...
A. 21 October 2014: You Wish just stole the words from my mouth. Particularly for the " best frend " bit. Ah yes, what a good friend. He hears a rumour about you, ...and he believes it on principle. Somebody said it... so it must be true. He did not even bother to ... (read in full...)
Do I ask her if she likes me or just move on?
Q. There is this girl, and to make it short, I feel as if she stole my heart an never gave it back. Therefore it's really hard for me to be open to feel anything for anyone else. I told her I like her but she reacted in the way I figured she woul...
A. 20 October 2014: Eh "the fire she is in ".. and the brimstone .. :). OP, let's not exaggerate. You sound like a very considerate friend and she is lucky to have you, but do not feel bad for also thinking about yourself. If you need to ask her something, then ask ... (read in full...)
Do I ask her if she likes me or just move on?
Q. There is this girl, and to make it short, I feel as if she stole my heart an never gave it back. Therefore it's really hard for me to be open to feel anything for anyone else. I told her I like her but she reacted in the way I figured she woul...
A. 19 October 2014: I suppose there's no harm in asking her. At least you would know where you stand, rather than hoping and wondering, and it would be easier for you to move on if your feelings are not requited. In this view, you'd better ask anyway.
Frankly I am... (read in full...)
Ten years later, and despite being in a relationship, I am still obsessing about this guy from the past. How can I move on or resolve this ?
Q. This is taking over my life. I think about this guy constantly and torture myself by looking at his picture on-line a lot! I hear through the grape vine he's a bit of a player (I hate that in a guy.) But still can't stop thinking what could be if...
A. 19 October 2014: Then it's rather simple. First you leave your current partner ( which may be serious , committed and all, but I can't imagine that is such a fulfilling relationship for you if you find yourself constantly longing for another man !).
Then you ... (read in full...)
Ten years later, and despite being in a relationship, I am still obsessing about this guy from the past. How can I move on or resolve this ?
Q. This is taking over my life. I think about this guy constantly and torture myself by looking at his picture on-line a lot! I hear through the grape vine he's a bit of a player (I hate that in a guy.) But still can't stop thinking what could be if...
A. 18 October 2014: And if you know your worth and like yourself for who and what you are, then what's been keeping you so far from asking him if he wants to go out with you for a drink or dinner, all this years ?
Why do you wonder if he'd find you interesting and ... (read in full...)
Ten years later, and despite being in a relationship, I am still obsessing about this guy from the past. How can I move on or resolve this ?
Q. This is taking over my life. I think about this guy constantly and torture myself by looking at his picture on-line a lot! I hear through the grape vine he's a bit of a player (I hate that in a guy.) But still can't stop thinking what could be if...
A. 18 October 2014: I think the good job, the busy social life... are just the exterior. The outside. The inside may be different, these things did not " took " and are not enough to give you the sense of validation that you crave. There are CEOs of multinationals , ... (read in full...)
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