A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a guy for about 2 months. He was on-time our first date but almost every time after that he is late. I am not talking 15 mins late. I am talking an hour! There have been times when he had decent reason for being late and I just went along with it ..but tonight we were suppose to hang out and he was going to be about 1.5 hours later than what he said and didn't even bother to tell me. I texted him to see his whereabouts and that is the way I found out how late he was going to be. He did not apologize or anything but asked if it was too late and I said yes. He then said "choose your battles wisely". I think someone being late like that is inconsiderate and makes me feel disrespected and like I am not a priority. He is always early for work. So I think he just doesn't care about me or everything must be on his watch??? But to not say sorry or anything and then to reply with choose your battles wisely i think sounds so rude. He was just telling me how he was falling in love with me and how great I am...blah blah... Do you see this as a issue and understand why I would feel upset? Advice or thoughts?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2014): I grew up in a household where my parents were always late for family gatherings. It was very embarrassing. I always remember my relatives giving my parents the dagar eyes when we finally did arrive for the event and then they would barely speak to us.I am not like that. My parents were not very organized. I like to be organized and I like everything planned and mapped out ahead of time (no surprises). I always try to be on time or ahead of time by 15 minutes if possible given the traffic.This can be co-related. I had a good friend and I really needed to vent and get some advice. It was a dire situation I was in. She Facebooked me and promised to call at a certain time on a certain date. She had confirmed with me she would call telling me this through Facebook the day before. She "promised" me she would. I arranged my whole day around the call. She NEVER called or at least let me know she couldn't. I thought it was so RUDE and I was deeply hurt. I made the painful decision to defriend her on Facebook.This guy you are with has no respect for you. Dump him and get your respect back. At least you have only dated for 2 months.At this point, I wouldn't give him the courtesy of even knowing he is being dumped. Delete him from your cell and block him if he is on any social media sites. Don't answer your phone if he calls.Let this one go. Throw him back in the pond.There are much better men than that out there that have manners.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2014): What a jerk! You should reply to him, "You should take your own advice." Then block his number and don't talk to him again.
This guy is totally being disrespectful and clearly trying to establish control over this relationship. It's his way or the highway. This guy is just one big fat red flag. Ditch him immediately.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 September 2014):
 Yeah, he's playing dumb. He gets it. It doesn't matter at what time you have to get up in the morning, what YOU choose to do with YOUR time is NOT up for him to dictate! It's one thing to be rude and show up late, another level of rudeness to act like you're the one with the problem, and a third level again for expecting you to delay all YOUR future plans, for the next day, just because he decided he wanted to wait a few extra hours before showing up.
You didn't cause the plans to get canceled, he did. A grown up man and he doesn't get that if you show up two hours late, the plans are out of the window? Sheezes. No, sorry, not buying that he's that dumb. He knows full and well that if you show up late, you miss out. He just wanted, like Cindy said, to come bye for sex. So to him it didn't matter to show up late, the sex part would happen closer to bedtime anyway... So in his eyes, why not just skip the couples-time and arrive right before bed-time, lol!
Sorry for laughing, but this is a joke. What a douche. Seriously, ditch him. It's obvious what his priorities are, and the way he fights is below the belt. Instead of apologizing he fakes an apology that shifts blame on you (sorry for not being on time, but YOU canceled the whole evening for no reason...pffsh). Cowardice. The man has no balls.
He wanted to get laid and not spend time with you first. You're not his booty call.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 September 2014):
 I don't know... I think he understood it perfectly... it does not take Einstein to understand that if you say " see you at 7 p.m. " you must aim for 7 p.m., and not for 9 or 10 p.m... I think it's more that he just cares about what HE wants. HIS night- not " your " night. HE had planned that he was going to come over, have a drink, shoot the breeze, and have sex ... when he was good and ready, and you saying "it's too late " pulled the carpet from under his feet and obliged him to change his plans. That's all, probably- he was miffed that he does not get his way. Otherwise, frankly I can't see how an intelligent man his age CAN'T understand that the point it's not at what time you ere getting up in the mornig, the point is that there's two of you in the couple ; the whole world does NOT revolve about what's conveninet for him ! If he needs elaborate explanations to " get " that, we can suspect him of not being very btight .... but he gets it, oh, he gets it, I am sure... just, at times, it's SO convenient to play dumb...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 September 2014):
 my response would be "I do and I did... have a nice life bye"
he's made it clear he intends to never be timely... you don't need that. it would make me crazy... promptness is important to me.
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A
male
reader, macloverdoc  +, writes (18 September 2014):
 I totally agree with rest of the writers.even I started to hate this guy! :D What kind of man makes ladies wait. it is our job to do as men! I know it is not helping now sorry! make him understand you. do the same or worse! before do it I think you should talk again say about how you feel...he could understand it right? show that you don't like this situation at all ! give him a solid shake! wake him! :D
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2014): I agree with what EVERYONE else said 100%. What a Pig with a captital P. That's one of the first questions here that made me raise my eyebrows with shock when I read the sentence about picking your battles after HE was late by so much.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (18 September 2014):
 You are right! people who are late are very disrespectfull!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2014): I am the OP Thanks everyone for getting back with me. For the record I did not wait and told him it was too late too come over. He did apologize after I told him how it made me feel and said he understood. However, I think he didn't think it was that big of a deal. He said something along the lines of " I understand what you mean and I am sorry but to still not have me come over and cancel the WHOLE night is taking away all the time we could of spent together. And you don't even have to get up early the next day" So it is like he understood and said sorry BUT....he still didn't quite get why I didn't want to see him any longer that evening.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (18 September 2014):
It's been only two months. I say end this thing you have with him. Dating is supposed to be the time where you see if this is someone you want to dedicate your time and energy on. After just two months, you've found out he ISN'T worth it.
He's extremely rude, and not only rude, but self entitled. First he has the guts to leave you hanging, not only once, but repeatedly, as in EVERY TIME, and DELIBERATELY as well. But not only this, he also acts as if he's in the right to treat you this way, and get the attitude! He should be on his knees in apologies, yet what does he do, he has the self entitlement to tell YOU to piss off (basically what he said by "choose your battles wisely" = a threat).
Choose your battles wisely? This is ridiculous. No, don't choose any battles, he's not WORTH having a battle over. It's been two months, he should be doing everything he can to impress you and win you over and be a gentleman and what not. Not do shit like this.
I just entered a relationship myself for close to two months now, heck no if my guy is acting like that! My guy shows up on time, if late he texts me to tell me so. My guy makes me dinner, he even does my dishes when he's at my place and we've had dinner. He makes me desserts from scratch, takes me out to restaurants, helps me out with my studies (used to do private teaching, he does it for free for me). I'm just saying... After two months he should still be wooing you, not treating you/talking to you like this.
Ditch this loser. If he's acting like this at just two months, it's not looking like a bright future ahead. He sounds like a pain in the ass, and those type of people tend to just get worse and worse. They just test the waters to find out how much you will put up with, and you are right: it's a big, fat sign of disrespect.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (18 September 2014):
 By turning up late and not ringing you to warn you in advance or even apologising about it, it shows he thinks very little of you.
When he said to pick your battles wisely, he was brushing this off as something trivial, but this is an important battle!
Personally I would dump anyone who thought that little of me, but it's your choice.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (18 September 2014):
I dated a guy like this. He will never, never, never, never change. It is utterly disrespectful, but punctuality or lack of seems to be kind of ingrained, so if you can't deal with this horrible, maddening habit, you should move on.
That, or tell him everything starts an hour earlier than it actually does.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (18 September 2014):
You don't just " feel " disrespected, you are being disrespected.
People who always cancel last minute or show up late
( I mean late late, not 15 minutes. We want punctuality, not Swiss citizenship ) are basically telling you : " In your face, b...h . I don't care . And I don't value or respect your time, NOR you as a person. You are only useful to me as a way to pass MY time if I've got nothing better to do ".
I have noticed how, curiously, if they only care just enough, people DO show up in time- it's mathematical. I lived in Los Angeles a few years, and, you would think that, what with the humongous distances, and the out-of-this-world traffic jams , nobody would be punctual. No , instead ; somehow, mysteriously, everybody manages to show up on the dot , if they care enough to do that. Like, if they don't want to get kicked out of their workplace; or if they don't want to be charged an expensive doctor's appointment which they forgot to cancel, or if they have an audition where the next guy will snatch a role from under your nose if you aren't there. Another case of " where there's a will there's a way ", .. even if the way is to leave home much earlier and risk ( gasp ) being at the meeting place 30 minutes sooner rather than 30 later..
I am afraid that you should pick your battles, not in the sense that this is a trivial battle ( it's not ) but in the sense that your bf sounds so rude and arrogant that it's a LOST battle anyway. But, you could try to re-train him.
Why the heck are you still waiting for him after 1.5 hours ?! How is he motivated to make an effort if he is certain that you'll still be there , patiently waiting ,after 2 hours or so ??
You should wait for 20 minutes ( reasonable delay ) then LEAVE . Or wait for 20 minutes at home , then switch your phone off and / or not answer the door bell.
If he brings this up, do not argue,accuse or pout , simply say " Oh but I DID wait for you, I waited 20 minutes, then left " or " I waited 20 minutes then made other plans " - and change subject. Rinse and repeat a few times, he MIGHT get it and make an effort. But I doubt you'll make headways , - I am afraid he does not care enough to make ANY effort , he is more like " my way or the highway ". In which case, I'd chose the highway with no regrets. Disrespect has a strange way to start first from a small area and then spill over and over everywhere in the whole relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2014): I suggest you say to him, "I need you to let me know if you need to change a time we are going to meet". If he doesn't, next time tell him, if he doesn't let you know, and he is more then fifteen minutes late, you will assume he isn't coming and make other plans. Then do that. I have friends that are always late, really late, and I hate it, it is rude, inconsiderate and disrespectful. I would not accept it from a guy wanting to date me, especially without a heartfelt apology.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2014): He does not value your time. It is exactly what it is. If someone respects you they will never have the heart to make you wait....
You are not over reacting its just that you are being taken for granted n therefore you felt disrespected.
Your bf is so frustrating. You need a new one.....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 September 2014):
 Yeah NOT letting you know that he is going to be late (let's say he had more work than anticipated) IS RUDE. To not even CONSIDER letting you know TILL you text him, hey are you on the way, are we still on? And then get "pissy" when you are NOT OK with a 1 1/2 hour late?
Sorry if he is like this after only 2 months you kind of know where you stand with him. YOU are an afterthought. Oh she shouldn't mind me being late, after all SHE gets to see ME. She should be GRATEFUL. THAT is how I would take it. And no, I wouldn't be grateful and I'd take the "falling in love with a grain of salt". It kind of seems like he feels he has you hooked so now HE can not put forth as much affort.
Being late is a pet peeve of mine. I can't not stand it. If I'm suppose to be somewhere at 6 pm I'll be there 5:50 - 6:00 not 7.15. Let's say you were making dinner for the two of you and he had agreed to be there at 6:00 - then 6pm rolls around and no date, no call/text nothing. THAT is rude. Even if you had just planned a night of Netflix and popcorn, NOT bothering to call OR text is just plain rude.
It's up to you whether you can express to him WHY being late feels like disrespect and inconsideration. Though I would think a man of THAT age, knows this. Or should. If you can talk to him and he can grasp what you mean, it might help... It might not. So it's up to you if you want to continue to see a guy who isn't a very considerate guy or not.
The whole "choose your battle".. it's just asshat'ish. Like a smack in the face. Condescending.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (18 September 2014):
 He sounds disrespectful and rude. I have had a similar situation myself where a GF would constantly mess me around ro turn up late/cancel at the last minute and then say "Mark im extremely busy! I have important things in my life!"
In the end I said "Fuck me! And theres me with nothing better to do than twiddle my thumbs all day! Of course when you waist an entire day of my time it doesn't matter as I have nothing important in my life...!"
To say choose yrou battle wisely is pig ignorant and to act the way he does is inconsiderate. Ditch him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2014): First of all it's not just rude, to somewhat insane. How do you come for a date SO late!! And then he blames it on you, that you even dared to bring up the subject? Yes, he deffinitely wants everything to be on his terms. Being late so much can only mean 2 things: either he is a complete idiot,which he is not as he comes to work on time, or he likes to control people. By being late he makes you wait. You basically just sit there and wait for him, while he is doing what? What is he doing while getting ready? Watching TV, sleeping?Not even talking about genders, I had a friend like this. That was actually the reason why we are not friends anymore. She was late for our girls nights out for at least an hour with me sitting by myself at the restaurant or bar. I asked her repeatedly not to do it, and then one day I just got up and left. Then she got mad at me because she spent all the time for getting ready for a night out and I just left. People like this ony think about themselves. It's not just an issue of them just being late.
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