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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Did I scare him off ? ?
Q. Dear Aunts please advise me. I met a guy at a cafe. Everytime I go in he stared at me. I started to fancy him too and we would stare and smile at each other. I broke the ice and we exchanged numbers. I hinted going out on a light date but he b...
A. 21 October 2016: Maybe this guy wants a friend . And you, do you want him as a friend ? JUST , only as a friend ?...
Apparently not ; you say you " fancy " him, and you hinted for a date.
One does not have dates with platonic friends.
This is not being ne... (read in full...)
Do you think it's unreasonable for a husband to request that his wife not kiss mutual male friends hello and goodbye on the lips?
Q. Do you think it's unreasonable for a husband to request that his wife not kiss mutual male friends hello and goodbye on the lips? We only have one male friend who does this. He does it to other wives as well. He had been a mutual friend for 10 ye...
A. 19 October 2016: Maybe this is neither her nor there, but I admit I am curious, and if possible I would like to know how come these kisses bother you NOW.
I mean, you have known this guy for ten years and it's been ten years that he has been kissing your wife... (read in full...)
The girl I'm seeing has a girlfriend?
Q. Okay where do I begin... I recently met this girl about 1 month ago she is very kind, beautiful and has feelings for me, she says she eventually wants to be more than friends and that she likes me. I looked her up on fb, being a former cop and ...
A. 19 October 2016: Stay out of this. Move on.
She is engaged. With a girl or with a boy, it does not matter- she is , anyway, engeged. Not free, not available.
Yes, sure she should have told you she is in a committed relationship. But she did not.
And that sho... (read in full...)
I'm very close to my aunt, but recent incidents with my dog have caused upset and seem to have affected our relationship!
Q. This is a family related problem, but I hope you can give me good advice or support. I have been close to my aunt, I almost grew up in her house and she has been at my side for many years. I have been supporting of her too, when I could. I had to ...
A. 19 October 2016: Look, she just got mad- and when people are mad they aren't at the best of their rational thinking, they just vent their
displeasure in emotional, not in logical ways.
Of course your Aunt knows that it's not your dog's fault if her door got... (read in full...)
He blanked me for weeks then blows up because I was with some one else?
Q. I was texting / meeting a guy (let's call him Fred, this isn't his name) and was seeing each other for about 9weeks.. Then for some reason he stopped talking to me. He said he had family issues and personal problems and can't give me what I want, he ...
A. 19 October 2016: Fred is cuckoo, and / or affected by a bad case of dog-in-the manger syndrome. He does not want you but he does not want others to have you. Ridicolous. What would you want with a jerk like him ?
Anyway ( and lucky for you ) he told you repe... (read in full...)
Slow progress with this guy I like
Q. Why do I get asked out by guys who are married or who are similar to the losers who made my life miserable before. I am a 53 year old woman with grown children and one still at home. Never been married. I am very independent with my own houses. ...
A. 19 October 2016: Patience does pay off -if there's a pay off to be had.
The pay off is dubious if we are still talking about the gym guy ( which I am not sure about, then again you haven't denied it or corrected our assumptions ).
Since he told you he does not... (read in full...)
Slow progress with this guy I like
Q. Why do I get asked out by guys who are married or who are similar to the losers who made my life miserable before. I am a 53 year old woman with grown children and one still at home. Never been married. I am very independent with my own houses. ...
A. 18 October 2016: If this is the guy from the gym, he is not "taking a while" , he is just not wanting any of it.
He told you that he has a partner who would not like him going out on dates, right ? ( while his FB status said
" single " )
So, either he do... (read in full...)
I saw her first!
Q. I'm so pathetic. Here's why. No better place to begin from, well, the beginning, so I'll start there. I've lived in the same town all my life. For the sake of anonymity, we'll call it Hopetown. (Try and stalk me if you want to, that's not the real...
A. 18 October 2016: Timing is everything in most areas of life- definitely in love.
You saw her first- but you did not act first; you missed your window of opportunity and now she is with someone else and she has friendzoned you.
If she were a bit older, she prob... (read in full...)
His fantasy girl looks nothing like me
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost two months. My boyfriend was talking to his friend about his friend's sex life. His friend was at a bar that time telling my boyfriend that there are lots of girls there, inviting my boyfriend to go ...
A. 18 October 2016: Eh that's locker room talk. And locker room talk can get you in trouble- ask Donald Trump :)
I can understand you are mortified, and if he were an older man, I'd find this episode more disturbing and offensive, but- a young man in your age rang... (read in full...)
Can I ever regain my trust in men?
Q. I had been in a relationship for 8 years with my now ex. We were supposed to be getting married and so I guess the guilt got to him. He admitted sleeping with 3 other woman. The last one was two years ago when he was 22 and the first was when h...
A. 18 October 2016: Yes, you will trust again. It does not seem possible right now because the wound is fresh and raw, but in time , trusting again will be not only the more natural, but also the more sensible choice.
It's like....
the world is a dangerou... (read in full...)
Did my letter to him mean I've lost him for good?
Q. This guy I been talk to for years I broke of with him he never would ask me out it's been over 3yrs and never ask me he always come up with excuse not go out with me I see him about veryday when he goes by me and I he see me stand their when h...
A. 18 October 2016: It's not the letter which will have changed one way or another the fact that, alas, this man is not interested in dating you. I think he had already shown that abundantly by giving you 3 years of excuses for not going out with you.
Maybe he does... (read in full...)
Do you think it's unreasonable for a husband to request that his wife not kiss mutual male friends hello and goodbye on the lips?
Q. Do you think it's unreasonable for a husband to request that his wife not kiss mutual male friends hello and goodbye on the lips? We only have one male friend who does this. He does it to other wives as well. He had been a mutual friend for 10 ye...
A. 18 October 2016: Ues, it is unreasonable. It is unreasonable any request aimed to limit or dictate the way your partner uses her body, voice, gestures etc. as long as the context is obviously innocent and non sexual.
Tbh, personally, I would not dream of kiss... (read in full...)
Is there a code to rings on her finger?
Q. What is the meaning of rings on a woman’s hand. Does a ring on the right ring finger show a signal single status for a woman? Does a ring on the right ring finger of a woman show an openness to pursuing a romantic relationship? if a girl does not ...
A. 17 October 2016: I don't know about the ready to mingle, but apparently it would mean that she is single.
I had not noticed this at all, but just a couple of days ago I read something on a fashion magazine which said there's this new trend, spreading very fast... (read in full...)
Is he meant for the single life? Where do I stand in his scheme of things?
Q. Hey guys, Long time read, and this is the first time I've needed to ask for advice in a very long time. I was having a pretty good run! I'm not quite sure how to word this properly so bare with me. My partner and I have been together coming ...
A. 17 October 2016: I call BS on issue no. 1. Or, I believe that he can be unhappy because he's stuck in a job that's not his ideal ( he shares this hardship with zillions of people ) but please do not think that it's your fault or that you have got anything to do ... (read in full...)
What's the best way to tidy up down there?
Q. Im worried i have too much hair down there that when my boyfriend sees it hes going to be put off. Im quite young but im getting to that stage in my relationship, i dont care for your judgement about my age, where my boyfriend is touching me. But ...
A. 17 October 2016: !) Why don't you ask him ? If you are old enough to show him your you-know-what, and to let him play with it, you are surely also old enough to ask him what his preferences are in terms of pubic hair .
2 ) Most of all, do you WANT to shave ? Wo... (read in full...)
Afraid family will learn I'm on the pill
Q. Sorta to do with dating. I've been talking to this guy and things are looking up :) I've always told myself that I should go on the pill as another contraceptive (as well as using condoms). However, I don't really want my parent finding ou...
A. 17 October 2016: There's actually nothing to " discuss " in lengthy details.
Even if your mother were against your having a sex life , for whatever reason, I doubt that she is still under the impression she can in practice prevent you from having one, cons... (read in full...)
Is lingerie an appropriate birthday gift for my girlfriend?
Q. we've been dating for 6 months. we're really close and intimate. Were both 23. We had sex for the first time a few nights ago. She having a birthday party coming up im thinking about giving lingerie for her birthday. I'm wanting something on the c...
A. 17 October 2016: I am one of those women who love lingerie and love wearing nice lingerie for themselves , also if there are no men to show it off , ( also because mine is pretty uninventive and un-showy , either black or white,... ) so in theory I should say: ... (read in full...)
How could he have issues with my weight and yet have such mind blowing sex with me?
Q. I'm looking for some perspective on a recent situation I experienced that has left me a bit confused. I dated a guy for about 5-6 months. During the entire relationship, we got alone EXCEEDINGLY well. I have never dated anyone as attentive or ten...
A. 17 October 2016: Let me begin with saying that when people bring up different and contrasting reasons for a break up- generally there's no specific reason, - they were just not feeling it anymore , it's not this thing or that, it's like the interest has waned , the ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be played. Is he playing me? ?
Q. ok i have been dating this guy, we both r still speaking hw says he likes me and has told his parents about me the night after the date I found him on an online dating site at 2am I have been online before that and he hasn't been online as ...
A. 17 October 2016: Well, but if you found him on an online dating site at 2am, that means that YOU were on that online dating site ar 2am, right ?
So, would you say you are playing him too ?
Are you talking to other people, and if you are, how come he is not a... (read in full...)
What do younger guys see in older women?
Q. Older woman, younger man... I am in my mid 40s. I met this guy 3 years ago when i was travelling in South East Asia. We flirted during one tour, and ended up having sex in his hotel later that day. He was really sweet and caring in bed, and then was...
A. 16 October 2016: False problem. You can bet he is also having women in his age range !, you met twice in 3 years, what do you think ,that he lives like a monk when he is not with you ?
He ALSO likes older women, why not. He does not have to choose, it's like you ... (read in full...)
Should I give up on my ex/ maybe boyfriend and go on the date? Does that make me a cheater?Or should I work things out with him?
Q. I am unsure of how to proceed. My ex (I guess) broke up with me back in September because I waned him to spend more time doing things with me because all he did was play video games. I wanted to go out and do things. After a lot of fighting h...
A. 16 October 2016: Move on. You can bring the horse to the water but you cannot make it drink. You and this guy are incompatible, you want and like very different lifestyles- what's there to work on ?
Personally I do not agree on your concept of forcing the othe... (read in full...)
I can't approach him andask if he wants me as bad as I want him...
Q. Hi agony aunts. I feel like I'm getting mixed signals from this guy and i dont know what to think or do. I'll list the things he does just to make it clearer: -always really flirtatious, compliments me etc -genuinely laughs when we talk, like not o...
A. 15 October 2016: I think that no, he does not want you " as bad " as you want him. Why ? Simple : because if he had wanted you that bad- by now he would have HAD you, considering that I am sure you are giving out all the " Green light ; I am game " signals.
I have... (read in full...)
27 and still looking for the guy who wont pressure me for sex!
Q. Hi. I just ended a year long relationship with someone. One of the main issues was that we have different points of views on sex. He told me that it is very strange for someone my age (mid to late 20s) to be a virgin. I know that is true, but is it ...
A. 14 October 2016: It would help to know WHAT are the things you believe in , i.e. WHY do you want to wait for sex, and how long , ideally.
If you are waiting for religions reasons ( like the wide majority of Muslim girls, or some very conservative Catholics ) then... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for feeling that I'm not getting enough sex? I am frequently jealous of people who have sex
Q. I lost my virginity at 22 and have been a late bloomer but enjoy sex a lot. I am very selective too. But I feel like I am not getting enough sex? I am picky and have had few relationships, just a few lovers but that fizzled out because we weren...
A. 14 October 2016: I don't think this is about sexual gratification per se.
I don't think it's a problem of quantity, but of quality.
If you were just after having many orgasms- you could simply crank up a notch your masturbation schedule and please yourself... (read in full...)
I'm having second thought about marriage
Q. My boyfriend has proposed to me, and even though I said yes, I'm now not sure whether I did the right thing. Last year my boyfriend admitted to sleeping with 3 other girls in the first year of our relationship. He told me that he wanted me to know ...
A. 13 October 2016: I think you answered your own question : you do not think that marriage is right for you at the moment.
So don't do it. Don't get married.
Marriage is serious stuff, to embark into only if you are absolutely convinced and enthusiastic and if i... (read in full...)
I'm worried he'll disappear when he finds out I'm a virgin!
Q. I've met the guy and things are going well. We've been on dates and get on really well and I feel comfortable with him. However, recently he's asked me to stay over at his and I'm sorta afraid too :/ This is because I feel he will want to h...
A. 13 October 2016: Why should he disappear ?...
Yes, you are a bit " behind schedule " in current society, but you will have had your good reasons for that. Maybe you just did not find the right person to be your first lover : one that you feel attracted enou... (read in full...)
Am I being unfair, insensitive or inconsiderate of my MIL?
Q. I’m at my wits end with my MIL... if it wasn’t bad enough when my partner raced down 107kms to take his mother to the hairdressers when no-one else was available for free, this next exploit beats all. Earlier this year my MIL made flight ...
A. 13 October 2016: Sorry, I would not want to sound polemic in this particular instance ( in others, I don't mind :) - but frankly if we have to make it an issue of money, not of principle , I am astonished.
I mean, although personally I see it a bit diff... (read in full...)
Should I not bother meeting him?
Q. I met a man on Facebook and we're meeting up this week.The problem is he is French and lives in Quebec. He speaks broken English from what I've gathered through text messages. English and French isn't my first launguage either but I live in Canada ...
A. 13 October 2016: Yeah, don't bother. It was rude of him to give you a Skype appointment and than disappearing without even a " sorry no can do ". I don't think you should reward rudeness by taking the pain of driving all the way to his place. ... (read in full...)
Am I being unfair, insensitive or inconsiderate of my MIL?
Q. I’m at my wits end with my MIL... if it wasn’t bad enough when my partner raced down 107kms to take his mother to the hairdressers when no-one else was available for free, this next exploit beats all. Earlier this year my MIL made flight ...
A. 13 October 2016: OP, she is his MOTHER, not some pesky neighbour who keeps showing up at your door to borrow your scissors or blow dryer.
Now, of course it depends from how often she needs assistence, if it's all the time I understand your irritation- but , if... (read in full...)
Am I out of line for asking my b/f to change around his child support situation with his ex?
Q. hello ive been dating my bf for a year now. He is 51 I am 47. He has an ex and three children. I have two children . We live seperatly. He and his ex do not follow the child support schedule its been now 6 years that they have not been together ...
A. 12 October 2016: Yes, you would be way out of line. As of now, you are just the lady he goes out with, it's not your place to try managing his finances and telling him what he is allowed to spend on his kids.
I could sort of understand your complaint if your... (read in full...)
Should I send my ex boyfriend a Christmas card with a small gift?
Q. I have been single for about 4 months now after coming out of a 3 year relationship, I have recently been thinking of him again the relationship ended on bad terms. Its coming up to christmas and it will be weird without him should i send him a ...
A. 11 October 2016: Of course he will think you are after something ; it would be a most natural assumption .
Exes generally do not exchange gifts even if they parted in good terms; imagine after a messy breakup ! ... (read in full...)
I haven't spoken to my boyfriend in 2 months! Is he trying to end things?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for just under a year. In the last two months he has said to me he's been really busy and needs some time and space. He hasn't contacted me for 2 months everytime I message him on what's app he says well chat next week ...
A. 11 October 2016: He is not letting you down gently !, he is being rather brutal in doing it.
Normally I am all for partners allowing each other space and not suffocating each other, but , two months without even a 3 minutes catch-up ?... That's not space- that... (read in full...)
Is he into the occult? Are black rings significant?
Q. Dear Aunts I made friends with a guy through facebook. We started chatting , all friendly tho , then I was going through his Facebook likes and things. I saw he liked a lot of Facebook pages such as Free masonry , Mystic Order, Wiccan rit...
A. 10 October 2016: You get the third " ask him ", all we can do is guess and ,with so little to go on, our guess is as good as yours.
My impression, FWIW, is that he is just dabbling in metaphysics , i.e. as you say, just exploring interesting things.
He li... (read in full...)
I can't pronounce my boyfriends name right
Q. My boyfriend is Mexican but speaks English very well and he has a name that rolls an 'r' and I am absolutely shocking at Spanish and rolling 'r's. I can't pronounce his name right!! So I say it the way every other person says it, without an accent, ...
A. 9 October 2016: Practice practice practice.
Don't feel bad, the " rolling " R sound does not even exist in English, chances are that so far you never had any need to use it, so don't be surprised that you are having a little trouble learning a sound whic... (read in full...)
Did I scare him off ? ?
Q. Dear Aunts please advise me. I met a guy at a cafe. Everytime I go in he stared at me. I started to fancy him too and we would stare and smile at each other. I broke the ice and we exchanged numbers. I hinted going out on a light date but he b...
A. 9 October 2016: No, you did not " scare him off " - there's nothing spooky for a grown up man - out of teenhood- in realizing that he caught some lady's eye. Knowing that someone thinks you are attractive or interesting is flattering, not scary.
He might very... (read in full...)
Should I tell my b/f I don't like his haircut?
Q. My boyfriend got a TERRIBLE haircut, it looks ridiculous and I'm not tying to be mean but it's the worst haircut I've ever seen. I didn't tell him I think that either. He doesn't really like it either but he's trying to grow a man bun, and I ...
A. 7 October 2016: Too late. If you say something, it won't make his hair grow faster, so what's the point of embarassing him now.
You can suggest, though, he can try some other haircut that, in your opinion, he would look great with for when his hair will have... (read in full...)
I was offended by the comment my personal trainer made in assuming I wanted to have an affair
Q. Some of you may recognise my story. I met a Personal Trainer who works at my gym. Was not attracted to him at first then gradually got to know a little about him and started growing an attraction. I feel the attraction was mutual as I could read ...
A. 6 October 2016: Eh - you could ready his body language, but you forgot that he too could read yours.
He must have seen that you were physically attracted to him, and your invitations to get coffee together and be chummier confirmed that for him. Now, the guy ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for your BF to have a tryst in an hour?
Q. Likely or unlikely? Possible or not possible? Your boyfriend goes to the Home Depot and is gone for exactly one hour. Is it possible for him to leave his car in the Home Depot parking lot, have another woman pick him up, take him somewhere ...
A. 6 October 2016: THREE years of crazy in the name of love ?... 3 YEARS ?!... Sorry, at this point then - it's shrink time.
If nothing else, because they have been 3 very hard, painful years for the OP, with lots of stress, lot of tears , lots of anxiety , lo... (read in full...)
Why does it hurt and feel like I'm missing ? Why?
Q. Hello everybody, If you have read some of my other posts about me wanting to move on for good and cut the boy who treats me terribly completely, i have finally finished with him completely i think.. Backround info for new readers in caswe you may...
A. 6 October 2016: Take heart, OP. It may hurt now, ... but it would have hurt more once he had sweetalked out of your savings to help financially ( you, still a teenager ) him, a grown-ass man of 34, oh poor darling in need.
OP, you have dodged a big bull... (read in full...)
Is it possible for your BF to have a tryst in an hour?
Q. Likely or unlikely? Possible or not possible? Your boyfriend goes to the Home Depot and is gone for exactly one hour. Is it possible for him to leave his car in the Home Depot parking lot, have another woman pick him up, take him somewhere ...
A. 4 October 2016: ... Maybe he is an asshole.
But, perfectly sane and emotionally stable women do not latch on to assholes, and do not cling to them for dear life, and do not try anything in the world, no matter how weird , dysfunctional and extreme just to keep... (read in full...)
Is it normal that he's always hard around me?
Q. He loves me and has proven that to me so many times through his actions. I have no doubt in my heart that we connect very well. I wrote a post here before about my boyfriend not taking me out or do special things for me. We spoke about it and he has ...
A. 4 October 2016: Yes, it is absolutely normal at his age.
Although, I must say, six times a day ? Wow, what a stamina, and what a high libido, even in his age range.
Don't be fazed, and don't feel bad, if you can't always keep up , or feel amorous six times a ... (read in full...)
The chatroom guy..are we just friends?
Q. There's a guy I met in a chatroom that I really like.I just want to find out if he likes me likes me.We don't flirt but he mirrors me alot in our chat. He private messaged me the other day and he always tells others in main rooms he doesn't do that ...
A. 4 October 2016: " We are friends if any " does not sound romantic to me.
It means literally, although said in a kinder way : " We are nothing to each other, IF ANY, i.e. at most , we are friends and drinking buddues ".
Although it woud depend from what exa... (read in full...)
I don't want to send messages to her like a stalker but why won't she at least talk to me?
Q. Let's start by saying I'm bisexual but more of a lesbian woman.. I meet a woman online a few weeks ago we hit it off same birthday (Aries) only I'm 36 and she's 50.. I noticed she said she was jealous and worried about who else I was talking to or ...
A. 4 October 2016: Why won't she talk to you ?.... Because she is mentally deranged, maybe. There are a few personality disorders and psychiatric conditions connotated by idealization first, and vilification right after. First you are their love, their hero, their ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for your BF to have a tryst in an hour?
Q. Likely or unlikely? Possible or not possible? Your boyfriend goes to the Home Depot and is gone for exactly one hour. Is it possible for him to leave his car in the Home Depot parking lot, have another woman pick him up, take him somewhere ...
A. 3 October 2016: Ah but WITH or WITHOUT permission it's two totally different things . With or without, makes all the difference. You cannot chose what people do behind your back and you can't prevent them from spying on you if so they choose to do.
But that a me... (read in full...)
Is it possible for your BF to have a tryst in an hour?
Q. Likely or unlikely? Possible or not possible? Your boyfriend goes to the Home Depot and is gone for exactly one hour. Is it possible for him to leave his car in the Home Depot parking lot, have another woman pick him up, take him somewhere ...
A. 3 October 2016: Possible, it is surely possible. If one wants, having sex can literally take few minutes- one hour would be plenty of time.
Probable, not really- it depends. Would he WANT to do it ? Why do you think he would like to do it ? Any particular reas... (read in full...)
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