A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I'm so pathetic. Here's why.No better place to begin from, well, the beginning, so I'll start there. I've lived in the same town all my life. For the sake of anonymity, we'll call it Hopetown. (Try and stalk me if you want to, that's not the real name) So yes, I grew up in Hopetown, which is a small town in a small state. Nice place. Nice people. Unfortunately, the neighboring town isn't as lucky. Bad place. Bad people. That hellhole's only saving grace is the Academy, which is a prestigious high school. Why does this matter? Because my entire life, that's where I thought I was going once I graduated the eighth grade. The Academy. I'm a freshmen now, and to be honest, last year was one of the best of my life. Because she came around. She was new to the school, only stopping in for one year before going off to the Academy like me. She was smart, and intimidatingly beautiful. She was the kind of girl I would consider out of my league. For the most part, I kept my distance. We ran in the same group of friends, so our paths crossed somewhat frequently. Most of the time I was too preoccupied with other crushes to pay much attention to her, and she did the same. Eventually, the idea of The Academy brought us together, and made us friends. Not bests friends forever or anything, just friends. But that's not where the story ends. Oh, no. Not even close. You see, my father (step father) worked at The Academy, and about halfway through the year, we found out that The Academy was cutting his program (Drafting,) and that he was basically out of a job. The thought of moving was tossed around, but I payed it no mind. "I'll cross that bridge when I come to it." Well, I came to the bridge alright, and it sucked. Bad. One by one, I had to tell my friends goodbye, and as my eighth grade year drew to a close, my 9th at Hopetown school, I moved. To a new town. Nice place. Nice people. But not Hopetown. When I sent her the message that said that I was moving, she replied saying that she was sad, and from there we started talking. A lot. Summer came and went, I was still hung up on this girl. Now, why she was paying me this much attention is beyond me, and is sort of what I was hoping you people would tell me.There's more. As the school year started up, I found myself talking to her every night on Facebook. We would lean on each other. It hit me like a freight train when I realized that I had fallen hard for my best friend. As we said goodnight each evening we would always add 'I love you.' It hurt that much worse when she sent me the message that said that she had gotten a boyfriend. Since then, I've tagged along with my parents through the hour long car ride back to Hopetown whenever I can. The new place is nice and all. It's just not Hopetown. This brings us to today. I hadn't seen her in forever, and when I told her I was going to be around today, she seemed happy. I came to her house, and we immediately went upstairs to her room. And it wasn't awkward at all. Just kidding. For the first part, we just hung out and talked about our schools. As you can imagine, I wasn't thrilled to hear about her boyfriend and the parties she's been to but I buckled down and barreled through. The things I do for her. Anyway, before long we were both on her bed, watching Netflix on her IPad.Honestly, I'm not sure how the tickle fight began, but it did, and soon we were rolling around, me attacking her sides and her giggling madly. After I was tired, I just sort of collapsed on her, our legs tangled and he head resting on my shoulder. She didn't bother to untangle herself and I thank the G man Himself for that. I won't go into any more specifics, but suffice to say we were, erm, cuddling. I consider myself to be pretty masculine, and just saying the word is a little weird, but there's no two ways about it; we were on her bed, snuggling under a blanket, watching How I Met Your Mother. During this time, with my head in the crook of her neck and my thumb drawing little circles on her bicep, I had no doubt in my mind that she was as into me as I was to her. The thought of her boyfriend was an alien one at that time. Again, I'm not sure how but another tickle war broke out and then we both stopped and her head was so close to mine so I . . .Yup. I kissed her. It really wasn't much, just a quick pressing my lips to hers. But she didn't kiss me back and as she tensed up, and her eyes grew wide I instantly regretted it. She moved away quickly to the other side of the bed, clutching her knees and I'm lying there apologizing but in my mind I'm wondering what the hell I did wrong. Her boyfriend crosses my mind, but he seemed insignificant. I was her best friend. I knew her better than anybody, and loved her more than she could ever know. Call me selfish, I don't care. But in that moment I deserved her, not him. I quickly apologize, making up a story about how it had nothing to do with her, and it was just a reaction. Then comes the horrible silence as we sit in silence watching the screen. When she took out her phone I knew that I no longer mattered and took on a stoic silence as she scrolled through pictures on Instagram. I tried to patch things up, I really did. We made small talk, nothing more. Then the IPad lit up, and it was him, the dreaded boyfriend calling. Now, lets get something straight. I don't hate him. Quite the contrary. He seems like a pretty chill guy. But as the two began to chat away I was left to my own devices. (Literally, I just started playing a game on my phone.) As they worked on homework, I tried to ignore their casual flirting. Then they started discussing plans for next weekend, and I nearly cut my palm open with my thumb nail from pressing too hard. She looks over and asks if I'm okay and all I can say is that I'm fine even though my heart breaking inside. I mean it. It was hell. Apparently they're going on a picnic by the river. Romantic. I wanted to vomit. I still do. My ride comes to pick me up. A flurry of rushed goodbyes and then I'm fleeing the house, trying to salvage what I can of my emotions, and my pride.So, this is my question to you people. What am I supposed to do?Was it a mistake to kiss her, or merely to not follow it up by telling her how I feel?I hate to be the jerk that splits them up. But hey, I saw her first.Let me know.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (18 October 2016):
 You saw her first?
So?
That's like saying you're married to someone who had premarital sex with you, just because you "saw" them before their real spouse did!
Do you realize how ridiculous you sound? You cant stake your claim on someone just because you knew them first / saw them first / liked them first! This girl is with someone that she's chosen to be with and there's nothing you can and should do about it. Sometimes things don't work out the way we want them to and we have to accept that with dignity and not be petulant and throw a hissy fit. You do have a flair for melodrama - its obvious from the way that you write - just use it in the right way. Channelize your emotions in a way that's constructive.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 October 2016):
 OP you are young, but your mindset? it's all wrong. You make her sound like she is some prize or possession. She isn't. She is a person. And when you moved away she stayed friends with you, but she got herself a BF and obviously you don't like that, so you don't respect HER, her boundaries or her relationship... all because YOU saw her first?
She will cut contact with you or she will gradually become less chatty and be busier.
She isn't a trophy. Or a pretty thing to be on a boy's arm.
So sorry, get over yourself. Find a girl in your new town. This one is dating someone else. SHE has chosen another guy OVER you.
You might like her and want her - but the feeling ISN'T mutual.
If being friends with her is too hard, wish her well and cut her off.
You don't OWN her. OR the right to date her. And you can't call dibs on another human being.
You are a very articulate kid, so drop the "macho-caveman attitude" and use that to charm a girl near you. OR like Cindy suggests, take some creative writing classes and hone those skills. You are 13-15 you have a LONG life ahead of you to meet and date girls.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (18 October 2016):
 She was comfortable with everything up to the kiss because she could have shared that level of intimacy with any of her friends. The kiss crossed the line - for her. Not saying it was right or wrong - just that it was more than she expected from someone she saw as a friend.
Given your hurt, I would suggest it would be best to distance yourself from her and try to develop a social life away from her, but you are young and in love and you will probably ignore that advice. And I can understand that.
It is a tough time in your life to be moving, to be leaving all your friends. However, give the new town a chance. You will find new friends in time and, hopefully, someone who will take your mind off this girl.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (18 October 2016):
 Timing is everything in most areas of life- definitely in love.
You saw her first- but you did not act first; you missed your window of opportunity and now she is with someone else and she has friendzoned you.
If she were a bit older, she probably would have known NOT to create such a cozy, touchy-feely, intimate situation in order to NOT foster expectations and not to send out the wrong signals- but, at her age, I give her the benefit of the doubt, I think that she did not want to tease you or to entice you just to back off last minute. She just thinks of you as a good, close friend- and has no romantic leanings for you , at lest until the chill guy is around.
What can you do . It sucks, but it is what it is , and at your age, the possibilities are still endless and the opportunities plentiful. I am sure that either in Hopetown or in whatever town you are there will be many other girls which you can be attracted to / interested in. Now it does not feel like this because she is the one who got away and the forbidden fruit is Always more alluring, but- give it a try - expand your focus to other targets and see if you don't prove me right within months :)
As a matter of fact, though- this is bad advice. A better advice would be : come on, you are 13-15 ! Why do you want to borrow trouble at this age. It's too early for all the drama, the jealousy, the heartbreak, etc.etc.- plenty of time for that in a few years. Why right now instead you do not invest emotionally on yourself, in finding and cultivating your passions ? Trying out new interests and hobbies ?... You could try creative writing, for instance. For being so young you write extremely well, very clearly and vividly. Think about it.... pretty girls are a dime a dozen, but the Great American Novel... is still waiting to be written...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2016): Doesn't matter if you saw her first - she's not property to be claimed. She built a friendship with you and chose someone else, when you kissed her she still stuck to her choice of being with the other guy by jumping back and refusing you.
If you liked her and wanted to date her then you shouldve asked her out, instead of realising this too late and only when she gets another bf do you suddenly want her too. Take this as a lesson in life that when you like someone just be upfront and tell them - but currently you have to move on from this crush and get to know other people in your new area.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (17 October 2016):
 You saw her first but you didnt pursue her and make her your gf first. Sweetheart, shes taken. Also youre incredibly young. Her reaction says it all, she pulled away and then took her boyfriend's call while you were there and then proceeded to flirt with bf. Thats a huge rejection. If she wanted you, she'd return kiss, ignore BF call and break it off and be with you.
You cant ask for first dibs and say Hey I saw her First! Shes not returning your feelings. Shes kept you as a bestfriend. She friend-zoned you. End it and move on. Find a girl in your new school. PLus youre really young, you should focus on school and not dating right now. Good luck.
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