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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Will I ever be more than just a back up girl for him?
Q. I have a guy who I've known for almost 7 years now and he lives 4 hours away.The thing is ,we have been on and off all this time.He is the one who leaves because the distance is too hard for him ..only to return months later when he misses me then ...
A. 3 November 2016: 3 years that you don't see each other ??? then... he is SO messing with you. I was going to give him the benefit of doubt, meaning that not everybody is cut out for LDRs, they want to have one but then in practice they cannot handle it.... but ... (read in full...)
Will I ever be more than just a back up girl for him?
Q. I have a guy who I've known for almost 7 years now and he lives 4 hours away.The thing is ,we have been on and off all this time.He is the one who leaves because the distance is too hard for him ..only to return months later when he misses me then ...
A. 2 November 2016: He is only 23. Now , it's not that just because a guy is young he must necessarily be a moron, or a liar,- but it's the very concept of " future" that does not match yours.
For you, future means a programmable, measurable entuty : in 6 months, or o... (read in full...)
Can't decide over career or homemaker
Q. So my boyfriend, successful with his own business thinks being a career oriented woman with goals is good, (adulting) and I think being a stay at home dog mom is good, where is the happy middle? :/ we are so different in this respect but we love ...
A. 2 November 2016: Honeypie makes a very good point : you do not have much of a choice.
If your bf admires career oriented women, and is not crazy about stay-at-home dog mums, I doubt he would be willing to make you 100% his financial responsibility. And even if h... (read in full...)
Did his remark mean if I gain weight he won't be interested?
Q. Last year September my mother's sister who was very kind to everyone passed away. Her death left most of us stressed out because of that I gained a lot of weight and stopped looking after myself. I was also going through a terrible breakup with my ...
A. 2 November 2016: Naaaaah - where did you take it from, that his comment is about your weight ??!
He was just joking. He says , more or less, " I'll have to drawn my sorrows in alcohol, beer will help me to not miss you too much " Said in jest- he does not mean... (read in full...)
Has she blocked me and cut off all ties? She seems to have dropped off the face of the earth!
Q. Okay i met this girl over a month ago everything was going great ! i found out the girl i was seeing was engaged or atleast that was what facebook said to her roomate who is a girl/her best friend. we had soo much fun together and the connection was ...
A. 2 November 2016: Yep - she blocked you.
She is engaged . She must have indulged a little whim with you, allowed herself a little diversion- then she regretted it right after.
I know that you are disappointed, but, as N91 says, you have known her for so little t... (read in full...)
Why is he paying child support to his ex if their laszy 17 year old daughter is living with us?
Q. I'm back again for more advice. A little update on my last situation because this kind of involved it. I am still with my fiance, although the wedding date is no longer may 2017. I felt like we have issues that need worked out before that happens. A ...
A. 1 November 2016: He is paying chid support wherever his child lives- because, obviously, that is what he was ordered by the Court to do. You do not fiddle with child support, you can't just decrease it or stop it only because in your opinion, or even objectively, ... (read in full...)
Is it a red flag if a guy online refuses to give out his contact information before meeting in person?
Q. Is it a red flag if a guy online refuses to give out his contact information before meeting in person? I found this one guy online who seems to be exactly my type. We exchanged a few messages (he started the conversation) and then he asked me out ...
A. 30 October 2016: I'll leave the answer to your question for other DearCupiders, - there are different school of thought about this anyway.
What would be a red flag for ME , or at least a sign that he is going to waste my time , is that he did not get back... (read in full...)
Should I try dating her again? She's a good friend but she's played me in the past
Q. I am unsure what to choose. I have know a girl for over 4 years. In the first year I met her, I knew she was seeing guys (mostly footballers), and basically having fun. I bided my time to wait until she stopped seeing guys and wanted something...
A. 29 October 2016: Why wasting energies on proving her " wrong " ? She is not missing out on anything, from her point of view !- she likes footballers and you are not. If her dating measuring stick is " He must be a footballer ", ... tastes are tastes, I doubt you ... (read in full...)
I'd like to get to know this girl better but I'm unsure how to do this
Q. I'm a guy, sophomore in high school, and took this girl to the homecoming dance. I asked her the night before just kind of randomly but she agreed to go so we went out to dinner and had fun at the dance. We spent the whole time there together and we ...
A. 28 October 2016: Lol ! I feel so dumb. I did not get why Netflix and pizza would be totally inappropriate, but most of all , why WiseOwlE is the one who can explain.
Anyway, FWIW, I think Fatherly Advice just meant, more or less, that if you want to get to know... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for me to get my tubes tied and burnt not knowing what my future holds?
Q. Dear Cupid,I am 45 years old my clock is ticking fast I have been in a relationship in many years I don't have health issues very healthy but I want my tubes tied but the the doctor says no I might meet a man who want a child but I don't want No ...
A. 27 October 2016: No, female anon,only women can have their ( Fallopian ) tubes tied because it's a female organ only, men do not have tubes, they have seminal ducts that's another thing.
OP,while I agree that no doctor should try and dictate your personal life... (read in full...)
My sister is aggressive and opinionated. Would it be OK if I skipped Christmas this year and stayed home to avoid my sister?
Q. I'm having a dilemma over Christmas Day and I could do with some advice. I have a small family consisting of my sister, mother and grandmother. i didn't get on particularly well with my sister- we only see each other three times a year at family o...
A. 27 October 2016: I see it a bit differently. Even the Antarctica can be conquered by a well equipped explorer :)
It's only a few hours in one day of the year. Making an appearence at the family lunch won't kill you- maybe you can cut the ordeal short and quot... (read in full...)
Should I now offer to pay more rent when my mother come to live with us, temporarily? My mother and I will share a room
Q. Hi! I'm currently living with two friends, but my mother is going to move in with us from another country, so we are all going to live together for a few months until my mother and I move to a place for just the two of us. Meanwhile me and my mo...
A. 27 October 2016: Yes, you should offer. Your mother may also share a bedroom with you, but she will also be sharing , I suppose, all the common areas ( kitchen, bathroom, living room... ) and for months !, becoming, for all intents and purposes , not simply a ... (read in full...)
I cheated, ended things but not sure what to do now
Q. Im married, with two kids. I did the dumbest thing in my life. I cheated on my wife after 7 years together. I was stupid, feel like scum and have this knot in my stomach that will not go away. To make things worse, I started with a condom and som...
A. 25 October 2016: OP, how come you managed to father two kids without ever knowing that a pregnancy lasts 9 months, not 10 ? You must be a very absent-minded type...
Anyway : you wonder how much this woman could wait to let you know, if she is pregnant . What abou... (read in full...)
One night stand with a long term friend leads to awkward!
Q. Hi all I've been friends with A for about 10 years and due to various circumstances we haven't actually seen each other in person for about 5 years so all communication has been online. We are both very attracted to each other and went on a sort-o...
A. 25 October 2016: I am not a guy but I don't find it weird either.
You saw him Saturday, you posted on Monday. It's not weird not hearing from a friend for 48 hours.
Unless you had assumed that sleeping together was authomatically going to change the status q... (read in full...)
Married ex who I havent seen for 12 years wants to meet up to catch up
Q. Married ex who I havent seen for 12 years wants to meet up to catch up after reconnecting on facebook 2 mths ago, what does that mean? We werent really exclusive before, but just friends with benefits ( a lot of sexual connection between us) and ...
A. 25 October 2016: Brrrr... don't even go there. He says he has no " bad " intentions ? It's a lie, what intentions could he have. Dusting up an old " friendship " ?... Yeah,.. because you were such great ,close, solid friends, ... that's why you haven't seen each ... (read in full...)
How can I cope with my sister in law?
Q. I am really struggling to be civil to my sister in law. I have tried hard to include her, be involved with her and her child, offer to help out with her child, buy the baby presents etc. I have also regularly helped out her too. However she al...
A. 25 October 2016: I agree with Anonymous 123 ; in fact , to be perfectly, honest I don't understand what situation you feel unable to cope with - you don't have a " situation ": it does not say anywhere that you must live in each other pockets' with your in laws, ... (read in full...)
Is she into me? I just can't tell?
Q. Ok so there's this girl at school she's gorgeous, tries hard at school, works at the animal shelter, she's super nice, everything she does is just adorable, she's also really quiet and shy, she's the definition of an introvert. We're like opposites ...
A. 24 October 2016: Oh yes, she is into you but she is like "the poor cat i'the adage " ( Macbeth ): letting " I dare not " waiting upon " I would ".
Meaning, she is into you but, being a judicious girl, she realizes that you are very different in lifestyle , tast... (read in full...)
My ex flaunts his new g/f in my face but behind her back he's still in contact with me
Q. I split from my ex earlier this year and found out two weeks later that he was already with someone else (although chances are that she was already in the pipeline). My ex has rubbed his relationship with his new partner in my face- even turni...
A. 24 October 2016: If you are serious about moving on, you should not even think about stirring up trouble with the new gf, no matter if on her own interest .
Move on for real. Call yourself out from THEIR business. Accept that you can't get " revenge ". Even if y... (read in full...)
I'm married to a mama's boy and its affecting our marriage
Q. Just after opinions please... Ladies, would you settle down with a mumma's boy? .... Men, are you a mumma's boy and how does this affect your other half? The reason I ask this is because my husband is a mumma's boy through and through and it's...
A. 24 October 2016: There may be more going on than what it's contained in your post, but just based on it, I have to agree with the others : he's not that bad :), I have seen and heard worse.
There's a fine line between being a devoted, affectionate son and bein... (read in full...)
I was the first Gf he ever had. Is he now over me? Or is he protecting his feelings?
Q. i was seeing this guy for a few months and it was going so well but we both knew that at the end of summer o had to go back to study abroad for 3 months. When I left I told him maybe we shouldn't try long distance because I really liked him and ...
A. 24 October 2016: This sounds to me like a typical case of " out of sight out of mind ". People can be fickle, and many first loves are very intense in the moment- but also short lived. Don't be too surprised. Coherence and staying power are not their strong suit ... (read in full...)
How do I stop thinking about all the upsetting episodes from the past when I'm upset with my boyfriend?
Q. Every time I'm angry or upset with my boyfriend I remember all the things about him that made me angry or upset in the past, and it makes me feel worse. E.g. I'm upset that he bailed the last minute when we had plans and I'm starting to think of the ...
A. 24 October 2016: You are not alone and you are not a weirdo and it is great that you realized you have a problem with obsessing about past slights and you are seeking help for that. Hopefully CBR will give you the tools to handle differently your negative thoughts ... (read in full...)
I’m disgusted by his personal hygiene!
Q. I need to start by saying my boyfriend is usually wonderful. He is very sweet, generous and loving. But that just isn't enough. I feel so guilty to admit it, but he disgusts me. He always smells bad and doesn't brush his teeth or shower unless I ...
A. 23 October 2016: Anon female : temporarily dental floss , toothbrush and water will be fine. But I suggest you to PM me if you want more detailed advice or more gum care " tricks ", because we don't want to abuse of this kind OP's patience and... hospitality ... (read in full...)
Is it "wrong" that I have a thing for females of a different race or religion?
Q. Hi, I am a Jewish white male. Is it "wrong" that I have a thing for females of a different race or religion? And girls - if you are a different race or religion, would you date a Jewish, or white man? Thanks....
A. 23 October 2016: What curious answer, male anon.
I have Jewish friends who made excellent wives and mothers, as for Jewish girls being great in bed, I have no idea, but I'll gladly take your word for that.
So what ?
ONLY Jewish girls make great wives, mothe... (read in full...)
Why would a guy keep his GF around if he had lost all sexual desire for her?
Q. Can anyone especially men please give me some advice..I'll try+keep it brief... Basically would a man keep their girlfriend around in a serious relationship if they had lost all sexual attraction for their partner?... The reason why i ask is I'v...
A. 23 October 2016: He COULD be depressed . When you are depressed having sex with a real life human being is absolutely draining, physically and emotionally,and the very idea, daunting. While one can still have the need and the energies for a quick, private hand job- ... (read in full...)
I’m disgusted by his personal hygiene!
Q. I need to start by saying my boyfriend is usually wonderful. He is very sweet, generous and loving. But that just isn't enough. I feel so guilty to admit it, but he disgusts me. He always smells bad and doesn't brush his teeth or shower unless I ...
A. 23 October 2016: Anon female : while some commercial toothpastes may contain chemicals which MAY cause problems to some individuals, do you know what is the number one, biggest, most common cause of gum disease ?.. It's poor dental hygiene. You do not see ... (read in full...)
My partner is more interested in pleasing his mother than me
Q. My fiancé and I have just discovered that I'm pregnant and our wedding was booked for the same month the baby is due so we've decided to bring it forward. We've given our small party of 40 guests the new date which is still 3 months away and ...
A. 22 October 2016: No, no ! That would be too risky ! Due date is an approximate date , given or taken a few days- 3 days after your due date could easily mean your waters breaking with you at the altar !
While I believe that your MIL may actually be unable to ... (read in full...)
These are the facts. Is it the end?
Q. HELP! My decision to end a relationship depends largely on your advice. What would you do if you found out your boyfriend went to a medical appointment in the city and then visited a hotel before going home? And he did not tell you he was a...
A. 22 October 2016: Yes. You have a story. And it's a story which changes all the time.
Once he is married and living with his wife. Another, you are adamant that he was never married , just living with someone, and SHE left him. Another time, he had eventually take... (read in full...)
Why is my dad so hard on me?
Q. Hello :) Recently I moved to another country to take up a different course for university. And well my parents left 2 weeks after my course started and well the first week my dad called me everyday and as time went by I had a lot of work and I wa...
A. 22 October 2016: Well, for being a girl raised in a traditional conservative Chinese household you've got quite a bad attitude and quite a rebellious streak !1
You are only 16-17. You are a minor, and you may be a brilliant, academically minded person, no doub... (read in full...)
Is it "wrong" that I have a thing for females of a different race or religion?
Q. Hi, I am a Jewish white male. Is it "wrong" that I have a thing for females of a different race or religion? And girls - if you are a different race or religion, would you date a Jewish, or white man? Thanks....
A. 22 October 2016: Obviously you never watched Seinfeld reruns :)
Says George Costanza : " You've got Shiksappeal . Jewish men like the idea of meeting a woman that's not like their mother ".
There's a huge literature ( part comedic, and part serious ) about ... (read in full...)
I’m disgusted by his personal hygiene!
Q. I need to start by saying my boyfriend is usually wonderful. He is very sweet, generous and loving. But that just isn't enough. I feel so guilty to admit it, but he disgusts me. He always smells bad and doesn't brush his teeth or shower unless I ...
A. 22 October 2016: Anon female: I would not laugh at a person who looks dirty or smells awful because of reasons like those you quoted. Neither, though ,I would chose them, or even less I would be OBLIGED to choose them , as partners for an intimate , physical ... (read in full...)
Did I scare him off ? ?
Q. Dear Aunts please advise me. I met a guy at a cafe. Everytime I go in he stared at me. I started to fancy him too and we would stare and smile at each other. I broke the ice and we exchanged numbers. I hinted going out on a light date but he b...
A. 21 October 2016: Maybe this guy wants a friend . And you, do you want him as a friend ? JUST , only as a friend ?...
Apparently not ; you say you " fancy " him, and you hinted for a date.
One does not have dates with platonic friends.
This is not being ne... (read in full...)
Why does my husband use a sex toy rather than be with me and then lie about having a toy?
Q. My husband has always claimed that he doesn't/can't masturbate because he knows it's his own hand. (No, I don't seriously believe this) A couple of years ago, I found a pocket pussy hidden in his sock drawer. I asked him about it and he said he ...
A. 21 October 2016: Is a toy better.....? No; but probably it's simpler, quicker and easier than a sexual encounter. No demands, no worries aboit fulfilling the partner or waiting for her to climax. No foreplay or kisses or pillow talk. Just a quick, efficient, ... (read in full...)
Should I distance myself from my Bf AND my Mother? Was this abusive behaviour by my boyfriend, or not?.
Q. Was this abusive behaviour by my boyfriend, or not?. I have had an on/off relationship with my boyfriend for a year. Yesterday, I was out with him and I called my mum to pick me up. I got upset because my mum started shouting at me on the phone. ...
A. 21 October 2016: See ? Your family- mom included- must not be that bad after all. Apparently, you can count on them, at least some of the time.
The boyfriend is a different story. No, even if he was frustrated , and concerned about your safety, he should not ... (read in full...)
Gift interpretation help
Q. I need help interpreting a birthday gift I received from my new boyfriend. We met online about 2 months ago, live 4-5 hours apart, hit it off right away and have met in person 3 times, talking on phone twice/week for a long talk, with him saying he ...
A. 21 October 2016: I don't think there's much to interpret, I guess he just wanted to be cutesy or whimsical or original . If you have a look on Ebay you'll see it's full of flying pigs statues, which go in price from a couple of bucks to quite expensive. An " ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend's clothes are, 'Not acceptable to me'.
Q. Me and my gf are recently fighting over this issue that is her "Clothes". Sometimes she wears disgusting dresses which are revealing and I really don't like it. When I tell her not to wear such dresses she doesn't listen and gets agitated. The dres...
A. 20 October 2016: Oh. So the way she dresses is not acceptable to you also as a Muslim.
Well, if we want to play the religion card- Muslims do not have " girlfriends " either, to begin with !
There's absolutely no
" dating " in Islam, it's haram.
You... (read in full...)
Am I right to have these trust issues?
Q. A few weeks ago, my boyfriend went to his local pub, and he saw a married woman that he knew that day. I wasn't there at the time. She asked him to help her pick songs on the jukebox and then he said he danced with her. He said it wasn't intimate ...
A. 20 October 2016: I agree with Honeypie .
He was not grinding, or dancing some passionate tango with this woman, he was just goofing it up a bit in front of the whole pub and of the woman 's husband. And for a short time.
Plus, from what I get , that's his usua... (read in full...)
How do I tell him that I'm a virgin?
Q. How do I tell him I'm a virgin?... It sounds stupid but we have been talking for a while. And our conversations via texts get heated a lot and we "sext" pretty much. I don't recall him ever asking me about previous partners so I think he ...
A. 20 October 2016: You will lose him anyway, virgin or not.He just wants to hook up.... (read in full...)
Why are more men dependent on women's support these days? Women is the child bearer, care giver, career holder, and now the financial supporter to men? What roles do men play then?
Q. First and foremost, no offence to the men in this room. I'm posting this question because I am really curious to know the answer. Why are more men dependent on women's support now a days than men taking care of their women? I've often read posts...
A. 20 October 2016: I don't think it is completely fair to blame men if women make unjudicious choices- choices which are detrimental to their financial and emotional wellbeing. Women are perfectly free to decide they will not support a bum, or not indulge a ... (read in full...)
Should I distance myself from my Bf AND my Mother? Was this abusive behaviour by my boyfriend, or not?.
Q. Was this abusive behaviour by my boyfriend, or not?. I have had an on/off relationship with my boyfriend for a year. Yesterday, I was out with him and I called my mum to pick me up. I got upset because my mum started shouting at me on the phone. ...
A. 20 October 2016: Re. your on and off bf : isn't that intuitive ?
If he yells at you and grabs you and manhandles you to the point of having you writhing in pain all day, then yes, it is abusive behaviour and, yes , you should cut contact with him.
Then again, r... (read in full...)
Do you think it's unreasonable for a husband to request that his wife not kiss mutual male friends hello and goodbye on the lips?
Q. Do you think it's unreasonable for a husband to request that his wife not kiss mutual male friends hello and goodbye on the lips? We only have one male friend who does this. He does it to other wives as well. He had been a mutual friend for 10 ye...
A. 19 October 2016: Maybe this is neither her nor there, but I admit I am curious, and if possible I would like to know how come these kisses bother you NOW.
I mean, you have known this guy for ten years and it's been ten years that he has been kissing your wife... (read in full...)
Should I follow my therapists advice?
Q. Most recently I had dated a man for 8 months; we were introduced by friends and hit it off right away. He asked me to be exclusive right away which my therapist back then said it was weird since he didn't know anyone thing about me or had never be...
A. 19 October 2016: Pardon me, but are you sure you are quoting your therapist and not attributing her what you think and feel ?
I am a bit perplexed- it is obvious that you ( and your therapist ) have certain rules and expectations about how a relationship shou... (read in full...)
The girl I'm seeing has a girlfriend?
Q. Okay where do I begin... I recently met this girl about 1 month ago she is very kind, beautiful and has feelings for me, she says she eventually wants to be more than friends and that she likes me. I looked her up on fb, being a former cop and ...
A. 19 October 2016: Stay out of this. Move on.
She is engaged. With a girl or with a boy, it does not matter- she is , anyway, engeged. Not free, not available.
Yes, sure she should have told you she is in a committed relationship. But she did not.
And that sho... (read in full...)
Do you think it's unreasonable for a husband to request that his wife not kiss mutual male friends hello and goodbye on the lips?
Q. Do you think it's unreasonable for a husband to request that his wife not kiss mutual male friends hello and goodbye on the lips? We only have one male friend who does this. He does it to other wives as well. He had been a mutual friend for 10 ye...
A. 18 October 2016: Ues, it is unreasonable. It is unreasonable any request aimed to limit or dictate the way your partner uses her body, voice, gestures etc. as long as the context is obviously innocent and non sexual.
Tbh, personally, I would not dream of kiss... (read in full...)
Did I scare him off ? ?
Q. Dear Aunts please advise me. I met a guy at a cafe. Everytime I go in he stared at me. I started to fancy him too and we would stare and smile at each other. I broke the ice and we exchanged numbers. I hinted going out on a light date but he b...
A. 9 October 2016: No, you did not " scare him off " - there's nothing spooky for a grown up man - out of teenhood- in realizing that he caught some lady's eye. Knowing that someone thinks you are attractive or interesting is flattering, not scary.
He might very... (read in full...)
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