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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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My manager wants me to cancel my nonrefundable vacation for work!
Q. Long story short, I back up one of my colleagues whenever she goes on vacation. We're in different departments. I'm happy to do so and she always only takes one day off at a time anyway. Anything that requires her expertise that I cannot handle ...
A. 31 January 2017: @ Chigirl : eh... in Europe. But the OP does not work in Europe.
You have a very good point insofar probably the manager did not remember when the OP was going to leave , and / or did not know she has booked a non refundable vacation. Of cour... (read in full...)
My manager wants me to cancel my nonrefundable vacation for work!
Q. Long story short, I back up one of my colleagues whenever she goes on vacation. We're in different departments. I'm happy to do so and she always only takes one day off at a time anyway. Anything that requires her expertise that I cannot handle ...
A. 31 January 2017: I am afraid that you won't have much choice.
In USA , employers are not required to provide vacations to employees under federal law or almost any state law. Therefore, even less they are obliged to provide vacations at a certain appointed time... (read in full...)
My boyfriend sometimes leaves the room with his phone, does this mean he is cheating?
Q. Hi all. Something is bugging me. Sometimes (not always, by any means) my bf takes his phone with him when he leaves the room and also leaves it face down, when we are sitting together, watching tv or whatever. I don’t want to mention it to him cos ...
A. 30 January 2017: No, it does not mean he is cheating- at least you cannot say that, based on such feeble evidence, unsupported by any other curious or suspicious behaviours .
It means, as he has already told you, that he does not like you keeping him unde... (read in full...)
He is much older but I want to have sex with him
Q. I knew a guy at work. I'm 22 he is 41. A very sexy man. Do u think he will have something with me after sex. We decided to be friends with benefits. He is in a relationship with a 31 years old . We planned to have sex this weekend. Do you think is ...
A. 29 January 2017: No, I don't think he will have something with you after sex. Except more booty calls - maybe.
I wonder why do you ask : didn't you say that " you decided to be friends with benefits ". So, if you decided to be friends with benefits, in the sens... (read in full...)
Having problems with my Aunt. Should I tell my dad about this?
Q. i've been posting several questions and for some reason i've been having endless number of dilemmas... At first i didnt know how to ask my parents for permission for a day out to celebrate my birthday and chinese new year (CNY). Eventually i a...
A. 27 January 2017: I second what Aunty Bim Bim says, and I just want to add that you forgot to mention something which may be somewhat relevant to your issue, i.e. that Chinese New Year is not exactly the same concept, and the same celebration , as our New Year, or ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my parents about his age and past?
Q. I need some advice on how to talk to my parents. I'm 23 and an only child. I'm very close to my parents and I know they love me very much. Ive always been a good kid and never really have my parents any trouble. I love out of town about 7 hou...
A. 27 January 2017: Before.
Otherwise, they could be surprised, and they could be so surprised that they would act shocked, and that would be unpleasant and embarassing for everybody.
If I were your parents.. I'd probably faint and would need smelling salts to... (read in full...)
Has anyone else dealt with something like this? My first serious girlfriend has since come out as a lesbian.
Q. I was a little bit of a late bloomer but in college I finally met a really amazing girl who became my first serious girlfriend and by that I mean that she was all my firsts: first kiss, first love, first sexual encounter. She had been with one...
A. 26 January 2017: Oh yes. Well, sort of, since it was not a very meaningful relationship for either of us, as instead it was for you and this girl.In part because of this, and in part because , being the egomaniac I am, I almost never think that I did something ... (read in full...)
I found out my brother has been having an affair. Should I tell his wife or keep quiet?
Q. My brother has been having an affair with a single woman who is 15 years his junior. It has been ongoing for more than 3 years. I am very close to his wife and kids and accidentally found out about it last week when he sent me a text meant for h...
A. 26 January 2017: Incorrect. Affairs can drag on 10, 20 years , indefinitely... when it's simpler and more convenient to either party ( the married person who is cheating on a spouse ), or more seldom, to both.
Some people are excellent at sharing their life... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's parents are strict and I'm not sure what to do anymore
Q. Hi everyone, I'm kind of new to this so I apologize if this is a bit unorganized. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and a half and besides the ups and downs we are very much in love with each other and even plan to have a f...
A. 24 January 2017: I guess I will have to elaborate a bit on the last part of my answer , in case it came off to some readers as "irresponsible " or superficial. So,..kindly bear with me.
1) Actually, my main advice stands , i.e. if you want to date a member of a... (read in full...)
Just found out that my LDR is happily married. Do I confront him?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 months.. We are in a LDR, but he's very caring, sweet and romantic...keeps in touch. But one thing that continually bothers me is that he never calls me at night! Two days back, I was viewing his profile on s...
A. 24 January 2017: I would not bother confront him. He does not deserve anything from you, not even yout anger. You cakk him disgustung, treat him like something disgusting . When you step on , pardon me, a dog shit, do you get mad at the shit , do you yell at ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's parents are strict and I'm not sure what to do anymore
Q. Hi everyone, I'm kind of new to this so I apologize if this is a bit unorganized. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and a half and besides the ups and downs we are very much in love with each other and even plan to have a f...
A. 23 January 2017: Honeypie just stole my line :)
If your bf is of Arab descent, then most probably his family is Muslim and he is Muslim too.
It sounds likr you are not too familiar with his culture and religion , otherwise you would not be so puzzled.... (read in full...)
I want to celebrate my birthday and Chinese New Year. How should I ask my parents to allow this?
Q. Hi everyone So basically, my parents told me not to have any hangouts with my friends until my exam is over which is at the end of April. So my 18th birthday is in a week's time and happens to be on a school day, so my friends want to celebrat...
A. 21 January 2017: I don't know, OP, maybe if I were in your shoes I would not push my luck. Or I would ask permission for the afternoon at the mall but not the dinner, or viceversa.
I know that skipping ONE study day sounds like a very moderate, and acce... (read in full...)
Shall I tell him? Do I let it out or just walk away without saying anything ?
Q. Do you tell the person you love that you have feelings for him ? Despite the fact he is not that friendly to you and never indulges you in their personal thoughts and life ? I have been thinking about telling the guy I love that I loved him but ...
A. 20 January 2017: Oh but you can hold it in, if you want - it's a feeling, not dyarrhea.
Look, I am not tryng to be mean- just practical.
What would the point be of some dramatical love declaration ? Particularly when you said that you want to walk away ???... (read in full...)
He lacks a stable job and a career so I'm breaking up with him. Am I not openminded?
Q. Dear Cupid, I've put a lot of consideration into this and I've decided to break up with my boyfriend. It's not that we don't get along - we get along rather well and have a great time together. He is positive I will be his future wife and has info...
A. 20 January 2017: I always liked that saying " Keep an open mind, but no so open that your brains fall out ".
I do not think that one should act in a way that 's dangerous ( physically, emotionally or financially ) to oneself, or that's damaging to own's gene... (read in full...)
Moving in together and disagree on houseguests. Help!
Q. My boyfriend and I are both 26 and moving in together for the first time. We’re doing it for the right reasons and discussed everything we could think of before making the decision together. Currently we spend most of our time together at his place, ...
A. 20 January 2017: What I think is that your bf must be crazily in love with you to subject himself to your vexarory, oppressive rules !but that perhaps he won't stay crazily in love for long, once he realizes that , living with you by your rules, he gets less ... (read in full...)
Family issues. What should I do? Apologise and stick to my plans? Or cancel my holiday?
Q. I have, it seems, caused an enormous family rift. I booked a holiday for 2 weeks at the start of February - it had been booked a while but I told family over Christmas what my plans were. This is the first holiday I have had in 7 years so it means...
A. 20 January 2017: Oh I do believe that you did not have any *conscious* and
* rational * intention to annoy your parents, to needle them. Subconsciously,... who knows, OP.
Obviously , we DearCupiders have to go by guesses and assumptions, which can be quite of... (read in full...)
Was he wrong for hitting me or am I being dramatic?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together 8months, I was pulling a silly face he didn't like and to stop me doing it he slapped my face, not hard by enough to shock me a little. He knows how I feel about face slapping (from previous bedroom antics) ...
A. 20 January 2017: No, you were not over reacting. At all.
Where I live , we go by the saying " Giochi di mano, giochi di villano " which more or less means :" Who jokes using his hands is a big fat yokel ". And if your bf ever made it to kindergarten ! , fo... (read in full...)
I’m angry with his mom and his sister and have reached a breaking point. I need input!
Q. Hello everyone, This is a long so please bear with me. I live with my boyfriend and his sister. Some background info: his sister is the youngest. She is a bit spoiled by her parents and doesn't have friends for various reasons. She's a princes...
A. 19 January 2017: Now, shoot me, everybody, but I totally get where your SIL is coming from.
Ok, I get it, she is a brat, she is a drama queen, etc.But, I am surely older than this girl, probably wiser, and ( you'll have to take my word for it ) not at all a dram... (read in full...)
Family issues. What should I do? Apologise and stick to my plans? Or cancel my holiday?
Q. I have, it seems, caused an enormous family rift. I booked a holiday for 2 weeks at the start of February - it had been booked a while but I told family over Christmas what my plans were. This is the first holiday I have had in 7 years so it means...
A. 19 January 2017: I tend to agree with YouWish, I feel that there's more than meets the eye in your post :).
You had booked your trip since a while, and you had shared your plans on Xmas, Ok, - but you knew since forever that your Dad's birthday is in Febr... (read in full...)
Why won't my friend admit that he is married?
Q. Hi, Aunts! Of late, I've been speaking with one of my friends who is married for 2 months now. The issue is that he has fallen for me and won't even accept or acknowledge his marriage, when I already have seen their pictures (why would he lie to ...
A. 19 January 2017: I think you have to gave up to the " civil friendship ": You can't be real friends with people who want something different or something more than friendship from you. This guy clearly is sexually attracted to you and he hopes that if he is ... (read in full...)
He stood me up numerous times but the one time I tell him I can't meet he ends things??
Q. In december last year a guy popped up to me. we had both known of each other for a very long time, he had even been following me on all my social media platforms since 2014, but only december he decided to make his move. he was really intense ...
A. 19 January 2017: And, you are surprised because.... ?
Sorry, I don't mean to sound condescending, and I realize that at 16 you can't have that much experience, both dating experience and general experience- but basic logic is basic logic at any age, and if you ... (read in full...)
People changing their minds about crushing on you years later...
Q. When someone turns you down romantically or makes no time for your friendship, then years later they see you again. Suddenly, like nothing has happened they are all over you, and suddenly attracted you. Do you give them a chance or leave them? ...
A. 16 January 2017: No, I would not " call them out ". It would sound pretty entitled to me. A bit naive, and a bit arrogant too, though.
People do not OWE you to like you back, or to return your feelings. In general they do not turn you down because they are mean... (read in full...)
I'm panicking my boyfriend will cheat on a guy's trip to Cuba. How should I respond or act in this situation?
Q. My boyfriend is in Cuba for one week on a guy's trip. I am beside myself with worry that he is going to cheat. I have read that prostitutes are around every corner there and they are dirt cheap. The anxiety is hard to take. I contact him a...
A. 16 January 2017: It depends what kind of man is your bf and what kind of all guy's trip to Cuba this is.
Sadly, Cuba is very well known world-wide as a destination for a thriving sexual tourism industry ( - catering to both males and females. It's sexual t... (read in full...)
Why do I have to hunt down my vacationing boyfriend by text before he answers?
Q. I need your help. I need to know whether I should end a 3.5 year relationship. My boyfriend is traveling outside the country with family. He has been in touch by text because it's expensive to send texts and make phone calls. So his texts...
A. 16 January 2017: I think this is our old friend ,and frequent poster, who's got a married " boyfriend ". Reason for which, I'd say it is pretty intuitive why he is being a bit casual in keeping in touch, regardless of any other consideration. Because the family ... (read in full...)
How do I make my boyfriend more comfortable with talking intimately on the phone?
Q. My boyfriend can't talk intimately over the phone, and when I do it makes him uncomfortable. Everything's great when we're face to face together but we're in a long distance relationship and spend a couple of days each month together. We've been ...
A. 9 January 2017: I think that you just need to accept that phone sex is not his thing, and respect that without trying to cajole him into something that he does not feel.
Same as if he were, say, crazy about anal sex , and you not at all. The right choice woul... (read in full...)
He wants to move in, I said not without marriage.
Q. Dear Cupid ,I'm at a time in my life now my kids are grown and now I just want to do me.I have this one guy friend who wants a relationship with me and then hopes of marriage. Our kids are all grown and some have children of their own.He wants to ...
A. 9 January 2017: Maybe I misunderstood the question or the point of it. I don't get the " he has not packed yet "- why, where should he be going ? Since he is not living with you YET, so it's not a case of " either you marry me or I kick you out ". And as for ... (read in full...)
Do women dream about male virgins too?
Q. Dear female cupids Many men dream of making love to a virgin Girl and teach her all about sex. Do women dream about male virgins too? Personally I haven't had this Kind of desire, although i lost my own virginity to another virgin. My ...
A. 9 January 2017: I partially disagree with N91, in the sense that the experienced man is a myth that seduces more the male imagination than the female one. For the simple reason that each woman is different, with a body that responds to certain things and not to ... (read in full...)
A brief text on Christmas but nothing since then! What does this mean?
Q. Really need advice Haven't spoken to a guy who I got close to but it didn't work for various reasons We had a huge falling out but last year (January )he asked to meet me and we had a coffee After that we didn't talk again So this year...
A. 7 January 2017: It means that, YOU took the initiative to send him Xmas wishes, and he responded- how it is normal and civil to do. Then he took this chance to , basically, apologize and express his regrets for the lousy way he treated you.
Stop. The end.... (read in full...)
My friend said something during our casual encounter - criticism or a compliment?
Q. So me and my friend have had sex a couple of times. There are no feelings there at all. We are just good friends, are single, and have ended up sleeping together after drinking. All was well, but she made one comment that made me a little bit ...
A. 7 January 2017: I think it was neither a compliment nor a criticism. As you mention , she did not say it in a negative or excited way, she just...said it.
She said ot because she noticed it, she noticed it because she found it unusual, and, she found it unus... (read in full...)
Is it just the sex he wants?
Q. I have been seeing a guy for 3 months now, but we don't meet often, only once per 1 or 2 weeks, depending on our work schedules. We do go on dates when we meet, not just sex. He remembered my bday even though I have only mentioned it once and he ...
A. 7 January 2017: I guess I would. Seen the premises and circumstances of this relationship. You are not his priority- and he is not yours either. You want to keep it casual- and he does too. I understand that the late night call maybe be a btand of casual which is ... (read in full...)
Uncertain what the silence could mean
Q. I met this woman on OKCupid and we started writing to each other. I noticed that she logged in only once a week but she did respond whenever she logged in. The messages were also good. If I wrote 2 paragraphs her reply was also 2 paragraphs, if I ...
A. 7 January 2017: I'd leave her be. Chances are that she has actually ghosted you, even if she did not seem the type to do that - then again, you know her so little , as of now you really can't say what she us the " type " for.
Otherwise, she really is so invo... (read in full...)
Is there still a chance for us ? Maybe it has been way long over and I just didn't want to accept it? What can I say?
Q. I've only known my boyfriend for eight months and we've been dating for sixth months but it has been an on and off relationship. The first few weeks or month was everything I ever wanted to be in a relationship where my boyfriend would take me ...
A. 1 January 2017: By all means you should make the decision for him !
If being with a lunatic with unresolved anger issues, who freaks out and scares you to the point of tears if you just happen to look at casually, or say " Hi " to, other males, makes you happ... (read in full...)
My jobless, lazy boyfriend is using me for money. He thinks what's mine is also his
Q. Okay so my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, he has been living with me and my family for about 8 months, for the past 6 months he has been unemployed and living off of me completely. Recently I was fortunate enough to come into a ...
A. 1 January 2017: OP, this is a no brainer- you feel used because you are being used, and frankly, while I underdstand how love can blind you at times and push you to make wrong decisison, I am a bit surprised that it blinded your parents too who are cooperating in ... (read in full...)
Would you tolerate a man calling you extremely derogatory, filthy name during arguments?
Q. Would you talk with a man who calls you a c....t during arguments ? He seems to think this is acceptable and rarely apologises . Even if he does , it happens again the very next time we argue . I've had enough and my confidence is completely shot . ...
A. 1 January 2017: I suppose it is normal for some men- for a certain type of men. Maybe in their mind and in their social environment this language is no big deal,
" just words " that you say when you are upset. That does not mean you have to make it normal for ... (read in full...)
Can you be pregnant with negative test results?
Q. I had sex with a guy one night in September. I dont really remember what happened but i know we had sex. We used a condom but i am unsure if he secretly slipped it off or of the condom may have failed. It isvDecember now and my stomach looks ...
A. 30 December 2016: ... But also an ectopic ( i.e. outside the uterus ) pregnancy would still test positive by this stage ( at least end of first term ) :
If the count of Beta hCG is lower than 10 Mu / Ml - the test will come out negative - if more, positive... (read in full...)
Can you be pregnant with negative test results?
Q. I had sex with a guy one night in September. I dont really remember what happened but i know we had sex. We used a condom but i am unsure if he secretly slipped it off or of the condom may have failed. It isvDecember now and my stomach looks ...
A. 30 December 2016: When did you take your last home pregnancy test ? Recently ? In this case it's very improbable that you are pregnant.
Home pregnancy tests are deemed to be very reliable nowadays ; they detect the presence of hCG ( human chorionic gona... (read in full...)
Mom told me I can't see my boyfriend. Should I take a taxi and go there?
Q. I want to go to my boyfriends house, but my mom told me I can't tomorrow! I looked at taxi services in my area and was wondering should I call a taxi and go to his house without my mom knowing and then come back home before she gets home?? ...
A. 28 December 2016: I think we need a little background to answer that effectively.
While of course it is never a good idea to encourage a person your age in disobeying her parents and acting devious , and it would be very arrogant of us DearCopiders to do that... (read in full...)
If you are a parent or a carer of special needs child can you help advise me on any of my questions ? I am not asking for experts, just parents in a similar situation
Q. My severly disabled son has to go into residential care soon . We don't want this but he is very aggressive and they need to take him in to stabilise him because he is on too many medications and they think he will be better going to school and ...
A. 27 December 2016: I wonder too why you are not asking your questions, 25 or 50 or.. all the questions you want answered , directly to the managers/administrators of the facility in which your son would be accepted. Nobody better than them can be knowledgeable and ... (read in full...)
No present - what should I do?
Q. My boyfriend of four years did not give me a Christmas present this year. Should I be upset? Because I am. Should I say something to him?...
A. 27 December 2016: Yeah, he is a cheapskate :). He did not know what to buy you ? Bullshit ! That's what they have invented gift certificates for. A nice gift certificate from a department store, redeemable within a year, would have solved his quandary. Or , he ... (read in full...)
It's now 2/3 days, is he uninterested? Should I just leave it, or pursue him?
Q. Hi, I work with a guy I really fancy but was unsure if he was interested in me so I backed off. Co-workers have been trying to set us up for the past 6 months but I know he's incredibly shy. He's always asking where I'm going out at at the week...
A. 27 December 2016: Leave it. I am not saying that it's always the male who should do the pursuing, or that every guy must be a super confident go getter. Some times it's wise or necessary to help them along,to give them a little nudge into the right direction, to ... (read in full...)
Go out on New Year's Eve alone? Is it safe?
Q. The last 5 years I've been single and primarily friendless so I've stayed in watching tv trying to convince myself I wasn't bored. This year I'm still single, but my friends are coupled or will be out of town and I just can't stand the thought of ...
A. 26 December 2016: Let's start with saying that ideally you should not worry or care at all about what perfect strangers may think about your singletude . One can be out and about on his own for dozens of different and excellent reasons , without for this having to ... (read in full...)
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