A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've met the guy and things are going well. We've been on dates and get on really well and I feel comfortable with him.However, recently he's asked me to stay over at his and I'm sorta afraid too :/ This is because I feel he will want to have sex With me. Which is not so much of a problem BUT he doesn't know that I'm still a Virgin..I've never told him (and think maybe I should?) but part of me feels so pathetic because I haven't had sex yet. I'm only in my early 20s but the way the world go, people don't seem to wait and I just feel that if he knows, he will disappear? I don't know, I'm just feeling a bit low with it all :/
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2016): I could have written this a few years ago! I was so embarrassed to tell my then boyfriend that I was still a virgin at 26. It got to the point where I had to tell him because we wanted to have sex. He was fantastic, and thrilled that I wouldn't have sex with just anyone and that he was special enough.
We're married with kids now :)
If he's worth being your first, he'll react well
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2016): Then HE is NOT worthy of YOU!
Being a virgin is rare and precious.
Hang onto it.
The right guy will LOVE it.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (14 October 2016):
Virgins are an endangered species right now. Any man would love to have one. So own up to it.
Even those nut bars blow themselves up to go to heaven to get what?? 72 Virgins!!! Check that out...A woman's virginity is so precious, men are blowing themselves up for it.
That blows my mind. ;)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2016): If you feel pathetic, I'd suggest not having sex. There's no reason to feel pathetic if you ask me, but if you think having sex may make you feel better...then probably best not to do it. Or, you could just get it over with and see it's nothing to idolize. But to answer your question, if a guy leaves because of your V card, he wasn't looking for a relationship anyway!
If he leaves eventually because he's sick of waiting for sex (if you intend to wait for sex, not sure from what you wrote) then you two probably aren't compatible...but, from what you wrote I'd say you should just either decide to have sex, or don't.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 October 2016):
 Sweetie don't be afraid to tell him the truth. It really is nothing to be ashamed off. In fact you should be proud that you held off until you found someone you are comfortable with. Just tell him the truth before you stay over the night. If he cares for you he will not see this as a problem.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird  +, writes (13 October 2016):
 Its not being a virgin that will turn people off but YOUR attitude and outlook surrounding sex. Yes you can be virgin and still be sexy, vulnerable, and honest. But this is your body and its absolutely your decision to decide when you lose your virginity and to whom BUT I will say this, if you are scared or if you are feeling too vulnerable and youre not sure if he has your back 100%, I wouldnt follow thru with it.BUT if youre excited to lose it and to be with him, what are you afraid of? Let go and ease into the most comfortable self you can be. Change mindset from fear to excitement and joy. Its crucial for you to also know your body, tell him what you like, and for him to sense that you enjoy sex as well. Even if you have never had sex, men are excited if a women masturbate often because he knows youre a sexual being despite being a virgin.Its being fearful, stingy, nonverbal, and shy about sex that really turns men off. The willingness to learn and enjoy herself overshadows the lack of experience every time so go in with an open mind and trust me when I say this, men want to please so let him do that for you. But also make sure hes the guy you want to try this with and that you know at end of day,whatever happens, you have your own back as well. Good luck and have fun =)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2016): You've got this backwards. Virginity is a drawback when you are male. When you are female its closer to an asset.
For guys virginity is often involuntary. But women don't usually stay virgins because they cannot get sex, they stay virgins because they are selective or they don't want it yet.
Men only avoid female virgins if they don't want any emotional attachment over a hookup and they don't want to bother with even the slightest learning process. That kind of guy isn't looking for much more than a one-night-stand. Avoid him and you are fine.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (13 October 2016):
 Why feel low, why not proud that you decide and not give in to what society expectation? You go girl. I would be REALLY shocked to think that this guy would disappear because you are a virgin. I think he would be right into being your first. I would tell him though that way he can be understanding of you lack of experience. Relax, I don't think you have nothing to worry about.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2016): I am a male ... and trust me ... it will only go in your favour that you are one. What he should do after finding out is slow down and go at your pace .. If he is a true Gent he will do that
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 October 2016):
 Why should he disappear ?...
Yes, you are a bit " behind schedule " in current society, but you will have had your good reasons for that. Maybe you just did not find the right person to be your first lover : one that you feel attracted enough, or comfortable enough, to lose your virginity with. Maybe you were just not in the right place in your life to think about sex and romance, you wanted to focus on other stuff. Maybe you had a very rigorous, sexuophobic upbringing and it took you a while to shake it off you.
Anyway, whatever were your reasons, it's not like one day they were giving away dicks and,oops, you forgot to wake up in time and join the queue to get yours ; i.e. you have nothing to be defensive or apologetic or feel pathetic about. You just did what you felt like doing, i.e. NOT having sex. And now you have changed your mind. No big deal.
Mind you, I am not even saying that you have to submit him a well crafted excuse to " justify " your verginity. Just that : your body, your choice. If you want to share with him the reasons for this choice, you can do it,- otherwise, don't - it's not really any of his business anyway and he will have to accept that simply it was never the right moment for you, till now. If any he should be very flattered that he is the one to wake you up from your sexual slumber !
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