A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Likely or unlikely? Possible or not possible?Your boyfriend goes to the Home Depot and is gone for exactly one hour.Is it possible for him to leave his car in the Home Depot parking lot, have another woman pick him up, take him somewhere to have sex, and then drive him back to his car? All within the span of exactly an hour?I am hoping for some good detectives with some solid theories either to support or refute the possibility, keeping the timeline in mind.Ps. He did NOT buy anything.I really need to know.I have a GPS tracker on him. He knows this and allows it. What I want to know is could he do this as a way of trying to outsmart me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2016): In reply to female anon just because someone does something "crazy" and they say it's because they are "in love" doesn't make it acceptable.
Yes in historical terms people have started wars and murdered thousands in the name of love but it's not admirable is it.
I've been in love but I've never been irrational about it or abused a partner. That's a whole other level.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2016): I've listened to soppy records, walked about in a daydream and done some minor stalking in the name of love but I've never put a tracker on someone and made them account for every minute they spent away from me that's...well...extreme behaviour and if someone tried that with me I'd stop being in love - sharpish.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (6 October 2016):
 Also, Anon, therapy would help the OP see logically. Without therapy, OP, you're essentially drowning yourself in negative feelings that cause you and your partner deep trauma.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (6 October 2016):
Anon, you sound like you could be the poster, trying to support this post.
However, in case you are not, I don't think you understand how much torture the OP is putting herself through. This is self-destructive and cruel, both for herself and the man.
If he *is* married, he's not even hers. If he *was* married (and they had an affair), her trust issues could be karma. If the mods are somehow mistaken (unlikely), and he was never married, the OP still has no right to be so controlling and manipulative.
It's abusive. Maybe you'd both see it that way if a man was doing it to a woman. Regardless of the gender of the victim and the controller, it's not love and can't be excused.
I'm sorry you're so distressed, OP, but you really need to seek counselling and end this toxic relationship.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 October 2016):
 THREE years of crazy in the name of love ?... 3 YEARS ?!... Sorry, at this point then - it's shrink time.
If nothing else, because they have been 3 very hard, painful years for the OP, with lots of stress, lot of tears , lots of anxiety , lot of self- hatred ,lot of obsessive thoughts, Who would want to live like that !?... If the OP " wants ", meaning she is too dependent / dysfunctional to do otherwise and initiate changes- that's worrisome per se, it means that her self -preservation instinct has gone out of whack, - and that needs attention too.
Judgement shmudgement ! If you know somebody , who has been suffering for 3 years with atrocious toothaches, and rather than seeing a dentist, she has been tryng to manage the problem through absurd, self destructive systems... I don't know, say, drinking a gallon of vodka a day... paying a voodoo healer to magic her tootache away... and other crazy stuff, what would you say ? What everybody would logically say ? other than :
" Go to the dentist.... go to the dentist - GO TO THE DENTIST !
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female
reader, newgia667  +, writes (6 October 2016):
 So if you tracked him can't you see if he went anywhere? Where is his tracker on his phone?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2016): Maybe the lady is in LOVE with the guy?Cut her a break.Since when has nobody on earth - including everybody here - done crazy things in the name of love?In this case we must ALL be crazy and emotionally unstable and in need of counselling.There are endless examples throughout history. Since time began. Of average people, royalty, leaders; nobody is immune to the effects of love chemicals on the brain. All kinds of stories and circumstances of what people do and have done in the name of love - some which are part of the curriculum in school history - forever imprinted in history - of the antics of the lovestruck. It is like a disease of sorts as the brain does not see rationally. It's called following your heart. There is a saying which says follow your heart but take your brain with you. But who takes their brain with them? I'd venture to guess not as many as we'd like to think.Let's stop judging.We've all been there. She will have to make that call when she starts to see logic rather than fantasy.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 October 2016):
 Please go and seek professional help before you drive yourself crazy and send your boyfriend over the edge.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (4 October 2016):
... Maybe he is an asshole.
But, perfectly sane and emotionally stable women do not latch on to assholes, and do not cling to them for dear life, and do not try anything in the world, no matter how weird , dysfunctional and extreme just to keep control of an asshole, so that said asshole can keep poisoning with his assholeness the "emotionaly stable " woman's life.
If she does that- then she is not a perfectly sane and emotionally stable woman. At the very least she will have a problem of emotional / affective addiction,- and she will need all the qualified help she can get.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2016): Thought I would put it out there. But WHY does this woman need counselling? Did you ever think that maybe she is perfectly sane and emotionally stable? But the problem is she is involved with an ASSHOLE?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2016): If a man is allowing a woman to track him at all hours then you can rest assured he is pussy whipped. And he likes it that way.So if you want some evidence that he is not cheating, there it is. Most men, including myself, would never subject ourselves to being tracked by any woman. Unless she was special.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2016): Possible? Yes.
Likely. No.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 October 2016):
 "He is trying to prove to her once and for all that he is not cheating. And wants to calm her fears and worries." Ah but this woman's fears and worries are so out of control she's trying to figure out if a trip to Home Depot is a secret tryst.
The only way this guy can prove he's not cheating ever is to lock him in her house and chain him to her 24/7. Problem is he's married and lives elsewhere.
This woman needs counseling. Urgently.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2016): I'm in agreement with Cindy and in reply to female nonny and might add that we have the technology to do many amazing things but should we? Is it ethical?
In the UK tracking someone without their permission is illegal and in a relationship, even with consent, many would consider it controlling and abusive (also illegal).
Anyway it's a moot point as clearly although the OP is tracking her bf she still doesn't believe him so short of him wearing a wire at all times (in which case the OP would probably interpret any heavy breathing as him having sex) there's nothing he can do to allay her fears.
If you don't trust someone - end it. When people have this level of paranoia it's what's going on in their head that needs sorting out.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (3 October 2016):
Ah but WITH or WITHOUT permission it's two totally different things . With or without, makes all the difference. You cannot chose what people do behind your back and you can't prevent them from spying on you if so they choose to do.
But that a mentally sane adult would subject himself to the indignity of being treated like a criminal
( particularly if he is NOT doing anything wrong ! ), just to humour a stalking, neurotic lover- no. No and no. I don't buy it. There are not billions of * mentally normal* people on the planet, and not even millions, and not even thousands, who would indulge this kind of sick, persecutory whims of their playmate.
Men do like p---y, obviously, and some like it exceedingly, too much for their own good.
But that they like it to such a weird, self-vilifyng extent- that's the fabric of fiction ( "Of human bondage " by Somerset Maugham, " The blue angel " by Heinrich Mann...and the famous movie with Marlene Dietrich based on it ...just to give a couple of titles ) , not of real life.
Real life is much less adventurous and exotic - and more based on common sense ( thanks God ).
Anyway- that's all academical. Suppose there were actually tons of people stalking their partners this way, and tons of partners accepting the stalking. So what ?
There are also tons of cigarette chain-smokers, and tons of people gorging on junk food till their heart explodes.
the conclusion, and the advice, can only be the same :
don't do it ! Stop it ! It's unhealthy ! It's self - destructive !
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2016): Once I had a tryst in under 12 minutes.That shows yes he can have a tryst in one hr.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2016): Why would a man subject himself to being tracked Cindy? He is trying to prove to her once and for all that he is not cheating. And wants to calm her fears and worries. You can speak for yourself but there are billions of people on the planet that you cannot speak for. With technology nowadays, there are plenty of phone apps which track people either with or without their permission. More people are doing it than you think, including married couples and parents keeping an eye on their children.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (3 October 2016):
Possible, it is surely possible. If one wants, having sex can literally take few minutes- one hour would be plenty of time.
Probable, not really- it depends. Would he WANT to do it ? Why do you think he would like to do it ? Any particular reason ?...
Btw , I am taking this post, and the GPS thing, with a pinch of salt- not literally. I have never ever met any man who is so hungry for p...y that he would submit himself to this kind of ridiculous , humiliating persecution. Even someone who is madly in love, yet still is sane of mind, would balk at the request of being monitered by GPS tracker. Forget about allowing it- it would be BUH-bye instantly. Sex is great- but not THAT great, particularly for a guy in his 60s with some little ED problems, like the OP's " boyfriend ".
This OP, who is severely in distress, and must be genuinely going through hell and feeling lonely and vulnerable - I don't discount that at all- likes to change details, and offer us slightly but constantly different versions of her story, and add a touch of drama to her posts to make them even more " impressive ".
So I don't think we should take everything that she says literally.
Why does she do that ? To wind us up, as suggested by another poster ?
IMO, not really. She just is not brave enough to face the banal and lackluster facts. She is the mistress of a married man, who may care about her, or may not- anyway he never cared ENOUGH to leave his wife and make the OP official , and not just a little secret romp on the side.
Yawn.... so boring. So predictable. Even for the leading character herself !
But if we add a touch of crazy, and paranoia, and drama, and conflict, and GPS tracker... she can figure herself as the heroin of a James Bond's movie. Life gets more interesting this way, doesn't it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2016): I have a secret to tell you.At every Home Depot, in the back left corner of the store, there is a reserved secluded parking space designated to 'exclusive' Home Depot members. Your man was parked there and his hook up just jumped into his car and they did it right there right then. They needed the entire hour woman! If she had to pick him up and drive him to her home, they definitely won't have enough time to do their thing! ;)Your location tracker has nothing on him. Please gonto your local convenience store and ask for a remote webcam so not only can you track his location you can see everything he does in private including picking his nose or scratching his balls!Good luck to you
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2016): And the question is? WHY does HE allow it? Why does he STAY with YOU, OP?
Most guys would have bailed by now.
If he is willing to have you track him, then I am venturing to guess that he IS trustworthy and is trying his best to keep you happy by showing you that he CAN be trusted and isn't out to hurt you.
Ever thought of the possibility that he is in fact NOT cheating? That he could actually be telling you the truth?
Would you even BELIEVE him?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 October 2016):
You have a GPS tracker on him and what has it done to settle your questions and upset?
Nothing. Zero. Zip.
You’re still writing in asking if he can find a way to sleep with another woman in the few minutes you let him out of your sight.
OP.
This is so not healthy. This is so toxic.
You are never going to be able to trust him. There is no trust. You have put a GPS tracker on him. A GPS tracker.
You’ve become your boyfriend’s stalker.
BREAK UP WITH HIM AND GET SOME COUNSELING.
You need to love yourself more than him and you don’t. You seriously don’t.
You think your value lies in his sexual attraction to you. If he shows his age and lessening stamina, you take it as a rejection.
You have to explore ways to find meaning and purpose in life, beyond if he can get an erection that satisfies your terrified assessment.
You are in an unhealthy and non-sustainable emotional state here, OP.
Perhaps your background and life have set you up to base your happiness and value on the sexual whims of a married man willing to cheat on his wife.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
I truly feel sorry for you. You’ve been heading for this for the past 3 years and you seem to be unable to help yourself.
Get counseling. I’ve said it so many times to you before, I could go back and find all the links.
This is a truly sad situation. I hope you find your path out of it.
GPS tracking your boyfriend.... if you were a man saying he’d put GPS tracking on his girlfriend, the aunts would be suggesting that police be contacted as this reaches the level of coercion and harassment of a very controlling person.
So sad, so very sad.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2016): Can't help but think that you're trying to wind us all up. Every so often you come back and hit us with another bit of crazy.
Your posts are either a wind up or you just don't listen to the advice given and in no way change your M.O. so I'm checking out.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2016): If he wanted to have a tryst, why wouldn't he just leave his phone at home? That way you cannot track him?
WHY would he go through the trouble of going to a store and a parking lot and have someone pick him up and drop him off? Sounds like too much work.
You seem to have a very good imagination.
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (2 October 2016):
 I'm sorry but I lost it at GPS tracker.
You need help and to let this poor man go.
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female
reader, like I see it +, writes (2 October 2016):
 OP, you have posted about this same man many times before. Your posts are a heartbreaking portrait of someone slowly driving herself insane, each time going to greater and more elaborate lengths to try and trap her partner in a lie or find a tiny detail of his life that "proves" he is cheating on you the way he does or did to his wife. A GPS tracker? Really? Here in the US that is typically reserved for people who have committed certain types of crimes and need to be monitored 24/7 by a parole officer. Sorry to be blunt with you, but I can't sugarcoat this - you couldn't paint a picture of a less healthy relationship if you tried. I am amazed your partner consents to this. Most people would not.
You are incredibly resistant - frustratingly so - to the advice that is always, always given to you by multiple aunts here as the truth comes out in your follow-ups: end the relationship and seek professional counseling. But here it is again, for good measure.
End the relationship, and seek professional counseling.
Please. You need it. Get out of this toxic caricature of a relationship while you still have a fighting chance of regaining control of your emotional health and, with professional help, being able to trust someone who is better for you in the future when that person comes along. Otherwise when this man tires of his partner treating him like a criminal (and he will) or your constant surveillance tactics catch him cheating on you (and they might) you will find yourself alone and struggling with trust issues that may haunt you for the rest of your life.
Take back your personal power and LEAVE.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2016): Didn't you already post about this?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2016): You need help, not answers dear.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (2 October 2016):
Possible, but not likely. What *is* definite is that you've gone way too far. You should *never* put a GPS on your partner, like he's a runaway pet.
Seriously, OP, this is borderline abusive because it's so controlling and manipulative.
Please see a therapist to get to the root of your issues and heal from whatever is causing them. Nobody should live the way you're demanding your boyfriend does. How would you feel if your child or family member was being monitored like that?
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (2 October 2016):
 I think anything is possible but you won't know for sure unless you put the gps tracker in his ass. Although I think this is too much hassle just to cheat. A desperate teenager might try something like that but for a guy who's mid age? Sex is just sex, when you are getting old it's not something you have to go out of your way for it. I agree, why have a relationship when you have to worry every time he goes out?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2016): Of course he could have had sex in an hour. He didn't need to leave the store he could have done it in the toilets, or in his/her car. Sex can last as short a time or as long as you want it to.
Why are you still together? He's your bf and you have to track him and he has to account for every hour of the day. Seriously - do you think that's ok?
Either he's the biggest cheater ever, in which case dump him or you are very controlling in which case he should dump you.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 October 2016):
 Jeez woman What kind of relationship is that?
Slap a GPS tracker on him and monitor him?! Are you his probationary officer?
It sounds utterly DYSFUNCTIONAL and TOXIC.
Why are you so desperate to stay with someone you don't trust at all? Why are you driving yourself nuts thinking that you can somehow CONTROL what he does by monitoring him? The ONLY thing you are doing is MAKE yourself LOOK crazy and ACT crazy.
Now with that said, sure he can have a tryst in an hour if that is what he wants. REGARDLESS of you monitoring him.
And SURE he could have spent an hour at Home Depot and not found anything he wanted to buy. I can spend 2 hours at Home Depot and not buy anything. And I could spend 15 minutes there and spend a little fortune if I HAD the money.
You need help. And you need to reevaluate your relationship and your life. This is not healthy AT all.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 October 2016):
 If'n I were your "boyfriend".... and knew you distrusted me so much.... I'd do as he did and - if necessary - go meet a very expensive hooker and pay her to get nik-nik.... just to pi$$ you off... and, then, would tell you to take a hike.....
WHAT kind of "relationship" to the two of you have?????
Good luck...
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