A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts please advise me. I met a guy at a cafe. Everytime I go in he stared at me. I started to fancy him too and we would stare and smile at each other. I broke the ice and we exchanged numbers. I hinted going out on a light date but he backed off as he thought I meant in the evening. I felt a little hurt and the next time I saw him I told him. He apologised. I said I was looking for a friend and am not looking for a relationship just yet. He said it was the nicest thing I have said. The last time I went to the cafe he keep trying to catch my eyes but I ignored him. He then disappeared and I did not see him again for the evening.Did I hurt him? I would like to get to know him as a friend and see how things go from there. If I keep acting like I am not interested will this put this off. I am scared to smile and talk to him now for fear he thinks I am coming on to him.Any advice welcome.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 October 2016):
 Maybe this guy wants a friend . And you, do you want him as a friend ? JUST , only as a friend ?...
Apparently not ; you say you " fancy " him, and you hinted for a date.
One does not have dates with platonic friends.
This is not being negative- this is calling a spade, a spade.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 October 2016):
 We are not always negative or thinking the worst. We just see when some people need a little help to see that they are chasing a dead end. Why ask the question if you are not prepared to hear advice from people trying to help?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2016): OP
I am really confused. This guy has changed since I started seeing him. The last time he saw me he was walking around like a Cheshire Cat with a big smile on his face. He continues to stare at me. He has made me feel happy in myself.
The other day he caught me on my own and apologised for misunderstandings. We talked for ages, from the conversation, this is a guy who needs a friend.
I will continue to hold a hand out and see how it goes.
I don't know why some people always so negative and think the worst on here.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (10 October 2016):
It sounds like he is not interested in you. Maybe you read to much in to it. It is possible he is already in a relationship. Either way I think you should cut your losses.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2016): OP
Why would he say he is not interested in an affair then put a smily face after it?
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (9 October 2016):
 Yep. What Cindy said.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (9 October 2016):
No, you did not " scare him off " - there's nothing spooky for a grown up man - out of teenhood- in realizing that he caught some lady's eye. Knowing that someone thinks you are attractive or interesting is flattering, not scary.
He might very simply not be interested, for dozens of reasons which do not reflect on you . You might be very attractive and interesting yourself, but he could nevertheless not desire to pursue anything with you, for a tons of reasons. Maybe he is taken. May be he is gay. Maybe he loves his singlehood and his casual sex and does not want to do anything that interferes with his current lifestyle. Maybe he has a policy to date only ....add an adjective ( blondes, and you are a brunette; Catholics and you are a Protestant; other waitresses and you are a brain surgeon... you know what I mean ).
So don't take it as if there's anything wrong with you, but FWIW, I think we have no sale here. You hinted a " light " date... a date is a date, whether it is at daytime or at nightime, a short one or a long one... I think he just was not so keen on going on a date with you. Otherwise, once cleared the misunderstanding and known that you did not mean " going out at night "... well, then why didn't he proceed to let you have your daytime light date as per your program ?
I know you said that you want to know him as a friend - and see how things can go from there. I am afraid it is with the second part of the program he does not want to cooperate.
In other words, if you are honest with yourself you only want to make friends with him not because you ardently need a new friend,but to see if he could be bf material, or lover material . But the way he acted, I get the feeling that he does NOT want to "see how things go ".
He KNOWS you are interested, so , if any, the ball would be in his court- you should do nothing special to remind him of your interest. Neither though you should be afraid of opening your mouth in case he thinks you are hitting on him. Why don't you try to be as normal and natural and possible ? Friendly, but not overly friendly . Smile if you feel like smiling, just don't stare at him with a smile plastered on. If there's the chance , and the time, to exchange a couple of words about something, take it why not - but do not try and invent it.
In short, treat him same as you'd treat any other kind, cute, friendly server whom you are NOT evaluating for further developments.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2016): My guess would be that as soon as he thought you might compromise his current relationship, i.e. where he spends his evenings, he backed off.
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