A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Why do I get asked out by guys who are married or who are similar to the losers who made my life miserable before. I am a 53 year old woman with grown children and one still at home. Never been married. I am very independent with my own houses. Work as cabin crew and most say i look at least 12 years younger than what I am.I look after myself and workout a lot. Recently met a barrister at one of my social hangouts. the second time he asked me to escort him to a function he was attending. I asked why he did not take his wife. He also tried to get a coffee date. I felt really angry - why could he not be my take and unmarried. I politely turned him down. Trying to main a friendly relationship. I felt that he saw he as an attractive free escort! He knows that I am single with children.There is a guy that I am interested in. I feel the attraction is mutual as he offered his number and he still flirts with me but he has not yet asked me out. He made it clear that he does not have affairs. I made it clear that I don't have affairs either and would like to get to know more about him. I am taking it slow with him as he is totally different to my usual type. Maybe its because I am not used to guys taking a while and the types I normally end up with are all so forward.Has anyone got any wise words of advice for me.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 October 2016):
 Hopefully it is not a pity date and he is genuine. Nobody is being negative to you hear, just like you said on your last post, we are all trying to help. We have nothing to gain here only taking time out of our day to help other people. I don't understand why people ask questions if they don't like to hear different opinions. I hope the date goes well and he proves us all wrong.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2016): OP
Thank you all for your responses. I can not have a relationship with any one without first becoming friends. I have had two long relationships in my life and to day we have returned to being friends whether distant or not. This guy is Spanish and there was a communication break down where he thought i suggested a coffee he thought I meant at night due to the time I sent the text. You rightly assumed that he invented a partner to put me off as I appeared to be coming on to him too quickly and it frigtened him. We have met since and he has apologised and we have been out for a coffee and had a good chat and have even arranged to go to see a band in a couple of weeks. So thank you to all those who suggested I take things slowly. It does pay off. Thank you again,
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 October 2016):
 Patience does pay off -if there's a pay off to be had.
The pay off is dubious if we are still talking about the gym guy ( which I am not sure about, then again you haven't denied it or corrected our assumptions ).
Since he told you he does not do affairs- and you told him you do not do affairs- then , since supposedly he has a partner, how would your date fit into it ? Should he not break up with his partner before taking someone else on dates ?. Would not that be, at the very least, an emotional AFFAIR ?
Otherwise if he wants to take you out just to make friends- great, you have the chance to make a new platonic friend. But that isn't exactly what you had in mind , is it ?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (18 October 2016):
If this is the guy from the gym, he is not "taking a while" , he is just not wanting any of it.
He told you that he has a partner who would not like him going out on dates, right ? ( while his FB status said
" single " )
So, either he does have a partner and he is not interested in getting a second one- or, worse, he does not have a partner and he invented one to stave you off .
Why is it so hard to accept that there maybe ONE man who is not into you ? This is no reflection on you, your attractiveness, your desirability , your personality.
It's obvious that you interest men because you always attract much attention, even if unwanted and too forward.
If there's one who is not responsive- it's not the end of the world. You can't be literally everbody's cup of tea ! - which does not mean that you aren't a very sweet, fragrant tea anyway :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2016): Original Poster- thank you all for your comments particularly "you can not be serious". I seem to be sending out the wrong signals to the men who are wrong for me. I m happy to say that the guy I have waited patiently for who gave me his number just a few weeks ago has finally stepped up and we have a date. It's been difficult due to both of us working shifts. So patience foes pay off. It's a good thing I follow my head and not take to heart some if the negative comments.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (17 October 2016):
Is this the same guy from the gym? If it is then really you need to let him go. I believe you are attractive and he does flirt with you. But to me it is part off his job and you are beginning to sound clingy and needy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2016): Hi are you the poster that has posted several times about this guy that works at your gym who made up a partner to put you off him? If so then there's not much to say other than he's made it clear that he's only interested in friendship. It doesn't mean you aren't attractive you just aren't for him.Unfortunately the pool of available people does dwindle as we age and there are plenty of married men, bored in long marriages that will try it on.I find the best thing to do is focus on yourself, keep busy, find new hobbies and make new friendships then hopefully you will find someone in good time that's really interested in you.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (16 October 2016):
 Yes. Be patient, hang in there and DON'T LOWER YOUR STANDARDS for anyone.
If only the world had more people like you who were not prepared to settle for whatever they could get.
You go, girl!
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