A
female
age
41-50,
*ammy79
writes:I have been single for about 4 months now after coming out of a 3 year relationship, I have recently been thinking of him again the relationship ended on bad terms. Its coming up to christmas and it will be weird without him should i send him a christmas card and a small present through th post or not? it was a messy breakup, what if he thinks im after something? which i am not Im just doing it out of kindness what should i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2016): A simple card maybe. Gift? No. I guarantee he is not having this same dilemma. Prepare to be very disappointed.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (12 October 2016):
 As you can see, OP, everyone here gets the sense that there would be more to this Christmas gift than a simple, so strings attached overture of friendship. And if we're thinking it, you can bet he will be as well.
Four months may seem a long time, but it really isn't.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2016): Keep moving forwards and dont look back. Don't give him the power to hurt you again. Keep the wound healing and don't reopen it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2016): I had an ex send me a Xmas gift once. We'd broken up the previous May. Tbh I found it weird and felt he was after something so I ignored it.
Do you expect a response? If so what kind? It ended on bad terms so if he ended it he's likely to be irritated by your gift and if you ended it he'll most likely think you want to get back with him.
Reconnecting with an ex is always unwise unless it's essential.
I agree, if you want to be kind then give something to a charity. They'll appreciate it much more.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 October 2016):
 I think you are curious to see if he will respond to this, maybe ask you to meet up and you are wondering does he still have feelings for you.
Look sweetie he is an ex for a reason, I am sure you have spent the last four months working hard to get over him and move forward, don't undo all your hard work now. Don't send him anything, try and keep yourself busy with family and friends so you don't miss him to much over the holidays.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 October 2016):
 I think you are not doing it out of kindness but more to see if it opens a door... bad breakups leave a bad feeling and we all want to feel good.
Don't send a gift or a card. Move on. Contact with ex partners is never a great idea and often blows up in your face.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (11 October 2016):
 No, you have broken up - move on with your life.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 October 2016):
 Of course he will think you are after something ; it would be a most natural assumption .
Exes generally do not exchange gifts even if they parted in good terms; imagine after a messy breakup !
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 October 2016):
 If it was a messy breakup, then no, don't send him anything. It will just send the wrong message. Why would you send him anything, it's not customary, and if it was messy then I presume you are not on friendly terms either. It'd be okay if you were friends, friends give each other gifts. But ex boyfriend and ex girlfriends do not gift one another.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 October 2016):
 I'm with Auntie BimBim
What is your REAL motivation here? Olive branch? REkinle some kind of contact?
What do you hope will happen if you do send something?
You said it ended badly os why the need to reach out?
I agree, that there are MANY charities who would benefit a million times more from a small donation over an ex whom you ended a relationship with in a bad and messy way. That is if you just WANT to be kind.
I would find it VERY odd to be on the receiving end of a card and gift from someone whom I was no longer with and whom I had a bad break up with. I would definitely think there were ulterior motives.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (11 October 2016):
 There's really no point. He would probably start reading into it and who knows how he would react.
It's not worth revisiting, just let it be.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (11 October 2016):
 ask yourself the questions, the first question would be "why am I considering this?"
Be honest with yourself because quite frankly "to be kind" doesn't quite cut it!
What do you think his reaction to receiving a gift would be and what are you HOPING his reaction will be?
If you are feeling kind and need to express that kindness you will get more bangs for your bucks buy donating a toy to the salvos for their Christmas drive or a handbag filled with toiletries to a women's shelter.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2016): No harm sending him a card. But I would not send a gift . It would like you are trying to buy him back. Also you are looking for a form if contact from him.
I did something similar with my ex with whom I rekindled but still not happy with. I felt rather foolish afterwards. He would never do that for me. I think I took him by surprise. It made me realise that I was trying to buy his affections.
Hop this helps.
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