A
female
age
26-29,
*LTNCL
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost two months. My boyfriend was talking to his friend about his friend's sex life. His friend was at a bar that time telling my boyfriend that there are lots of girls there, inviting my boyfriend to go there. My boyfriend said yes but some other time. I saw then a picture he sent to his friend. A picture of a girl. And then the next thing he said was "I want to fuck a girl who looks like this." The girl in the picture looks nothing like me. He is a virgin. So am I. We make out never had sex. And when I just saw that I got really hurt because he has a girlfriend and he talks like he doesn't have one. He doesn't know that I snooped his facebook account. I don't know what to do.Should I tell him I snooped his facebook account? Should I tell him about what I saw? Should I just ignore it cause we're both doing fine right now?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 October 2016):
 Obviously you don't trust him when you where invading his privacy, so yes probably best you end things.
A
female
reader, defer2ok  +, writes (19 October 2016):
Listen to what wiseowle has to say perfect advice from a perfect source.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 October 2016):
 Eh that's locker room talk. And locker room talk can get you in trouble- ask Donald Trump :)
I can understand you are mortified, and if he were an older man, I'd find this episode more disturbing and offensive, but- a young man in your age range ? And virgin too ! That's to be expected- part raging hormones , and part posturing, you know " that's the way bad ass grown up males talk " ( ...hopefully not ! ).
I would not be too concerned in your place.
In fact, what I find more curious, and worrisome, is that after just two months of dating , you felt the need to snoop on him. Why is that ? Do you feel normally so insecure ? Do you think you do not have what it takes to attract and keep men, in general, or this boy in particular ? Did you have to stryggle to " get him " and now you are afraid that you like him more than he likes you ?...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2016): Here's a list of the quickest ways I know how to get rid of a boyfriend:
1) Being insecure- Strong confident females keep boyfriends longer. They don't need validation from males, and their self-esteem isn't based on his opinion of what females should look like. You are who you are, and chosen for that.
2) Jealousy- Being suspicious and comparing yourself to every female around him and within his eye-sight will drive you nuts. It is foolish competing with fantasies. Fantasies are figments of the imagination and created from dreams and mental-images beyond the realm of reality. You can't compete with the imagination of a man. It changes by the minute. You can have a favorite flower, but flowers come in thousands of colors, shapes, and sizes. How do you really choose?
3) Snooping- If you feel you're staying a step ahead, or getting unfair advantage by intruding on his privacy, you are proving how insecure you are. It may even mean you don't trust yourself, and didn't make a choice in men you are capable of handling. It proves your skill in choosing your match is based on the superficial, not on his character. It means you rushed and didn't take time to know him before you committed to him. You were desperate for a boyfriend, and didn't make sure he was right for you first.
4) Trust issues- If you can't trust anyone, you can't be trusted. You don't have the power of decision-making, because you don't trust your own judgement. You're damaged from previous experiences, and didn't learn anything. You instead chose to empower the man over your feelings, not maintain your own power over your emotions, actions, and thoughts.
5) Nagging and bitching- You made a bad choice if you have to constantly tell him what to do and how to behave. He'll get tired of listening, and eventually do exactly what he was falsely accused of doing. He will shutdown and stop hearing you. He will never be honest or communicate his real feelings to you. He knows you are only concerned about your own feelings, and totally oblivious to his.
Good guys deserve good ladies. If you discover red-flags, then know when to let him go. If you do let him go, make sure you're not guilty of sabotaging your relationship with immature foolishness as described above. There are a lot of arguments in favor of snooping, but not a single one can prove that the snooping saved their relationship. If he's no good, there were other red-flags you ignored, and snooping only proves you're looking back in hindsight. You didn't check him out before you grabbed the label girlfriend. You wouldn't blindly buy a used-car first; then have it checked for what's wrong with it. Don't commit to a guy like that.
Nobody's perfect, and guys do guy-talk. Guy-talk is stupid, comprised of a mixture of exaggerations, lies, and truths. Most guys don't believe each other. It's mostly posturing and to impress. We trash-talk and spout bullsh*t to each other. You will never fully understand how men think. So your power comes from knowing who you are, making good choices, and learning from your mistakes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2016): You've been dating two months and you felt you had to snoop on his Facebook. Clearly you realise this guy isn't someone to be trusted. Any normal relationship doesn't leave you wanting to look through their messages secretly - especially after only 2 months, you guys should still be having fun.What do you do? Well just dump him, say you don't think he's ready for a relationship as your both still young and you don't need to make it complicated saying you'd been snooping. Although before you start a new relationship you should make sure you are with someone you trust enough that you aren't looking through their messages. That is not the way to have a healthy relationship x
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