A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I lost my virginity at 22 and have been a late bloomer but enjoy sex a lot. I am very selective too. But I feel like I am not getting enough sex? I am picky and have had few relationships, just a few lovers but that fizzled out because we werent sexually compatible but i hear from friends about girls that sleep with their bf or fwb 3X a day and I get insanely jealous. My best sex was an ex/fwb from a few years agoI am very picky but I am depress that I have not been able to find someone to have sex or be in love and then have sex. Other than that I am a good girl and dont drink, party, or do drugs. But sex is something I think about 10X a day and I often pass guys in public or so and wonder sex would be like with themI do masturbate many times a week and have a toy or two. So its not that I dont get off, I do but I miss that human touch, esp being with a man. that feeling is like nothing else, my ex was able to give me a sex high that would last for days. Ive declined many offers from male friends because im not attracted to them too but im also seeking sex with a guy im attracted to....And i dont think Im addicted to sex because my drive seems to be high but it doesnt impact my ability at work, drive, etc or whatnot but I get jealous when I hear that a girl is having lots of sex or if I see a movie with some sexy action, I immediately get sad. Downside is that Ive started eating more past few months and have gained some weight (10-15lbs)due to being sad about this. I really would like some perspective. thanks.
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at work, drugs, jealous, lost my virginity, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (14 October 2016):
 Just a little P.S.
I went out with a guy once who could "perform" 10 times a day/night. I swear. I counted!
Do you know what? It was the worst sex I have ever had. It was frantic "jack rabbit" sex. I got very little from it in terms of pleasure. It was all about his (very quick) satisfaction. I was extremely happy to "trade in" for a guy who could do it only once or twice in a session, but who took his time and made me feel like I was part of the love making, not just a receptacle for his you-know-what.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (14 October 2016):
 CINDY CARES is right on the money!
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (14 October 2016):
CINDYCARES is right...You need quality sex, not quantity.
You said it yourself "my ex was able to give me a sex high that would last for days"
Masturbation will never help. Yes you get off, but if it truly helped, you would not need sex. Masturbation is like gas on a fire. It only increases your need for sex...Which leads into a whole set of problems on it's own. It creates a need so bad, that some people will do things they would not normally do, just to have sex. Some start off with a toy, then move into other things trying to get that sexual release, and end up in the ER to have objects removed, or their vagina repaired from too much masturbation.
Being picky is good. Weed out the good from the bad. Try looking for a guy to love first, and leave sex for last.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (14 October 2016):
Why not distract yourself by concentrating on losing the weight you have recently put on and getting fit? This will not only make you feel better about yourself in general but will also ease your feelings of sadness as exercise releases "happy hormones".
And you never know who you might meet in the process.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 October 2016):
 I don't think this is about sexual gratification per se.
I don't think it's a problem of quantity, but of quality.
If you were just after having many orgasms- you could simply crank up a notch your masturbation schedule and please yourself a few times a DAY, rather than a week- problem solved. Or, you could widen your selection criteria to include casual encounters with guys that you are not wildly attractive, yet they have a penis and can do the job.
As you say yourself, what you are missing is the " human touch ": The closenes, the tenderness, the intimacy. The attention. The high of feeling special in the eyes of someone who feels special to you ( at least as a sex partner ). Maybe you feel a bit lonely..Defitely, skin-hungry.
That's not a sexual deprivation thing ! it's emotional , psychological lack of fulfillment. And it's very normal; why should you NOT miss what you had , and why should you feel "wrong " for missing it. You used to have something that made you feel good , now that it's not readily available you miss the good old vibes.
What to do about it ? Nothing :). You are handling this just fine, you are not allowing your cravings to take over your whole life, nor to force you to choices you'd be ashamed of right after. I think you will have to learn to live with the slighty uncomfortable feelings that you are feeling now, until the next time ( hopefully soon ! )when you meet someone you can and WANT to be intimate with.
As you say, it's not as if this problem were interfering with your regular daily life. It's just making you a bit sad , but... try to see it this way :
suppose you are in vacation in some beautiful beach resort , in a luxuriant landscape- and there are mosquitoes. SOME mosquitoes, not a whole thick cloud of them which could ruin your holiday. Just enough to prick you and making you itchy a few times a day, for a few seconds. Well, so be it then- : the sun is still warm, and the view still breathtaking, and the breeze still refreshing ... you are STILL having a good vacation- with a few mosquitoes here and there . Nothing to be sad about...
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (14 October 2016):
 Haha what a question to have.
I wouldn't say it's an issue unless it's affecting your daily life and you said it isn't, so I think it's quite normal to have a craving for sex, especially being at a young age, but I think it's good of yourself not to just sleep with anyone to curb the feeling.
I'm sure you'll find someone who's sexually compatible with yourself before you know it.
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