Like what
she writes?
... Add *indyCares to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
|
| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
|
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 10 February 2017: Oh so he punched you but he did not mean it. And he apologized immediately after.
That's a good thing, that he is so polite , and quick to see when he is in the wrong. So, at least, once he has made you end up in a wheelchair or six feet unde... (read in full...)
Met a guy on Tinder. Was he just after a hook-up?
Q. So I matched with a man on tinder Who was visiting my city for a week... I was surprised that I even went out with him bc I want a real relationship but he seemed really interesting. he actually asked me to coffee so wasn't really a hook up sitch...
A. 30 November 2016: Uhm, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck... I mean, I doubt that a man would go on Tinder to seek the future mother of his children. Tinder is geared to hooking up, or anyway, even for people able to conduct things a bit more ... (read in full...)
Do I wait for him to come round? Or do I let go?
Q. Could do with some insight here into my situation. I call it a situation because it is not nor never has been a relationship. and my female friends and male friends are offering conflicting advice. so I really am lost. I have a long-term friend...
A. 27 November 2016: ...If he had not wanted to drag you into his "mess ", - he should have not accepted or suggested to meet up and should have not started something physical/ romantic with you. He could have just kept it at platonic friendship level. Even if ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend cheated but I want him back..
Q. I have been in a 2 year relationship, and after the first year I would catch my boyfriend trying to talk to girls once in a while. He always apologised and used excuses such as "i was bored" "i was just trying out my game again" "it dont mean ...
A. 25 November 2016: He was " home " ? Then it was a home of deception, lies and manipulation. A dysfunctional home. You can make a much better home for yourself.
Will he come back ? No and you know why ? Because you won't let him ;) ( wink ). You won't let him beca... (read in full...)
How much should I be involved with friends' love life?
Q. As I grow older I recognise things that make me hurt and angry. One of those things that trigger me is when good friends stay friends with people I dont think are nice people and are mean, Another is friends dating people i dont like, also when ...
A. 25 November 2016: I don't know if I follow your reasoning, OP... It seems to me that we are mixing together separate issues here :
1 ) if you mean that your friends should not hook up with anybody you had " something " in the past, again, I have to insist on " it d... (read in full...)
Should I have to beg this man to see me?
Q. Hi. I would really appreciate some objective advice as I am feeling very confused and stressed. I started seeing a guy 4 months ago. It was going well until he met my 25 yr old daughter who took an instant dislike to him and made it clear ...
A. 24 November 2016: " If I did not want to carry on seeing you, I would tell you ". That's a bit of a cliche', and very often simply not true. Why ? because if they told you, they would stop getting whatever they are getting out of the deal : for instance, ... (read in full...)
How much should I be involved with friends' love life?
Q. As I grow older I recognise things that make me hurt and angry. One of those things that trigger me is when good friends stay friends with people I dont think are nice people and are mean, Another is friends dating people i dont like, also when ...
A. 24 November 2016: Thanks for clarifying , OP- otherwise, it would have been really a strange story leaving all of us scratching our heads:)
Nevertheless, and taking into account the due interval of time, I think my conclusions weren't so off the mark :... big ... (read in full...)
My crush. He's 20, I'm 17. Should I wait 2-3 years for him or not?
Q. I'm a 17-year-old Asian international student. And I'm having a crush on a guy for a few months who is 20 right now. Actually he already had done some sexual stuffs with me although we're not in a relationship. Days ago I confessed to him...
A. 24 November 2016: Noooo don't wait .
You cannot be sure about his feelings ?
I'd say you can be pretty sure. Pretty sure that he is not that into you :
he admitted he does not return your feelings ( at least he has been clear about this )-
a 5 on the scale o... (read in full...)
Should I have given this guy a third chance to meet up?
Q. This guy contacted me on a dating website and he was originally from my area. He is a good listener, has a good sense of humor, and actually knows how to use a phone unlike other guys on the website who seem to like to hide behind texts. We hit it ...
A. 24 November 2016: Don't take it so at heart, OP. Chancing into flakers is part and parcel of the dating site experience. I do not concur with the poster who says that all men are PIGS, yet it is undeniable that many people ( women as well, although somewhat less ... (read in full...)
How much should I be involved with friends' love life?
Q. As I grow older I recognise things that make me hurt and angry. One of those things that trigger me is when good friends stay friends with people I dont think are nice people and are mean, Another is friends dating people i dont like, also when ...
A. 24 November 2016: It gets confusing then !...
Anyway , if the ex roommate is the same your friend is supposed to stay away from, - personally I would file this under " Much ado about nothing ".
An alcoholic , hetero roomate gets drunk and says something out of o... (read in full...)
Should I have to beg this man to see me?
Q. Hi. I would really appreciate some objective advice as I am feeling very confused and stressed. I started seeing a guy 4 months ago. It was going well until he met my 25 yr old daughter who took an instant dislike to him and made it clear ...
A. 24 November 2016: You are not expecting one rule for you and another for him- but .. who got to choose which the rule is ?
Any set of rules can only be applied and can only work if both parties accept them and commit to respect them, in view of a COMMON end.... (read in full...)
How much should I be involved with friends' love life?
Q. As I grow older I recognise things that make me hurt and angry. One of those things that trigger me is when good friends stay friends with people I dont think are nice people and are mean, Another is friends dating people i dont like, also when ...
A. 24 November 2016: Thank you for your update, OP, yet to me it still does not provide enough info to let us saymore than " it depends ".
So, you were in love with your roommmate " for the entirety " .. and then , what happened ?
Were you friendzoned ?, did you ... (read in full...)
What's my best stategy?
Q. I want to ask a girl out but i dont now how to because i want to do it in a creative way since i wont be able to do it in person for a long time....
A. 23 November 2016: Look, I don't want to rain on your parade, but , if you won't be able for a long time to ask her out in person, that also means that you won't be able to actually really GO out with her for a long time if she says yes, right ?
So I guess I woul... (read in full...)
Does he really still care for me?
Q. So I'm trying to figure out if my ex still has feelings for me... We broke up just over 2 months ago, we were together for four month and up until the last 3 weeks our relationship was amazing, we broke up because he had decided he was too busy to ...
A. 23 November 2016: Probably he realized that things got out of hand after the break up and there was unnecessary pettiness from both sides, so he took the chance of the message you sent him by mistake to be civil and bring things back to a mature, polite level.
H... (read in full...)
How much should I be involved with friends' love life?
Q. As I grow older I recognise things that make me hurt and angry. One of those things that trigger me is when good friends stay friends with people I dont think are nice people and are mean, Another is friends dating people i dont like, also when ...
A. 23 November 2016: Oh my, it must be quite a demanding job to be your friend and to abide by all your rules and regulations !
" If you are not WITH me- you are AGAINST me ": do you know who used to say that ?
Mussolini. It did not end happily for him.
Y... (read in full...)
The professor and the student...are we bad for having sexy fun?
Q. I am not going to lie and say I regret this or that this is anything serious. He works at my university as a professor, and yes i am a student there. However, he is in a completely different department to me. He is 38 I am 22 and our university...
A. 23 November 2016: Interesting. So in such a short time he has been downgraded from " meet the parents " to " naughty sexual fun " ?..
You've posted already a couple of times, one quite recently. And your problem was that, although your parents know that you gene... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my uncaring in-laws over the holidays?
Q. Just to spare you the medical details: A few weeks ago, out of nowhere my elderly mom had to be hospitalized for a medical emergency. After 5 days she was released to a nursing home, but on Hospice. She Can no longer walk nor hold a conversation, ...
A. 23 November 2016: Regardless of how uncaring and uninvolved your in laws were - I don't see why you should spend this Thanksgiving with them. Frankly I am even a bit surprised you'd consider the idea.
Forget " uncaring " for a sec- as you said, you are after no "... (read in full...)
I'm having a hard time getting over her
Q. I've posted about this female in questions a few times before. Basically I'm having a really hard time getting over her and I'm questioning my sanity and what else I can do to get over how I'm feeling. To cut a long story short, a FWB that didn't ...
A. 21 November 2016: N91 I have a suggestion which is a variation on Ciar's. I read it on a self help book about anxiety, and, strangely enough.. it works, at least it worked for me and all the friends I passed it along to, when there's a problem of obsessing over ... (read in full...)
The guy who meant nothing to her in her past got to live out his fantasy while I, despite being her boyfriend, don't get the same privilege. Isn't it unfair?
Q. I guess the question I have is what do I do? About 3 years ago before my girlfriend met me she had sex with a girl while a guy she occasionally hooked up with watched. They were all out at the pub and the girl was interested in her and the guys ...
A. 21 November 2016: OP, what part of " I did not like it " you did not understand ?
Is it unfair that she does not want to replicate with you a sexual experience which she did not like ? Not at all. She does not OWE you to do anything sexual that she would find... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is too controlling and I feel like running away
Q. I've been in a relationship with a girl for 3 years now. I lost my job 3 months ago. I've been busy Monday through Friday teaching part-time and learning some new stuff. I told her that I'd be hanging out with my friends on a Friday's night. She ...
A. 19 November 2016: It depends. From many variables.
For instance : what does exactly mean " hanging out with friends on Friday" ? Somehow I coìan't think that your gf is such a harpy ,that she is against you going to a friend's house to watch TV and shoot the bree... (read in full...)
Had enough. What now? I'm honestly so ready to run, but I truly love my husband.
Q. My husband and refuses to stand up for me when it comes to his crazy family. I was harassed during my husband's deployment. I have been through hell and back and defended my husband but I can't get the same in return. I always thought he would...
A. 19 November 2016: OP, they are his family- his parents. Maybe they aren't nice people - not everybody is blessed with doting, caring, loving parents / siblings , as strange as this may sound to people who had that blessing in their life and never knew it could be ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't act like a boyfriend
Q. So.... My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years and are living together. We rarely argue. My problem is that most of the time I feel like I don't have a boyfriend. No texts or calls from him unless he has a question. When he gets home from work ...
A. 19 November 2016: You are not crazy, you are just like everybody of us :)- when we see people who do things in a different way than we 'd do it ,or acts differently from our expectations, you immediately conclude that there must be something wrong, and probably ... (read in full...)
For me, its not "just a kiss"!
Q. Hi I could use some help. Recently I've just started to doubt a lot of things regarding myself and my future, but this one's going to be about a guy. So there's this guy that im really interested in at work. Infact, I'm possibly falling in love with ...
A. 18 November 2016: ... I knew you were not going to listen :)
Anyway, FWIW :
You KNOW what he wants from you. Deep down you know. Based on the things he does and, even more, on those he omits to do , like taking you out on dates.
You just do not want to know... (read in full...)
Which should choose to attend? Tribute band or the comedy? Both on the same night.
Q. Can anyone advise me on which show to go to tomorrow?. There are two great shows on tomorrow night in the same city. One is a comedy show. The other is a tribute band to a band that I like. I have seen both of them before. I will be going wit...
A. 18 November 2016: Comedy show.
You know the venue already and you know it's good-
You have been a bit depressed lately, and you could use a few laughs. Music can chrer you up too of course, but it's more hit or miss, some times music can also make you very emo... (read in full...)
I am worried about my family's reaction when they see my test results.
Q. Hi there... So a little about me.. I recently moved to a different school and in a different country and Im turning 18 very soon.. So recently, I flew home to visit my parents even though I had tests coming up. And my holiday was just a week, the...
A. 17 November 2016: Uhm.. I get the feeling that you are a bit too lenient with yourself and you ARE actually looking for excuses for your poor results. Ok, let's forget about the boyfriend, let's say he is not a factor in your insuccess (.. but that would depend too, ... (read in full...)
My life is a living hell with this older man
Q. I had a crush with an older man who is about 60-65 not because i like him but because of situations this man will ask for sex all the time and anytime i give him sex i get hurt and sometimes when i say no is a problem too he gets mad at me,he makes ...
A. 17 November 2016: Isn't it intuitive ?... Stop having sex with him. You don't like it, you don't like HIM, you are unhappy, he limits your social life- just end it. You don't OWE sex to anybody. And he can't force you , unless he wants to end up in jail.
T... (read in full...)
For me, its not "just a kiss"!
Q. Hi I could use some help. Recently I've just started to doubt a lot of things regarding myself and my future, but this one's going to be about a guy. So there's this guy that im really interested in at work. Infact, I'm possibly falling in love with ...
A. 17 November 2016: No, you are very wise and clear minded.
While there's nothing wrong ,IMO, in being curious or adventurous or fun-loving with no strings, if this works for you, makes you happy , and reflects your tastes and personality- why the heck one has to b... (read in full...)
My currrent crush is pushing for information on a previous crush.
Q. Me and this girl in my class have been friends. I have always liked her but never told her. A few days ago we decided to go for a movie. I wanted to go out with her a few times before I told her. Yesterday she read my status which was "Sometimes I ...
A. 17 November 2016: Just tell her the truth !. As you said... some day you've got to tell her,if you want to take things to the next level- so might as well now. See it like this : if she is interested ( I think she is , otherwise perhaps she would not even have ... (read in full...)
Everytime I turn around she needs money.
Q. I am currently in a LDR and it has become frustrating how financially dependent she has become. We were in this situation when we lived in the same town, however, I was living at home and didn't pay any bills while working. Now I am living on my own ...
A. 17 November 2016: Just tell her ! Not angry or confrontational. Just nice simple, and final : "I am very sorry, but I cannot give you any more money . Before I was able to help you because, as you know, I was still living home and not paying any bills, but now ... (read in full...)
Do women like men with deep voices?
Q. This girl at work, she's a sweetheart, always looks so positive and full of energy. I've been feeling like she avoids me a lot, so one day I talked to her about it and though she was really friendly, she said that i was a bit intimidating, my voice ...
A. 17 November 2016: Aw come on- how deep can your voice be, to keep women at bay. I doubt that you really sound scary,like an ogre from a fairy tale . Even those cavernous, almost outerwordly voices that " deep bass " roles require in some operas, say, Verdi or ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend have two separate Snapchat accounts on one phone?
Q. Is it possible for your boyfriend to have two separate Snapchat accounts on one phone? Just today I went to Add Friends from contacts in my address book and I saw my boyfriend's name under another user name and it said ADD beside his name. I alre...
A. 16 November 2016: OP, no, I had figured out that you did not mean that his nickame is LITERALLY " Jewish Grandmother ", lol, but just a word for J.G., - like Bubbe or Bubbele, for instance. And in this age of globalization, ...I think lots of people know a few ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend have two separate Snapchat accounts on one phone?
Q. Is it possible for your boyfriend to have two separate Snapchat accounts on one phone? Just today I went to Add Friends from contacts in my address book and I saw my boyfriend's name under another user name and it said ADD beside his name. I alre...
A. 16 November 2016: Yes, the best thing is that you wait for him to be back and discuss this in person. In the meantime, though, I'll try to alleviate you with my opinion, which, FWIW, is : I don't think you have got a lot to worry about , probably this is an account ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend cheated on me but claims she was taken advantage of, what do I do?
Q. My girlfriend and i have been dating for about two months now, and it's been a semi long distance relationship with her going to a different college than me about 30 minutes away. We argue here and there about little things but at the end of the ...
A. 16 November 2016: She cheated on you. Consciously.
To me the crucial point is " he kept her asking her to come to his room, and she kept saying no... " Well, then how did she end up in his room ?
Did he drag her in there forcibly ? Like a potato sack ?
If not..... (read in full...)
Why does he never offer to pay for the hotel?
Q. I travel quite a lot and 3-4 times a year I fly through one country where I met a guy who I really like. Sometimes it's a lay over, sometimes it's a couple days stay. We always meet and it's usually just amazing. Sex is amazing and I really enj...
A. 16 November 2016: .. But free does not only mean " free of costs "
( although, personally ,I believe that this is a factor too- because if your encounter should cost him any " real " money, i.e. more than the occasional snack , you'd see him lose interest... ) bu... (read in full...)
Should I just got my losses and never think about what could have happened between us?
Q. Hey wondering if you can help. There's this girl I knew from my childhood, we recently bumped into each other after not seeing each other for at least 6 years and decided to go down the pub (as friends). We got on incredibly well and decided t...
A. 16 November 2016: She just told you " I am sorry, I can't do that "... and you'd follow up with "... I hope we can pick things up when I am back ?". Not a smart move. Sweet and well meaning, yes, but- possibly even quite annoying : like " what part of " I can't " ... (read in full...)
He is habitually late, and I am VERY punctual!
Q. The guy I've been dating for awhile is often late. . I'm not talking 10 minutes , I mean anywhere from 45 mins to over an hour. I'm a very punctual person so habitual latesness is my pet peeve. I've tried to tell him about this but it never goes ...
A. 15 November 2016: Well, he IS being rude and inconsiderate - particularly because he is never late to other appointments so he can't even give the excuse that he is a bad planner. Maybe you could retrain him by giving him a taste of his own medicine, as other ... (read in full...)
I just want to know from a womans perspective what my wife may be feeling?
Q. What does intercourse feel like for my 26 year old wife, who has only been with me, until she started having an affair with a man that we both know from the past... we had a threesome with him, which didnt work for me, but my wife started seeing h...
A. 15 November 2016: Why don't you ask your wife ? Then you would have it straight from the horse's mouth - and no ,I can't believe that you are too shy to ask her if you weren't too shy to bring another guy in bed with her .... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's family is refusing to let me stay with them.
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for 18 months now. He is Indian and his family is Muslim. We intend to get married in the next year (not engaged yet) and they know we are serious, but because I am a white blonde girl they treat me completely ...
A. 15 November 2016: Maybe it's not an Indian thing.. but it is definitely a Muslim thing.
Dear OP, I think you are " complaining because your soup is too thick ": it could be much worse. Don't think that just because some immigrant communities westernize them... (read in full...)
My boyfriend admitted he hadn't thought about us living together
Q. I'm 53 and my boyfriend is 55, we're both divorced and have been dating for just over one year. We see each other about 4 times a week, talk and laugh a lot and the relationship has been great. However, I say great, but there are obviously issues ...
A. 15 November 2016: I think there are two different issues here.
One is , basically, that you tought he was in love with you- and he told you he is not. You took his loving affectionate ways to mean " I love you " because that's what it means when YOU do the same... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 15 November 2016: The boy clearly has got big issues and he needs help to solve them. Specialized help, not a doormat girlfriend's help. I know you mean well, but your meekness and your willingnes to go along with his brand of crazy and take the blame for it, ... (read in full...)
I just want to be his friend, but he is taking it slow ...
Q. Hi Aunts and Uncles I met a guy a couple of months ago. We hit it off quite quickly and there is obvious chemistry between us. However, he is very hesitate to allow me to get close to him. I know there is not any one else. I know he has only...
A. 15 November 2016: Maybe he actually does not want to be your friend so he did what you asked : he deleted your number , and moved on.
Friendship and " chemistry " are two very different things. Chemistry relates to the physical- he may have found you attr... (read in full...)
I don’t to give my girlfriend visible hickies or love bites!
Q. Adults only please; this questions is not suitable for young readers. My gf has grown to love rough sex that leaves marks. I oblige but I draw the line at anything visible - often neck hickies or love bits. I don't want others to either see her a...
A. 14 November 2016: But if you draw the line at giving love bites at anything visible- AND she is going to the pool wearing a bikini ,like most women do - then you restrict greatly the biteable areas. Basically, only buttocks and the lower half of her ... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 11 November 2016: No you won't regret it. He is treating you in such an appaling way that there's nothing to regret !
Or, actually, you will regret it at first, for maybe a few weeks. Same as a person who has been living trapped in the city sewers and has got ... (read in full...)
Why does he never offer to pay for the hotel?
Q. I travel quite a lot and 3-4 times a year I fly through one country where I met a guy who I really like. Sometimes it's a lay over, sometimes it's a couple days stay. We always meet and it's usually just amazing. Sex is amazing and I really enj...
A. 11 November 2016: Because it's just sex !, and it is only valuable and amazing etc. as long as it costs him no money and no effort. If he has to shell out cash for this form of entertainment, it's not Worth it for him, - after all, I guess he does not have to wait ... (read in full...)
| *indyCares's friends
These are mutual friends, so *indyCares has
added them and they have added *indyCares!
|
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
