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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 10 February 2017: Oh so he punched you but he did not mean it. And he apologized immediately after.
That's a good thing, that he is so polite , and quick to see when he is in the wrong. So, at least, once he has made you end up in a wheelchair or six feet unde... (read in full...)
Why does he never offer to pay for the hotel?
Q. I travel quite a lot and 3-4 times a year I fly through one country where I met a guy who I really like. Sometimes it's a lay over, sometimes it's a couple days stay. We always meet and it's usually just amazing. Sex is amazing and I really enj...
A. 16 November 2016: .. But free does not only mean " free of costs "
( although, personally ,I believe that this is a factor too- because if your encounter should cost him any " real " money, i.e. more than the occasional snack , you'd see him lose interest... ) bu... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 15 November 2016: The boy clearly has got big issues and he needs help to solve them. Specialized help, not a doormat girlfriend's help. I know you mean well, but your meekness and your willingnes to go along with his brand of crazy and take the blame for it, ... (read in full...)
I don’t to give my girlfriend visible hickies or love bites!
Q. Adults only please; this questions is not suitable for young readers. My gf has grown to love rough sex that leaves marks. I oblige but I draw the line at anything visible - often neck hickies or love bits. I don't want others to either see her a...
A. 14 November 2016: But if you draw the line at giving love bites at anything visible- AND she is going to the pool wearing a bikini ,like most women do - then you restrict greatly the biteable areas. Basically, only buttocks and the lower half of her ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a massive jerk who doesn’t care?
Q. My boyfriend doesn't seem to care about me or get upset when genuinely bad things happen to me. I've had a massive argument with him today and I'm wondering if it's because he's a total jerk or do most people get this way when they can't handle a ...
A. 14 November 2016: . No, rhey aren't- and that's not the intent of counseling, to be a 24 /7 shoulder to cry on. But to give you the tools which will enable you to NOT need an immediate shoulder to cry on 24/7 any time when something unplesant or disturbing happens. ... (read in full...)
Will watching X-rated movies affect my married life?
Q. hey I am indulged in bad sex activities like watching X movies and doing all that stuff …… I want to know will it affect my married life if I continue to do so. please help me...
A. 14 November 2016: Yes it will. You will train yourself to be a bad lover who does all the wrong moves who do NOT work in real life with real women, and also to have totally unrealistic expectations about how sex should be , and be sort of let down and bored when ... (read in full...)
I’m not exactly sure if he likes me!
Q. You heard of the phrase "If a guy likes a girl, he'll go out of his way to be mean to her", but I'm not sure if that's all that true. I'm having an experience with a guy who I personally am torn with what he thinks of me. I'll call him Jay for priv...
A. 14 November 2016: Older woman here :) and I confirm what BrownWolf says.
"If a guy likes a girl he will go out of his way to be mean to her " is true .. in elementary school, and possibly some boys who mature slowly will reproduce in their teen years chil... (read in full...)
Our fights have become over the top!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. We have had our ups and downs. On occasion, I have had to walk away and take a "break," because the arguments become so personal and heated and so incredibly loud, and I cannot stand the insults any ...
A. 14 November 2016: Please you help yourself !
tell him that you owe 100.00 in student loans. Tell him you owe a million ! so hopefully he'll get scared and, run away , and let you free. Free of of voting whom you want, of crying or not crying as you see fit.Of bein... (read in full...)
Why do I feel uncomfortable when people say my name out loud?
Q. I've always been this way since I was little. I get very very uncomfortable when someone says my name or if I hear my name. I have a very unique name in the sense that I've never heard it or seen it before and I still haven't encountered it ...
A. 14 November 2016: Maybe you have a touch of " onomatophobia " ?
There is a whole lot of phobias that people have , some of which quite bizarre, because people can be afraid not only of dangerous or unplesant things, but also of things which are normaly cons... (read in full...)
I feel anxious all the time about my boyfriend and our relationship
Q. I kinda love and hate my boyfriend. We have been together for years and he is ready to marry me. I am sure he wouldnt left me. He is kind of man who will sacrifice physically to save me from any danger. He wont left me behind for sure. He is a h...
A. 14 November 2016: If you feel both love and hate for your fiancee'- you can't marry him and you should not marry him.
Marriage is a big decisison and a big committment which you should enter into only feeling love-love, not love-hate. And even starting with love... (read in full...)
What does it mean when someone describes a man as "sharp"?
Q. Dear Aunts, OK, so I hear this word get thrown around a lot to describe men. 1. One time my coworker said to be aware of my manager because he was sharp. He used to eye me a lot. Whaa? 2. A male friend told me that my crush was sharpe...
A. 14 November 2016: "Sharp " is used, informally, also to mean " sly, cunning " and that may apply to the manager .
The crush : well dressed, and/or, by extension, cool, hip,
" with it ".... (read in full...)
Crush of 7 years is ignoring my hints. Should I confess my feelings to him?
Q. I've liked a guy for 7 years but I don't know how he feels. We used to be classmates but now we live in different cities so we can't meet. We communicate via text. I have kinda dropped hints but I don't know if he knowingly ignores or just doesn't ...
A. 13 November 2016: You said you can't meet !, what would the point be of a love declaration even in case he likes you back ? ( which does not sound too probable anyway, since he has been ignoring 7 years of hints ).
... (read in full...)
I fear I'll regret breaking up with him
Q. I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...
A. 11 November 2016: No you won't regret it. He is treating you in such an appaling way that there's nothing to regret !
Or, actually, you will regret it at first, for maybe a few weeks. Same as a person who has been living trapped in the city sewers and has got ... (read in full...)
Why does he never offer to pay for the hotel?
Q. I travel quite a lot and 3-4 times a year I fly through one country where I met a guy who I really like. Sometimes it's a lay over, sometimes it's a couple days stay. We always meet and it's usually just amazing. Sex is amazing and I really enj...
A. 11 November 2016: Because it's just sex !, and it is only valuable and amazing etc. as long as it costs him no money and no effort. If he has to shell out cash for this form of entertainment, it's not Worth it for him, - after all, I guess he does not have to wait ... (read in full...)
Why won't my friend give me a chance?
Q. Hi I am a 52 year old man who has been in love with a female friend for 20 yrs I have helped her through many rough times. she does know how I feel but says she doesn't know why she won't give me a chance I know I would make her and her Childrens ...
A. 10 November 2016: Because she just does not like you in THAT way, she just cannot see you in the guise of a lover. It's not to be mean to you , she just does not feel it and she cannot force herself just to be nice .
" Give me a chance " is easier said than done... (read in full...)
Does he have too much baggage?
Q. I'm dating a guy that is a 100% gentleman, is God-fearing, has a great job, is goal-driven and has committed to being celibate with me..But, he is divorced (for 5 years now), and has two children (10 years old and 7 years old). He's 33, so I can ...
A. 10 November 2016: Sure it could work. Why not. It just depends about how you feel personally about certain things: like, how would you feel about being a stepmom ? Would you resent sharing his love, time, and financial resources with his childcren, or that would ... (read in full...)
Why isnt he replying the date is 3 days away
Q. I have arranged a date with a man i know ( we dont see each other out its more of a facebook friendship ) the date is set for this weekend . I have messaged him to confirm times and place to meet but he hasnt replied for a week ! why would someone ...
A. 10 November 2016: No way I would wait until Friday, I would colour him gone right now.
One week is more than enough to make up his mind and / or to pit together some sort of an answer. At the very least, he could have replied a vague but polite, " Sorry, I can'... (read in full...)
I broke off a 3 year affair and all he said was ok
Q. Hi, I've been seeing a married man(ex), for 3 years now. I finally got the guts to say "I can't do this anymore, I need more". It was really hard to say this to him since I still love him. He just said to me "ok". nothing else. not why, are you ...
A. 10 November 2016: You seem to be complaining about this ; why ? shouldn't you be happy ?
Once you have decided to terminate a relationship, doing it with the least fuss, the least opposition, the least arguments that's possible, should be a positive result !
Unle... (read in full...)
Was my husband going to do something behind my back?
Q. We were out of town with another couple for a concert.And we all stayed in the same hotel but on different rooms.After the concert the four us had quite a bit of alcohol through out the night.We decided to go back to the other couples room and drink ...
A. 9 November 2016: I don't think he was going to try doing anything behind your back, at least not in that occasion. With the other guy just sitting there in front of him ?! And you coming back any minute ( as it punctually happened ) ?!
This seems strictly like... (read in full...)
Do I have cancer? I'm really scared!
Q. So it's been a long journey of worrying myself sick and feeling scared and alone. About a year ago I had sex for the first time. I'm not gunna go into to much detail but yes I did use a condom. Long story short.. I developed a little bump where my ...
A. 9 November 2016: Mild dysplasia means that the skin cells of the cervix are reproducing slightly quicker than normal . The cells are slightly plumper than they should be and they have larger, darker nuclei.
This is NOT cancer, but it does have SOME pre-... (read in full...)
When is the right time to introduce my boyfriend to my parents and how do I do so?
Q. Hi. When is the right time to introduce my boyfriend to my parents? I have never brought a guy to meet my parents but with the one I am dating now, I feel the need to do so. We have been together for six months but knew eachother more than three ...
A. 8 November 2016: I think you are overthinking this a bit. Keep it simple.
Say " Mom, this meatloaf / lasagna/ cake / whatever is delicious ! what do you say if one of these evenings I bring Jim over so he can taste some ? ". Variation for modern, in career / non ... (read in full...)
I thought we had something but now I'm thinking we are just a casual relationship
Q. Omg! So, we met online and have dated a few times. Taken the relationship to another level, had amazing sex, a few times now. and now,after just 7 weeks booked to go away together. All fantastic, I thought. However, he has been acting strangely the ...
A. 8 November 2016: No, you are not reading too much into it, you are reading it just like it is. This guy is still shopping around ( and being secretive about it, because he had told you he was going to cancel his subscription. But maybe he'd call it " discrete " , ... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend hates me for no reason
Q. Hi My ex boyfriend hates me for no reason. He changed into a very nasty horrible person after he admitted he was taking tablets I think for depression. Sex went out the window as well I thought he was cheating but he said it was medication. I was al...
A. 7 November 2016: I don't think he " hates " you. Why would you say that ? Just because he does not want to talk to you ? Well.. you are his ex. He left you. Some people choose to stay " friends " with their exes- and some do not see what's the point at all. If ... (read in full...)
Sick and tired of being the only responsible one
Q. I am tired of being the only one responsible in our household. I have been with my significant other for almost 8 years. In this time, he's had 4 or 5 jobs, was unemployed for 99 weeks where he collected a check, and didn't have a job a couple other ...
A. 7 November 2016: It depends from where you live. With a bit of luck, you might not be obliged to go through a formal eviction process. Not ALL the States laws say that after living with you for a certain period of time, a person has the legal right to live there ... (read in full...)
I'm uncomfortable saying words about genitals. Help?
Q. Hi there, I'm in my first relationship and have been for 18 or so months. I've got body dysmorphia and I'm waiting for therapy for it, but I'm ashamed of my body. I'm very introverted physically and I've only ever been naked with my current boyfr...
A. 7 November 2016: Ah-ha, cherchez l'homme. So, it's the boy that would love a running commentary ? You don't have this terrible urge to liberate your inner fool-mouth, but you want to please him.
Uhm. Call me thick skulled , if you want, but I still can't see why ... (read in full...)
Sick and tired of being the only responsible one
Q. I am tired of being the only one responsible in our household. I have been with my significant other for almost 8 years. In this time, he's had 4 or 5 jobs, was unemployed for 99 weeks where he collected a check, and didn't have a job a couple other ...
A. 7 November 2016: You don't have to walk away. You have to put him out. By all means necessary. Call the cops if needs be !... (read in full...)
Why aren't my parents happy for me and my boyfriend? I feel like I just can't win with them
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 and a half months and things are going great. For the first time in a long time, I havnt been so happy. And my whole family can see that and have all told me that they are happy I found a decent guy. ...
A. 7 November 2016: Grow a thicker skin ! And become a bit less emotionally dependent from your family's approval, and more tolerant too. As long as YOU are happy- they don't HAVE to be as deliriously happy as you are about your relationship or your boyfriend.
... (read in full...)
I've agreed to be friends, but he is pulling away from me.
Q. So, there is this guy i used to deal with but now we are supposed to be friends. He has been begging me for friendship for the longest once we established that our relationship couldn't go any further due to our military rankings. Initially,, i was ...
A. 7 November 2016: He can very well miss you, at times, AND realize all tis is a waste of time and feelings, since things between you cannot change , so he tries to move on and keeps his distance and gets busy with his own life. Very wisely.
Of course, there may ... (read in full...)
Am I crazy to think my abusive husband might change? I'm pregnant and don't want to break up
Q. I have been married to my husband for 4 years now and we just found out we are pregnant. 8weeks along. He has been mentally and physically abusive in the past. He's locked me out of the house and I stayed with my parents for a long while. He has ...
A. 7 November 2016: It has been told already, but it bears stressing it out again .
Are you crazy ?... In short: yes !!, IF you accept endangering your baby because you are uncomfortable with making changes.
This is not about only you . You are an adult , ... (read in full...)
I'm uncomfortable saying words about genitals. Help?
Q. Hi there, I'm in my first relationship and have been for 18 or so months. I've got body dysmorphia and I'm waiting for therapy for it, but I'm ashamed of my body. I'm very introverted physically and I've only ever been naked with my current boyfr...
A. 7 November 2016: ... It's not mandatory ! maybe talking dirty is not your thing, does not turn you on- and there's nothing wrong or bad in that. It's like any other thing- some people like to have their nipples played with, others hate that, some women like to have ... (read in full...)
My sister in college is in a LDR spending all of her time trying to be with her boyfriend. Family is worried about her!
Q. My sister is younger than me and just started college. Just before she left for college she got a boyfriend. I've never met him but he's met my parents and they say he is very nice. Now she is at college they are about hundreds miles apart and ...
A. 6 November 2016: I am curious to know what you'd want her to do " on campus ". Join a sorority ? Pull pranks involving toilet paper rolls ? Party every night, and wake up with a massive hangover every day ? Get stoned ?, collect hookups like there's no tomorrow ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend using his health as a reason to be lazy
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for three years. In these past three years, he has not has a job, is extremely lazy, relied on me and family to support him. I was on the verge of breaking up with him, then he went to the Doctor's and said he was ...
A. 6 November 2016: I don't see what the symptoms you quote , except for procrastination, have to do at all with being lazy .
For instance I am a lazy person ( not pathologically lazy, not outrageously lazy, but yeah,... quite lazy )yet I am a very punctual pers... (read in full...)
Sick and tired of being the only responsible one
Q. I am tired of being the only one responsible in our household. I have been with my significant other for almost 8 years. In this time, he's had 4 or 5 jobs, was unemployed for 99 weeks where he collected a check, and didn't have a job a couple other ...
A. 6 November 2016: If you know what you need to do- then do it:).
Are you looking for a bit of encouragement in order to proceed ?
Heck, FWIW, you have mine and it's heartfelt - if I could be there , I would hold the door open for you while you put him out by t... (read in full...)
What do ladies think of men who shave everywhere because they are hairy?
Q. What do girls feel about guys who shave their whole body neck to toe because they are overly hairy everywhere otherwise?...
A. 6 November 2016: ... Masculine.. feminine ?.... This is not just about looks and tastes !
This OP, if I got it right is OVERLY hairy EVERYWHERE. Supposedly we are not talking just about your usual hairy chest - more like a Planet of the Apes general effect. In t... (read in full...)
My landlady still hasn't given me a lease to sign but is charging me extra rent for each time my boyfriend stays over. How do I handle this?
Q. Hey guys. Never been in this situation before and could really use a second opinion or two. I moved into a houseshare with a live-in landlady at the beginning of last month. I started off renting a single room, for which my landlady had sti...
A. 5 November 2016: I don't think it is unfair. Not very generous,yes. But not unfair nor illogical.
You pay slightly more for the double bedroom because of the bigger dimensions and greater comfort, BUT for a single occupancy, as agreed initially. It's not havi... (read in full...)
Should I accept the new job?
Q. Hello there, I work as a preschool teacher making 15/hr. Recently I graduated with a Bachelor's in my field of choice and began job hunting. The basic living wage (enough to afford a one bedroom) is 25/hr. But I applied for a job (working with au...
A. 5 November 2016: Yes, accept it. It seems like the only positive thing un your current job is yoir colleagues- but maybe the new colleagues will be nice too :). And anyway you can always stay in touch with the old ones, you do not necessarily have to lose them ... (read in full...)
I heard talk that my FWB beat up his ex girlfriend
Q. Is past abuse a deal breaker or red flag for sex buddies? I left my boyfriend because he beat me up. I do still love him and been trying to deny the really tight tramua bond I have with him. And now I guess I have a new sex buddy.He has been hel...
A. 4 November 2016: Maybe he was cuddly cuddly and lovey dovey also with the girl he is rumoured having beaten up. They generally don't start by beating them to a pulp right off the bat !!... (read in full...)
If she liked me so much then why push me away?
Q. Hey there everyone! Hope you all are well. I need some advice about a girl i met just over a month ago. So ill tell you abit about the situation. So i met this girl on a dating site and we basically hit it off quick. I mean like we both talked l...
A. 4 November 2016: I am sorry, OP- to me it sounds as she is saying, basically, that when she met you she was down and feeling bad about herself and unfit to attract men ( Not surprisingly for a woman who is just out of an abusive marriage ).
Then with your affe... (read in full...)
I heard talk that my FWB beat up his ex girlfriend
Q. Is past abuse a deal breaker or red flag for sex buddies? I left my boyfriend because he beat me up. I do still love him and been trying to deny the really tight tramua bond I have with him. And now I guess I have a new sex buddy.He has been hel...
A. 3 November 2016: That may be just a gossip or a rumour, but, if it turns out to be true- I agree with fem anon, yes it's a deal breaker; there are tons of men who never have hit a woman, and would never DREAM of doing it, so why not choosing among them.
Plus... (read in full...)
Will I ever be more than just a back up girl for him?
Q. I have a guy who I've known for almost 7 years now and he lives 4 hours away.The thing is ,we have been on and off all this time.He is the one who leaves because the distance is too hard for him ..only to return months later when he misses me then ...
A. 3 November 2016: 3 years that you don't see each other ??? then... he is SO messing with you. I was going to give him the benefit of doubt, meaning that not everybody is cut out for LDRs, they want to have one but then in practice they cannot handle it.... but ... (read in full...)
I've agreed to be friends, but he is pulling away from me.
Q. So, there is this guy i used to deal with but now we are supposed to be friends. He has been begging me for friendship for the longest once we established that our relationship couldn't go any further due to our military rankings. Initially,, i was ...
A. 2 November 2016: Oh but you can be in love with someone and push him / her away. Being in love does not necessarily makes you crazy or blind to the consequences. You can be in love and also somewhat able to keep your wits about you.
Now, I know nothing abou... (read in full...)
If you find yourself having messed up badly, how can you stop beating yourself up? and will God or the universe send the right person(s) your way without you being prepared?
Q. I met a great guy over a month or so ago and I blew it from the very beginning. I made a mistake by not respecting myself enough and made myself look like a low-value woman in his eyes by my actions and choices. I guess I didn't even realize my ...
A. 2 November 2016: Well, I respect your privacy and don't want to pry to know what is this " terrible " thing that you have done which ruined your chances right off the bat, but honestly it would have helped to know more or less what it was, because the way you ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him I'm thinking of changing jobs?
Q. Dear Aunts/Unclesr Cutting a long story short. I met a guy at work. He started flirting. It was a while before I noticed him. I started flirting back then he went cold. I think because I was coming on to him too quickly as I was starting to fanc...
A. 2 November 2016: I don't see what you would accomplosh by telling him that you are " thinking " of changing jobs.
If he is keeping everything professional and he won't mix business with leisure- nothing will happen anyway until you are actually still working ther... (read in full...)
Will I ever be more than just a back up girl for him?
Q. I have a guy who I've known for almost 7 years now and he lives 4 hours away.The thing is ,we have been on and off all this time.He is the one who leaves because the distance is too hard for him ..only to return months later when he misses me then ...
A. 2 November 2016: He is only 23. Now , it's not that just because a guy is young he must necessarily be a moron, or a liar,- but it's the very concept of " future" that does not match yours.
For you, future means a programmable, measurable entuty : in 6 months, or o... (read in full...)
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