A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Older woman, younger man...I am in my mid 40s. I met this guy 3 years ago when i was travelling in South East Asia. We flirted during one tour, and ended up having sex in his hotel later that day. He was really sweet and caring in bed, and then was sending me loving texts. Then both went to our countries, and stopped texting. I always remembered him with a smile.Then a year later we started texting again, and when i was in Italy he joined me for a few days and it was really nice and a big surprise that he just came and stayed with me. These few days were filled with non stop sex, and we hardly left hotel, only couple hours each day to swim, and get some food.Then we kind of stopped texting again, and then about few weeks ago it started again.He asked me where i am going next, and he wants to come too.I had a trip already planned. He is in Europe by the way and i am in US. Its a long way for me.I was looking for airtickets, and stumbled upon one that gives me 24 hours in his country, but not in his town. His town is 1.5 hour away.So, i told him that, and he with enthusiasm said that he will definitely come and spend this day with me. ITs a middle of the working week, and he owns a company. But he said, he can arrange it. From that time we are on a phone non stop. He tells me the sweetest things, and turns me on with sex talk. I sent him pictures of me in bathing suit, and he compliments mewithin these 2 years that i did not see him i gained 15 lb. Since we made plans to see each other i lost 10 of them. It was very hard, and i dont think i can go back to what i was within these 2 weeks that are left.I go to GYM regularly but i think i am getting closer to menopause, may be that why weight gain.The thing is that he is much younger than me, by a lot. by 15 years. Not only that. He is beautiful, with great body, and very handsome face, but he is not tall, or very muscular. He looks even younger than his age. I was told that i look younger too, but the age difference is so huge that we dont even come close appearance wise.I really dont know what he sees in me. I want to believe his compliments but its just hard for me to understand what he sees in a woman like me. He could have any young girl any minute of the day. He is succesfull, well traveled, have nice house and changes cars like gloves.He is unbelievable in sex. He is caring and listens, and very alert when it comes to my needs. Perfect man.... for someone else. He tells me he fantasizes always about me.Anyway, i feel like i am really falling for him. My friends tell me just to go and have fun, and then forget and move on. That would be the best case but its hard to make myself not feel anything toward him. What do young guys like this see in older women, so much older women like me. I am in quite a good shape but... there is no comparisson to some 20 something girl, which would be his age range.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2016): Clearly he likes you. Not all men prefer younger women. For one thing I often find early 20-something women to be poor conversationalists!
It's hard to know the truth-- he enjoys it, you enjoy it, try not to question too much and spoil it :)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 October 2016):
 My husband is 13 years younger than I am. He was in his 30 when we met and age is not a big deal.
what he sees in me, I'm smart, I'm funny, I'm caring. I take care of him.
what I see in him... he's smart, he loves me, he takes care of me.
once you get to a certain point age does not matter.
when we first started dating 6 years ago hubby looked much younger than he does now. We got some looks. he did not care.
now he has health issues that have aged him dramatically and no one can tell my husband is younger than I am.
My concern for you is that you are going to get hurt. You are not together regularly and when you are it's all about sex. Do not let yourself fall for him. just enjoy the sex.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 October 2016):
 False problem. You can bet he is also having women in his age range !, you met twice in 3 years, what do you think ,that he lives like a monk when he is not with you ?
He ALSO likes older women, why not. He does not have to choose, it's like you asked " why is he eating chicken when he could have fish "? It's not as if he has to choose and give up either one for good. He'll have chicken when he is served chicken, and fish when there's fish on the table.
Or, to give an even better example, is like asking : why he wants listen to Mozart when he can listen to hip-hop and rap ?
Now, there are young people who only will listen to hip hop and rap and other " young " music- and some guys that just love music,period. And you can play beautiful music with an attractive, sensual, well preserved 40something :)
An attractive ,healthy40something , is still good to look at , erotic, desirable- and probably, better in bed than a young one . More experience, more self confidence,more adventurousness , more sexual appetite ( it's a very hormonal age ) , more awareness of her body and of what she needs sexually. Also, - much lower maintenance, less expectations, less neediness, less " rules ", less "drama".
At least... until she starts " falling for him " , and getting too attached, as you are on the verge of doing. That's were it becomes tricky. While an attractive, charming, educated ( yeah, that counts too- better post coital conversation :) older woman makes the ideal companion for an occasional sexy vacation abroad, a fun escape from everyday's routine,- turning this into a relationship it's not what the younger part is after. In general. There are exceptions, of course, - we even have one among the Aunts of DC. But, in general, while physical attraction, and emotional connection too, can be there with any age difference, eventually at the end of the day, people will want a partner with whom they are at the same stage in life, with the same experiences, expectations, problems, dreams, life vision, plans for the future etc. Which very seldom happens with an age difference like yours, and also with the way your "thing" was born and then developped.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2016): This OP. Thank you those who directly answered my question. Good thoughts.For those who for some reason made a conclusion that i expect some serious continuation of the story: I do not. I said i am falling for him, but it did not mean i am seriously thinking that something more serious can come out of it. He is 9 hours flight from me. He has his life there, i have my life here. I was just saying that he makes me happy, and i dont look at it as just purely sex, but a really nice very long distance connection . We talk all the time. We both travel a lot, and we have a lot in common.He makes me happy, i will not say no to this. If he has a girlfriend than let it be. Its more for him to come:family, kids, i already did all of this.As far as finding myself a man my own age, and more suitable for me: i really dont want to. Not that i did not try right after my divorce. I went through a bunch of turmoils with my husband, and do not want to repeat it again. I do not want to live with any man ever again. I make my own living and dont need anyone to support me, or worse to support anyone and share his troubles again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2016): What do younger guys like about older women?
They have experience. Their libido's are usually in synch. Older women are at their peak and younger men are also at their peak. Older women are often more confident, uninhibited and sexually adventurous in bed. They are sometimes more available and open to sex due to life circumstances so might not be as choosy. Today older women are hotter than ever. We take good care of our bodies and ourselves and look and feel younger. And it's a young guy's fantasy. They like to have bragging rights they banged an older woman.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2016): Honeypie is right.
He probably has a girlfriend or a steady.
He is much younger and probably always had this fantasy of sleeping with an older woman. And he's been indulging in that fantasy with your permission and availability. Your libido's are probably in perfect synch.
He is good with meeting up with you occasionally as he already has a life - and likely a girlfriend - he is happy and satisfied with.
You are just a fun escape whenever the opportunity arises so he is going to make time for you. It is not so difficult when it is not frequent or committed. I would bet if you demanded more of his time and commitment, he would disappear pretty quickly. And find excuses not to see you.
Don't get your heart involved. And if it is, pull back quickly and get your head back on straight. You need to think logically and not emotionally. I know it's hard as we women have this need to be carried away by our feelings and by fantasy. It all feels so good. He makes you feel so good. But he is not who you think he is. He is who you are projecting him to be. He is not real. I do not think this will lead anywhere. It is a nice little fantasy. And fantasy it should remain. Once it becomes too real, he won't want any part of it. And you will be heart broken. He is a young guy. He would not want to have a future with a woman that much older. No matter how good the sex is. Because I suspect the sex is all there is between you two. I do not see you as being compatible in real life.
I suggest you find yourself a man who is there for you in reality and can meet all your needs. This one is just a fun toy. And I know how intoxicating great sex can be. The person can do no wrong. It's euphoric. And because you do not see each other often, you are left wanting more. And it's the wanting more that fuels the never ending desire. But on the other hand, not seeing them ever again can end that desire. And you rarely see him as it is. So, it should not be so hard to let this one go and let the flame die out all on its own. Time and space. Sorry, I know you did not want to hear this advice but I am looking at it rationally as somebody who is not wrapped up in the feelings of it. Run not walk through the fantasy fog. You will be better for it. Trust me. I wish you well. :)
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A
female
reader, AnonymousDJW  +, writes (16 October 2016):
It seems as though your main concern and worry is the age gap between you both and you are feeling insecure about him wanting to be with a younger girl due to physical qualities.
However, from what I understand you both thoroughly enjoy each others company and have great chemistry regardless of the age gap. It sounds as though because of this insecurity, you are finding reasons in your mind to believe it could not work for example having the mindset of - 'he could have anyone else' 'why me'.
He may have opportunities with younger girls, however they will lack what he finds attractive in you which may be your personality, experience etc. He may well feel just as lucky to have you in his life. He may also have the same thoughts and wonder whether you would prefer an older, more mature guy.
Stop doubting yourself and know your worth.
Once you let your guard down and get past those insecurities, you will be able to enjoy this. Life is too short.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2016): I was not asking if there is a future here. I was asking what do young guys like this see in older women.
Yes, correct, i do not spend any money on him. He makes much more money than me. He actually paid for the hotel, i did not ask him, he offered.
I did started feeling for him but i am at the age where i have no illusions and see reality for what it is.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 October 2016):
 Who says isn't seeing a woman his own age? You two are not exclusive at all, you just occasionally meet up and have sex.
Is there a future here? I don't see it. If there was more than a great physical connection, it might not even have a future. He is fine going a year without talking to you, seeing you, but is also willing to come see you at a drop of a hat... for sex. What do you think it is?
He might care in his own little way, but I don't see him wanting to complicate HIS life with anything more serious than what it is.
Do you really think he is "chaste" when you are not around? A young guy who obviously love sex?
What he is, is an occasional lover. If you push for anything more, I think he will walk. And while you enjoy the sex, is it really enough for you, long term?
I don't think your age play a huge part here. The fact that you are financially able to travel, you are adventurous and you DO NOT make demands on his time - it's convenient.
I presume you don't spend money on him when you are together, correct? So he is NOT just looking for a "sugar momma".
If you can't keep emotions out of this, I think you will end up getting hurt. And if you can.... at some point you will feel like you want more. (which is where I think you are now). This fantasy you two play with each other works because you don't spend that much time together.
In short, it sounds like a lovely fantasy, but I don't think it's one you can make into a reality.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2016): Just a bit of warning. The minute he asks you to lend him some money or wants to help you to buy property or establish a business you start running.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2016): This is OP. I dont know what i deserve. I never like this expression, i deserve. What do we all deserve? And what special did i do to deserve anything?
If it was only sex do you think he would make an effort to go to a different country to see me. I already was there, its him who came there just to be with me.
Even this trip i am not going off the road to see him. My trip was planned, the only thing i did is bought ticket there through his country. Its him that had to make arrangements, take a day of work, and drive 1.5 hour each way just to see me for a few hours.
Of course there is emotional connection. We are having lots of fun with each other.
I know how men are, i know they would not miss an opportunity for sex even if they dont really like a woman, i know that very well.
But i can feel and see that this guy really likes me. And as far as finidng someone that suits me more, dont you think i tried?
Dont you think thats the first thing i tried doing after my divorce and when kids left the house?
Its not easy to find someone at any age, but especially when you get older.
I am being realistic, i dont see any future here. I am just wondering what really he sees in me.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (15 October 2016):
It’s simple: everyone is attracted to different things. You take care of yourself, keep in shape and watch your figure: why wouldn’t a man find that attractive? Also some men, much like the younger women, prefer the maturity and sophistication of an older partner. Attraction is about physical, sexual, emotional and intellectual connection: it’s broad, so the kind of people you could fall for are broad. Take these compliments and enjoy them.
Now to the specifics of this situation: I believe that you shouldn’t take your friends’ advice. You are falling for him and developing feelings for him, but I wonder if he’s doing the same. All you write about here is the sexual connection: a good many men will not turn down the opportunity of non-stop sex, as you have described it. He likes your body: you turn him on, but is there a friendship and an emotional connection as well? Is there anything there when you’re not between the sheets?
I worry that as you’re starting to develop feelings for him, you’re going to get very hurt and rejected. You could try telling him that you’d like something more serious but be prepared for an answer that you don’t want to hear. If I were you, I’d take this as a bit of fun, walk away now and find some-one more suited to you. Do you not feel that you deserve better than the odd cross-country trip for a sex session?
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (15 October 2016):
 It's not all about looking young though. He obviously prefers you to younger women (although there is no saying he does not have a similar arrangement with a younger woman or three while you are not around).
Older women know what they want in bed. They are (usually) less insecure about their bodies. This in itself can be a huge turn-on. They obviously have much more experience (with sex and life in general).
He sounds a charming young man and he probably means every word he says to you. It seems your current arrangement suits you both.
As for the future, nobody can give you any guarantees. However, why spoil the present worrying about the future?
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