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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Does he seem interested or does he just talk to me when he's bored?
Q. I'm 32 and over the past month have been seeing this guy whom I was set up with by a close friend of mine. He's my age, successful and doesn't seem to bear a ton of ''ex-relationship' baggage or children. I on the other hand have a 9-year-old, son. ...
A. 10 September 2016: Good, then if he tells you what he does on weekends, you can sort of assess if it's something you could reasonable be involved in ?...
Like, if he is going to a wedding or other family celebration, then no, it makes sense he would not thin... (read in full...)
What can I do to make myself feel a little more comfortable and less nervous?
Q. Hey Everyone, I am taking part in the School Show and for my part I have to kiss someone. I don't mind but I have never kissed a boy before so I am really nervous. What can I do to make myself feel a little more comfortable and less nervous?...
A. 9 September 2016: Stage kisses, my dear ! Ask this play's director or your drama teacher or whomever is in charge to show you and teach you how to give a " stage " kiss. One that looks real but it's not- often you don't even have to have a lip-to-lip contact. There ... (read in full...)
Are we just wrong for each other? Should I stay or should I go?
Q. What to do if I love the man I'm with, but unhappy in the relationship? I've been dating this guy for almost 9 months now. We met at a friend's party and clicked immediately. We have similar views on a lot of important things like family, social i...
A. 9 September 2016: Well, maybe it's naive to assume that love should make you happy, but I am pretty sure that at least should not make you constantly unhappy, or depressed, even !
I agree with Honeypie. That's the umpteen case which goes to show how love is not ... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to rush. I really like him and want this to go somewhere. What can I do?
Q. I've been talking to this guy since December 2015. We have been on two date and speak pretty much every day. He works away offshore so it's hard to meet up with his as he is often away. Part of me wants to ask him what are we? As it has been s...
A. 8 September 2016: I think it means , no we are not sort of " a thing ",like
in : sort of " an item ". A couple, basically. Two people who are together. He does not see it as a relationship.
It should be no wonder to you, because, I mean, Ok taking things s... (read in full...)
I believe my husband’s client was flirting with him! She shared way too much personal information!
Q. My husband is a building contractor and recently met with a woman to give an estimate for repairs at her residence. I accompanied him as we were on our way to dinner after this as it was in the early evening hours however, I remained in the vehicle ...
A. 8 September 2016: I think you are really overthinking this.
Your husband bumped into a chatty client- what's so strange about it ? maybe it's because I live in Italy where people are very talkative, but this happened to me so many times- in the reverse:)- plum... (read in full...)
I didn't cheat on my girlfriend, but she is convinced I've been unfaithful. Do we have any chance of getting back together?
Q. My Girlfriend thinks I've cheated on her. Throw me out, saying I've no respect, can't really love her and I've lied. The thing is I haven't cheated I had a weekend with my brother and we stayed in a hotel up in London. I didnt tell her I was s...
A. 8 September 2016: Yes, you have a chance, I think she is just flexing muscle. Otherwise why even meet up on Saturday ?
If she is convinced that you cheated on her, that you are having an affair, that you don't love her and don't respect her... what there woul... (read in full...)
My fiance risked our relationship for one night of fun
Q. I am engaged to be married on the 24th. Last weekend my bf had his bachelor party weekend in New York . I couple of his buddies were egging him on to hook up with a random girl. They ended up inviting a group of girls back to their hotel were he ...
A. 7 September 2016: By all means postpone the wedding. But perhaps you should cancel it altogether.
Yes , I know that you want to forgive him: because it was " only " a BJ ( is he a friend of Bill Clinton ? ), because he fessed up at once and because he is real... (read in full...)
Is it fair? Is he expecting me to pay more than my share?
Q. Hi everyone my boyfriend and me have just got a house together we have 2 kids we have lived together for 4 months now the problem is he agreed to pay the rent while I pay the gas electric and water food and things for the kids I have 2 jobs only...
A. 7 September 2016: Yeah, you fooled me,llifton, - I was just reaching for my Slang dictionary to check what's the "fireplace" thing,LOL.
I do not disagree with you ,basically- I said it too, agreements may change,- for a " justifiable reason " : the point is , what... (read in full...)
Did my boyfriend get horny watching women play golf or was he horny because of ME?
Q. My boyfriend watched a women's golf tournament today. He is business friends with an organizer and got a free ticket so he went as his friend's guest. I was supposed to see my boyfriend last night but he had to work. I told him I was horny and ho...
A. 7 September 2016: Then prepare yourself to feel bothered often and regularly.
The fact that his best sex partner among all he had were you does not mean that he cannot be erotically attracted by some other woman. In other words, you may be the best he had in bed ... (read in full...)
What can I do? She can't bring herself to believe me, nor let it go.
Q. The relationship between me and my girlfriend of a little over a year has been pretty rough lately. We recently took a break that was originally supposed to be a month. It ended up only being a week. Anyway, during the break I bought some condoms,...
A. 7 September 2016: But if you had no need and no intention of using condoms as long as you had a chance with her... then why the heck did you buy condoms after not even a week from the break up ?
Couldn't you / shouldn't you have waited until the decision after the ... (read in full...)
Is it fair? Is he expecting me to pay more than my share?
Q. Hi everyone my boyfriend and me have just got a house together we have 2 kids we have lived together for 4 months now the problem is he agreed to pay the rent while I pay the gas electric and water food and things for the kids I have 2 jobs only...
A. 7 September 2016: No, it's not fair at all.
And personally I think it would not be fair even if you were earning , with your part time jobs, more than him with his full time ! ( although it is not probable ,llifton. In USA some people can live just fine basi... (read in full...)
Why? All my life people have taken an instant dislike towards me and I don't know why. What needs to change?
Q. All through my life I have struggled getting people to like me, people take an instant dislike to me and I don't know why. I'm not rude, I'm polite, I can be painfully shy at times and I think people mistake this as being rude or stuck up. Been ...
A. 7 September 2016: llifton makes an excellent point : if you have been with this guy since a few years, and you have known his family since a few years , and you never bothered being social or making a good impression so far, and now all of a sudden you have ... (read in full...)
How do we move forward? He never takes me on a normal date.
Q. I love my boyfriend, he is the guy that has been hitting on me for the past three yes so I finally accepted him. During those years we became friends so already he knows a bit more about me. We are four months in a relationship now all has been goi...
A. 6 September 2016: I think your bf is playing dumb. What you care about is not that he should spend money on you, wining you and dining you, right ? but simply that he comes up with some idea of things that you can do together other than napping and having sex !
... (read in full...)
Does he seem interested or does he just talk to me when he's bored?
Q. I'm 32 and over the past month have been seeing this guy whom I was set up with by a close friend of mine. He's my age, successful and doesn't seem to bear a ton of ''ex-relationship' baggage or children. I on the other hand have a 9-year-old, son. ...
A. 6 September 2016: Oh really ? What is he so busy what, any idea ? Did he ever volunteer any information about his busy weekends ?
I can understand being superbusy at work, but being that apparently his weekends are pretty free, I think that if he were inte... (read in full...)
Are we still friends or is it over?
Q. I am friends with a female at work. we have fallen out a couple of times but have always made up. last week i sent her flowers at work in the hope of she would put me back on facebook as one of friends but it back fired on me and things seem to ...
A. 6 September 2016: It is over. Accept it.
Some times we just cannnot get people to do and act and react how we would want, and any attempt in this direction only backfires and makes the fix you are in worse and worse.
You have seen it yourself clearly ( I hope )... (read in full...)
Was it just an excuse? Or am I being selfish thinking 15 minutes away was not far?
Q. I have been dating a new guy recently and I have no car, so he usually has to pick me up and take me home. He ended things because I was too far away, despite only being 15 minutes away. Am I selfish for thinking I'm not that far?...
A. 6 September 2016: He was just not that into you.
A 15 minutes, even 30 round trip, drive, is NOTHING for a man who is, let alone in love, but just somewhat interested. The " effort " would not even register in his brain.
That's not an encoragement to you to a... (read in full...)
How can I heal this relationship? Should I stop texting him and treat this as a break-up?
Q. Hi all. Will try to make this as short as I can. My one year boyfriend recently told me he feels stressed when we meet up and he needs time to think carefully about what to do next. He made it clear he is leaning towards breaking up for his decis...
A. 5 September 2016: So basically you volunteered to be his FWB .. intil he " sorts himself out " ? Ah. Not a smart move , let me tell you.
You are right to wonder why he wants to see you at his place , if it's the comfort of the habit and familiarity he is look... (read in full...)
My Zumba instructor boyfriend was joking with a participant to stop looking at his butt! Did he cross a line?
Q. My boyfriend is a Zumba instructor. Classes are all women. The other day in his class he told a participant jokingly to stop looking at his butt. He said this was harmless flirting. Part of the job. Hmmmm. I am not so sure about that. ...
A. 3 September 2016: You know how they say : if you can do something about it, why worry ; and if you can do nothing about it, why worry.
I mean, if picking you up from one of his regular classes, was an exceptional thing , spurred by an out of the ordinary attr... (read in full...)
My boyfriend rushed our goodbye and did not even kiss me. Should I feel bad?
Q. My BF and I work together. We left early today as our company lets us off early every other Friday. He is my manager and our relationship is kept professional at the office. And it is our private business outside the office. He is ver...
A. 3 September 2016: It is reasonable, commendable in fact !, that your bf avoids to be lovey dovey at work or to treat you any different from the other employees, and anyway that's the line of behaviour you had agreed upon, so in this light your complaint sounds ... (read in full...)
I just found out that the LDR guy I'd been dating is married and has a kid. I've blocked him but should I give him a chance to explain?
Q. Dear Cupid, I found out yesterday that the guy I’m with is married and has a child. I blocked him in wechat and whatsapp. It was such a disastrous feeling with I saw his Facebook of his wife and the child’s photos and not forgetting his we...
A. 2 September 2016: No, don't bother.
He did lie to you. And, even supposing he had a good reason to lie ( I cannot think of one, though ) he STILL is married and therefore of no use to you.
I also don't like that - in case he had some sort of not totally dishones... (read in full...)
My Zumba instructor boyfriend was joking with a participant to stop looking at his butt! Did he cross a line?
Q. My boyfriend is a Zumba instructor. Classes are all women. The other day in his class he told a participant jokingly to stop looking at his butt. He said this was harmless flirting. Part of the job. Hmmmm. I am not so sure about that. ...
A. 2 September 2016: I think he would react positively :)- if the other guy were really looking at your butt, and you made clear that you do not ask for nor enjoy the attention.. a bf could only be tickled pink , I guess .
Anyway, it would still be another stor... (read in full...)
Ex and I are getting back but how can I get him to forget that I was talking to other guys while we were broken up?
Q. My ex and I are getting back together after being 2 months apart. I am so happy and have always been in love with him, and he feels the same way. Unfortunately, though he can't seem to forget the time we broke up and I started talking to other dudes ...
A. 2 September 2016: Technically you have done nothing wrong . You were broken up and you had any right , 5 minutes after breaking up, to talk to any man you wanted and your bf is being inappropriate in bringing this up.
I think what he is having a hard time with... (read in full...)
Why do I get this burning sensation during sex?
Q. I'm a 22 years old female and partially sexually active since i am in a LDR and i get to see my boyfriend 4 times a year, when he isn't around i still masturbate and all but whenever i use a sex toy or having an intercourse with him, i get this ...
A. 31 August 2016: You should see an OB/ GYN.
Perhaps you could be suffering from vulvodynia ( a condition characterized by vaginal burning ) or some form of vaginitis ( any infection or inflammation of the vagina, which also causes burning ).
Btw, do you h... (read in full...)
Help I am worried what others may thnk at work about this..
Q. At work this week I was asked by assistant manager to work in a different area for 2 shifts as the staff in that area were not completely trained at a particular skill those shifts. ( many are but those shifts they were not) It was night shift in...
A. 31 August 2016: Precisely. You have done nothing wrong. So, don't worry.
As you say, most people do not like to be shuttled back and forth from a work venue to another. So, your colleagues in the other wiork area will feel just the same as you about having to m... (read in full...)
Our therapy dogs don't get along and my boyfriend has issued me an ultimatum. What can I do?
Q. I have PTSD and anxiety due to sex abuse. It started happening when I was in preschool. My boyfriend has Anxiety and PTSD bc of prison bc he used to be an armed robber and he accidentally murdered his ex. He became a dog handler in prison. He has ...
A. 31 August 2016: Keep Donovan and send Pete ( and Sasha ) packing.
If he is so dumb, erm,.. I meant, imprudent, to issue ultimatums that he cannot 100% back up- as in the case of, the ultimatum could lose you the only roof you can get over your head- too bad for ... (read in full...)
I've had sex with many men and I'm afraid of what my future husband will think?
Q. I had an intimate relationship with many boys when I was 19-20 years old. Im really upset with what I had done. And I'm scared that what would happen if in the future my husband would get to know about my bad body figure. Please help me?...
A. 30 August 2016: Quite frankly, I think instead that this OP's concerns are
rather valid and justified -
The OP lives in a country where STILL today arranged marriages are the overwhelming majority. It's slowly getting better, and love marriages are becoming... (read in full...)
What is he trying to say? Says he has to ''stay away'' from me. He called me ''the devil''. Asked me if I still love him.
Q. my ex stopped by to see me before i left for a 6 month business trip, he's been very distant from me for the past month and a half. he gives me a hug and holds me tight, he asked me if i missed him and i said no, then we started kissing and he told ...
A. 30 August 2016: He's good ... he's bad... who cares. This is a naive, and pointless, way to consider things.
Most probably he is like every one of us, part good and part bad. A man can be a horrible husband, but a devoted son. Or a bad , uninvolved father, but ... (read in full...)
We met online. Am I being irrational about his actions? Should I be hurt ?
Q. I met a man a few weeks ago on a dating site app. He definitely came on strong and we texted quite a lot til I agreed to meet. I am very attracted to hm and likewise. He has some issues, recent divorce, job changes, relocation but seems very hea...
A. 29 August 2016: I agree with Ciar.
In fact , you should be glad that he did not cancel his previous plans just because you happened to be free last minute :)
If he had done that, it would have meant that he is the type of person who thinks nothing of breakin... (read in full...)
What is he trying to say? Says he has to ''stay away'' from me. He called me ''the devil''. Asked me if I still love him.
Q. my ex stopped by to see me before i left for a 6 month business trip, he's been very distant from me for the past month and a half. he gives me a hug and holds me tight, he asked me if i missed him and i said no, then we started kissing and he told ...
A. 29 August 2016: At the end of the day, you cannot control other people's behaviour, only yours .
" He should not leave a door open for you to contact him, or invite contacts ?"- He should not , but he does. You are not his confessor or spiritual guide to chan... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for being mad at my friends, and not wanting to talk to them?
Q. Quick advice aunts Do I have the right to be upset with my best friend? It was my birthday and we agreed to go to dinner and after drinks or a lounge. All my friends have boyfriends ( who they been with for 1-2 years) and I'm the only single ...
A. 29 August 2016: I guess it's a matter of opinions....
For instance, funnily enough, the only friend whom you sort of gave a pass for not attending is the only one wjo IMO has the weakest excuse . In fact, no excuse. Her aunt is having a baby !?... so what ?, the ... (read in full...)
What can I do? I dream about my fiance's s cousin over and over again
Q. Little bit of a backround, I met my lady 2014 we fell in love she moved in with me very quickly and within a year we were pregnant we have had the baby now live in a 2 bed with my son who is my world and is now 10 months old. I like to think we are ...
A. 29 August 2016: I agree with the other posters, particularly with WiseOwlE. No need to call you names :), but, yes, this is about lust, what else. You long for her and other than blind attraction you don't know why ? Because there's nothing else - it is blind ... (read in full...)
Devastation in Italy
Q. This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
A. 27 August 2016: Thank you Aidan for your kind, sensitive words.
You know, I am an average person, not better or worse than tons of other people, - so I am the first to react to the news of some natural / manmade disaster in some faraway place like the aver... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is insisting I sell my house
Q. I'm a women in her late 40's and my boyfriend of 5 years is in his mid 50's. Both of us have been married 2x's and we both have children in teen's and early 20's. I own my home and he lives in a family member's extra home in a different city. He ...
A. 27 August 2016: I don't see any logic in what he says. He can't live in a house where you threw him out from ?... but he DOES: 5 days a week , and 2 days only in a borrowed place. So, he's got a pride... 2 days a week ?
Also, if you bought a new house... what... (read in full...)
Why are certain men likely to act the way he is being towards me?
Q. I decided to cancel a 2nd date with a guy because i dont think hes worth giving a 2nd date . The reasons being he lies and he lies a lot , He told me he was 'fishing' this weekend so couldnt do the 2nd date this isnt the first lie hes told me hes t...
A. 27 August 2016: Isn't that intuitive ?... Well, it must be , I see that you answered yourself in your last sentences :
Because they are not much interested in the woman they are cancelling their date with, yet they do not want to write her off completely sinc... (read in full...)
I want romance and committment in our marriage!
Q. I'm having some emotional problems and troubles with my wife. I wanted to post the question here before I seek the support of counselling. My wife and I have been together for 7 years and married for 4. It was rough in the first couple of years ...
A. 26 August 2016: My apologies for making the wrong assumptions. I take due note that you are working full time and earning enough to cover all your expenses and so intend to do in the next future with all likelihood of success. (... although... not to be Negative ... (read in full...)
Can this disagreement with her be resolved? She has a perfect life. What's her problem?
Q. Dear Cupid I got in a big fight with my friend who just got engaged. She was mad over something small and I say engaged people have no reason to be unhappy about anything. Engaged people should be in a state of heavenly bliss. I'm still waiting ...
A. 26 August 2016: WHY engaged people should be in a state of magical bliss ? It's just an engagement, not a mind altering substance :)
It can induce a state of euphoria in the first few days, but then, luckily !, life goes back to normal and you go on being both... (read in full...)
Is it likely that my GF thinks of nothing when she masturbates? Is she telling lies? I'd like to spice things up.
Q. I've been trying to spice things up and find out what turns my gf on but she told me she doesn't think of anything while she masturbates. Is she lieing? ...
A. 26 August 2016: No , she is not. Female masturbation ( well I guess male masturbation too, but I don't know for sure ) can be something very mechanical, a way to bring up plesant physical sensations even on an empty mind. Like, when you stroke your cat do you ... (read in full...)
Is it still my fault that she ghosted me for being a nice guy?
Q. So some time ago, around eight months ago, i was ghosted by a woman i treated with kindest, but a lot of you put me down saying i deserved what i got, so i found out some things about her i didn't know about. One thing she told me she has only bee...
A. 26 August 2016: WhO ghosted whom, to begin with ?
The way you told us the story in your post is that she remained cold about the rose petals, you got stroppy and left in a huff.The day after SHE contacted you to thank you for coming over or something, and you ... (read in full...)
I want romance and committment in our marriage!
Q. I'm having some emotional problems and troubles with my wife. I wanted to post the question here before I seek the support of counselling. My wife and I have been together for 7 years and married for 4. It was rough in the first couple of years ...
A. 26 August 2016: Yes, we do know that your issues have been going on for a long time- since the beginning, in fact. You are the one who seems to ignore it !
Of course you want romance and committment, that's natural- I just wonder how you would expect it from... (read in full...)
I sent flowers to a girl at work and I didn't realise I had done so. Can the friendship be saved?
Q. I'm looking for some help and advice. I'm friends with a co worker at work who is a female, we agreed to just talk at the workplace instead of facebook as she says gets overwhelmed by receiving messages. I did something I'm not proud of and sent her ...
A. 25 August 2016: I thought I had explained it in my post ?, but maybe I was not clear enough, I 'll try again.
In the sense that who followed your posts can see that often you say that you did or wrote things " by accident ", " involuntarily " " I had not unde... (read in full...)
Is my ex boyfriend taking advantage?
Q. Am I being taken advantage of?. My ex boyfriend started doing some painting in my apartment. He has done two days work so far. He doesn't decorate for a living. He just said he would help. He got in touch with me on facebook, after not contacting me ...
A. 24 August 2016: Really ? then, with all due respect, tell your mom that SHE can call him and sit on the couch next to him, and have him go all cozy and touchy- feely on her ! She can also have him bum her meals, and act entitled . Then, maybe she 'll see ... (read in full...)
I sent flowers to a girl at work and I didn't realise I had done so. Can the friendship be saved?
Q. I'm looking for some help and advice. I'm friends with a co worker at work who is a female, we agreed to just talk at the workplace instead of facebook as she says gets overwhelmed by receiving messages. I did something I'm not proud of and sent her ...
A. 24 August 2016: Anon female, I see perfectly where you are coming from, but I think the reason everybody is nicer to the OP than his behaviour would deserve, is that, from reading his numerous posts, and from the OP's own admission, it's rather evident that we ... (read in full...)
Is my ex boyfriend taking advantage?
Q. Am I being taken advantage of?. My ex boyfriend started doing some painting in my apartment. He has done two days work so far. He doesn't decorate for a living. He just said he would help. He got in touch with me on facebook, after not contacting me ...
A. 24 August 2016: Just pay him off for the two days he's done, and send him on his merry way. ( Chances are that he is not doing a proper job anyway, if it's his first time ). I don't see what else you can do, since you don't want to pay him : you cannot force ... (read in full...)
What is he trying to say? Says he has to ''stay away'' from me. He called me ''the devil''. Asked me if I still love him.
Q. my ex stopped by to see me before i left for a 6 month business trip, he's been very distant from me for the past month and a half. he gives me a hug and holds me tight, he asked me if i missed him and i said no, then we started kissing and he told ...
A. 18 August 2016: No no. Unluckily, his behaviour is telling you the opposite- it's screaming " Hey don't get any ideas ". The physical attraction obviously is still there ( it figures ; your looks won't have drastically changed in one month , it is not strange ... (read in full...)
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