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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Go out on New Year's Eve alone? Is it safe?
Q. The last 5 years I've been single and primarily friendless so I've stayed in watching tv trying to convince myself I wasn't bored. This year I'm still single, but my friends are coupled or will be out of town and I just can't stand the thought of ...
A. 26 December 2016: Let's start with saying that ideally you should not worry or care at all about what perfect strangers may think about your singletude . One can be out and about on his own for dozens of different and excellent reasons , without for this having to ... (read in full...)
My partner is very into camping and shoes no interest in getting to know my best friend at all! Advice?
Q. Hi. My partner and I have been together for just over two years (2 and a half years in March 2017).. My partner and I are both only children. I'm 23, partner is 22. My partner is fully into camping, 4wding. He goes with just me, or we go w...
A. 26 December 2016: Alas, it is a matter of compatibility.Sure, your bf is not exactly tripping over himself in the attempt to socialize with your friends- he follows the very normal human instinct to make things as easy , pleasant and convenient for himself as long ... (read in full...)
I feel fed up not knowing where I stand!
Q. I met a guy 4 years ago through a walking group. We were both interested in each other but for some reason we never got together. I told him I liked him and he had some sort of anxiety attack and panicked in front of me saying he wasn't interested ...
A. 25 December 2016: But you KNOW where you stand : in the position of someone he is not interested in.
You threw him quite a few " baits " already, he never bit. He had 4 years to take some sort of initiative, he never did.
This looks sort of self explanat... (read in full...)
Was I right to call this woman a silly old trout over her cashmere jumper?
Q. Today me my husband and my severly disabled son when into a fish a chip shop restaurant. My son got hold of one of those small squeeezy packets of sauce, (he can grab at people and throw things so we always try to sit well away from people. )We were ...
A. 25 December 2016: Poor cashmere lady :)- Maybe it is not PC, but I can't help seeing ALSO where she is coming from.
Here we say " cornuto e mazziato ". I.E: " ( The husband was ) cuckolded AND then beaten up ".
This lady gets a substantial monetary damage (... (read in full...)
Am I behaving like a stalker?
Q. Stalkerish or Nah? Ok so..... I'm curious as to what people think. Grateful to anyone who reads this longness.... I just want to give perspective. I dated someone for about the last 7 months..... He was great, we were great, things were coo...
A. 25 December 2016: Look, at the end of the day, you really wanted to do something for this guy ( gift and Xmas wishes ), you did it, and you feel good after you have done it- so , from this point of view, it is a good decision ;it did not hurt him, and it pleased ... (read in full...)
I'm in a FWB. Does his actions seem like he may like me more than sex?
Q. This is a question about FWB (friends with benefits) or a FB (f**k buddy) situation. There is a man that I have this type of relationship with. He confuses me because he is very affectionate with me around his friends, invites me to gatherings at ...
A. 22 December 2016: I think you are reading way too much in this.
In fact , maybe is a generational thing, but I am always puzzled when people your age draw the line so visibly between sexual and sensual.
If you are FWB it just means you have no committm... (read in full...)
What does it mean to say a guy is "sharp"? is such a guy shy or just cunning?
Q. Dear Aunts, So I heard that he is "Sharp" and is good with the ladies. But he has been staring at me for weeks now and not making a move. So is he shy or just cunning? what you think?...
A. 22 December 2016: If he is good with the ladies I doubt he will be shy- and calling someone " sharp " means he is quick witted, astute, perceptive. One who knows how to move to get what he wants.
Haven't you thought, as sobering as the thought is, thart maybe he i... (read in full...)
How common is rejection for the first ever date attempt in life?
Q. I've been doing a great deal of inner work lately, and I wonder how much it "wired" me when I was rejected the first time I ever asked someone out, at 17. It would help me to know if this is common or unusual. If you are a guy, were you or any ...
A. 22 December 2016: Yes, of course. If we happened not to like the guy, I don't see what else we could / should have done. Whether it was his first attempt or is twentieth.
You won't be implying, by any chance, that if a guy is known to be trying to ask a girl out ... (read in full...)
I really hate my name
Q. My birth name is Sarah, and it makes me sick. This is a trivial problem compared to some of the things people are dealing with, but I REALLY hate the name. I'm not a kid going through a phase. Ever since I can remember, I have always resented ...
A. 18 December 2016: What's your middle name ? ( And if you also dislike your middle name, ... you can always make one up yourself).
There may be a lot of Sarah around, but I am sure there are less Sarah Jane, Sarah Marie, ... Sarah Jessica ... Sarah Michelle etc.... (read in full...)
Future with my in-laws looks looks set to wreck my forthcoming marriage
Q. hi.. is there anybody here living in their in-laws house after marry? who got controlling and self-minded mother in law? im going to marry next year. we are Asian and it's a tradition for us to live with in laws after marry especially if th...
A. 17 December 2016: Forget for a moment about the problem of having to live, against your wish, with your in laws... ( not that it's a small problem , it's a big one )... but : 1) you and your bf are fighting all the time 2 ) you broke up several times, so it's is an ... (read in full...)
I need help to find an outfit for my date!
Q. Help! I have a date on Saturday and I have no idea what to wear. He's taking me to a Christmas concert at a church, it's our second date. And I am totally at a loss. The concert has some really good artists performing, known nation wide. And...
A. 16 December 2016: Thumbs up : very nice !... (read in full...)
My husband says I am controlling and that everything has to be my way
Q. My husbands company decided not to have a Xmas party this year. Which we were both very happy about. Then today they decided 6 days from now it would be a good idea to have a small party with just the office people. I simply asked my husband if we ...
A. 16 December 2016: Well, I suppose there could be more diplomatic ways to convey the concept that you do not care for this party. Indirectly, you called him an idiot, like his idiot drinking friends whom he is eager to join, and an irresponsible, since you made ... (read in full...)
Why is my friend's husband so cruel?
Q. My friends husband can be so cruel! she gets her hair done at a hair salon and he never compliments her. (others do) He also yells at her for the most silly reasons? Could he be disconnected as he wishes he were not married to her? ...
A. 16 December 2016: Who knows- we should be mind readers to be able to say what this man thinks about his marriage !
If I have just to venture a guess, I'd say probably not.
Not complimenting a wife for her hairdo is not "cruel" for most people. Men in general ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wont have sex because he is anxious about unwanted pregnancies
Q. Hey there! So Ive been with my boyfriend for a year(to keep people anonymous we can call him bob) and I wasn't a virgin when I met him, but he was when we started dating. We've had sex more than a few times but he admitted to me some months ago...
A. 16 December 2016: Actually, I think he is being smart. I think that when you say that you see where he is coming from, you are just being politically correct, but you really don't. You seem not to realize that there are differences among unplanned , unwanted ... (read in full...)
I need help to find an outfit for my date!
Q. Help! I have a date on Saturday and I have no idea what to wear. He's taking me to a Christmas concert at a church, it's our second date. And I am totally at a loss. The concert has some really good artists performing, known nation wide. And...
A. 15 December 2016: I think that if he shows up in jeans and sweater... it will be fine anyway ; women are always implicitely allowed to be a bit more dressed up than their date:) , particularly in a holiday season.
And after all, it's still a church, even if not ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when someone refers to you in the third person?
Q. What does it mean when someone talks to you about you but makes you the third person ??? What is the psychology behind taking to me but as the third person?? I know alot of people who talk about themselves as the third person. But what I'm asking is ...
A. 14 December 2016: That's the way often people talk to very young children ( "I am going to give Baby a big hug, because Baby is such a lovely child "--- stuff like that ) so I guess he thinks it's cute , and affectionate. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says our sex life is boring for him, he wants things I don’t!
Q. My boyfriend says our sex life is boring for him. We have been together for less than a year and he is my first boyfriend. He says he is bored with what we do. He wants anal, bondage, toys, and other stuff, I don't even know... The thing is I don...
A. 14 December 2016: If he is bored of your sexual life, then he needs to find a new partner who's into the stuff he likes, NOT of pressuring you and shaming you into doing sexual things that go against your grain.
While there's nothing wrong in doing kinky stuf... (read in full...)
LDR girlfriend had an abortion then said I wasnt there for her when she needed me. She now won't talk to me
Q. She had a miscarriage .She was bleeding for 20 days,both of us are not ready for a baby.Its a long distance relationship..so she went to the doctor alone..There was big tissue in her uterus..Doctor gave her some abortion pills..after severe pain for ...
A. 14 December 2016: This post, and updates, are surprising.
I really can't say if it's just your pride talking, and not letting you admit that yes you screwed up big,big time and her reaction is normal and predictable - or if you are actually THAT clueless and/... (read in full...)
Think he used my coat to masturbate
Q. I recently baby sat for a 15 year old boy while his parents went out for the night. He was mainly up in his room. I came upstairs to see if he needed anything I poked my head around his door and noticed he was on his computer looking at porn. ...
A. 11 December 2016: Anon male, I could not disagree more ! The Aunts were nit harsh, it's not like they suggested to drag the kid in juvenile court or send him to boot camp. But,unacceptable behaviours need being nipped in the bud, promptly- " boys will be boys " is ... (read in full...)
How can I keep safe on New Year's Eve when I will be alone?
Q. I am going to the heart of my city to see theater show on NYE, am catching a bus due to traffic.. is this safe as a single woman alone.? I am alone caching a bus home after the show at 10.30-11pm, before midnights events/fireworks etc.. there will...
A. 11 December 2016: I agree that walking around New York City at night is safer than one would think, but , the OP is from Australia....I doubt she will wait for the ball to drop in Times Square :)... (read in full...)
Is it time to leave this relationship? I'm starting to feel like a roommate or a good friend
Q. 29 F dating 29 M for approximately 1.5 years. My relationship has been rocky from the start. My boyfriend has always pushed the limit with flirting with girls or talking about them. Last month he texted a girl to send him pictures while o...
A. 10 December 2016: Well, maybe he IS actually not willing to do what he does not want to do, even if it is something that would make you happy.
Because for him his happiness is way more important than yours, so if you can get along with his program, and take adva... (read in full...)
Is my sexual wish too much to ask?
Q. Dear aunts, I have a gf who i love. I'm straight but a like girls to play with my arse. I just like the sensation. I'm afraid if i ask my gf to try a dildo or a strap on on me will make me less desirable for her. What do you think?...
A. 10 December 2016: Did the other girls find you less desirable for asking ?
I mean, you say you have previous experiences in this sense, and, unless you are so lucky that all of them just took the initiative, - improbable,- then you must have hinted/ said / aske... (read in full...)
Was her comment to her girlfriend about the dick pic normal?
Q. my wife got a picture of a dick texted to her from her girlfriend. She answered the text by saying the dick looked really good , once you get that dick you will never get it out of your mind , you can use him just for that dick . I never heard her ...
A. 10 December 2016: No way ,lol.
As if penises were such objects of beauty, exuding such erotic charm that when you see one, you just can't help, you would not want to, but just can't help, getting instantly aroused and getting off on it.
In fact, many women th... (read in full...)
Is it over? Was he cheating? I suggested that we finish the relationship and he just accepted it, as if he's given up.
Q. Hi i recently started distancing myself from my bf of 2 years as we were having a lot of problems(no intimacy for 6 months been the main problem+talking/flirting to girls online i suspected).. Plus told him after a month of hardly seeing him i wa...
A. 10 December 2016: Why are you surprised ?
You may have been together 2 years in total, but if it is 6 months that you had no sexual intimacy, AND he was flirting with other girls , AND you could not convince him to see you in person in one month, is pretty obvi... (read in full...)
Is he a once in a lifetime find??
Q. Okay so I need some opinions. I was in an extremely verbally and emotionally abusive relationship ( he was the abuser) with my ex husband of almost 7 years. I finally realized what was happening and that he could not change so in July we made the...
A. 10 December 2016: Chigirl is right. Everybody is Mr. Perfect two months in a new relationship. Not that he necessarily cannot be an once in a lifetime find... but you have no way to assess it after a couple of months of dating.
Slow down. Don't move in with him ... (read in full...)
How can I keep safe on New Year's Eve when I will be alone?
Q. I am going to the heart of my city to see theater show on NYE, am catching a bus due to traffic.. is this safe as a single woman alone.? I am alone caching a bus home after the show at 10.30-11pm, before midnights events/fireworks etc.. there will...
A. 9 December 2016: I'd drive too. Yes it's going to be more expensive- I'd just factor in the extra cost, and extra time to deal with traffic safely ; but hey, it's once a year- or at least, an exception , not a regular occurrence , I suppose. So if for once you are ... (read in full...)
Am I in love with a creep? Should I get out now?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over two years. We have travelled the world together and have always been very happy. We have spoken about getting engaged and where we will settle down to raise our family. He has always treated me with respect ...
A. 8 December 2016: What I find creepy is not his leg fetish, which compared to other stuff sounds in fact mild, but his habit to take legs' pics without the woman's knowledge and consent. As if there weren't enough legs pics on I-net , fashion magazines, lingerie ... (read in full...)
Is casual sex possible without emotion?
Q. Is sex without emotions possible? I have only had two relations ships one long term since I was 20-26 and another one short brief 7 months ago- I grew up in a strict orthodox background that was never open to sex outside of marriage or being ...
A. 7 December 2016: Yes it is totally possible, although if you are not someone who's got this " knack " naturally I doubt you should purposely strive to cultivate it.
You are who you are. We are all different, each one with our past, upbringing, religion, ( or lack... (read in full...)
Anxious that my size will put him off
Q. Hello everyone, a few months back I met a man online who I immediately hit it off with. As a little bit of backstory, I'm an avid player of online games and we encountered each other over a shared Teamspeak (similar to Skype in a sense). Over tim...
A. 5 December 2016: It is not a blind date. He has seen your pics, he knows how you look and he digs it. If he had had a problem with your size he would have steered you toward " let's not ruin out beautiful friendship".... (read in full...)
Anxious that my size will put him off
Q. Hello everyone, a few months back I met a man online who I immediately hit it off with. As a little bit of backstory, I'm an avid player of online games and we encountered each other over a shared Teamspeak (similar to Skype in a sense). Over tim...
A. 5 December 2016: Hey- it's not a blind date. He has seen you. He knows what you look like, and if he says he likes you, why do you have to doubt him- he could easily have you steered you toward " let's not ruin our beautiful friendship " if he had found you ... (read in full...)
I just found out my boyfriend's best female friend does porn to pay for college
Q. My boyfriends best friend is a girl which I've always been ok with because she was dating one of his friends and my boyfriend says that even though she is attractive, he doesn't find her attractive. however I've recently found out that she does porn ...
A. 5 December 2016: She does porn for money. Because they pay her. I doubt she would offer your boyfriend a sample of her art for free. If she were a dental hygienist, you would not be worried that she could force your bf to open his mouth and get his teeth ... (read in full...)
Uncertain about my forthcoming marriage
Q. im confuse with what i really feel and what should i do with my fiance. i doubt my thought and perception about him. sometimes i feel hes the right man for my life and future family. the other time i cant stand when we are together because we often ...
A. 5 December 2016: Although I agree with Janniepeg rhat there ìs never any guarantee in life, I have to disagree with the rest of her answer to feel the fear and do it anyway. That's because I have a very good memory, so, even without a moniker or a flag, I remember... (read in full...)
Why does my wife come home wearing different colored panties? Is she fooling around?
Q. So I have a strange feeling that my wife may be fooling around. Whenever she goes by her GF place, she always comes home with different panties on. Am I wrong for having these thoughts that there could be something here?...
A. 5 December 2016: That must be a troll question.Who's the man who checks
( and remembers ) what panties his wife wears in the morning , and checks again if they are the same at night ?
Not to mention that, if she was really fooling around, most probably... (read in full...)
How can this be resolved? I don't want to be a nag but I do want to be told I'm sexy!
Q. Sometimes I like to make an effort in the bedroom and get new lingerie or something that I think is sexy. My guy just takes it off immediately without saying anything. I want to figure out a way to get my guy to communicate that he apprecia...
A. 5 December 2016: .. Maybe he does not think that sexy lingerie is particularly sexy. As a matter of fact, in my experience the people who fusses most about lingerie are women, and gay guys. The average hetero man ( and no, I am not talking about supermacho ... (read in full...)
We met online. Is he interested in me, or not? Do I contact him, or wait?
Q. I went on a date with a man i met on a dating site. ( i dont get many ) He gave the lines how he's not connected with someone like me in a while and hes very open with everything. We get on so well i could see a future with him . The other day he...
A. 3 December 2016: Yes, wait for him to contact you, 3 days of silence do not signify much either way, so you'll have to wait and see for a few more days. But, if and when he does contact you - pls. slow down. Hold your horses - you can see a future with someone ... (read in full...)
Is she just using me, because I talk so nice to her?
Q. Hi, am wondering, i should keep, talking to this woman, I've been talking to for four years? We met on an online dating sire. We text each other, I've been really romantic with her, we have only met four times not on a date, she is very rich, a...
A. 3 December 2016: Yes, you are wasting your time. If in 4 years you only met 4 times, half of which she brought another person along, I think it's abundantly clear she is not romantically inclined toward you.
I don't know if I would say that she is inte... (read in full...)
Is it possible to have borderline personality yet lack the urge to be a slut and cheater???
Q. I found out recently that I might have borderline personality disorder and dependent personality disorder. Ever since I been researching and trying to fix all the annoying parts these disorders have...And I keep coming to this question here, ho...
A. 3 December 2016: Of course it is possible. In fact, if all your research points to BPD = slutting around and cheating... maybe you have been researching in the wrong places .
It is true that two of the most commen symptoms of BPD are "severe impulsivity " and ... (read in full...)
Help, how will this manager treat me now?? And how should I behave now? I did something where I should have first asked permission of the manager.
Q. When you do something at work you should have asked a manager for permission to do.. Not job threatening, but something that needed a managers permission, you should have asked first.. When he saw you he told you you needed to ask first.. yo...
A. 3 December 2016: I think you are blowing out of proportions what sounds like a minor mishap at work.
You broke a rule, got caught, got rapped on your knuckles, took responsibility, apologized and promised you won't do it again. Case closed.
You are normally... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend bored of me sexually, because he has suggested we use sex toys?
Q. Hello cupids. I am not sure where my boyfriend is coming from. I am afraid he is not as happy with me sexually as he once was. We have been together for close to 4 years. Our sex life has always been pretty amazing. I went ahead and booked a hot...
A. 3 December 2016: I think you are reading a whole encyclopedia in what seems a pretty innocuous straightforward statement from your boyfriend.
You have used sex toys before,not out of boredom, and seen that occasionally they are a fun complement to your amaz... (read in full...)
Shouldn't he ask I be included?
Q. My boyfriend and I live together. He has been invited to a wedding of a friend that I don't know. He has not been given a plus one but still wants to go. I feel that as we are a proper couple an invite should have been extended to me. If it is a ...
A. 1 December 2016: Nooooo he should not ask ! If there's no plus one- don't ask . Never ever. The bride and groom surely have their reasons , good or bad that they may be, to keep the guests within X number , and to decide whom they want / don't want to their ... (read in full...)
Met a guy on Tinder. Was he just after a hook-up?
Q. So I matched with a man on tinder Who was visiting my city for a week... I was surprised that I even went out with him bc I want a real relationship but he seemed really interesting. he actually asked me to coffee so wasn't really a hook up sitch...
A. 30 November 2016: Uhm, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck... I mean, I doubt that a man would go on Tinder to seek the future mother of his children. Tinder is geared to hooking up, or anyway, even for people able to conduct things a bit more ... (read in full...)
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