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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Is it possible for your BF to have a tryst in an hour?
Q. Likely or unlikely? Possible or not possible? Your boyfriend goes to the Home Depot and is gone for exactly one hour. Is it possible for him to leave his car in the Home Depot parking lot, have another woman pick him up, take him somewhere ...
A. 6 October 2016: THREE years of crazy in the name of love ?... 3 YEARS ?!... Sorry, at this point then - it's shrink time.
If nothing else, because they have been 3 very hard, painful years for the OP, with lots of stress, lot of tears , lots of anxiety , lo... (read in full...)
Is it possible for your BF to have a tryst in an hour?
Q. Likely or unlikely? Possible or not possible? Your boyfriend goes to the Home Depot and is gone for exactly one hour. Is it possible for him to leave his car in the Home Depot parking lot, have another woman pick him up, take him somewhere ...
A. 4 October 2016: ... Maybe he is an asshole.
But, perfectly sane and emotionally stable women do not latch on to assholes, and do not cling to them for dear life, and do not try anything in the world, no matter how weird , dysfunctional and extreme just to keep... (read in full...)
I don't want to send messages to her like a stalker but why won't she at least talk to me?
Q. Let's start by saying I'm bisexual but more of a lesbian woman.. I meet a woman online a few weeks ago we hit it off same birthday (Aries) only I'm 36 and she's 50.. I noticed she said she was jealous and worried about who else I was talking to or ...
A. 4 October 2016: Why won't she talk to you ?.... Because she is mentally deranged, maybe. There are a few personality disorders and psychiatric conditions connotated by idealization first, and vilification right after. First you are their love, their hero, their ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend ran into a guy from high school that made me feel insecure. I feel upset about their encounter
Q. Ive been dating a guy for a few months now. He has been very good to me , kind , caring, selfless, all those things. I hate that this has bothered me so, but it has. He shared with me tonight that he spent some time the other day with a guy I went ...
A. 4 October 2016: Janice Joplin felt like you :) She got rich, she got famous, she got to be loved and admired by thousands of fans... and 10 years after she was still heartbroken for not having been invited to her school's prom.
My advice ?.. obviously, don'... (read in full...)
My dad is in an abusive relationship and I don't know what to do.
Q. I'm pretty sure my dad is in a psychologically abusive relationship (as far as I'm aware of) and I don't know what to do. He has been with her for 15 years. They met when I was already an adult, off at college 1500 miles away so I've had minimal ...
A. 4 October 2016: It seems the jury is going to be split on this - I second WiseOwlE opinion.
Let's start from the bottom though. Even if your father were emotionally abused, there's not much you could do , since , not only he did not ask for your support, but he b... (read in full...)
Is it possible for your BF to have a tryst in an hour?
Q. Likely or unlikely? Possible or not possible? Your boyfriend goes to the Home Depot and is gone for exactly one hour. Is it possible for him to leave his car in the Home Depot parking lot, have another woman pick him up, take him somewhere ...
A. 3 October 2016: Ah but WITH or WITHOUT permission it's two totally different things . With or without, makes all the difference. You cannot chose what people do behind your back and you can't prevent them from spying on you if so they choose to do.
But that a me... (read in full...)
Is it possible for your BF to have a tryst in an hour?
Q. Likely or unlikely? Possible or not possible? Your boyfriend goes to the Home Depot and is gone for exactly one hour. Is it possible for him to leave his car in the Home Depot parking lot, have another woman pick him up, take him somewhere ...
A. 3 October 2016: Possible, it is surely possible. If one wants, having sex can literally take few minutes- one hour would be plenty of time.
Probable, not really- it depends. Would he WANT to do it ? Why do you think he would like to do it ? Any particular reas... (read in full...)
Bothered that my girl has had a threesome before we dated..
Q. I have a question involving threesomes. My girlfriend has told me that she has been in a threesome in which she was with two guys. One of the two guys was just who she was dating at the time and the other his friend. She told me it was great. I told ...
A. 2 October 2016: Flawless logic !, anon male of Oct.1st :)-
So it's Ok when you find the idea of a threesome
" intriguing ". But it's not OK when your Gf , or other women , found it intriguing too, and before you did. Then, it becomes " disgusting ". ... (read in full...)
My partner is afraid of my penis size... and her sister is a little too interested!
Q. I'm married over 3 years, love marriage, never did intercourse with my partner until married, knew her 6 years before marriage, we both want more of it but I have a 11.5inch n 5 inch fat, she is scared every time, I am ashamed of it, I haven't taken ...
A. 2 October 2016: Of course it's a troll. And always the same, I suppose. 80-90percent of posts from Indian males are about lusty, flirty sisters-in-law.... (read in full...)
I lost the ring my wife purchased for me. She'll be very cross. What should I do?
Q. My wife left for Paris last week, and instead of going to work, coming home to a lovely empty apartment and playing video games like I been doing, my brother convinced me to hang out with him for the night. When I got there all the boys were the...
A. 1 October 2016: Nothing but fess up, unless you can go buy an identical ring before your wife comes back.
She'll get over it. People do lose stuff, it's not as if they do it on purpose.
... speaking of which, I'd focus on finding a believable explanat... (read in full...)
My future husband doesn't want to raise a family where I want raise a family. How can we reach middle ground and negotiate a solution?
Q. Dear Cupid, My boyfriend and I are the perfect match. We are contemplating marriage early next year which will take place in my families backyard in Atlanta. It will be a small, intimate wedding because we want to take the remaining funds we'v...
A. 1 October 2016: Yes, this is a pretty big difference of opinions, and not one you can meet exactly halfway ( settling in Roanoke, Virginia maybe : ? ) - either one has to yield , and to give up a certain way they envisioned their future.
Now, I am unab... (read in full...)
Had a bad last day at work and my boyfriend just made jokes about it instead of listening. Would a good partner react this way?
Q. Hi members. I think my boyfriend is selfish and not understanding in this situation I will write about. What do you guys think? Would a good boyfriend react this way?? It was the last day of my job today and after telling him I had a bad day at...
A. 1 October 2016: He cares , and he is doing what he can to help you, in his own , maybe a bit clumsy, way. If it does not work for you, tell him: I know you want to cheer me up, but with me this does not work, I need to vent.
See though if perhaps it may be the ... (read in full...)
How long does it take somebody to get over nonstop lying, cheating & betrayal??
Q. Hi All!! Im praying that somebody out there will have some answers to my massive confusion in my relationship. 4 months after starting a relationship with the guy im still with currently. He proposed to me. I accepted due to being massively head ...
A. 1 October 2016: He hit on your 15 y.o. daughter, and knowing that, you are still with him ?.... Eeeewwww!
Forget for a sec about his cheating.Some women can forgive and forget, or anyway willing choose to give a second ( or third, fourth ...) chance.
But , a ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has always been rather shady. Is this a red flag?
Q. I would like some advice on whether the following scenario would raise a red flag: Today I was driving home from work, on the phone with my boyfriend. Suddenly he said he had to take a call, so I was like OK, call me back. When I got home 40mins l...
A. 29 September 2016: It can't have been the bank calling . A bank using a Sideline free account ? It would look so unprofessional. Plus, why would a bank use a Sideline account to call their customers ? These would not know that it is the bank calling and would not ... (read in full...)
My FWB has friend zoned me and its devastating!
Q. Hi, so of a few months ago I wrote this post but I would now like to get some more feedback as this situation is really driving me insane. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/mixed-signals-from-my-crush.html Basically, him and I continue ...
A. 28 September 2016: No, he is just being kind. He knows he has hurt you and does not want to make you feel even worse. So he says diplomatic platitudes which do not cost him any effort
( monetary or emotional ) while he enjoys his new relationship. New rela... (read in full...)
Was she hinting that she wants me?
Q. My female friend sugguested that I masturbated then openly admitted she does it. Was she hinting that she wants me or am I misreading the situation? Basically I was saying I was having trouble sleeping and she was like why don't you go masturbat...
A. 28 September 2016: I don't think she is hinting anything, she is just giving you practical advice.
Although I can understand how you may have read a subtext in what she said, because normally people do not talk about their masturbation habits unless they are real... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend keep making jokes about kids?
Q. So been dating my boyfriend for 5 1/2 months and lately he been making jokes about me having his kids or when we do it he ain't pull out! What does he mean by this? Why he keep making jokes about babies? Do he wnt kids secretly? Where is this coming ...
A. 27 September 2016: Why, is he pulling it out now ?! How come ?
I mean, don't you use condoms and / or other reliable contracception ?
Then it's not only him that secretly wants babies, it's you too.
Be smart , and , whatever your bf is clowning about... thi... (read in full...)
Does my"friend" care at all??
Q. If a "good" long term, since childhood friend forgets to text or ask you how you are, you've been sick this week, in hospital overnight? Do you remind her you were sick when you see her Text her and tell her - needy Let her contact you and when...
A. 27 September 2016: I would not bring it up. Bringing it up would not accomplish much and would not give you the answer you seek.
Suppose that you get this off your chest and you call her out on her indifference. Do you think that, if the reason why she never call... (read in full...)
Why can't he find more time for me?
Q. I am dating a divorced man with two children of 12 and 13 he has shared custody with them and it's amicable and settled. I haven't met the children yet as we have only been dating two months but plan to in time and he wants me to. He also works away ...
A. 27 September 2016: I guess it depends from how much you like the guy ,and how much you can see yourself with him in the future . Enough to compromise and to tweak a bit your needs ?
Very often I have heard men complaining that women always want " a rela... (read in full...)
I can't stop wondering about her
Q. Everything my logical brain thinks of says DO NOT CONTACT HER, yet I still want to know how she's doing. I want to know if she is doing well. Obviously this is about my ex'. Im curious and hoping she's doing well. I can list a number a of reas...
A. 27 September 2016: Virtually. Virtually only.
Stay in reality. Stay in the here and now.
It can't be that perfect if it did not work out, and if you can give yourself so many reasons why you should not contact her. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend fails on work related questions
Q. Please help me understand his thoughts. I can't seem to be able to talk to my boyfriend about work related things. I'm senior management and when talking to my boyfriend about taking on new tasks or training/motivating my team, his one and only res...
A. 27 September 2016: Banal answer but... because he is not you. Maybe he sees things, and the idea of work itself, differently.
Some people ( many alas ) don't get to do anything they are passionate about, or worse they are stick in jobs they dislike, so work is a le... (read in full...)
Should I back off and forget about him or am I being a bit dramatic?
Q. Hi, I really fancy this guy at work, the other girls have been trying to set us up for months but we're both a bit shy so nothing's ever happened. We were out with everyone from work a couple of weeks ago and he told one of the girls he was inte...
A. 27 September 2016: Back off. As others have said, maybe having workplace romances is not the best idea, and is fraught with possible drama. But , if you want to do it anyway, at least start good, make sure that a strong mutual attraction and mutual compatibility is ... (read in full...)
How Can one forgive BETRAYAL of someone you love, cheating and now the the woman is pregnant?
Q. I met the man of my dreams, my best friend over a year ago. we live together and his kids come over every other weekend " I Love Them". we went on vacation 5- months ago and I saw a girl kept calling? I asked who is she then my life forever cha...
A. 27 September 2016: Maybe you can, but the real question is, should you ? and why ?
Love does NOT conquer everything , and does not justify everything, for instance does not justify letting people take grossly advantage of you and making a total fool of you.... (read in full...)
He always wants to hang out but then starts talking about other girls. Where do I stand with him?
Q. So a couple months ago i met a nice guy at a friends party. We hit it off since that night and exchanged numbers and have been talking ever since. We've gone on several dates now and hang out often. He always seems to send me mix signals. He always ...
A. 26 September 2016: And what do you do when you hang out ? anything sexual ? If yes, he is telling you " Don't get any ideas ". It's like he's wearing a T-shirt with " This is casual ! " on.
If you are just going out as friends, I am more perplexed. It could be that... (read in full...)
How to react when the honeymoon period is over?
Q. I feel like in every relationship once the honeymoon period is over, you reach that point where you're like, is there enough good stuff here that you want to move forward even though you're not high on love anymore, and give love a chance to grow ...
A. 26 September 2016: Maybe more than a communication issue it's a committment issue ?
You see , when you say that you can't have deep conversations with him, one thinks maybe you want to talk about big philosophical or political questions, and he likes to talk abou... (read in full...)
Am I crazy for allowing my husband to sleep with other men and women?
Q. My husband and I have been together off and on for 25 years and been married 13. He has cheated on me a lot in the past and I've forgiven him, he promised it would never happen again unless he talked to me about it. He works in another state, h...
A. 26 September 2016: Did the girl know too that your husband was also going to show the video to all of his friends at work ? ( and who knows how many strangers in future ? ) ... (read in full...)
What do I wear to this event?
Q. I am going to an opening of an art exhibition soon. I am not sure what to wear. I have a black dress, a grey dress, and a pink blouse that I could wear with black trousers. I also have a white bolero that I could wear with any of the outfits. Which ...
A. 26 September 2016: A private view event means that you have to ritz it up a bit, think : cocktail dress.
I would go with your black dress anyway, because black it's versatile .
If it's a sort of " uptown " opening ( elegant venue, conservative, traditio... (read in full...)
I told my chick friend who has kids that I won’t date women who have kids and she seems to have taken offense?
Q. A couple of months ago I moved to a bigger city along with my chick friend who has kids. We don't live together but since we don't know anybody in this town we occasionally hang out. We are both really close since we went through a big ordeal in our ...
A. 26 September 2016: You have not done anything wrong. Preferring an unencumbered partner is a totally legitimate choice, motivated by a lot of sensible, objective concerns .
( Beside the fact, even if it were motivated by an irrational "allergy " to children, it w... (read in full...)
I need help with my online dating profile
Q. I am a gay female and have been on a online dating an friendship website for years. I am honest, caring and genuine, and also quieter and non party, but enjoy conversation, honesty, kindness and good communication is essential to me I hav...
A. 25 September 2016: Bah- assuming that people are judgemental... isn'it a bit judgemental :) ?
I guess it's simply a matter of personal tastes . If I were a lesbian and met you for coffee, I'd be instantly attracted. I love pale skin ! Glow in the dark skin ? perf... (read in full...)
I want to ask my boyfriend's mom if I could go with them see b/f but am afraid of her reaction
Q. Ive been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half now. He recently went off to college and we have been doing long distances since. His mom is the type of mom who is really protective. It seems as though she is jealous of me and worried that her ...
A. 25 September 2016: Why do you have to go WITH them ? You don't expect them to pay your airfare, right ? So, if you want to go, you can organize your own trip.
Actually, I would ask my boyfriend what he thinks about the idea. He knows his folks, and he knows how they... (read in full...)
Would it be acceptable to ask if our family could go again to their vacation home?
Q. I have known a couple for a very long time and used to see them often, but for the last couple of years it seems like they only want to get together once a year. My family used to borrow their vacation house-- we haven't been in about 5 years. Do...
A. 25 September 2016: Uhm... the fact that you asked to borrow the house at least 20 times over the years may actually be the reason , or one of the reasons, why they choose to distance themselves from you.... (read in full...)
Am I crazy or is this gaslighting?
Q. Am I crazy? My husband has the habit of lying to me about little things. For example, he'll say he has nothing planned for the weekend and the weekend will roll around and he'll tell me that he has to go to work (and he does- I can verify that and ...
A. 25 September 2016: You have already answered your own question : he tells you little lies like this because he does not want to upset you.
Yes, I get it that you would not react angrily, and you would not show him you are upset. So , no yelling, no arguments, no t... (read in full...)
I don't want to cut all contact with him. But he has been distant with me ever since I asked if he was interested in anything serious. What do I do now?
Q. Hi everyone. I hope someone can shed some light on my situation. Recently, due to a change in jobs, my weekends are free, giving me more time to go out and socialise. Back in April, I went out to a local pub with my best friend where I bump...
A. 25 September 2016: "Having a go " ?, that's a strange way to see it, anon mental health nurse .
I simply disagree with your opinion. When I see advice which I think is good, I say : I concur with... When I see advice which I think is not particularly good, I say ... (read in full...)
Tactless? Outspoken? He says he was just thinking out loud. How do I deal with his remarks?
Q. My new boyfriend said he was really shocked how different I look without make up when I stayed at his last week. I dont wear that much make up and have been complimented on my natural skin and facial features. I was really taken back. He does seem ...
A. 24 September 2016: Deal with his remarks with total nonchalance.
Maybe he should not have said that because it's a phrase that may be misunderstood as implying " you look uglier or plainer "- but, I think, as he says, that he just meant it literally. Different as i... (read in full...)
Is it me? My Gf of 4 years just doesn't make any effort. Leaving me seriously unsatisfied
Q. I am really frustrated in my relationship. My girlfriend of 4 years I feel doesn't make effort. Or maybe it's me? We used to have a lot of sex, nearly daily. As routines changed this has reduced which is normal. Now in a week it's once and if I wak...
A. 24 September 2016: It's you.
I totally agree with Honeypie : the reason why she spends 10 minutes making excuses must be because you spend 10 minutes asking and insisting. She should need NO excuses, and zero minutes. The excuse ( the reason,actually ) is that... (read in full...)
I don't want to cut all contact with him. But he has been distant with me ever since I asked if he was interested in anything serious. What do I do now?
Q. Hi everyone. I hope someone can shed some light on my situation. Recently, due to a change in jobs, my weekends are free, giving me more time to go out and socialise. Back in April, I went out to a local pub with my best friend where I bump...
A. 24 September 2016: I doubt that the experiment suggested by female anon ( stop the sex and socialize only ) will give appreciable results, but maybe ,OP, you should try it precisely because it has a very high chance of failure : it will give you a nice reality check ... (read in full...)
I don't want to cut all contact with him. But he has been distant with me ever since I asked if he was interested in anything serious. What do I do now?
Q. Hi everyone. I hope someone can shed some light on my situation. Recently, due to a change in jobs, my weekends are free, giving me more time to go out and socialise. Back in April, I went out to a local pub with my best friend where I bump...
A. 23 September 2016: Yeah.... that never works (:. Trying to accrue " exposure time ". You think, the more you keep going there even if you know very well what he said , what he wants ( NOT a relationship ), how he will act and react, etc.etc.- the more you have ... (read in full...)
Would it be acceptable to ask if our family could go again to their vacation home?
Q. I have known a couple for a very long time and used to see them often, but for the last couple of years it seems like they only want to get together once a year. My family used to borrow their vacation house-- we haven't been in about 5 years. Do...
A. 23 September 2016: I would think not.
Personally speaking, as a matter of fact, I would not ask this kind of favour to anybody . I would wait to be offered. Borrowing a house it's not like borrowing an umbrella, and bumming a vacation is not like bumming a ciga... (read in full...)
My boyfriend makes purchases with my credit and doesn't pay them off
Q. Hello. Last year my bf bought an iphone. He didnt have the money to buy it so he borrowed my credit card and he is making the payments. I realized he hasnt pay the full amount and it has been a year already but he makes monthly payments. Yesterday ...
A. 22 September 2016: You got excellent practical advice about how to contain the financial damage, but...it's incomplete ; nobody but Honeypie told you that the smart thing to do would be not only cancelling the credit card, but also cancelling the relationship and ... (read in full...)
Why would my Bf's penis go limp after foreplay? Does it suggest that he's cheated on me?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. He is 63. I am 45. He is not married. Neither am I. Just to clarify. We are good friends. Our sexual relationship has always been quite wonderful too. And for a man in his 60's, my boy...
A. 22 September 2016: There are good news and bad news.
The good news is that what happens to him is perfectly normal , at his age. And it has got nothing to do with cheating.
His body starts betraying him, and his sex drive declining. At 63 he can't be a stallion... (read in full...)
I want my sister back in my life but how?
Q. I (18,M) was playing basketball with my sister's (28,F) boyfriend CJ (25,M) a few days ago, and I was really starting to get frustrated because he's like 6 foot 4 and I'm 5 foot 4 so it was a blowout. He was talking a lot of trash and tried ...
A. 22 September 2016: Drawing fire, FA ? Oh no. Not really. At least, be assured that's ..friendly fire :)
I understand part of what you are saying. I guess you basically mean that the sister is as abusive emotionally as the kid brother was physically , and that... (read in full...)
I want my sister back in my life but how?
Q. I (18,M) was playing basketball with my sister's (28,F) boyfriend CJ (25,M) a few days ago, and I was really starting to get frustrated because he's like 6 foot 4 and I'm 5 foot 4 so it was a blowout. He was talking a lot of trash and tried ...
A. 21 September 2016: Hey maybe it's me. In fact , it must be me; but I just don't get it. I am amazed.
You send a guy to the hospital, because you intentionally, want to hurt him physically - and you want to hurt him physically because he was teasing you ?!- and ... (read in full...)
Am I expecting too much for my friend to care?
Q. Is it wrong to want a friend to ask how you are if you've been in hospital? I always ask! Friend or colleague, family etc its nice to be asked, makes you feel like someone cares even a little If you got home from an over night hospital stay your...
A. 21 September 2016: How long is it that you are back from the hospital ?
A good friend will ask - but not necessarily right away, like hours later or the same day.
That's not because they don't care ,but to leave you a little time to rest and and get your bea... (read in full...)
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