A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 34 year old woman, been single for 5yrs. Mainly it is because of trust issue. Well last year I find my self attractive to a young man at my job (he is 26). We became good friends but I never told him that I had a crush or had feeling for him because I was afraid of what he thinks and that I knew someone else had feelings for him. Well as we talk more and txting each other everyday I finally told him how I feel, his response was that "he likes me too but he is not looking for something serious but you never know" That did not bother me a bit, we continue our friendship and I asked him out (like once a month, he never asked me out) we did go out and we got intimate, but at the same time we were still friends. When I express my feeling again to him, he stopped talking to me for like 2 weeks. My heart was broken and I just look at it that I will never open up to guys again. But I still had feelings for him and that is a first for me. Well after that 2 weeks he started back texting and talking to me again, but there was no intimatcy unless a couple weeks ago. So I was not sure what to do so I told him again how I feel and he knew I like him (he told me). Now once again he stop speaking to me. I am a nice generous person and I am trying to do the right thing but I am not sure what that is, I want to text him and just talk like the way it use to be but the other part of me is like "why waste your time".. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2013): He just want sex with you, isn't obvious? You sound very naive for your age. Look for a 40 year old guy wo wants to have a family not some 26 year old who wants to party and have lots f sex.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 June 2013):
 Exactly, why waste your time. Actions speak louder than words, and if every time you bring up feelings- he distances himself to the point of cutting communications, well, make two plus two :four ,and draw the evident conclusion, which is : he does not want to have anything to do with your feelings. He TOLD you that he is not looking for anything serious. He is obviously not adverse to have the occasional PHYSICAL moment with you, but he does not feel emotionally involved NOR wants to become it with you.
You are clinging nails and teeth to his " you never know ", which though is not a promise or an encouragement, it's one of those vague platitudes that people say just to be polite and not having to tell you in your face " Forget it, you are just a roll in the hay to me ". Which anyway is spoken by his ACTIONS, without need for many words.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (2 June 2013):
 I understand you uncertainty here. Sometimes we have to fight for what we really want. It validates that he is what you really want cause you persude. Then it lets the person know you are serious and for real. It's a good point I might add he may have trust issues also so he is scared too. He protecting his feeling and heart too. I would text him and chat like old times. It will not hurt nothing communication maked things happen. You already said there's intimacy and attraction so claim the rest of the relationship. Plus he probably would like to make up to you for hurting you just scared to contact you. Whenever I mention I don't want a serious relationship its either I dont have my life and issues squared away. Next is because I really care and dont want to be a heartbreaker. So I get out before it starts to protect myself plus the other person. I suppose Im not the only one running from committment now a days.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (2 June 2013):
I agree: he heard you the first time. If he was interested he'd be interested and repeating yourself is just making the situation worse.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: confessing your feelings is a very poor way to try and make a relationship progress. If anything it'll do the opposite. You don't want to bare your soul to someone until you're sure they feel the same or you'll scare them off.
In the future the correct thing to do is to go on a date (try not to have sex), have fun, repeat. Feelings will grow when you get to know each other and enjoy each others company, not when you confess your feelings.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (2 June 2013):
 The right thing to do here is stop telling him you like him. He heard and understood you the first two times. He has made it clear that nothing will come of this.
'but you never know' is not an invitation to pursue him. It is most likely his way of letting you down gently.
Please accept his refusal with grace and treat him as the colleague/acquaintance that he is. No more intimacy.
Your feelings will pass with time.
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