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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid, I have a problem. I just got married. I h ave been with my man for a long time. I was looking through his emails and came acroos a email from XXXXbook [mod note: actual site name removed, it is not facebook]. I wouldve just deleted it and thought it was spam but it said welcome with his login and password. And the password is one he uses all the time. He swears that he didn't sign up for anything. Should I believe him? Is there a chance he's telling the truth?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (31 May 2013):
 OP for what it's worth my husband and I believe in total honesty and openness in our marriage.
He can look at my email any time he wants
I can look at his
phones are NOT password protected and accessible either of us at any time.
We have separate computers but no children in our home so no passwords.
In addition, we have "family" passwords for our joint info (our finances) and for the things we had BEFORE we were together we have given each other all our passwords.
I personally don't have ANY problems with spouses seeing each others emails and I believe that ANYONE who is married and DEMANDS their "privacy" from a person they sleep with and swap bodily fluids with is HIDING something.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to the last response I got. Thank you for checking out the site. I love that you understand and didn't jump on me about checking his e mail. Thank you for the advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell it does matter to me if he is telling the truth. I want my husband to be faithful to me. I don't join dating sites. I feel I deserve the same respect. I don't think its ok to make it a habbit of going through his email. But I don't f eel realationships should have secrets either.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2013): This was not a random spam email. I went to the site to look. If you want in, you have to sign up. And an email confirmation will be sent to you, along with a trail of more spam porn and other hook up sites it is affiliated with.
I love how people are questioning why you were in his email, and suggesting it could just be a fluke....people get a clue. This was no hacking or mistaken spam email.
I'm sorry this has happened to you. Your husband is flat out lying to you and he's been busted. I'd kick his behind right out the door and hope that it hits him on the way out, then he can have the freedom to go on Fbook and do whatever it is he was planning on doing because I would not stand for that in my marriage.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2013): it's very unhealthy to have a habit of going through your spouse's email. It makes you even more insecure because you're encouraging yourself to always be on the alert (after all isn't that how you feel whenever you decide to go through his email) rather than learning to relax and chill out, and it isn't fair to your husband to have his privacy violated just because you're insecure. He said he didn't sign up for anything, so why don't you believe him? he is your husband after all. And let's say he is lying to you and he did sign up, then what? You cannot control your spouse. if he's going to want to sign up for other sites, and it's only the fear of you looking over his shoulder that's stopping him, it will only be a matter of time before he finds a way to do it without you knowing, such as creating a secret email account that you don't know of and can't check.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the wonderful help. The password he used is our daughters name, spelled correctly. So I'm sure he's lying. And I don't think its a big deal going through his e mail or his phone . He can go through mine. I have nothing to hide. I feel in a realationship ,There should be no secrets. And yes I have trust issues. Obviously for good reasons. Thank you again.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2013): Depends on how legit the site is. There have been some security breaches of regular sites where criminals have obtained user names, email addresses and in some cases even passwords. LinkedIn is a recent and famous example. Even in lesser cases, common passwords can be guessed. If you know the 10% of users use PASSWORD as password and 10% of the encrypted password list you got is the same, big change it is the same.BUT no legit site, even a porn site, would risk getting involved with this because the police take a dim view of this kinda thing. Banks advice NEVER to trust any email, regardless of how many personal details it contains because scammers can be really really good at this kinda stuff.And people really really stupid. The same password he always uses? Oh dear, everyone KNOWS you use a unique password every single time because if site A gets hacked, now they also got access to your account for site B.Since you got the email, follow the link, is it a scam asking for money or more personal details or a genuine contact attempt?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 May 2013):
He got a welcome email with his username and password (and it's a password he uses regularly)
He said it's spam and you ask if this is possible...
I'm a Computer Security Specialist... there is NOT a shot in HELL it's spam or random.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (30 May 2013):
I receive email all the time "from" someone with my fiancee's name, but 1000% chance its spam (writing completely different than her, senders email address random string of characters, etc. Just the reality of the world we live in.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2013): The danger of using the same password for everything is someone stealing or hacking your password. There are malicious hackers who have nothing to do all day but reek havoc and destroy valuable computer files.There is a 50/50 chance that could be the case here. It has happened to me. A viral e-mail was sent using my password a few years ago. I immediately reported it, and now I change my password frequently; and got the best firewall and spam protection available. Shortly thereafter; some Nigerians were caught trying to hack into peoples accounts.Snooping through his private e-mails? You got just what you deserved. Your lack of trust has now been taken to another level. Now you've opened a can of worms.In all honesty, what difference does it make if he's telling you the truth or not? You spy on him, because you're insecure and don't trust him anyway. If you're of a suspicious nature; you'll always go through his things looking for signs that he is cheating. This behavior is similar to a stalker. Covertly watching and spying on their victims, while they are totally unaware.The feeling of personal violation and invasion of privacy sends ice through your veins once it's discovered.If what you found out is true, it appears there are trust issues in your marriage,and you both have to work things out. You didn't mention his reaction to your going through his e-mails; but I'm pretty sure he wasn't happy. Now he can't trust you either.I've never asked a partner for their password; nor have I ever been asked. If they were up to no good, the truth will out itself; and the inevitable slip up will expose them without any necessity for me to go out of my way by spying on them. I'd rather not go digging for trouble. Not to say I wouldn't investigate solid evidence as it presented itself.If you've known him for a long time, and you feel you have reason to go snooping; there must have been cheating or trust issues before you married this guy. So, why did you?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2013): No, he's lying about it. It's one thing to get spam, like things that say "you have 5 messages from hot singles near you!" and it's another thing to be sent an email confirming a user name and password, especially since it is the password he uses frequently. He had to of signed up for the site.
I guess the real question is why did he sign up for it? Perhaps you can approach it that way and ask him what is behind it. As non-confrontational as possible. He is busted, but he's denying it, which doesn't suprise me, it's just what "most" men do initially when they have done something they know shouldn't and they get caught. That goes for women too, but i will keep to the subject at hand.
He needs to know how you feel about it and make sure it's clear what the boundaries are with this kind of stuff on the internet. I am completely unaware what this site is, nor will I go searching for it, but if it's for hooking up with other people for sex, this is pretty serious. It would not be in your best interest to brush it under the rug or go into denial mode and take his word for it. There is something behind this choice he made and you need to find out what's going on with him. I hope you two can work it out.
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female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (30 May 2013):
 Two things: 1) The chances of a website sending an unsolicited email with your username and password (that you use for everything else) are extremely slim. I am no expert in computers or hacking or spam or anything like that but this has NEVER EVER happened to me and I get heaps of unsolicited emails. I don't read them so I can't say with certainty what each one says but I have opened many in the past and they have never contained my password. I suspect he is BSing you. 2) Why exactly were you reading his emails? If he asked you to check his emails then that is one thing. If you were reading them because this is something you regularly do then that means you don't trust him and this website is just the tip of the iceberg.
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (30 May 2013):
 Is is normal for you to be looking through his emails? Most couples would regard that as a breach of privacy and trust. Did you have a reason to e doing it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2013): I think there is a very very small chance he is telling the truth, because I hate all that sort of stuff, and I am continually getting unsolicited emails from dating sites etc.
I think you should let it go. Maybe he did link up, and if he did, it most probably would be out of curiosity. In my experience, 100% of the men I have dated have either looked on those sites, or looked at porn. Now he knows that you know, he probably feels totally busted and won't do it again. If you allow it, this could eat away at you and drive you crazy. If he is a good man to you, and he loves you and you love him then I suggest you decide wholeheartedly to believe him and let it go.
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female
reader, JasmineML +, writes (30 May 2013):
Yeah he's lying. Don't let him do that. Call him out on it.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 May 2013):
 The chances of an icicle in hell, I am afraid. How would they have got his USUAL password ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2013): trust your gut instincts. mine say he's a liar :(
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female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (30 May 2013):
 The fact that he was sent a login and username through an email is kind of fishy, but there is a chance his account was hacked and they sent him an email to his email instead of the hackers, or both.
Slim chance, but a chance. If you've been with him and you believe him, I would have him delete it and move on. I've had emails like that from sites like that before that I didn't sign up for.
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