A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am the mother of two small children, four and two and this year for mother's day I didn't get anything from anyone. No one in my family and my bf of four years, the father of my children, didn't get me anything either. No card, no flowers, absolutely nothing. He said he didn't want to buy a card because it's too impersonal, but I still haven't gotten anything.Am I over reacting by being made about this? I feel hurt, angry, resentful, upset, unloved an unappreciated.Am I over reacting?
View related questions:
flowers, unloved Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 June 2013):
 wait wait wait... he's done stuff for you BEFORE for mothers day but SUDDENLY this year he did NOTHING... and did not discuss why?
that my dear is an issue and a red flag to me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): Thank you again for all the responses. Eyeswideopen, you are awesome, Caring Aunty A again awesome and YouWish, that makes sense. He doesn't even speak to her anymore. He always went all out for Mother's Day and every holiday, until this one. I guess I was just a little confused why he didn't do anything this year.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 June 2013):
 Now here is how I figure it, some holidays are stupid like Valentin's day, and really think birthdays are stupid, but Mother's Day is a day I actually EARNED it is MY holiday out of the entire year. Like I said earlier, since mother' day comes first, gauge how you do Father's Day. I promise excellent results.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 June 2013):
Now here it is,
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 June 2013):
My husband said to me at the beginning of May “I are NOT doing anything for mother’s day for you.” And I said “of course your aren’t. I’m not your mother, I am not the mother of your children (he has none) and you are not the father of my children” And that was it.
I sent a message to my two grown sons to remind them to at least CALL their stepmom (she was more of a hands on mom for them than I was) on Mother’s day and both my kids called me. That was it. NO cards. No gifts, NO BIG DEAL.
Your children are too young to understand how to do anything for mother’s day and while it would have been NICE had their father helped them do something for you if you are all civil and in contact, he is under no obligation to do anything for you nor is your boyfriend.
I think you are overacting.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 June 2013):
 That makes sense then. If his mother was so horrific, the holiday might cause him to recoil, subconsciously or consciously, because when he hears "Mother", it's not feelings of appreciation for you, it's the trauma of past beatings and horrific behavior perpetrated by his own mother.
I say go treat yourself to a spa day and make him pay for it!
Other than that, your kids will totally appreciate and love you, especially as they get older. Word to the wise, you'd better stock up on refrigerator magnets now, because you are definitely going to need them!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): My boyfriend's "mother" beat him his entire childhood and tried to kill him on a few occassions and now, she just laughs about it.
I am the mother to his two children. I work my ass off every single damn day, I don't get breaks or weekends or days off, the least he can do is take the time to say, "Honey, I love you and I appreciate you on the one day that matters, because I don't hear any kind of appreciation on any other day.
...............................
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (3 June 2013):
 How “impersonal” is it to write on a card: To My Dear Wife…, who is a most wonderful Mother to our two beautiful children! Love from your Husband…?
Ditto Eyes Wide Shut; …buy yourself something really nice on Father’s Day! :)
Plus, how on earth do children learn to show appreciation for their Mother’s/Father’s if it it’s taught in the first place in any shape or form or at an early age from the other parent? Are we to leave it for the school and kindergarten Teachers to do anything? Sorry you missed out this year, as you are indeed special and should be reminded as much!
Take Care – CAA
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): Thank you for all of your responses.I didn't pout and cry or act badly in anyway on Mother's Day. I spent the day with my children and we went and played at the park and up to my Dad's house. No one even wished me a Happy Mother's Day.I have been taking care of my three sisters and my little brother since I was ten years old. Both of my parents are alcoholics, my mom died about four years ago from an overdose of pills and liquor. I have been their mother figure for as long as I can remember. I wasn't expecting a bunch of gifts and a party or anything, but a simple card or Happy Mother's Day would have been appreciated. Even to this day I am up at my Dad's (he is either at work or his girlfriends house) cleaning, doing laundry, organizing, going to school functions and field trips, running errands for my grandmother who is dying.A little appreciation would have been nice, especially since I ALWAYS go above and beyond for every birthday, christmas and holiday in between. I always make Father's Day a very special day for my boyfriend, we have been together for four years. I know my children are too young to have any knowledge of what mother's day is, but I celebrate mother's day with them everyday.I don't think that it is going above and beyond to celebrate or make a person feel special on their birthday, christmas and mother/father's day. If you feel that it's too much to handle, then you are lazy. I feel you should show appreciation for that special person in your life be it a mother or father, but you should show that you appreciate everything you do for them.All I wanted was a little appreciation. I am not mad at my children. They are my world. Obviously they are too young. I'll get over it and move on. I'll just have to go ALL out for Father's Day.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2013): These are ideal moments when the Dad could sit down with the children(or someone a little bit creative)and MAKE mum a card of some sort. All winners, kids love to play glitter and stick and to LEARN to give at an early age. Dad should be aware that you are the Mother of his children and go out of his way and once a year AGREE that you are a good Mother.
It is a big deal in my family and most of the men appreciate the mother a little bit more on that specific day, and get her to put her feet up.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 June 2013):
 Yes you are. The ones you should have got your present from would be your kids and they are too young to go out shopping for Mother's Day supposing they even know what it is . Wait until they are in kindergarten and from then on, you'll be flooded with all sorts of handmade Mother's Day mementos.
I think the complaint though is that the kids' FATHER did not go out to shell some cash and pick something to celebrate and honour you being a mother. Well, it would have been very nice of him if he had been so thoughtful- but, all in all, I'd say that you want him to be MORE thoughtful than the average guy. Christmas, yes, birthday, of course- but Mother's Day too ? That's going above and beyond, generally speaking...
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 June 2013):
What I did when my kids were little and Daddy didn't kick in on Mother's Day was to buy myself something really nice on Father's Day. He got the message. Now that my kids are grown I tell them they can forget my birthday but it will be hell to pay if they forget Mother's Day, cause I earned that holiday in spades.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2013): I don't know if you're over-reacting. Did you pout all day, have a bad attitude, start an argument? That would probably be over-reacting. If your feelings were hurt, may you were being a little hypersensitive.
Your children are too young to provide gifts; but the dad usually helps them out by offering mom something in appreciation for them all. I'm sure he got the message and will probably do better next year. The kids will be a little older too and they'll be able to appreciate the special day.
Do yourself a favor and just let it slide this time. If means anything, you are appreciated for giving life and love to those little angels. They show it everyday in their loving little faces. Try and look at it that way.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 June 2013):
Your kids are kinda young when it comes to Mother's day giving. Wait until they get into school, and then you'll start getting awesome stuff they made.
You're not your boyfriend's mom, but he could have worked with your kids to make you something sweet.
I'm a mom, and it's annoying to me how much Mother's Day is built up. It's almost like guilt or obligation to force people to get something for moms, usually involving spending a lot of money or whatever. I don't think the Holiday is fabricated at its core, because celebrating moms and dads is a good thing. But to force them to buy stuff is what I don't like.
I think your anger is more with your boyfriend than your kids, at least I hope so. Your kids are little, so don't be too hard on them. Did your boyfriend do anything for HIS mom?? That's a good question.
I think the idea of his appreciating you is a valid one. Outside of Mother's Day, does he show you he loves you? Does he take you on dates or get you flowers? If he doesn't, then that *is* an issue you should bring up with him. He doesn't owe you a Mother's Day gesture, and your kids are little...just wait until school! But he should be showing you love and affection without the need for a holiday. And that's something that's okay to bring up.
...............................
A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (2 June 2013):
 Though I understand your hurt, I think you may be overreacting somewhat. It's MOTHER's Day, not Valentine's Day. If, when your kids are older, they don't get you anything, then maybe you can be disappointed with them, but why does your boyfriend have to get you something for Mother's Day? He has a mother and it's not you. If you are feeling "hurt, angry, resentful, upset, unloved an unappreciated", am I right in thinking that there are bigger issues here? Not receiving a card for Mother's Day when both your children are under the age of 5 is not reason enough to feel all those emotions. How is your relationship with your boyfriend in general? Do the two of you have problems?My sisters and I didn't start acknowledging Mother's Day until we were probably 13 or 14. Maybe we were a bit oblivious to the whole thing but it was never a big deal. She was genuinely surprised when we did start. We all know it's something we don't have to do, and I know she wouldn't resent us if we forgot (because it's happened and she didn't notice), but we do it anyway. Mother's Day is an opportunity for shops and card companies to make money out of people's guilt. If you don't celebrate MD you're a lousy child. Ditto Valentine's Day. If you don't buy roses and take your partner out and spend lots of money on them, you suck, basically. It's all about money. If you love your mother, why wait until one day a year to show her?
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (2 June 2013):
 I don't think you are over reacting, while I cant see why your family would be expected to acknowledge the day I certainly think the father of your children, who are too young to recognise the day, could have made some sort of gesture, even if he had sat down with the kids and got them to make cards.
As for his 'cards are impersonal' comment, he could very easily personalised a card with his own hand written message.
Let him know you are upset, and also let him know that you would appreciate it if he started now with the kids, doing something with them to recognise the day, don't forget to remind him next year, especially if you sit down with the kids and make cards for father's day!
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 June 2013):
 I think it's a made-up day that doesn't necessarily have to be celebrated, as it's all designed to spend money. So on the one side of things, the entire day could be boycotted with good reason.
On the other hand, he never discussed with you that he doesn't like to celebrate the day. This should have been discussed because you were naturally expecting something. Especially if you've been given a gift previous years.
The thing that bugs me is the comment about the card, really. Because it leaves a hint that he wants to get you something (building up expectations) and then he leaves you with NOTHING. Which is, in my eyes, just a tad bit cruel. Why can't he just say he doesn't want to gift on this day, if that is the case? Why act as if he wants to get you something, and then just not do it? That's the part that is hurtful. Him giving you reason to think you will get a gift, and then not doing it after all. That's like you asking what's his favorite cake, perhaps baking it, and then NOT serve it to him. I mean.. why would you do that? It's pointless, and only hurts. So why would he act as if he's getting you a gift and then not follow through with it? It is pointless, and only hurts.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2013): Yes you are overreacting. You are not your boyfriend's mother, hell, you are not even his wife and you are not your family's mother either. Why would they buy you something? Wait until your kids are older and then you can experience the joy of this fabricated consumer holiday.
...............................
|
