A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I really need an advice. Apparently I'm dealing with a houdini. The old disappear and reappear acts.I've dated this guy for a month. we went on 4 great dates. on our last date he brought me home, we watched movie, we kissed for the first time.short story i missed my bus and he offered me to stay. I stayed and we slept on the same bed. He kept making a move on me but I told him I'm not ready (I'm a virgin by the way) and that I want it with the right guy. He said he was okay with waiting. We ended up cuddling all night.The next day he texted me and then he disappeared for 2 days. Then suddenly he reappeared and said it's been a week since we hung out. I assumed he said this because he wanted to meet so I asked whether he has any plan tomorrow and he hasn't replied again. It's been 3 days.I don't know what to do. I kept thinking something's wrong. I really like this guy but I hate the disappear and reappear acts. Should I tell him?Should I just act cool?Thanks
View related questions:
move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat a coincidence he just reappeared again!he didn't say anything about not replying my text and he called me babe.what a player.glad i asked for your advice sooner
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 May 2013):
 Exactly. How to deal with a disappear/reappear guy ? Simple, you do not deal with him at all !, if what you want is a steady committed relationship.
If you want shoes, you go to a shoe store, not to a tobacconist's, right ?
Of course he said " I am gonna wait ", what did you expect him to say " Oh well , too bad, because I am actually only after you for sex ". He gave you the politically correct answer, but , as always, actions tells the story , not words. A guy who is cool with waiting and going at your pace, AND is into you, will keep his attention and communication level constant and will use this non sexual stage to get to know you and try establishing a deeper relationship with you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi lady in love.i didn't say he was not the right guy.i just said i'm not ready and i want it with the right guy.you're right because he said i understand i'm not the right guy but to this i replied i don't know. how should i know i just know you for a month.we are not in an exclusive relationship either.that's the main reason why i chose not to have sex with him. i'm not planning to take away his freedom but i do want a committed relationship (either with him or with another guy. I always play cool all this time. There were times when he just strung me out and didn't reply back to our conversation for days, but when he suddenly popped up again i just played it cool and not asking where have you been, etc. But of course I got tired of all this acts. I believe it's true that he's just not that into me and I am just a back up. I think it's best for me to just leave him now :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot. I guess he just swept me off my feet when he remembered all the small things i told him and said he's okay with waiting. i'll follow your advice but i won't delete his contact cos he'll know and i really want to act as cool as possible.i'll keep my distant for him.good thing i haven't fallen for him yet :) glad i talked to you guys sooner
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot. I guess he just swept me off my feet when he remembered all the small things i told him and said he's okay with waiting. i'll follow your advice but i won't delete his contact cos he'll know and i really want to act as cool as possible.i'll keep my distant for him.good thing i haven't fallen for him yet :) glad i talked to you guys sooner
...............................
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat  +, writes (27 May 2013):
 He's only interested in you for sex. The fact that you didn't sleep with him -was a good thing- since that's what he was after.
He's not that into you. Men that are really interested in a girl FIND THE TIME to spend with her. They -make- the time, they don't do lame-ass disappearing acts. He's not a magician, sweetie. You can find better than this.
...............................
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A +, writes (26 May 2013):
 Unless you like vanishing (virginity) acts… This is how I see him; he’ll reappear only to take your virginity and disappear again! He’s not into waiting or dating you as proper. I’d play it COOL like an Arctic Zone with this one! He’s not the right guy!
Take Care – CAA
...............................
A
female
reader, Lady in Love  +, writes (26 May 2013):
 hi
telling him you are not ready and "I want it with the right guy" is equal for you saying you are not the right guy, meaning he might have not really liked the idea, and he just might be hurt.
on the other hand, i think you should let him know that you need the attention you deserve, don't take away his freedom either, simply ask him for a daily text saying good morning and good night, and remind him how much you love attention and how much you appreciate it
best luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2013): I think he may have another girl on the side. You didn't submit to sex on his first attempt. If he knows you're a virgin, then you have offered him a challenge. To take your virginity. That is really all he wants. He doesn't really care about you.This disappearance is a warning signal. You should stay far away from this guy. His disappearance is a blessing in disguise. His only mission is deflower you. Nothing else.He leaves you alone to make you panic and wonder where he is. Then he reappears to see how eager your are to see him, and how you wish to prove it. This type of guy is the kind that will take your virginity, then he will not return once the mission is accomplished. Once he has taken it, he will treat you like dirt. Look how he treats you now!Do not stay at his house or allow yourself to be used in this way. It will be a very degrading experience to offer yourself fully, only to see him once and a while; or never again. If he isn't really committed to you in any way, I suggest you wait until you are connected with someone who cares about you. This set up you're between you is too flimsy. Save yourself for someone who cares, and you'll feel good about giving yourself; because you know it means something.What's even better, you will not feel guilty about what you have done.
...............................
A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (26 May 2013):
 The coolest thing you can do at this point is to delete his number and not contact him again. If he really liked you he would be trying a lot harder. He obviously wants sex, and good on you for not having sex with him despite his persistence.
I think he messaged you to check that you were still interested but my guess is that he's a bit of a player. Cut contact. If he is doing disappearing acts after one month, when he should be doing everything he can to impress you, it means that's how he is. Would you really want to be in a relationship with someone so flaky and unreliable?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2013): Hi there! there is nothing to analyze.
Its a classic tale of his just not into you.
The act of disappearing guy happens when they really don't see a connection with you.
No matter how nice the date may seem but he doesn't want you to think that he likes you the way you like him, The harry houdini style happened.
Listen a guy who BADLY WANTS you will never stop contacting you, Everyday. No misses. Even just one day, there's no excuse. unless he had an accident and his in comma..
...............................
|
