A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I left a 5 year on-off relationship about 20 months ago.He was seeing other women. I said I will stay friends but I read few articles about 'no contact rules' to heal myself so I followed it and have been fine.I am fine as I had closure.However, in the past 2 weeks I have had this desire to contact him to ask how is his mum (she is a lovely lady), sadly in relationship break ups we lose contact with lovely people who are part of our exes.Am I right to do it or not? Part of me is scared if he rejects my emails; my pride will get hurt. or will he misread it as a getting back together.... I do not want to get back with him.After we broke up he sent me an email telling me that his flat felt large, cold and empty without me, after 2 months I responded that I was serious when I said that I wanted space from him.I am so confused. I know breaking up was the right thing to do. As I learnt that he was never going to change but I had to change me and that was not to be in a unhappy relationship and not to compromise myself.I was extremely unhappy when I was with him as I knew and had evidence that he was dating other women on dating sites.The big Question; write to him or not?
View related questions:
broke up, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 May 2013):
 No. If you want space from him- take it seriously and this ,unluckily,may mean also taking space from people closely associated to him also if they had nothing to do with your break up. You haven't been in touch with this lady for the past 20 months , right ? So why all of a sudden all this need to reconnect ?
If it is really SO important to you having news from her, just contact her directly, do you really need a go - between ?
HE would see it as an excuse to get back somehow in his life - but that's not really the problem, you can ignore what he thinks. The problem would be that's an unnecessary picking at not totally healed scabs - you'd ask him about his mom, and he would say my mom is doing this and that, thank you , and you would say oh don't mention it, my pleasure, I miss your mum.... and so on and so forth, a bridge would be somewhat rebuilt- which you don't need to rebuild ( even if you clearly want to, at some subconscious or semiconscious level ).
Moving on means just that, moving ON- forward , without looking back.
When you will be so emotionally detached from all this that honestly you don't give a damn how he answers, if he answers, and , all in all, also how the old lady is doing - ironocally THAT would be the moment you could enquire about her - if you even still remember her.
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (28 May 2013):
 You can't write or call his mother yourself?
I don't think it would be a bad idea for you to write to him just to ask how his mother is doing. It's been almost two years, what would be the harm.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (28 May 2013):
 Hi
No, in fact I would bet that by now or at least in the next few days you will know it was a bad idea.
If you bumped into him in the street or one of his family you could ask after his mum but forcing the issue is not wise. You've done well with no contact so don't open old wounds.
...............................
A
female
reader, ihavetoomanythoughts  +, writes (28 May 2013):
 You've been dating this guy for 5 years, do you not have his mother's contact details already? Do you know her address? Email? Phone? Is there any other way to get her details without going through him? If you must email him, just make it clear that you still don't want to get back together with him.
...............................
|
