A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have mild social anxiety, (I am normal and am not intellectually impaired and I DONT have aspergers!!) I am just a little shy and awkward at times, like many people are.. Please no hate. Im worried.Yesterday my work had a "team building" evening, where 15 (not all in workplace as some were working, ) of us went to the gym and cycled for an hour then the idea was to go out for dinner, nothing was prepaid by my boss (except the gym and I went, 3 others didnt show up to gym,) it was whoever could go to dinner on the night, some ppl that didnt go to gym were going to dinner, ther was no list saying who was going to dinnerm it was juts written as "the more the merrier" an open invite.. I couldnt go to dinner as I had an appt with my landlord that evening, he was going to do some urgent repairs, I didnt make a big deal of this, just casually mentioned that I was unable to go out for dinner to 3 people, one girl gave me an odd look then said "I thought you were coming to dinner, have a good night" I said "sorry i cant but you have a good night too" I didnt tell my boss st gym, as she was enjoying herself and having fun, and didnt get a chance, and when the time came to leave the gym she was chatting to her "clique". So I said goodbye to the 3 ppl that were nearby and wished them a good night, then left, as I had to be home. I know I should have interrupted her but she was with her clique. and I had to go due to meeting and traffic. Was this OK? I dont want ppl to think i am deliberately not going to dinner, my workplace is one big cliuque and 90% younger then me, but I like them, as colleagues, have no hate, its just they are cliuquey, as workplaces are.... I would have gone, for a drink at if I could. This would have been hard due to my anxiety but I would have tried. Should I apologise to my boss mon morning that I couldnt go? or... casually ask her and others how the dinner was and casually say I enjoyed the gym but had to go? I dontnwat her to dislike me or thnk im rude.. I want to keep it casual but need to say something.. as she may wonder where i went. I kow I stuffed up! please please help! I dont want to be hated and you have to understand my workplace is very cliquey. I really had to be somewhere and didnt want to make a fuss about leaving so I slipped out queitly and said bye to those i saw nearby. Chances are they wont even notice i wasnt there at dinner,but am a little worried they might.Of course I wont mention my anxiety! i just want them to know I wasnt deliberately ditching themThanks for genuine anwers, please explain yr annswer.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 June 2013):
 I don't think they will hate you and I don't think that you have done anything wrong. Going to social events organized by the workplace is not mandatory, although in some places is encouraged, and, for all they know, you could have had a prior engagement since MONTHS before, - I'd say they know you have a life outside your job too and if for once you could not make your colleagues fit into it ,it's not a big deal.
I agree that it would have been smoother if ,before leaving the gym, you'd have gone to say hi to the boss ( you weren't " interrupting " anything, she was shooting the breeze with pals ) , Or at least , you know, smile, wave your hand, and mouth " sorry gotta go ", something like that. But, then again, it's an office, not middle school, and you do not need the principal's permisions to leave the premises.
So , don't turn it into a bigger deal than it is, and either totally put it out of your mind, as I am sure your colleagues will do ,in no time. Or, if you want to be more social , you can ask " So did you enjoy the dinner, was it fun ? Too bad that I had to miss it,what a pity ". But either way, do not overthink this, it was an open invitation, not a royal summons, and anyway you showed up for the paid for part , I'd say that your conscience is more than clear.
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