A
female
age
30-35,
*keez
writes:Hello everyone, i hope someone out there can give me some help on a pretty personal issue.I am a 22 year old girl who lives with her parents. I attended University for 3 years and lived away for that amount of time and changed into a wonderful person I think. I used to be very depressed, doubtful in myself and had some serious confidence problems. I was unhappy and treated my parents not very fairly because I was so sad all the time. I then went to uni and became a person I appreciated. I turned into being very sociable, friendly, very career minded and felt inspired being around similar people and it just seeped through me and I was loving life. I had trouble with rent now and again etc but I never regretted anything or how difficult it was. Now that I have finished uni I have moved back home because of finances. It has been a year since I moved back. In that time I have opened up my own online store and have become more determined than ever to use my degree to the best of my abilities. The problem is I have also gone back to being very angry with people, people down where I live are not nice, backstabbing, drama filled people who I do not feel inspired by and I feel dragged down by the fact it took me 6 months to find my other part time job and the people I work for don't really appreciate any effort the staff put in etc etc. Also all my real and true friends who I miss everyday are back where I used to live for Uni. Because now I am so stressed out all the time I want to move back, but even though my online shop is going very well, my parents doubt me to be able to support myself again and think I am being stupid for wasting money I earn on renting etc. What they assume is that I don't like them anymore and I want to move because of them. Our relationship has gone down hill since I moved back because my independence has disappeared and even though i do feel guilty if I snap at them, but the fact they don't support me in my decisions, I find it hard to get along with them. They seem to doubt me even though Iv'e worked very very hard in my life to get to where I am. I want them to understand that I had a life that was my own and I was so much of a better person then, but they constantly question my ability to support myself and follow my dreams. Anyone have any advice on what I can do to maybe make them understand a bit more where I am coming from, and that I do not want to stay living at home?Thanks
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 May 2013):
 But you can always agree to disagree, can't you.
You don't need a throng of supporters and cheerers ( altough, it would surely be nice to have one :) if you really believe in yourself, your dream, your abilities and your chances of success.
Put your mouth of your money is. If you are convinced, deep down to the bone convinced, that your happiness and success are depending from moving out and being on your own, just do it- with or without parental approval.
Btw, I don't think that your parents mistrust you or think that you are an imbecile or anything,- I think they are doing their normal average parent thing of being anxious, overprotective, not wanting you to be hurt and wanting to minimize or even eliminate any chance of you falling flat on your face and being hurt and disappointed.
They want to keep you safe - so they want you to play it safe - maybe forever.
But you don't need to want the same thing for yourself, and there's no need for a winner between the two parties, or one who is " right " and the other " wrong ".
Their position, if you think about it, is perfectly logic, they say : but since you are so lucky to be able to live at home rent free, why do you want to go and waste money that other people would kill for being able to save ?
And yours is perfectly logic too : indipendence and freedom come with a price, and rent is a price that you are willing to pay.
There's no right or wrong, there are different ages, goals, priorities and life visions.Different persons.
Being the mother of a son exactly your age, I hate myself for saying that :) but, your first responsibility , since your parents are healthy and able bodied, is to please YOURSELF. You are the one who has the responsibility to live a life of your liking, you are the one who's in charge of making that happen, with or without parental approval.
You can tell them things, you can explain your point of view, but you can't demand or expect that they embrace it. They have full right to feel and see things differently. They will embrace it in time, most probably, when they see you happy and fulfilled. Or maybe they won't but it does not matter :
at 22, another thing you CANNOT do is to hide behind
" I wanted to do X... but my mom did not let me ".
A
female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (30 May 2013):
I think your parents might be worried for you rather than doubtful of your capabilities. Believe it or not, parents will worry about their kids even when their kids are adults. It seems being away from home opened your eyes to a whole new world and gave you independence and confidence. Well done for all you've achieved. Now being back home has brought to light the bad in being back there and I honestly feel too that you've moved on as a person and outgrown the place. That does happen. You're not a child anymore and don't need your parents' permission to move away. That's your decision to make. All you want I'm guessing, is their blessing? Before you make this huge decision, make sure you've thought it through properly and made rock solid plans. With the recession, times are hard for most people. If you feel you have, then you can move away. Once you're settled and financially stable, you can invite your parents to stay for weekends etc Let them then see for themselves that you're ok. Until that happens they'll be worried sick about you and they probably secretly don't want you to fly the nest. Alot of parents dread the empty nest syndrome. Reassure them that you love them and will be fine. It's not as if you're leaving the country so you won't be too far away.
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