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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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How can I be intimate with my fiancé without upsetting my daughter? She hears us despite us being quiet.
Q. Ok, need help on this one! This is sort of embarrasing but I need someone to tell me what I should do. I have 3 children from my last marriage. I am widowed. I finally meet a wonderful man, and we are engaged to be married in July. I have a cape c...
A. 16 February 2014: Sorry, nobody asked me but I really have trouble keeping my big mouth shut and not adding my two cents .
OP, what do you mean exactly with " they know they can't get away with anything with him " ?
HOW do they know ? Because his job his ... (read in full...)
After a year of dating he is pressuring me to tell him where I live.
Q. Hi, I have been seeing this guy for almost an year, I know where he lives but he doesn't know where I live because he hadn't been interested but now he won't see me again untill I take him to my place. Why the sudden inerest? Problem is that he is ...
A. 16 February 2014: I concur with the others. I think he may have been wondering since a while why exactly in one year he has not been allowed to visit you at home or pick you up from there- it is a bit strange. I guess now he wonders if you are hiding a husband or ... (read in full...)
First time sex and I didn't bleed... should I see my gyno?
Q. Please i need an explanation i just had sex with my fiance for the first time,and he knows i am a virgin but the problem now is i didn't bleed at all just excruciating pains...please i don't know if that is normal or should i see the gynocologist ...
A. 16 February 2014: I SO agree with Aunty Em. That would be such a turn off for me, and for many other women I guess : a bf who is both pigheaded and IGNORANT.
Mind you, I am not even talking about formal education, although a college education is always a nice... (read in full...)
My holiday fling has stopped replying .....
Q. i met this guy a couple of weeks back while i was on vacation. we had a kind of a fling for a couple of days. he seemed super cool, super funny, and we had a great time together. after i got home we messaged each other a bit, and i thought there was ...
A. 16 February 2014: For once I have to play devil's advocate in favour of a vanishing act. I mean, yeah he was not very nice but it was sort of to be expected. This was a short holiday fling, born as a fling, meant as a fling, and with just a bit more chances to ... (read in full...)
Grandparent died, boyfriend left and I had a melt down at work!
Q. Im hoping for some good advice regarding my current situation. Just recently I lost my last grandparent, who I loved very much and meant the world to me. I am overcome with grief. today, my partner walked out saying he was fed up of my `diva li...
A. 16 February 2014: Let's start from the boss at work : hopefully, he / she is a human being with some degree of compassion for other human beings, so yes, he might have thought your melt down unprofessional, ( objectively, nobody wants to be operated by a sobbing ... (read in full...)
This Is For The Broken-Hearted on Valentine's Day
Q. Hello,readers! Here it is again! The day you see those gigantic red symbols called valentines; which are supposed to be hearts. They don't even look like a heart. Well, if they stick a knife through it, tear a hole, then fray the edges, it will b...
A. 16 February 2014: Yes, do what WiseOwlE suggests and... do like we do here, scoff at Valentine's day , and celebrate Saint Faustine's day.
Valentine ( I guess it is obvious but ,you never know ) stays for Saint Valentine who is the saint of the day on FE. 14th... (read in full...)
How can I be intimate with my fiancé without upsetting my daughter? She hears us despite us being quiet.
Q. Ok, need help on this one! This is sort of embarrasing but I need someone to tell me what I should do. I have 3 children from my last marriage. I am widowed. I finally meet a wonderful man, and we are engaged to be married in July. I have a cape c...
A. 15 February 2014: While I agree with the others that this is not just a problem of being bothered by the noise , as it could be with a noisy neighbour, and that your daughter probably is a) not keen on sharing you with a stepdad b ) tryng to show you who is ... (read in full...)
The intimacy is gone from our relationship
Q. Hi I am a 33 year old female I feel like I am in my prime. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 yrs now he is 27. We do not have any children together but I do have 2 boys 11 and 16. We have custody of them every other week. Within the past year or ...
A. 15 February 2014: It figures. Meth is surely not known for its wonderful long term effects on sex life...
Aren't you familiar with the expression " crystal dick " ? Where do you think it comes from ?... yeah, excatly, THOSE crystals.
They don't have in... (read in full...)
Why is it okay to criticize big boobs?
Q. Every time there is a question about small breasts, I've noticed a lot of people take it upon themselves to criticise big breasts and call them 'ugly' and 'saggy' it's really insensitive, and quite offensive. The latest question I'm referring to is ...
A. 14 February 2014: Yes , let's agree to disagree , it's OK to have different opinions, and as a matter of fact I'd had let it go already if I weren't genuinely surprised, of the bend this conversation is taking.
Sage, don't you realize that " if you can't say ... (read in full...)
I can't leave my brother but I can't pursue my dreams if I stay with him
Q. Hi there. I don't know if it's a relationship question or not, but i am really freaking out in this situation and want to seek immediate help. A little brief about my past. I lost my mother when i was small and recently last year my dad expired ...
A. 13 February 2014: So would you cut your nose off to spite your face ? I.e.- Basically, you don't get along with your SIL, you don't like where and how you live, your heart's desire is to be happy , work, earn, be independent and go to school... and you would not ... (read in full...)
College peer said something which hit a nerve. How should I react to this considering the issues I have?
Q. Slight problem, but this ones getting to me. I am at college at the moment, and i'm doing some GCSE retakes because I decided it would be better than going straight on to A-levels. My GCSE cl...
A. 13 February 2014: Curious.
You go on about how far and ugly and unattractive you feel, then immediately after you mention taking offence at being called a possible lesbian.
Is it a coincidence ? Or the lesbian mention offends you because you identify lesbian ... (read in full...)
Why is it okay to criticize big boobs?
Q. Every time there is a question about small breasts, I've noticed a lot of people take it upon themselves to criticise big breasts and call them 'ugly' and 'saggy' it's really insensitive, and quite offensive. The latest question I'm referring to is ...
A. 13 February 2014: Why is it NOT ok to criticize big boobs ( ... said by a woman who has very big boobs ) ?
Why the PC police is constantly on patrol, why people should not be allowed, in the due context ( of a discussion about breasts , not about YOUR own brea... (read in full...)
Are there guys out there that will look past my body and like me for who I am?
Q. This is a really hard question to ask because I'm fairly certain of the answer, but I was wondering if I will ever find some one because of my size. I'm very small for my age (18), I look much younger I'm very thin. Are there guys out there that ...
A. 12 February 2014: Ok, I'll take the liberty of reading CMMP's mind and assolving him from suspects of gay bashing. I think what he meant is simply this :
Fashion is created, launched and promoted ( and models are sent on the runways ) by fashion designers, many... (read in full...)
I thought I was doing the right thing by being honest but he turned it against me
Q. I recently met someone and felt it right to be upfront about the fact I had ( several years ago now) been involved in an abusive relationship. I left that relationship with nothing, emotionally,financially and tbh was completely broken and had to ...
A. 12 February 2014: @llifton : I get what you say, and actually I admire your approach as a sign of a warm hearted , generous nature,- but you seem to forget that it's not a mandatory approach and other people could choose a different one without for this being ... (read in full...)
I thought I was doing the right thing by being honest but he turned it against me
Q. I recently met someone and felt it right to be upfront about the fact I had ( several years ago now) been involved in an abusive relationship. I left that relationship with nothing, emotionally,financially and tbh was completely broken and had to ...
A. 12 February 2014: If you want to take things slow at the beginning of a new relationship, you just take things slow, you don't need to justify it with the recital of your life story. You could take things slow because you are a type who takes things slow. You ... (read in full...)
Are there guys out there that will look past my body and like me for who I am?
Q. This is a really hard question to ask because I'm fairly certain of the answer, but I was wondering if I will ever find some one because of my size. I'm very small for my age (18), I look much younger I'm very thin. Are there guys out there that ...
A. 12 February 2014: Of course you'll find men who will be attracted to you. There are entire races , entire populations with generally short, petite women, if nobody liked them, they'd be extint by now.
Plus, assuming that your body is " imperfect " ( but "per... (read in full...)
For nine years I believed my lover was married but I've recently learned he isn't
Q. I began this relationship with my lover over 9 years ago and up until a 2 weeks ago believed that he was married because he told me so. He revealed in an online conversation that he was never legally married to the woman he claimed as his wife. N...
A. 12 February 2014: Where to go from here ?... Anywhere BUT in the direction you took before.
There's no point in scolding you now for what you have done, or for having been too naive too cynical too complacent etc.etc- what is done is done. But, in order to not do a... (read in full...)
Is it normal for female friends to tease their male friends with their breasts?
Q. Is it normal for female friends to tease their male friends with their breasts? Since I met them in college, my two female friends tend to mess with me. They know I can be a bit, what's the word...embarrassed when I see their cleavage or something. ...
A. 12 February 2014: Your friends flashed you ( in public ? ) to have you pay their drinks ?!
Who are your friends, Snooki and JWow ?
Maybe you should look for classier friends...... (read in full...)
Is it unusual for a man of his age to take lots of photographs of himself?
Q. This might seem like an odd question, but it's in the context of a lot of other behaviour that I won't go into. Is it unusual for a man in his 30's or 40's to take lots of photographs of himself - I mean lots of him doing activities but a...
A. 11 February 2014: Bah- even President Obama takes selfies , I don't see why this guy shouldn't. Perhaps he is going a bit overboard with the quantity- maybe he is an egocentric type.
As for the pics, I carry my son's pics in my wallet.One is current, the othe... (read in full...)
Does he like me or are we nothing to each other?
Q. Hey guys so there is this guy and he's 9 years older than me anyway he's is constantly hot and cold like it's okay for him to say he likes me a lot and misses me but if I say it back he's like stop rushing into things like we've known each other a ...
A. 11 February 2014: Get out now. What he wants, is blatant. He wants to get laid - where he wants, when he wants ( apparently, this Tuesday ) and his plans and projects don't go beyond that. There's nothing to " work out " and, to his credit, he's being obvious and ... (read in full...)
Is porn really to blame for the relationship problems many women attribute to it?
Q. Spoiler alert. Some may find this misogynistic and or demeaning to women!!! This is the Chicken/Egg paradox. When I was a kid most wives were stay at home moms, were financially dependent on their husbands and were either submissive by choice...
A. 11 February 2014: Now that I think of it, yes, I would dispute EVERYTHING you say in your update.
Tbh, I am not totally sure about exactly 40 years ago- 1974- because then I was a school kid not very socially aware and mostly interested in wearing miniskirts and ... (read in full...)
Calling all girls in long term relationships for opinions...
Q. Hi. Please do not make any judgements or assumptions. I simply want opinions from girls in LT relationships. How would you feel if your boyfriend went travelling with a boy mate without inviting you for one month to six months? ...
A. 11 February 2014: It depends. One month is a vacation , -fine, no problem. 6 months is sort of a life plan, and one that does not include you. And, if it were for work or study , Ok- but just for fun and adventure ? why does it have to be right now, why can't he ... (read in full...)
How to stop comparing myself to others and see some good in myself?
Q. As far as Im concerned im a loser compared to other people, Im a gay female and other gay females completely reject me, I have no gay friends(have 2 aquaintances that are very busy) Im not going to go to an event alone and be stared at for being ...
A. 10 February 2014: OP, I have another suggestion, it may sound a bit of a stretch for you but please do not dismiss it right away, just have a look into it OK ?
You say you are quiet. Quiet is fine, not everybody likes chatterboxes. But TOO quiet is not good- you ... (read in full...)
How to stop comparing myself to others and see some good in myself?
Q. As far as Im concerned im a loser compared to other people, Im a gay female and other gay females completely reject me, I have no gay friends(have 2 aquaintances that are very busy) Im not going to go to an event alone and be stared at for being ...
A. 10 February 2014: OP, I have another suggestion, it may sound a bit of a stretch for you but please do not dismiss it right away, just have a look into it OK ?
You say you are quiet. Quiet is fine, not everybody likes chatterboxes. But TOO quiet is not good- you ... (read in full...)
Should I work it out with the father?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and we now have two children together. Our emotional situation has been constantly insecure. I learned early on he had been lying to me about a porn addiction and we tried hard to work through ...
A. 10 February 2014: Why is it so hard ? That sounds in fact a very easy decision, a no brainer. Heck no. You don't go back to a violent abusive man- you said yourself that what he did was unforgivable, so why would you forgive him ? ( Actually, do forgive him in your ... (read in full...)
Is porn really to blame for the relationship problems many women attribute to it?
Q. Spoiler alert. Some may find this misogynistic and or demeaning to women!!! This is the Chicken/Egg paradox. When I was a kid most wives were stay at home moms, were financially dependent on their husbands and were either submissive by choice...
A. 10 February 2014: I am not sure I get what your point is. If you mean that statitics can be misleading when used improperly, you are rediscovering hot water. I read somewhere that the English town with the highest rate of accidental drownings is also the place ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to give him an ultimatum during a fight over our one-year anniversary?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend one year and five months - exclusive for a year. At about 9 months, I asked him about the "next step" and he said he cannot even talk about it until its a year and not to "pressure him". So i let it go - until now. L...
A. 10 February 2014: Ah well. Your update sheds quite some light on things. I guess you just chanced into an eternal bachelor.
Probably he was never going to say , no I am not gonna marry you , and he hoped he could count on your patience for some more time ,bef... (read in full...)
We moved too fast -- is this saveable?
Q. Rewind to a year and a half ago. I met a really great man when I went out with a friend who was in town. I am a teacher and am in the process of adopting my foster daughter who I have had since birth. Before I met him, we were happy and I felt ...
A. 10 February 2014: I don't think you should WANT to save this if it is saveable.
You have a daughter now. You have to put her first , and do the best you can do for her.
I don't think, frankly, the best you can do for her is letting her grow with an alcoholi... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has disappeared and I am very worried.
Q. Hello, I am having a difficult time and I need some advice. First, I have been in a relationship with someone and it hasn't been long, only two months. We got along great and talked all the time for hours. We have always been able to work out any ...
A. 10 February 2014: OP, you keep repeating, but he said he said he said ...
So WHAT ?. You knew diddly squat about the guy, not even his home address, or his FACE as for that, haven't you thought that he could have sent you somebody's else pics ?! ( it happ... (read in full...)
How to stop comparing myself to others and see some good in myself?
Q. As far as Im concerned im a loser compared to other people, Im a gay female and other gay females completely reject me, I have no gay friends(have 2 aquaintances that are very busy) Im not going to go to an event alone and be stared at for being ...
A. 9 February 2014: Personally I don't see anything wrong with being very fair skinned, or pale as you say . I am very white too and I love it. But if you can't stand yur skin tone- that's a supereasy one to fix. Get yourself a nice selftanning lotion, now there are ... (read in full...)
My friend is in a relationship after just three dates with this guy! Is that too quick?
Q. My friend has been on three dates with this guy and already they are in a relationship! Am I the only one who thinks that is very quick? She said that they didn't see any need dragging it out when they know they'd want to be together and like each ...
A. 9 February 2014: Maybe it's quick, but where's the problem ? they did not get married, they did not had kids together, they did not go live together, they did not buy property together....
They got " the title " a bit sooner than you or other girls might have chos... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has disappeared and I am very worried.
Q. Hello, I am having a difficult time and I need some advice. First, I have been in a relationship with someone and it hasn't been long, only two months. We got along great and talked all the time for hours. We have always been able to work out any ...
A. 9 February 2014: Yes, I remember the should I stay friends with this man question. The boxer guy: the one who was so creepy and had made you so anxious and nervous that you were planning to bring along a friend to your first date.
Deep down, you did not full... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is talking marriage, but expects us to live with his family.
Q. Me and my boyfriend had been together for 4 years and he gave me hint to propose me soon. We've discussed about marriage before and yesterday he asked me to look for bedroom design that I like. Problem is, he's the only son in his family and he to...
A. 9 February 2014: Wait a minute, - I am not sure, maybe I am getting you mixed up with another poster and this case I apologize. But I have got the feeling that you might have written us before about this man and situation...
Is that a guy who works in his fami... (read in full...)
New relationship or not?
Q. Hi everyone. I have a question about how to handle a guy I'm sort of seeing. It is really confusing and I think there are a number of reasons why. I met him through a friend just over a month ago. We hit it off right away, got a bit drunk, and e...
A. 8 February 2014: Honestly ?
I think he's bullshitting you big time. . I think that he is not THAT into you. Well, he likes you of course, enough to sleep with you twice in a month if he's got nothing better on his plate - actually , to SEE you twice in a mont... (read in full...)
Whenever a boyfriend even mentions anal sex I become furious
Q. i don't know what is wrong with me, but whenever any of my past partners so much as suggests anything to do with anal sex i get infuriated and not even in an outwards manner but rather in a passive aggressive way. i cannot quiet put my finger on it, ...
A. 8 February 2014: OP, I think you need to scratch a bit more under the surface to make sense of your angry feelings.
I think you only reached the top layer.
I understand what you say: "I realized that I get angry when asked for sex not involving my vagina, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is talking marriage, but expects us to live with his family.
Q. Me and my boyfriend had been together for 4 years and he gave me hint to propose me soon. We've discussed about marriage before and yesterday he asked me to look for bedroom design that I like. Problem is, he's the only son in his family and he to...
A. 8 February 2014: My answer is inevitably superficial, being influenced by customs and attitudes of my culture, area and society.
The type of patriarcal structure with many generations living under one roof was already disappearing, out of rural areas, in the ... (read in full...)
Whenever a boyfriend even mentions anal sex I become furious
Q. i don't know what is wrong with me, but whenever any of my past partners so much as suggests anything to do with anal sex i get infuriated and not even in an outwards manner but rather in a passive aggressive way. i cannot quiet put my finger on it, ...
A. 7 February 2014: I am not sure I understand what you mean... if you are not a fan of anal sex and you don't want to do it for ehatever reasons, you are in good numerous company ... but why does it have to feel like a rejection of your vagina ?..
I don't want to r... (read in full...)
Feeling guilty about bad decisions I've made
Q. Hey I'm a 17 year old girl and I'm in a relationship with a 25 year old man who I am breaking up with on Saturday. I saw controlling signs before but now I've really seen them, I actually feel afraid of him. We have only been together for 3 months ...
A. 6 February 2014: I think you can mend your guilt simply by dumping the controlling older guy as you have planned to do.
I mean, only 3 months- maybe you have been too quick in starting a sexual relationship with the wrong guy, but , you have also been very quic... (read in full...)
My savings are now 1/2 of what they were because b/f borrowed money for 14 months! He's always drunk and wont talk to me about paying me back!
Q. I really don't know what to do about my situation. My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years borrowed money every month for 14 months. My savings are now 1/2 what they were. About once or twice a week if I phone him in the evenings he is drunk, slurred speech, ...
A. 6 February 2014: You can try llifton's approach, you never know...
But, tbh, perhaps I'd just kiss my money ( and the guy too, of course ) goodbye and chalk it up to experience .
14 MONTHS, and he's been regularly scrounging off you ? Without ever an attempt ... (read in full...)
Whenever a boyfriend even mentions anal sex I become furious
Q. i don't know what is wrong with me, but whenever any of my past partners so much as suggests anything to do with anal sex i get infuriated and not even in an outwards manner but rather in a passive aggressive way. i cannot quiet put my finger on it, ...
A. 6 February 2014: I am too a big enemy of illogical, but logic can't be based on faulty premises, and your premises are faulty because you generalize your personal experience and make it universal.
For instance, in all my life I have met ONE man who was frea... (read in full...)
Why do women at night clubs dress provocatively?
Q. Why do the girls at the clubs dress like sluts?? We went to a club last weekend and there were many women barely dressed. One had a dress on so short that her ass was showing and she bent over a few times. Do they really need that much attention?...
A. 6 February 2014: Because that's the dress code in clubs now, I guess ( shrug). They would draw even more attention to themselves if they showed up in pin striped tailored suit and low heeled pumps !
I agree that there may be a fine line between sexy or prov... (read in full...)
Is she just too independent? She doesn't seem to care about me!
Q. Is it Ok to want to be alone all the time? I have a friend (a friendship only) who loves her own company, which us fine, we all do at times.. (she lives alone as do I) but its to the point now where she really geniunely likes being al...
A. 30 January 2014: The theatre ticket thing is just RUDE. Not socially awkward - just plain bad manners, and I understand that you are annoyed .You have the right to be - and to call her out on her behaviour.
Well, I understand, personally, what she means. It I... (read in full...)
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