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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Help. My sister has gone off the rails and I worry about her son.
Q. 12 Years ago, my sister got pregnant out of wedlock and at first tried to move out of her apartment with her friends and home with us. Thankfully, her friends weren't having it because she owed rent money (she had planned to work from home and pay ...
A. 26 February 2014: To be frank I think you should just stay off the issue, and let Social Services do their work. It seems that all in all they have been doing a good job, offering plenty of solutions and opportunities to your sister, and , although she might have ... (read in full...)
If a young female sleeps around, does it change the views men have of them?
Q. Okay! I'd like some opinions on this please. I am a college student and I have a lot of female friends who are my age (17-18) who simply enjoy to have NSA sex, one night stands, and FWB's. ...
A. 26 February 2014: I have sort of got this feeling that you are fishing for a specific answer, the " virtuous " one, something along the lines of : these girls are popular just because they have a repitation as easy lays, so the boys will be around them like dogs ... (read in full...)
He wants me to move away with him but I can't stand the thought of leaving my friends and family behind
Q. A year ago, I met the man of my dreams. I am 21, and he is 27. He is originally from Australia, and had spent the last three years living in the uk. He moved over here to live with his father who is a British citizen. We met through mutual friends,...
A. 26 February 2014: Gauntlet, although it's not comparable like moving from France to an Asian country, I did like you , I moved from a town in Northern Italy to Los Angeles, California and, believe me, it was a BIG step and a big adjustment, considering that there ... (read in full...)
If she can't take money from me in this crunch, what's the point of me being her fiance and see her struggling?
Q. I have been in love with American woman for two years. I met her when I was visiting US for business purpose. She also came to Pakistan and I also go here and there. I'm 33 , she is 28. We were engaged now and she has ring from my side and I have ...
A. 26 February 2014: Maybe she grew up with a mom like mine- my mom drilled into my head to never ever accept any money or expensive objects by any man but my father or a legally wedded husband. That, not only for a question of good taste and moral " elegance ", but ... (read in full...)
I would love for us to make a step forward in living together but he is not prepared to talk about any future plans!
Q. Hi , would love an answer to a complexed dilemma . My boyfriend lives in London . I live in Scotland , we have been seeing each other for three years . I would love to see a step forward towards us living together . I was told by my boyfrien...
A. 26 February 2014: Hehe, I am so glad that Tisha 1 said it first so if there are Scottish readers they'll get mad at HER :) but yeah, if he does not want to move from London to Scotland , I can't quite blame him.
But, does he refuse to move to Scotland, or ( pa... (read in full...)
Broken up for 1.5 years yet still cry almost every day
Q. Has anyone else ever thought about something an ex did even though you've been broken up for a year and a half? The thing he did was two years ago. I don't want to say what it was. I cry nearly every day. My parents think I'm mentally ill as I ...
A. 25 February 2014: Tisha-1 is right,toss it and turn it as you like, you do need specialized help IF you want to make changes . I think your parents' worries aren't unwarranted, - or do you actually believe that 2 years of misery and tears because once someone told ... (read in full...)
First one night stand has me wondering why boys are like this!
Q. On Friday I had my first ever one night stabd! But I really havebt taken it well I didn't know the guy I had met him that night And had spent most of the night with him we had got to talking and he took me back to his. Obviously everything happened ...
A. 25 February 2014: No, it just means it was an one night stand . It's like you are complaining because you went in a shoe store , and they did not sell any perfume there. But there wasn't supposed to be any.
" One " night, you know ?... It does not involve tend... (read in full...)
Now then ...what about sexual fantasies in committed relationships?
Q. Hello, I have a strict question about sexuality/fantasies in relationships. First off, I have come to a point with my girlfriend where I'm pretty certain everything can be put in the open if asked correctly, that is, it works generally with...
A. 24 February 2014: I guess it just means that she is different from you.
Not everybody is so disciplined that they can train their mind to have sexy thoughts ONLY over the most socially appropriate object, in fact you are so disciplined that somehow you have trai... (read in full...)
I am being shut out by his language!
Q. Hi! I need advice on a relationship with language differences. When I met my boyfriend he didnt know any English, but he insisted on being with me. He worked hard to learn English and did well. Now his daughter came to live with us full time and he ...
A. 24 February 2014: Duh ! Learn Spanish. It does not take Einstein, as languages go it is totally not a hard one.
Of course, HIS daughter will have to learn English too. But if she is here to stay , and is going or will go to school, I don't see how she can AVOI... (read in full...)
Hurtful comments from stranger .........
Q. Today I went to a coffee shop and ordered myself something to drink. While I was about to leave the shop, I walked by a group of guys and they were looking at me and laughing at me. I heard one of the guys said, "did you see that girl?" "Did you get ...
A. 24 February 2014: I agree with CMMP , it must be a misunderstanding or your imagination or the fact that you have a negative self perception which makes you think any laughs you hear are about you .
Sure, people can be inconsiderate and rude , at times - they... (read in full...)
Hurtful comments from stranger .........
Q. Today I went to a coffee shop and ordered myself something to drink. While I was about to leave the shop, I walked by a group of guys and they were looking at me and laughing at me. I heard one of the guys said, "did you see that girl?" "Did you get ...
A. 24 February 2014: I agree with CMMP , it must be a misunderstanding or your imagination or the fact that you have a negative self perception which makes you think any laughs you hear are about you .
Sure, people can be inconsiderate and rude , at times - they... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks I am cheating because I am 'too loose".
Q. Help, my boyfriend, we've been together for 2 years and he thinks I'm cheating because I feel "loose", and I feel it to. We used to have sex everyday, but it began to lessen. Now we have sex once every two weeks, and even then I still feel loose, I ...
A. 24 February 2014: Tell him that it's not your vagina that got looser, it's his penis which shrunk :).
I am surprised that you even take seriously his ignorance and misinformation. Your vagina is a sturdy, resilient, heavy duty muscular structure, at your age , an... (read in full...)
After four years of dating he still avoids talking about committment.
Q. Hi cupids, I'm looking for some advice because I'm really upset and I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 and a half years, and we've been having some issues lately because he has been avoiding th...
A. 24 February 2014: That's what sounds strange to me, in 4 years you never got any hint that you had chanced into the last of the romantic dreamers ?...
Yes, because let's face it, his " dream " , which was very popular , and somewhat attainable,in the late 70's... (read in full...)
Broken up for 1.5 years yet still cry almost every day
Q. Has anyone else ever thought about something an ex did even though you've been broken up for a year and a half? The thing he did was two years ago. I don't want to say what it was. I cry nearly every day. My parents think I'm mentally ill as I ...
A. 24 February 2014: You might be depressed and depression IS a mental illness, in the sense that is a medical condition which affects your moods , behaviour , thoughts and feelings, i.e. your mental health and functioning overall. Not all mental illnesses consist in ... (read in full...)
Broken up for 1.5 years yet still cry almost every day
Q. Has anyone else ever thought about something an ex did even though you've been broken up for a year and a half? The thing he did was two years ago. I don't want to say what it was. I cry nearly every day. My parents think I'm mentally ill as I ...
A. 24 February 2014: You might be depressed and depression IS a mental illness, in the sense that is a medical condition which affects your moods , behaviour , thoughts and feelings, i.e. your mental health and functioning overall. Not all mental illnesses consist in ... (read in full...)
LDR boyfriend talked terribly to me and now I think he's broken up with me
Q. Hello I am a 36 year old female in a long distance relationship with a 48 year olf man. I love him very much but, in the pass he has been very verbally abusive, calling me bitches and saying fuck you! I forgave him when he asked for forgiveness and ...
A. 23 February 2014: What queen does he treat you like - Marie Antoinette ?... She ended badly you know... she was " nexted " too, and very brutally...
OP, seriously ?? You ask what you should do ?.... You should forget about this jerk and let him free to go insu... (read in full...)
Even if I started something with this co-worker it couldn't last. What do I do?
Q. Hi, i am so disturbed because I like this guy very much.we started out as friends but he took it to another level by really engaging with me, getting at a very personal level.I have a partner but my relationship with him is not strong.This guy on ...
A. 23 February 2014: " Our " situation ? does this mean your suitor has a partner too... ?
Otherwise , it' s kind of simple: you leave your current partner, with whom anyway the relationship is not string, as shown by the fact that you are falling for someone else... (read in full...)
He keeps cancelling on me at the last minute
Q. I have been talking to a guy for a few weeks now. I really like him and he says he likes me, too. We have similar interests and career goals (music and art) and we are both kind of socially awkward and creative people; I think we click well (but he ...
A. 23 February 2014: Just drop him, how many " second chances " do you want to give him ?
Either he is very minimallyh into you, i.e. only as long as it does not take him any effort, any planning , any adjustment- or maybe he is into you but his life is so busy ,cha... (read in full...)
My thirteen year old caught my husband and I having sex. How do I repair the relationship with her?
Q. so every friday, my susband has a day off. we thought to make it special on valentines day, and ended up having sex. we didn't hear the key turn in the door because the next thing i know, my thirteen yearold daughter's standing in the doorway ...
A. 23 February 2014: I don't get how people can be so thick skinned.
Who cares if sex is healthy normal and natural ? there are tons of things that are healthy normal and natural, yet you do them in strict privacy and do not impose them on casual bystanders. That... (read in full...)
All are blaming me for reporting what I had to. What are your thoughts on people be allowed to bring their children or baby to their workplace?
Q. What is everyone's opinion on people bringing their babies/ children to the work place? The reason I ask is because last week 1 of my colleagues, who is on maternity leave came in with her baby who is 7 months old. We work in a call centre and...
A. 23 February 2014: I am with WiseOwlE. You did not need to report the accident to your management.
The customer was upset about your company having misplaced his order. He was just posturing and throwing his weight around because already irritated by the hand... (read in full...)
Should I bake and take him a cake?
Q. I am overcoming a long, co-dependent relationship. I have looked into my childhood with help of a counsellor and I understand why I was co-dependent. In order to change and move on I've had to not only look at co-dependency in my past ...
A. 22 February 2014: Ok, got it... what people some times do in your office is to bring in goodies for EVERYBODY to share. So if you are going to bring your mini cakes for everybody, AND you are also offering him one, go ahead of course ( then again, you have no ... (read in full...)
Have I said too much too soon? Or should I be more frank with him?
Q. I am 24 years old and I struggle to act interested in guys. I have friends who are so full on with guys and scare them away that i try my best not to be like this and act uninterested usually. I work with a guy I really like who is professional but ...
A. 22 February 2014: I agree more or less with the other poster . Insofar, you made your move, do not insisit, now it's his turn, if he does not do anything... he just likes you as a flirt-and-banter buddy.
Things are seldom either black or white, it sounds to me l... (read in full...)
Should I interfere?
Q. I have two older sisters and, unfortunately there is a fall out with the eldest one and she has been off the scene for a year and a half. I learned she was dating someone older and she visited our mother at Christmas with him. Right enough, he is ni...
A. 22 February 2014: Maybe I be honest ? If I were your sister , I would be off the scene too. For the duration.
She, a 44 y.o. adult not mentally incapacitated, brings home her love interest. Your mom is not too inpressed. And this is enough for you to go hog wild... (read in full...)
Should I bake and take him a cake?
Q. I am overcoming a long, co-dependent relationship. I have looked into my childhood with help of a counsellor and I understand why I was co-dependent. In order to change and move on I've had to not only look at co-dependency in my past ...
A. 22 February 2014: No no, no cake !
He asked you to bring him a drink, once. Ok, that's fine, bring him a drink- as you would do for any other colleague , I guess. If he asks as second time, because he gets " sruck " in his offoce again... uhm, ok. Benefit of the ... (read in full...)
My ex who tried to ruin my relationship has contacted me. I don't want to hurt her, but I don't want to hurt my partner. What should I do?
Q. Me and my ex broke up back in June after being together for a year and a half. We tried being friends but this proved impossible after I started seeing someone four months later. This lead to something of a bitter parting for us. She and her family ...
A. 21 February 2014: You know what you should do : keep ignoring your ex - it's just that for some reason you don't want to do it. And you are hoping that somebody can help you come up with some excuse why it would instead be a good idea contacting her.
I am sure thi... (read in full...)
My fiancée is having a stroppy moment over something seemingly small, why?
Q. Hi aunts n uncles, I have been with my fiancée for three years now, shes 23 im 26. The other night I told her that I was going to Bath in Somerset to maintain some equipment for a few nights and I said that I would like to be in my own bed when ...
A. 21 February 2014: I think maybe she wants sex every night because she fear your interest is waning, ( and probably she thinks ot's waning precisely she knows she does not give you enough sexually ) and that is the way to rekindle the flame.
But why shou... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for disliking my sister?
Q. Am I wrong for this? I'm starting to not like my sister. She is always gossiping about someone and she has nothing positive to say about anything. I hate it when people clean other people's closet and not their's. I'm college student looking to go ...
A. 20 February 2014: No you are not wrong .You can love people without actually liking them, particularly if by their actions they make themselves difficult to like.
But, she is your sister, and anyway she is just an imperfect human being same as you are . So why don'... (read in full...)
Why is this position we use still causing me problems?
Q. My boyfriend and I have regular sex, we like to try different positions but our favourite is usually cowgirl where I am on top of him. When we first tried this position I had never done it I wasn't any good and he was doing most of the work. I thou...
A. 20 February 2014: .. If you find this position awkward / umcomfortable, then it is not YOUR favourite position, it's only HIS favourite position... A very simple solution would be to just skip in favour of a few dozens of other positions you can pick from...
I... (read in full...)
Shut my friends out because of my relationship
Q. Since getting with my boyfriend in August 2013, I've hardly seen my friends. I used to see them almost every weekend, we would go out and have drinks and have a laugh. I miss some of them alot but I'm too stubborn to admit I've been in the wrong as ...
A. 20 February 2014: I don't think this is even a situation which requires huge helpings of humble pie and solemn promises of atonement.
You just call up or email these people, or some of them, and simply say the truth : Hey guys, I have been missing you so much... (read in full...)
He's been so disrespectful to me, I didn't even want to contact him except to tell him I'm moving so he can get his things!
Q. The guy I was seeing for a few months broke up with me a few weeks back. Well, I say broke up, he more or less ignored me til I got the hint it was over. When I finally spoke to him and asked why, he said it was because I was too much of a flirt ...
A. 19 February 2014: How is he being disrespectful to you ? You are broken up. You aren't together anymore ( also assuming that commenting on a mutual friend's FB page WAS actually disrespectful ). He can do what he wants. He can flirt with Michelle Obama if he ... (read in full...)
Who am I to criticise his looks?
Q. I am 5'4 and quite short. I generally date guys of 6' and have always been very drawn to tall dark haired men 5'11 and above. I have met someone who is really nice and we get in really well. I am finding it hard to adapt to the fact he is quit...
A. 18 February 2014: But you don't " criticize " him, you just don't find him physically attractive. You don't say that there's something basically wrong with him, or that no other women will find him attractive. It just happens that you are not among those women who ... (read in full...)
My friends want to move abroad without their young-adult children
Q. Am interested what you think of this situation. Some friends of min are bith 52, and have 2 kids: girl of 18 and boy of 20. The parents want to emigrate from england to spain on a permanent basis. The kids dont want to go with them. But the p...
A. 18 February 2014: If it's a problem of money, the parents could help them out financially even from abroad, they don't need to physically be living under the same roof , to make sure that their kids do not struggle too hard . Anyway I assume that the kids had ... (read in full...)
He bugged me and bugged me for a nude picture and I never gave in, but I want what we had back! Advice, please!
Q. Alright so this isn't really a question but more of a combination of a question and a rant. It might be really long but I really need help with this. Its kind of a long story so last year was my first year in highschool. my first seme...
A. 17 February 2014: Pardon me anon female but that's a curious observation. A nude pic ( for Chris at least ) has exactly the same function as porn. It is masturbation tool. The fact that the body belongs to a girl he knows may actually make it " dirtier " and " ... (read in full...)
Looking for some life advice
Q. This is weird, but I want to get some advice. I want to change some personality traits of mine that do nothing but bring me down and take away opportunities for a better life, but they deal with fighting my nerves and anger. -I hold grudges...
A. 17 February 2014: I think your two problems are strictly related . You hold grudges toward your ex best friend precisely because you have such a hard time connecting with new people and making new friends, so you latch on deeply to anybody you can have this ... (read in full...)
Getting mixed signals from my ex.
Q. Hi everyone, I need some advice! So my ex boyfriend and I are on and off, I haven't seen him in 2 weeks, I got the impression he was losing interest and distancing himself from me, so I left him alone. He sent me a text on valentines day n...
A. 17 February 2014: I just had a mystic "a-ha " moment. What if all the people who gets mixed messages would just decide " mixed messages aren't good enough for me " and rather than having to play mind reader , they decided to ONLY focus their interest and attention ... (read in full...)
Is he interested in me? He's cancelled a couple of dates.
Q. I met a guy about a month ago and we have been talking every single day ever since. We are both artists and musicians and I love to talk to him, it's like we never run out of things to talk about. We went on our first date a few weeks ago and it ...
A. 17 February 2014: I guess it depends from the job and the job situation. It is Ok to cancel last minute for work- if you are a cop, a paramedic, an E.R. doctor, a firefighter,the CEO of a big company, or whatever kind of work , where you are pretty much on call and ... (read in full...)
He got me absolutely nothing for Valentine's Day!
Q. Should I be upset he got me absolutely nothing for Valentine's Day? My boyfriend and I both agree that Valentine's day is not a big deal. We are in a long distance relationship-been together about 8 months. We don't see eachother very often in pe...
A. 17 February 2014: But if you say that you AGREED Valentine's day is not a big deal, your complaint makes no sense.
Valentine's day is not a big deal to you, so you just give him a card, just for the heck of it, to not make a fuss about Valentine yet not lett... (read in full...)
I lent my online bf money for the trip to meet me...am I being used?
Q. I've been in an on-line relationship for 2 months. My bf and I decided to meet, so we went ahead and made plans. But a few days before he realised he doesn't have enough money for the trip. I have agreed to lend him but I keep wondering if I am ...
A. 17 February 2014: I am a bit confused . " ... he had to buy a new ticket , which ate up all the money he had got ".
So, do you mean that : 1 ) he had bought his first ticket 2) he missed his flight 3 ) he had to buy a second ticket 4 ) which ate up all HIS mone... (read in full...)
He bugged me and bugged me for a nude picture and I never gave in, but I want what we had back! Advice, please!
Q. Alright so this isn't really a question but more of a combination of a question and a rant. It might be really long but I really need help with this. Its kind of a long story so last year was my first year in highschool. my first seme...
A. 17 February 2014: What do you need to do ? I hope you don't mind a it of tough love, but you need to wake up, and grow up ! Of course you are very young, but you are not totally oblivious, you are capable to make to plus two four, right ?, and to draw inferences ... (read in full...)
How can I be intimate with my fiancé without upsetting my daughter? She hears us despite us being quiet.
Q. Ok, need help on this one! This is sort of embarrasing but I need someone to tell me what I should do. I have 3 children from my last marriage. I am widowed. I finally meet a wonderful man, and we are engaged to be married in July. I have a cape c...
A. 16 February 2014: Sorry, nobody asked me but I really have trouble keeping my big mouth shut and not adding my two cents .
OP, what do you mean exactly with " they know they can't get away with anything with him " ?
HOW do they know ? Because his job his ... (read in full...)
After a year of dating he is pressuring me to tell him where I live.
Q. Hi, I have been seeing this guy for almost an year, I know where he lives but he doesn't know where I live because he hadn't been interested but now he won't see me again untill I take him to my place. Why the sudden inerest? Problem is that he is ...
A. 16 February 2014: I concur with the others. I think he may have been wondering since a while why exactly in one year he has not been allowed to visit you at home or pick you up from there- it is a bit strange. I guess now he wonders if you are hiding a husband or ... (read in full...)
How can I be intimate with my fiancé without upsetting my daughter? She hears us despite us being quiet.
Q. Ok, need help on this one! This is sort of embarrasing but I need someone to tell me what I should do. I have 3 children from my last marriage. I am widowed. I finally meet a wonderful man, and we are engaged to be married in July. I have a cape c...
A. 15 February 2014: While I agree with the others that this is not just a problem of being bothered by the noise , as it could be with a noisy neighbour, and that your daughter probably is a) not keen on sharing you with a stepdad b ) tryng to show you who is ... (read in full...)
I lent my online bf money for the trip to meet me...am I being used?
Q. I've been in an on-line relationship for 2 months. My bf and I decided to meet, so we went ahead and made plans. But a few days before he realised he doesn't have enough money for the trip. I have agreed to lend him but I keep wondering if I am ...
A. 18 January 2014: Did you send money ti an in line guy that you haven't ever met ?... I would not be surprised if he never showed up, let alone giving you your money back.... (read in full...)
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