A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please i need an explanation i just had sex with my fiance for the first time,and he knows i am a virgin but the problem now is i didn't bleed at all just excruciating pains...please i don't know if that is normal or should i see the gynocologist about this...
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 February 2014):
 I SO agree with Aunty Em. That would be such a turn off for me, and for many other women I guess : a bf who is both pigheaded and IGNORANT.
Mind you, I am not even talking about formal education, although a college education is always a nice thing of course. But, for instance, an ex of mine had not even finished middle school ( he had grown up in a poor, undeveloped country ) yet he was very well informed, very at current, very " together " intellectually. He would read newspapers , watch the news , search for stuff on Internet, pay attention to what people talk about. He was very curious, if he heard me mentioning, say, a historical figure , or an illness, that he was not familiar with, he would ask me " Who was that person, what he did of important, when did he live " or " what illness is it, what are the symptoms " etc.
But, your bf is a ) so ignorant to not have ever heard of something that nowadays is very common knowledge, i.e. that not always there is blood the first time, because often the hymen has either gone broken through exercise etc. OR is of a flexyble type, which yields to pressure and frays without rupturing B ) and also, which is worse, so closeminded and mistrustful to not even believe to the professional opinion of a competent specialist !
But no, he has to stick to his misguided prejudices, know better than a licensed OB/ GYN... and doubt your word.
Tell me, does not this make you want to apply a swift kick to his backside and get him out of your way ? ? Not even a little bit ?...
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (16 February 2014):
 So...after you have provided him with evidence that what you are saying is the truth and had a medical exam, he still doesn't believe you???...and even though it's making you upset...you choose to stay with him???
Well I guess it is your life and if you choose to sacrifice yourself to a man who is so narrow minded then really you have nothing else to complain about.
Good Luck at a life with him!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your contributions even if it doesn't make me feel better cause you know how stubborn men are he wouldn't believe a thing i tell him,i took your advice and went to see a gynocologist with him whom also confirmed what i said,but to no avail...thanks alot for your advice cause i was beginning to run out of options and tears.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack  +, writes (22 January 2014):
Honey,you're fine.
I really didn't bleed either, just pain like you said.
But if you're feeling afraid, absolutely go see your gyno, just for peace of mind. It won't hurt anything.
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (22 January 2014):
 Your hymen is the thing which bleeds when some people have sex for the first time.
However its a huge mis-conception that all women bleed the first time they have sex.
Loads of women break there hymen before they even have sex, sometimes inserting tampons, or daily activity can break the hymen even though they are still a virgin.
Its nothing to worry about, and the pain during sex for the first time is normal, as of course your vagina is being stretched, and if he was well in-dowed it can make the pain worse.
Just don't worry as its very common and you do not need to see a gyno because of this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 January 2014):
 I agree with Auntie Em and SVC it's normal not to bleed.
And it's ALSO a very good idea to start seeing a GYNO on a regular basis once you start being sexually active.
And consider being on Birth control, even if your BF uses a condom. Better safe then knocked up.
The pain (excruciating, as you put it) is not norm. Some women aren't relaxed enough, some aren't lubricated(aroused) enough and thus the pain. Other might have a medical condition, so again... SEEING a GYNO on a regular basis is a SMART thing to do for a sexually active woman.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 January 2014):
 I didn't bleed the first time... does not mean it's not normal.
IF you have not seen a gyn before you should do it now anyway.... all sexually active women need to see the gyn regularly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014): I didn't bleed the first time I had sex either. No worries
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2014): What AuntyEm said covers it. Also, while you don't need to see your gynocologist specifically about the lack of blood, which is normal, it's still a good idea to see your gynocologist, especially when you become sexually active.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (22 January 2014):
Yes it can be completely normal not to bleed. The bleeding comes from the hymen breaking (the thin membrane covering the vagina) Most women wear away their hymen through daily activity, playing sports, having periods, wearing tampons etc and so when they do lose their virginity, they will have some pain but not necessarilly bleeding.
Even if they do bleed it can be just a couple of spots of blood that can be easily missed.
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