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Ever since I can remember people have always fascinated me. I seemed to be very adept at solving people’s “life” problems and I never tired of the constant flow of friends asking for my help. I have always been a great listener and have a lot of patience and empathy for people and have written for advice columns in the past.
I am a Relationships Councillor and Life Coach and have a special aptitude with people. I have been active on this site for a number of years. I'm very much a positive thinker and hate being around negative people. Life is for living, it's too short to moan all the time. I'm determined, very spiritual, grounded, independent, strong willed and love life. Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.
If you realized just how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought. The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
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| Latest articles: REAL Love!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 July 2010: I have written this blog a few times but I thought I'd write it in an "article", that way people can always view it. To love a person, first and foremost you must KNOW them personally. Lots of teenagers say they "love" a celebrity or are "in love"...
Some tips for a happy marriage!
This question has 9 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: MARRIAGE - WHAT IS EXPECTED IN A MARRIAGE? Once you marry, don’t expect everything just to fall into place. Marriage is a serious commitment but it needs to be continually worked at. Too many people today go into marriage for the wrong reasons, t...
20 questions to ask someone on a date!
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: So many of the younger ones on this site tend to be a bit tongue tied about what to ask their date so here are 20 things to ask someone on that first date. 1. What do you like to do when you're not working? 2. Where in the world would you most...
Why do you think marriages break up more now than in the past?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: Do you remember years ago when families used to sit in at nights? They had no TV, no computer games, no telephones, no DVD's, no video recorders etc etc. They had one another! They had TIME to get to know one another, to BE with one another to ...
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I am still so damn confused!!!
Q. This is to thank those of you who took the time to email me back. I haven't had sex with this married man. It just seems as though he and his wife live seperate lives. She does her thing he does his? I really don't know if I should just dump him ...
A. 11 February 2007: I'm so so sorry to hear of your loss Pam. I can't begin to imagine how you must have felt (feel). Seeing a married man is not the answer though and I think you know this. He's taken, pure and simple. Unless he's willing to move out and make a ... (read in full...)
Horrified that I kissed my good friend's husband, while I was drunk! I feel badly about this- am I obliged to tell her?
Q. I kissed my best friend's husband and I am feeling horrific On Friday night, my best friend, her husband and me got very drunk. We ended up skinnny dipping and when she went inside the house, her husband and I kissed. The problem is that I rememb...
A. 11 February 2007: How do you think your best friend would handle it if you told her? YOU know there was nothing in it, YOU know nothing will come of it, YOU know you were drunk and YOU know it was a drunken silly mistake. It's done, over with, in the past!!
Telli... (read in full...)
I'm still thinking about my ex! Does this mean that I still love him and is this natural?
Q. i have been goin out with this amazing lad for about 2 months but i cant stop thinking about my ex even though i have no feelings for him at all...well i dont think i do. i'm confused....does it mean that because i'm still thinking about m...
A. 11 February 2007: Your ex will always have that special place within you because he was your first love and of course that means your first boyfriend. You may feel sorry for him that you broke up but now you need to move on. You will probably have quite a few ... (read in full...)
Will he ever change back to the sweetheart he once was, or should I just walk away from this?
Q. iv been n a relationship for about 6yrs, i know im inlove with him but feel completely unloved by him. we still havent moved in together but he stays every night he doesnt pay towards anything excpt half on the electric bill. he never wants me to go ...
A. 11 February 2007: He's told you he doesn't care one bit about you??? And you're asking me should you stay????? Do you really need a loser like this in your life? Think about it, he stays with you, eats your food, sleeps in your bed, gambles at weekends, goes out ... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose him! But he's ignoring me--what should I do?
Q. I really love my boyfriend but over the last few days he won't return my calls and he is acting like I've done something wrong. I don't want to lose him or I will die! Please i really need some help..xxx...
A. 11 February 2007: Oh stop being so dramatic! lol There must be a reason he hasn't called? Have you both had words? If he's not returning your calls he's telling you something isn't he? Something obviously isn't right. You don't say how long you've been together ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend jealous of my son?
Q. Dear cupid~ I am sooooooo confused -I Have 3 kids 15, 12, 4 all from my marriage of 15 years. Had a live in boyfriend for about 4 years. To make a long story short - the boyfriend seems to think my son (15) wants to sleep with me-OMG. He has ...
A. 11 February 2007: You rightly said your children come first! He is obviously very jealous of the relationship you have with your children, especially your 15 year old son and of course the son will see this and he'll only grow to resent and hate him. Think what it ... (read in full...)
My friend is moving away to a new job and I have a lot of feelings for him and don't know if I should tell him. I don't think he has any idea
Q. the guy i'm in love with is moving in a couple months for work (for few years). when he found out that he got this new job he wanted to tell me that same day (we have a close friendship). however, i was unable to answer his call. he then rang me the ...
A. 11 February 2007: Why don't you bring into the conversation that it's your birthday soon and you'd love it if you he could make a special effort so that you can both do something together. I think he will!
It's so hard when you have feelings for someone then hea... (read in full...)
How do I tell my friend I like her but I hate going to her house?
Q. I have a best friend and I like her but I dont Like to go to her house Because..... Her House is a Mess and It has an Odour. Her Mum is On Drugs and Drink and They Never Take care of it! She Thinks That I dont Like her Anymore but I do.. I just dont ...
A. 11 February 2007: Let her know that you like her very much and you always want her as your friend but tell her when you go to her house you feel depressed and sad for HER! Let her know her house is untidy (don't mention the odour, that would offend her.) Why don't ... (read in full...)
I am in a long distance relationship and want to move to be with him. I want a break to get my head round this to make sure I'm doing the right thing. Am I being unreasonable?
Q. My boyfriend and i have been dating for almost 3 years and it is a long distance relationship. we live a little over an hour from each other. I am thinking about moving up there but i think i need to take a break first for a few months to get my ...
A. 11 February 2007: It's the right thing to do. Next time you're together (not on the phone) tell him how you feel. Let him know you love him and you see yourself moving to be with him but you need to be 100 per cent sure that you're making the right decision. Let ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend accepted my marriage proposal a while back, now she's saying she doesn't want to be with me any more? What can I do?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for some time now and i asked her to marry me not too far back and she said yes, but now she says she can't deal with with having a boyfriend anymore. I dont know what to do last time this happend she slept with ...
A. 11 February 2007: It seems to me you're the more mature one in this relationship. You know how you feel about her and are ready to settle down with her, unfortunately she doesn't feel the same. She seems confused and even a bit overwhelmed by it all and is having ... (read in full...)
Are many women into abstaining from sex till they are married?
Q. Abstaining from sex till marriage advice. I’m a guy, who’s still a virgin at 24 years old. I have always had this idea in my head, that I would like to wait till marriage to have sex. The thing that worries me is, do you think that many women ...
A. 11 February 2007: If you go out with a woman and she doesn't respect your views on not wanting to have sex before marriage then she's not the one for you, plain and simple. Anyone who had any feelings for you would concentrate on getting to know you better first as a ... (read in full...)
I want to ask her out so badly but I don't want it to jeapordise our friendship if she says no.
Q. i've fancied this girl for a few months now and i told her but she said she just wanted to be friends but recently we've been getting on really well and i think i should ask her again but i know that if she says no that'll be it for our friendsh...
A. 11 February 2007: Ask her informally if she fancies going for a coffee with you. If she agrees then that's a step in the right direction. Even although you are only just "friends" with her for now, let that friendship grow and deepen. Share problems with one ... (read in full...)
I am still so damn confused!!!
Q. This is to thank those of you who took the time to email me back. I haven't had sex with this married man. It just seems as though he and his wife live seperate lives. She does her thing he does his? I really don't know if I should just dump him ...
A. 11 February 2007: Pam,
That last answer didn't read very well did it? lol I'll try it again. If you want any more advice on this then send the link from your last question to this, your latest post okay?
Eve... (read in full...)
How can I get her to put her faith in me that I love her and will never cheat on her?
Q. We used to have a great and enjoyable relationship with each other where we'd go do all sorts of things all the time. Since school has started, everything changed. Last semester, she spent most of the time with me and things were good (when school ...
A. 11 February 2007: Hi Ben,
You love her very much don't you? I can tell by the way you write. You also are very understanding and very intuitive of her needs, I commend you for that. Guys like you really don't come around often, she's so lucky to have you.
... (read in full...)
He wants some guy time but I don't want him to leave me. Am I being unreasonable?
Q. My boyfriend has many friends out of state and he wants to go travel and see them. He only wants to bring me on some of the trips. He says because it would be an imposition on some of his friends since their places are small and that he just wants ...
A. 11 February 2007: You've got it wrong, it's YOU who's being the selfish one here. Are you so insecure that you don't trust him? Come on, guys need their space as much as we do. Besides, if he's staying at a friend's house, he's told you his place is small so you ... (read in full...)
What excuse can I use to ask her out? I don't know HOW TO?
Q. how do i ask this girl to meet me? were 16. i really like this girl. we go different colleges so never see each other much. she asked me out on date to eat out. it went well and after she text me thanking me. now it's been 2weeks and we talk on msn ...
A. 11 February 2007: I totally agree with the other aunt. I too thinks she likes you and is waiting for you to ask her out. You SHOULD ask her for her number and give her a call to ask her out on Valentine's day. Write down what you want to say if you think you'll ... (read in full...)
Am I in an unhealthy relationship?
Q. Hi, I am 21 years old and think I may be in an unhealthy relationship. I have been with my partner for five years and love him to bits, in the time I have been with him both my parents have passed away and so as you can imagine I am very attached...
A. 11 February 2007: Hi Kat,
I think you've both gotten into a rut. He probably felt very responsible for you in the beginning and I'm sure he's very fond of you and is even treating you like a sort of surrogate dad. (How old is he anyway?)
You're a fully grown wo... (read in full...)
I like this guy but am too nervous to talk to him. Any suggestions?
Q. dear cupid, i really like this guy and i'm too nervous to say anything to him because i don't wanta screw up. what should i do??? ...
A. 11 February 2007: Like CD said go up to him and say hi, if you've seen him around before say "I've seen you around before, (if he's at school) what year are you in? Are you enjoying school? etc. Mention the weather, the time, what's he doing this weekend, You like ... (read in full...)
I am still so damn confused!!!
Q. This is to thank those of you who took the time to email me back. I haven't had sex with this married man. It just seems as though he and his wife live seperate lives. She does her thing he does his? I really don't know if I should just dump him ...
A. 11 February 2007: Pam, if you want any more advise on this then send the link to your last question to your latest post okay?
Eve... (read in full...)
I think I'm ready to lose my virginity but I'm scared...
Q. i think im ready to lose my virginity with my bf but im scared that it wont fit in beacuse i mite get stressed or something, is there anything i could do to help?...
A. 10 February 2007: Just by reading your letter love, I can answer you in three words... YOU'RE NOT READY!
Eve... (read in full...)
Is there such a thing as loving one another too much?
Q. Okay, this is probably going to sound like a ridiculous question but I just wanted to know what you think. Is loving somebody too much bad for a relationship? Me and my gorgeous guy are so in love it's unbelievable I know in myself th...
A. 10 February 2007: In my opinion you can never love someone too much. Our hearts have a massive capacity to love. Obsessing or becoming infatuated over someone (thinking you love them) is another thing very different and sometimes gets mixed up with love.
Love ... (read in full...)
I want my boyfriend never to look at attractive females, if he truly loved me he'd view me as the most beautiful woman around and look away if other attractive woman pass.
Q. My boyfriend told me that all men (and women) glance at other very attractive members of the opposite sex when they're alone. I don't believe him because my ex never looked at other females (he told me so.) Although I love him, I want a man that...
A. 10 February 2007: Your boyfriend is right! Every male and female looks at other attractive people, it's just nature. That doesn't mean they fancy them or want to go off with them or leave their partner for them, it just means they find them attractive. As for your ... (read in full...)
Why do I tend to drive people away that I really like before they hurt me?
Q. hey.i really need your help.i was seeing this guy, he was really really attractive and yeah i really liked him a LOT. I thought that i had finally met mr.right. However i am very insecure. He met my best friend the other day and had expected that ...
A. 10 February 2007: Okay, first can I ask you... why do you feel so insecure? Is it something that stems from your past? Did something happen or someone say something to you which has made you feel this way? All you need is a bit more confidence and to believe in ... (read in full...)
How can I help my mom? She keeps calling me crying all the time
Q. i dont know what to do. my dad has had 3 affairs.he has been begging mum to have him back for over a year now. she had him back just beafore christmas, then left again last week. she is totaly totally heartbroken AGAIN,, and keeps asking me why she ...
A. 10 February 2007: Your mum seems to have had a bit of a rough time of it lately, I really sympathise with her. She needs someone to talk to about this. Like CD said, there are counsellors available free on the NHS (if you live in the UK - not sure about overseas ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's masturbating all the time was getting me down, he's told me he's stopped now, should I believe him?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years, for all of that time, i have had alot of problems with him masturbating, it makes me very depressed and i feel as if he doesnt care for me and it just gives me extremely low self esteem. I know that ...
A. 10 February 2007: I would say 95 per cent of males masturbate. It is perfectly normal, perfectly healthy and releases a lot of tension. Did he volunteer this information to you or did you ask him if he did it? If you asked him then he was only being honest with ... (read in full...)
Did he really have an affair with this woman? He said no, should I believe him?
Q. About 9 years ago my husband seemed quite close to a female work colleague. He gave her a lift to work on a few occasions when she had problems with her car. I did not mind this. That same year he became very distant to me when in the past he had ...
A. 10 February 2007: I would forget about the past, why do you want to dig all this up again? You both dealt with it at the time and buried it. Digging it up again certainly isn't going to help the problems you have now, it will only add to them.
I can't help you... (read in full...)
How can I get my wife to be more adventurous again, sex-wise?
Q. ive been married now for just over a year and i want to have more sex and more adventure. when my wife and i were dating we would fool around everywhere but now she insists on only having sex in bed... what can i do or why is she being like this....
A. 10 February 2007: TALK! Go to bed early with her, even bring a coffee upstairs with you and sit and talk about it. Ask her what she likes best about making love to you. Is there anything she'd like you to do that you haven't tried yet? Is there any fantasies that ... (read in full...)
I'm getting married soon and I'm so overwhelmed by it all, please help.
Q. Dear Cupid, Marriage has always been a stressful occasion for my family members (though not myself). It seems that the elder people are not good enough to handle the situation when it gets stressful and they end up fighting and blaming each oth...
A. 10 February 2007: I don't know how long it is till your wedding, could you not cancel it and have a small private ceremony for you and your bride to be instead? I know family can get totally caught up in the hype of everything, running around like people with two ... (read in full...)
Could a relationship work if you have different beliefs on sex?
Q. I’m a guy who’s a 24 year old virgin. I intend on saving my virginity for the woman I love on our wedding night. But I’m curious to know if a relationship could work if we had different beliefs on sex? For example, like if she saw sex as not a big ...
A. 10 February 2007: If you go out with a woman and she doesn't respect your views on not wanting to have sex before marriage then she's not the one for you, plain and simple. Anyone who had any feelings for you would concentrate on getting to know you better first as ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has just "disappeared" after being with him for 6 months. Should I send him a birthday card?
Q. hello, my long distance boyfriend just disappeared after a 6 month relationship without giving me any explanations, and i knew he called his ex girlfriend.. his birthday is coming soon in few days, and im confused if i should send him a birthday ...
A. 10 February 2007: I certainly wouldn't send him a birthday card! If he hasn't the decency to get in touch with you then he doesn't deserve you OR a birthday card.
Eve... (read in full...)
He's still seeing his ex but she's going through nursing exams at the moment and he doesn't want to break with her till they're over!!!! Do I believe this???
Q. Is it right to break up with my bf or to be considerate with the situation?, he is still supporting his so called ex financially but he just told me just now that he hadn't broken up with her for the girl is having her nursing reveiw at this moment ...
A. 10 February 2007: You're doing the right thing. Why is he financially supporting his ex? Did they have a child together? Where is he just now? You said he gets home next week...????
For all you know he could BE with his ex at this very moment. Have you ever... (read in full...)
I'm so confused. IS he seeing someone else?
Q. hi this is really a follow up to an earlier question my bf didnt hit me like he said he was going to but at the same time a week later he still hasnt told me about this woman he keeps ringing, although he said he would last night he wanted sex for ...
A. 10 February 2007: Don't have sex with him again until he proves to you it's you and only you he's interested in. If you do give in to him and sleep with him then he'll continue to see other women and still sleep with you too. Don't be a doormat! Talk up for ... (read in full...)
We're both kind of new to sex, any advice on how to do it properly?
Q. im a virgin, and my boyfriend and i just started having sex about 3wks ago, and i did orgasm for a little the first time but we have done it 3 times since then and i cant seem to do it. he isnt very big, not sure exactly but when its hard its about ...
A. 10 February 2007: The best way is to give you a couple of links which SHOWS you the different ways you can have sex. Hope these help. Some of them are quite graphic so I hope you're not offended by them.
http://www.condoms.au.com/positions/positions.html
http:... (read in full...)
I met this man on the net, found out he's married but won't talk about his situation but he still wants to see me!
Q. I met someone of an online dating service, it was supposed to be a site for singles. I began chatting with one man more often than the others, we exchanged #'s and began talking ten or more times a day. I meet him for a drink's and ended up kissing ...
A. 10 February 2007: You have 2 options here:
1. You continue to see him and be labelled "his bit on the side", there to be used when he can't have sex with his wife. Picking this option also means you will cause major disruption in his marriage if the wife ever find... (read in full...)
He recently told me the relationship is not going well. I don't want to lose him, what can I do??? Please help me save it!
Q. Hi, My boyfriend, I love him. I dont want to lose him. He recently told me, he doesnt think the relationship is going well. That we dont see each other, that we dont hardly talk. I love him so much. I was getting angry... I asked him if he wante...
A. 10 February 2007: Sorry but I don't think you sound like a confident person at all. You have really low confidence and self esteem and need to build on this. Don't come across as so desperate and "needy" to your boyfriend. Guys like confident, assertive women so ... (read in full...)
I have a bad anxiety problem. I just can't seem to relax when I'm with my girlfriend and end up being sick all the time, is this normal?
Q. i need help big time! im 20 years old and i think i have a severe anxiety problem! i have a girlfriend and have done for 6 months now. im just going to cut to the chase as this problem is pretty much ruining my love life now! everytime i have had...
A. 10 February 2007: The next time you feel really anxious or feel severe panic then breathe deeply, even go to the bathroom and breathe in and out of a paper bag, the oxygen you take in again will help you relax more. Tell yourself everything's fine and you have ... (read in full...)
I'm so confused. IS he seeing someone else?
Q. hi this is really a follow up to an earlier question my bf didnt hit me like he said he was going to but at the same time a week later he still hasnt told me about this woman he keeps ringing, although he said he would last night he wanted sex for ...
A. 10 February 2007: You need to give your boyfriend a wake up call love. Why would you even want to be with him if you know he's ringing another woman? He has no respect for you and is buttering you up saying he'll tell you JUST so you'll have sex with him. Did ... (read in full...)
How do you know if it's love and not lust?
Q. Hi everyone, How do you know if it's love not lust?...
A. 10 February 2007: Lust is when you crave sex from her all the time, you can't wait to go to bed with her and think of sex and when you'll next be able to make out. You want to see her, you lust after her because she turns you on sexually.
If you truly love som... (read in full...)
Why do I find it so hard to initiate a relationship?
Q. I am 24 years old, and have never had a relationship (Romantic or Sexual). I am not unattractive, and I am relatively smart. I have a great work ethic and I believe I am an all around nice guy. I get along with people very well, and I am liked more ...
A. 10 February 2007: There is nothing wrong with you and there is no "right" or "wrong" way to initiate a relationship. The lady you're friendly with must obviously like you too. Why don't you ask her out to the movies or for dinner or for coffee. Just drop it in ... (read in full...)
How do I get over my boyfriend? I got on so well with his family too and find it hard to move on.
Q. hi there... my boyfriend broke up with me nearly three weeks ago and i still cant get over him. He is all i think about and its effecting everything i do. I cant concentrate in school and i have no motivation to do anything socially... I was onl...
A. 10 February 2007: You are very young and you really liked this boy but these things happen, it's called growing up love. Here are some things you can do to help you get over him.
1. Realize what happened and why. You have to make it clear to yourself that this is ... (read in full...)
I keep worrying what would happen if I were ever to break up with my boyfriend, we get on great and love each other to bits but what if........?
Q. I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now. He is my first boyfriend. I love him so much but I am so worried that I don't really, maybe I just think I do, after all how do I know when I've never had another one! We talk about th...
A. 10 February 2007: Please don't jump into marriage too soon. You are very young and if you're having doubts at all they you should take things easy and continue to get to know one another. Remember too that love is a two-way thing and should be reciprocated by your ... (read in full...)
I can't wear tampons and don't want my new boyfriend to notice I am wearing pads... help!!!
Q. Well i come on my period today and i am out with my new boyfriend sunday night and i don't know what to do as i have tried and tried and tried to wear tampons and just cant seem to get it right! and i dont want to wear a pad so im really stuck! any ...
A. 10 February 2007: No, I wouldn't take the pill just for that, it will upset your system. There are pads you can buy now that are very slim but very effective. Have you tried the tampons with the applicator? They are much easier to use than tampons without one. ... (read in full...)
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