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... Send *nzian a private message | | | *nzian's profile:Ciao! I'm from Europe and my mother-tongue is not English – so please my spelling errors!
I'm in my twentys and in best hands. Also we have our ups and downs, so I found this page asking questions myselfe.
I'm Christian and so I may seem to be quite conservative. In my free time I read a lot of books about relationship and marriage. I believe that in christianity – also it may seems to be a very old-fashioned perspective – this is a very honest perspective and it really helps for a good relationship. For me what is normal for most people today seems to be very selfish. One should try to look away from oneself and try to do best for the others. On the other hand I very much like to talk to other people, friends, singles and married couple and especially to my grandmother, which was very happy married for 60 years (my grandfather just died a month after their diamond wedding).
Therefore not everything I write is my own experience, but I'm sure it is honest. I write what I think and what I learned. I can't say if the advice I give is always helpful. It also could be because of my language that I don't always find the right words for my sentence and so it could be that you don't understand what I meant to say. And it is probable not always what you want to hear, but it is one point of view and I hope it will at least be thought-provoking. You can always write a message to ask!
I can learn from other peoples answers and would like to learn from your comments as well. So I would love to hear your comments on some of the advice i have given. |
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Why marry someone when it seems sure you'll get a divorce?
Q. I can't trust my fiance. He constantly lies to me, breaks promises, and walks away from arguments and the relationship. We were planning on going through an LDR, but I'm not so sure anymore. Only a week or so ago, we went through a huge falling out, ...
A. 10 July 2011: You are asking "Why marry someone when it seems sure you'll get a divorce?". Are you still planing to get married to this person? On the wedding day you promise faithfulness and to stick together in good and bad days - until one of you dies!
Y... (read in full...)
Any name ideas for a little boy?
Q. Hey! I am pregnant and we've recently found out it's a little boy... We're running out of ideas for baby names so... Could anyone help us coming up with some ideas? Thanks everyone!...
A. 20 June 2011: As you are from Spain, don't give your baby boy an English name. There are a lot of beautiful Spanish names. Look here:
http://homepage.ntu.edu.tw/~luisa/gramatica_espanola/nombres_espanoles.htm
or here:
http://ww... (read in full...)
She's keeps asking me when I'm going to propose to her, but she tells other people she wishes she was with this other guy who she's cheating on me with!!
Q. Hi I just wanted to get some advice I don't think my gf is phisicly cheating on me but..... When got together she was seeing this other guy at the same time. 2 years on and she is still in daily contact via txt and face book with this guy. to save ...
A. 11 April 2011: you don't trust her and it seems you have reason for it. Do you really want to stay with her? ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is still married, living with his wife and having a baby with her!
Q. my boyfriend of 5 months is married but seperated and has a baby due anyday now. He lives in another city with his mom and dad and wife. He come to see me when ever he can. So many times I've tried to end it because of the situation but we just ...
A. 31 January 2011: Why are you still with him? I don't see the reason! As I see it, he will never leave her. And if he will, he will stay with you for a few years until he finds a better one...
I would end it!... (read in full...)
Which one should I marry?
Q. I have two marriage proposals. one girl with average beauty and professionaly just good another is very ugly but professionaly very good my confusion is whom to marry? I have no thoughts at all regarding my future plans...
A. 3 December 2010: which one do you want to make happy for the rest of her and your life? That is the one you should get married to, but for me it sounds as none of this two would be the right one!
Hope this helps!... (read in full...)
My baby daddy's family drama!
Q. "Cord" is the biological father of my son and "Michael" is the man who has been helping me raise my son since he was 5 months old. Cord died in June of 2009, he was drunk (on Father's Day) and fell off of a roof and broke his neck in three pl...
A. 18 November 2010: This is complicated. I think, your son has a right to know and meet his biological grandmother. And she has the right to see her grandson. But you could agree with her and Michael that this would only happen about once a month and not at their house ... (read in full...)
Why don't my parents want me to grow up?
Q. I'm 23 and still living at home. I envy my cousins who are in their twenties and have children with their partners out of wedlock. My parents are really conservative and I'm not. They think that you have to be married just to leave home! I ...
A. 18 November 2010: As you are from Australia, it should not be a cultural barrier to live on your own as a grown up female!
So take a job, earn your own money and move to a little flat. Best would be, move to an other city or village - or on the other end of the city... (read in full...)
He has broken up with me 15 times in the last 2 years!
Q. hi im 22 years old and my boyfriend is 25, iv'e been with him for about 2 years there's something really wrong with him. in the past 2 years he's broke up with me about 15 times and his exuse is im scared of getting hurt... i keep telling him im not ...
A. 17 November 2010: Why are you with this man? Do you love him? Really? Why?
What do you want? Can you live without him? If no, why not?
Do you like to be in an on-and-off-relationship? Is it the way of live you want carry on for the next 50 years? Yes? If not, why... (read in full...)
I can forgive her but I don't want to touch her!
Q. Wife had an affair and she sounds very genuine that she is sorry, I can get over it but what i cant get over is He ejaculated in her and now I dont want to even touch her because I feel that her body has absorbed his fluids and he is always with ...
A. 17 November 2010: I can understand you and I think it is a legitimate feeling!
I suggest you both go and see a marriage counsellor! If she is not willing, you should go on your own. Because this is not an easy thing that will be over in a few days. This will take... (read in full...)
We've already played out his fantasy but he wants another threesome!
Q. My boyfriend wants to have a threesome with another girl.The thing is we have already done this once . I like girls too but i hated seeing him penetrate this other woman. He says if I dont want to , theres no fun in it for him, but I worry he isnt ...
A. 17 November 2010: I think if you say yes a second time, that means you will probably forever be sharing your bed with other girls!
In your position, I would say no! If he is not satisfied with you, he should have a threesome with others, but you would leave him.... (read in full...)
Does anyone wait till marriage to have sex?
Q. I know that in our culture, sex is made into a large part of life, from what we see in movies, to what hear in music, there's no getting past it! so my question is, does anyone wait until marriage anymore? I firmlybelieve that waiting is the best ...
A. 5 November 2010: Yes there are and it's worth it!
If you look at the right place, you will find people that don't think what the world is saying about it! People that si something special in it, which should not be given to just anyone!... (read in full...)
4 days of not eating - what should I try and eat that I will be able to stomach?
Q. I have been ill for a number of days now, I have been to my doctors twice and also to the hospital. They have all sent me home. They did various tests on me and found nothing at all is wrong, that I just need rest. I had been throwing up quit...
A. 5 November 2010: I had a few situations like this in my life (but to be honest, the hardest was only three days and it was in the family, so I knew it'll be over in a couple of days). What helps me is drinking Coca Cola! It always helped.
By this way you will also... (read in full...)
My fiance has been cheating for the last 3 years! What do I do?
Q. Please help! I have been with my fiance for over 7 yrs and just found out he has been cheating on and off for the past 3 yrs! I am scared to be alone and would take a huge financial hit if we separate as we own businesses and real estate together. ...
A. 5 November 2010: Do you want to stay business partners? Do you want him still be close to your family? What do you want???
I don't know about your job live and your financial situation. But you have to think about what you want and what is best for you! Would it b... (read in full...)
Trouble getting pregnant
Q. Why cant i get pregnant? I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 29. We are trying for a baby and have been for the past year. I am healthy and i know we are both fertile as i have got pregnant twice before however i was only 14 the first time so i had a aborti...
A. 28 September 2010: You are still young - and in my oppinion a little to young to be starting a family.
But anyway, there are a lot of women trying hard for a baby. And it happens very often, that they have to wait a year or two. Also misscarriage are quite often, peop... (read in full...)
Broke up with boyfriend of 6 years because he wouldn't propose!
Q. First of all, this really sucks. I have been with my boyfriend for six years and we have been through a lot. I'm currently in graduate school and he moved to be with me. The only problem is he hasn't proposed. It's not like he's one of those guy...
A. 26 September 2010: Dear raschica I know how you feel, I've gone through a similar situation, like you and Tisha-1. Marriage for me is not just a piece of paper, it makes a difference. enzian... (read in full...)
Will he be disappointed if we don't have sex on our first date seeing as he's coming all this way to see me?
Q. I met a man online and we are meeting face to face within a few weeks. He lives out of town about five hours a way. My question is, I do not have sex with a man, unless I fall in love with him. When I am emailing him, I am telling him about myself. ...
A. 3 January 2010: You were very right to tell him!
If he is only coming the way for sex, he is not worth! It this is the only reason for him, to see you, he can go home again right after he arrived and you don't have to feel guilty at all!
If he is not willing ... (read in full...)
He wants me to give my virginity to him to show my love
Q. Hey frnds plz............ help me to come out of the complicated situation. For the last 4 years i am in relationship with a married man. Though he never forced me for anything, i was equally involved. we both r Indians and in India this type of ...
A. 9 June 2009: Ask him to wait for you (until he married you) to show you HIS love FOR YOU!... (read in full...)
Girlfriend too much to handle
Q. I need help...I'm 33 and my girlfriend and soon to be fiance is 27.We love each other very much and we both know that we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other, but I have several problems with her and I need to know if its me, is it ...
A. 8 February 2009: Hi I agree with Sugarbuns and I also think you should postpone your wedding plans. You really should talk to her and tell her that you are no longer willing to do everything she wants and always give in. She seems not at all to be willing to give ... (read in full...)
Not ready for a commitment
Q. What should I do when my heart isn't into a relationship?Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a little over 3 years. And I've been laid off from jobs three times in the last two years.Sometimes I just don't have the emotional strength to get ...
A. 24 January 2009: Every relationship is alway more work than a fun after a few years. At first you are falling in love and everything is great and fun. Also any afflictions don't bother when you first go out - this is normal and happens in new and young ... (read in full...)
I feel used.
Q. Hello, I have a minor question, regarding a problem with my friend. Just this afternoon I have had a message off her on msn, which I am currently ignoring, because I feel like I have been used. The situ is this. At Xmas, just gone I went to her...
A. 24 January 2009: Well, I have to confess, that I reacted the same way as your friend did against a good friend of mine. The point was, I did a very nice home work Christmas present for her, but because I was a little lazy, it was not finished on Christmas. I was so ... (read in full...)
Although I enjoyed his interest I'm not sure I want to meet him, as I am committed, so what should I answer him?
Q. Dear aunts and uncles I'm with my boyfriend for 4 years. We had some problems the last few month, but know, we want to stay together and may go further. At the beginning of our problems in October, I went to a advanced training course, where I ...
A. 3 January 2009: Just to add: I am not tempted to cheat, but I know that I will give him the message that I am available. But I want to tell him, I am not and if it is allright for him, I'd like to keep in contact with him, if this is allright for him.... (read in full...)
Although I enjoyed his interest I'm not sure I want to meet him, as I am committed, so what should I answer him?
Q. Dear aunts and uncles I'm with my boyfriend for 4 years. We had some problems the last few month, but know, we want to stay together and may go further. At the beginning of our problems in October, I went to a advanced training course, where I ...
A. 3 January 2009: Thanks for your answers! Sadly, I didn't get them early enough. He phoned me and I was overstrained. I didn't know what to answer, so I lied to him :-( I tried to tell him about my boyfriend, but didn't get the possibility. So we talked and it was a ... (read in full...)
I WANT to cheat on my girlfriend...
Q. We've been together for 3 years and I love her... but the love could be "stronger." I have a great emotional relationship with my girlfriend and she rocks my world when it comes to physical sex. She gives me everything I desire in bed and we love ...
A. 19 October 2008: He there To cheat is surely not the solution - it would only make your girlfriend miserable and maybe she will eat a lot more because of it. If you really love your girlfriend, you would care more about her feelings and less about what she looks l... (read in full...)
If I don't agree to be her guardian my sister will go into foster care...
Q. My sister (who's 3) was being abused by our parents. To cut a long story short child services called me asking if wanted to be her guardian or she'll be in foster care. I thought about it and her don't want my sister living with brunch of strangers ...
A. 19 October 2008: Hi dear
This is not an easy decision and it is not easy to give you an answer, because I don't know the laws in Canada (I am from Switzerland). But I heard from two children in my country which lost their parents by a car accident. Unfo... (read in full...)
I thought my marriage was OK until I met my first cousin and he fell in love with me. I love him too, but don't want to hurt my family!...
Q. Dear Cupid, This question is hard to bare. Butt, I have been married for 14 years and have 2 kids. My marriage I thought was okay, until I took a trip to Texas with my mother to meet some realitives i have never meet before. I meet my first co...
A. 21 September 2008: How do you know, you love your cousin more than your husband? Couldn't it be that you just fell in love with him and that could be over sometime? I try to explane you what I have learned about the different aspects of love: Falling in lov... (read in full...)
How do you know when to get out of a relationship?
Q. Ok let me fill everyone in. I have been with this guy for 3 years. We have a 1 year old together. We've had problems from the beginning because he has a hard time dealing with my past. Everytime he's ever questioned me about it, I tell him what he ...
A. 18 September 2008: Hi there To me, he seems to be jealous. He cannot deal with your past. But if he loves you, he would have at least to try to deal with. If he can't, you are not the right one for him. Because neither him nor you can change your past. So either h... (read in full...)
I'm in love but not with my husband. Do I follow my heart?
Q. Dear Cupid, I've tried to deal with this situation alone but, it's getting the best of me. I got into a relationship in 2006, everything was wonderful, it was like he was made just for me, so we got married in 2007, had our 1st child in 2008. B...
A. 15 September 2008: Love ist not about feeling! Real, deep, solid love is the decision to want the best for someone and to make this person happy. You can compare love with driving in a sport car. You have a new car (thats when you are falling in love with someone) and ... (read in full...)
Getting married was a mistake. I am not in love?
Q. I think I`ve fallen out of love with my husband, we`ve been together for 5 years and married for 1. I know I don`t feel the same way about him that he does about me, my feelings aren`t as strong, and I don`t know if they ever were. But recently I ...
A. 11 September 2008: I realy agree with the previous writter: love is not about feeling it is a decision! I try to explain you what I learnt about different aspects of love:
Falling in love just happens to you. You can't really control it yourself. It is like being on... (read in full...)
I bleed when I use the toilet. What can I do?
Q. I am having a problem, anytime i go to the toilet bloods comes out, it just started for one week and 3 days now, someone should please refare drug to use and how to go about it....
A. 6 September 2008: Sorry, there is no drug you can get without seeing a doctor! You realy need to see a doctor as soon as possible, because blood in your toilet can only just be a symptom af a more serious problem. There could be something wrong with your your liver ... (read in full...)
Anybody have any advice on what I should do?
Q. I'm beginning... Actually, I already think I am. I'm 25, never had a gf, never even kissed a girl, and still live with my parents. I don't think i'm ugly, in fact, most people tell me i'm cute. And it's not like I don't try to ask people out, I just ...
A. 6 September 2008: Hi there First of all, you need to get some self-confidence. For this you have to start thinking good of yourself! You are not bad just because you can not find a gf! You are no loser! You are ok as you are! It is not only because of you, that you... (read in full...)
I'm disabled and can't date. Is it wrong to pay for sex?
Q. Im disabled for 3 years now, is it wrong to pay for sex ive never had to resort to this but now because of my disability i cant get out to meet women so i feel that is the only answer...
A. 5 September 2008: Are you sure that this is the only answer? It sounds to me more like you are feeling insecure because of your disability and now you wallow in self-pity. But this is no solution! I am sure you are a great man and you still are even you are disabled ... (read in full...)
Does anyone have any tips on asking girls for their numbers?
Q. I'm trying to get better at dating in general and talking to beautiful women. People say that I'm really good looking now, but being as I was overweight in high school I just don't feel comfortable chatting up strange women I meet and asking them ...
A. 5 September 2008: Hi Well, I am from Europe and here things might be a little different, but anyway, I'll tell you my opinion. I myself don't mind if I can see that a man is a little nervous when he talks to me. Because that shows me, that I am not only the next on... (read in full...)
Girls appreciate me for my advice and maturity - but why then can't I find a relationship?
Q. Why can't I get a girlfriend? Every girl I meet loves me because of my advice and maturity, kindness and I am reliable but no matter how much they tell me to stay the way I am and that the world needs more nice guys like me I can't get a ...
A. 1 May 2008: I think the last anonymous male reader made a good point: don't be available for everyone and everytime, because if you are, there is one part of the mystery missing. He also made other good points for what I would call "flirt strategy" ;-). Jus... (read in full...)
Weight problems, period delay and suspect urine smell - what could be the root of my problems? Any advice?
Q. Okay girls, if anyone can help me i could really do with some advice. I’ve lost in the past few months a bit of weight, 54kg to 48kg so now i’m considered as underweight. my period came last month okay, but this month it hasn’t shown up. urine ...
A. 1 May 2008: If you lose too much of weight, your body will not have enough energy for getting pregnant and so stopps the perjod. But never us this as a contraceptive, because it will harm your body! So if you miss one of your perjods, you should go and see a ... (read in full...)
Girls appreciate me for my advice and maturity - but why then can't I find a relationship?
Q. Why can't I get a girlfriend? Every girl I meet loves me because of my advice and maturity, kindness and I am reliable but no matter how much they tell me to stay the way I am and that the world needs more nice guys like me I can't get a ...
A. 1 May 2008: Well there is a womens view on this, but I don't know if I will be much of a help... I know a men like you. Everyone is friend with him and especially he has a lot of female friends - but: no girlfriend and he never had one :-( I recently wondered... (read in full...)
My wife wants a 21 year old guy for 24 hours for her 50th!
Q. Hi I am looking for anyone who has been through this situation before. My wife is turning 50 next month and i asked her what she would like for her birthday. (she has every thing you could wish for) or so i thought. She could come up with an...
A. 16 April 2008: Like TELLULAH said: If you have done a lot of sexual stuff before (swinging etc) why are you so surprised?
and like you said: things like this can be dangerous in a relationship.
Do you realise something? There is allready something destroye... (read in full...)
Should I give him a month to think things through?
Q. "I have been with a guy for 7 years who is not ready to get married yet, we are both approaching 30 and to make things worse we have been living in different cities for 3years now. Our relationship has survived the distance until recently when we ...
A. 7 April 2008: Hi there
7 years are a long time, one month ore more is nothing at that ratio. So give him that other month, but don't give him an other an another and only one more and an other one... He had 7 years to think about it, that should be enough. ... (read in full...)
I have had my period twice in one month and am worried something is wrong with me...please help.
Q. hi! I need some help and advice please. this time is is not about boys! *surprise surpries* lol. Well i had my period right at the start of the month about 3rd or 4th of decemeber that was expected and fine etc. But today i had my period again,...
A. 8 January 2008: Hi ellie
You don't have to worry anything. It's perfect like this. If you would have started you period allready again in the beginning of January, this would be a thing to worry.
You allway start to count the days for your next period on the day ... (read in full...)
I have had my period twice in one month and am worried something is wrong with me...please help.
Q. hi! I need some help and advice please. this time is is not about boys! *surprise surpries* lol. Well i had my period right at the start of the month about 3rd or 4th of decemeber that was expected and fine etc. But today i had my period again,...
A. 25 December 2007: Hi ellie
I think you are fine and you don't have to worry about this.
I once asked my gynaecologist about this and she told me that everything between 3 and 6 weeks is ok. So if you start your period on the 3rd on a month and 21 days later you star... (read in full...)
What is this discharge?
Q. i am 16 and this might be too long but plz answer my questions i will be veery thankful it will make my life alot better. I have this liquid stuff coming out of my vagina it has been there for as long as i can remember probably before when i starte...
A. 10 October 2007: I'm not a doctor, but I know that even they can not tell you what excatly you have got without seeing you. Only a test can tell what kind of infection you have got und which one would be the right therapy. If you don't want to see a man, see if ... (read in full...)
What is this discharge?
Q. i am 16 and this might be too long but plz answer my questions i will be veery thankful it will make my life alot better. I have this liquid stuff coming out of my vagina it has been there for as long as i can remember probably before when i starte...
A. 9 October 2007: Hi there
I had something similar so I went so see my gynaecologist.
She made the normal checkup they do and did some swabs. It was a fungal affection. So she gave me some pharmaceuticals and I had to stopp using tampons (What is hard, but seems to... (read in full...)
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