A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:About 9 years ago my husband seemed quite close to a female work colleague. He gave her a lift to work on a few occasions when she had problems with her car. I did not mind this. That same year he became very distant to me when in the past he had always been affectionate and loving,I remember i was upset at the time and wondering why? I then phoned him at work one day and she answered his phone and was very snotty to me (i had met her once, did not know her) could not understand her behaviour. I mentioned this to my husband at the time and he knew i was angry about this. Another time that same year she picked him up from our house, there was a work's do,they shot off quickly in her car. (This was before her being snotty to me on the phone).A few months later i had a bad smear test and ended up having to have laser treatment, my husband was very upset and we became close again. She later left the company, he was her boss and said she was not any good at the job and had moved on. We went on to have our second child and were happy.I did ask him at the time if anything had happened between them, he said no.I believed him. About 5 years ago we went thru a very bad patch as there were issues with trust, not involving another woman, but still serious. We got thru it but again there are now similar problems. What i want to know is did he have an affair with this woman? i believed him in the past, but now i am not so sure.
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female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (13 February 2007):
 i have to agree with Eve you need to bury the past and focus on your future. the woman moved on with her life and you are letting the shadow of someone who is happy God knows where ruin your marriage i think its a bit irrational. maybe he lied to you so what? he is the only one holding the keys and you and that woman were never friendly to each other so it will not be a good idea to ask her what happened 9yrs ago. let it go and focus on building your children a good home. the truth has its way of coming out if he did lied to you one day you will find out and you will deal with it then, now be happy. unfortunately if he didnt lie and you keep your constant bickering you will loose him because of your insecurities and you might be ruining a good marriage, so dont let yourself realise that when its too late to save it. good luck
jovial
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (10 February 2007):
 I would forget about the past, why do you want to dig all this up again? You both dealt with it at the time and buried it. Digging it up again certainly isn't going to help the problems you have now, it will only add to them.
I can't help you with the trust issues you have now as you've not mentioned what they are but as far as this ex employee is concerned I would definitely bury it again and never bring it up. He told you nothing went on and you accepted that. Period! Concentrate on the other trust issues you have now and look for ways to get closer and remedy your situation instead of digging up the past and making more problems for yourself.
Eve
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