A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Abstaining from sex till marriage advice.I’m a guy, who’s still a virgin at 24 years old. I have always had this idea in my head, that I would like to wait till marriage to have sex. The thing that worries me is, do you think that many women would be into that idea? I also wonder, because I’m doing this, am I missing out on sex? Or should I stick to my beliefs? Because I sometimes wonder if I’m doing the right thing by me. I mean I know I am, but as people constantly talk about sex, and how great it is, I often doubt myself.
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female
reader, Cool Cucumber +, writes (12 February 2007):
 I'm 29 and ever since I became a christian (4years ago) I have decided to wait until I'm married to have sex. Before I was a christian, I had a couple of relationships that included sex. (yea I know, not truly a virgin...but am going to wait now!)
It does depend on both of your beliefs, you both have to be in agreement to what you want. The reason I am going to wait now is, apart from the obvious (my belief.) I know what it feels like to break up from a relationship where you have been physically intimate with someone. It is twice as hard as when you have just been emotionally involved. In my personal opinion, I beleive waiting until marriage to be the best way. (more people should do it...maybe it could reduce the divorce rate and teenage pregnancy rate..??!!)
Don't worry about wondering whether it will work in a marriage as you will talk about that before, being honest and open with your feelings and letting each other know whether you would be sexually compatable.
You don't need to have sex in a relationship to make it work, if the sex is making the relationship work (as in a lot of relationships) then the relationship is based on this.
Some people may ask...'how do you know if she/he will be good in bed?' Valid point, but if you do have sex and find they are not what they seem in bed, is that really a good basis to break up the relationship especially when you love each other and everything else is good. You can easily work on the sex part, as long as you have spoken about it before. It is far more important to base a relationship on trust, friendship, love etc, then when you marry the person you will have the fun of exploring sex in its proper context of marriage, with someone who you truly love, respect and want to spend the rest of your life with.
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (11 February 2007):
 If you go out with a woman and she doesn't respect your views on not wanting to have sex before marriage then she's not the one for you, plain and simple. Anyone who had any feelings for you would concentrate on getting to know you better first as a person in order for the relationship to grow.
You have to remember too that if you are serious about not wanting to have sex before marriage you need to take control and make sure you don't get yourself into awkward situations where both of you are alone and emotions start to kick in.
I commend you on your morals though, there's not a lot of men left in the world today who want to wait until their wedding night before consumating their feelings through making love for the first time on their wedding night. Good for you! ;o)
Eve
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2007): My husband is my first but I am not his first, or second or even third. To be honest, I would have preferred if I had been his first too. I waited until I had found someone I truly loved and dont regret it at all. If it's right for you then dont let anyone tell you anything different. Any girl worth your love will respect your beliefs.
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (10 February 2007):
 You might want to read questions like this if you think no sex before marriage is such a great thing.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-wife-has-never-been-interested-in-sex.html
It's not.
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A
female
reader, TygersDream  +, writes (10 February 2007):
 Well, it's really up to you! Of course ppl are going to say you're missing out, especially since you're a guy. But then again you're also missing out on STDs, VDs and HIV.
Alot of ppl say sex is essential to growing up and being in a relationship. There is also a large percentage of people who regret abusing their right to have sex (ie. going overboard). But it all depends on the person.
My friend got married to her boyfriend recently. They were both virgins. They'd been seeing each other for 4 years before that, and I won't say absolutely NOTHING happened, but YES they respected their beliefs and didn't do anything penetrative until AFTER marriage.
Some people will think that staying a virgin is for wimps. My friend is a med school graduate with iron lungs and an iron will. She's 5'2 and NOBODY wants to mess with her. Her boyfriend is gentle and kind and a helluva soccer player and he has a big circle of friends.
I think the only time anybody would take the piss out of you is if you MADE yourself out to be better than them. It's the same case if you were a non-alcoholic or a non-smoker, people are going to look at you funny but if you treat everybody with respect, they'll treat you the same way.
AT THE END OF THE DAY, it's all about LOVE. Sex isn't great unless you have it. Some people just love SEX and that's what makes them great lovers. Other people LOVE the opposite sex, and I hope MOST people have sex because they're in LOVE.
Sex is a symptom of love though, not a cause. I say STICK to your beliefs, just remember to keep up a healthy social, mental, physical life. Date often, try to find that special somebody, and I hope you fall in love.
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