A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi there...my boyfriend broke up with me nearly three weeks ago and i still cant get over him. He is all i think about and its effecting everything i do. I cant concentrate in school and i have no motivation to do anything socially...I was only with him for a month but knew him longer. He never gave me a face to face reason why he dumped me (the best he could come up with was i was too good for him and that he wasnt ready for committment, over text message) But i wasnt asking him to marry me! we were just hanging out and stuff and we only saw each other a few times a week and talked on msn/phone/text message etcWhy cant i stop thinking about him and hows the best way to get over him and its not just him, i miss his family too because they were all so nice!!! thanks so much x
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female
reader, YoungCosplayer  +, writes (30 December 2008):
 Hey ill tell you one thing, me and my ex now i guess broke up today, i didnt want him to know i was hurting so i told him to be strong when he started crying, i havent stoped hurtting since... we are still good friends, but maybe one day me and him will get back together hopefully... and ive been with this guy for a year so i bet i feel a whole lot shittyer then u...
But Everyone gets over people at there own time... me and my "ex" are still friends im gunna miss him and his family, hope your life gets back on track
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): yeaa me and my boyfriend broke up about 3 months ago.. we both ended it because we just fought all the time.. and 3 months ago when it happened it said i was annoying and a pain.. those were the last things i wanted to hear... i have gone out with people and now i have someone that really likes me but i cant seem to get over this one kid and its ruining all my relationships i try to have. The boy that i broke up with three months ago hooked up with my best friend that night! :[ after a 13 years friendship that was the last thing i expected and now were not friends and feel backstabbed and dont ever want to forgive her. i hung out witht hhe boy last weekend and thought i didnt really like him anymore but when i figured out he was talking to my ex-bestfriend again nd she had a heart in her away message it broke my heart and i have no idea what to do anymore ... as you can tell i need help and if any one has adivceee it will be really useful ... thank you soo muchh
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): You just have to keep yourself busy and not keep yourself in all the time you will find someone better i have gone through two really long relationships and they both ended badly and it was hard to get over them but i kept a smile on stayed out with my friends for a while and started going out more the next thing i new i had found someone else and i found out i could do better its just a matter of time and not keeping yourself in go out meet new people and show him that he was right that you could do better
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007): I understand exactly where u r coming from. Me and my boyfriend had been dating for almost 7 months(Dec.20th). I was so attached to him and his family and he was attached to mine as well. we had been fighting for a while. just off and on all the time. He was , well to admit it at first he was extremly nice to me and then just out of the blue he became a total different person. He would always point out imperfections about me and how i was doing everything wrong. he was always the "perfect one". I was really in love with him. When he broke up with me he shattered my heart. But it was wierd b/c when he did it . None of what was going on seem to phase him. My family still talks to his and about him. But i just wanted to let u know that We can't live with them or with out them. there is someone out there for everyone. I will always love him no matter what. just you cant let the small thing like guys commitment problems bring you down. later, Rissa
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A
female
reader, TygersDream  +, writes (10 February 2007):
 Eve has EVERYTHING down pat, mourn and grieve as you need to but don't dwell on it and don't let your self-esteem or your life wither and die because your relationship with him has ended.
There was this book I read a long time ago, it's a comedic self-help book listing 365 ways to get over your ex. Day 1's tip was "DON'T call your boyfriend."
if I KNEW the name of the book, I'd give it to you. THe book is supposed to be funny, but at the same time, it's also trying to tell you that the world is still waiting for you out there. Try making a list of things to do each day whenever you find yourself moping or feeling sad about your boyfriend. Try for things that you'd NEVER do (Harmless things), things that would benefit you or make you laugh.
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (10 February 2007):
 You are very young and you really liked this boy but these things happen, it's called growing up love. Here are some things you can do to help you get over him.
1. Realize what happened and why. You have to make it clear to yourself that this is not all your fault. It takes two people to make a relationship start, and one discordant person is enough to have it break up.
2. Accept your pain. Have your good long cries if you feel like it. It's okay to be hurt and feel alone and feel like you have messed up. But you have to know that you are a good person and this is not all one-sided.
3. Keep your distance. Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, take a complete break from each other immediately after the breakup. That means no seeing each other, no phone calls, no e-mails, no instant messaging and most importantly, no sex- not necessarily as a permanent measure (except where sex is concerned), but until you feel that you can converse with him like a normal person, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive).
4. Think through everything in your head. Maybe even try to ask yourself what went wrong. But you also have to think of why you two broke up. There had to have been a reason for it all to end, right? If there was a reason but it wasn't a good one, then this person isn't worth your time.
5. Deal with the hate phase. This is where you want to just scream because you are so angry, even furious. The amount of anger you feel all depends on how bad the "split" was. You may even feel like you hate yourself, but get out of that feeling fast! It's a waste of time to be hating and ripping yourself apart for no reason.
6. Talk to your friends. They are always a source of advice and help. If you are close with any family members, they may be a good source of advice/guidance. You want people around you that love you and who will help you see that you should love yourself too and that you don't need this sort of pain.
7. Write all your feelings down. Write in a journal or write poems. Most of all, be absolutely honest and don't edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring out your thoughts onto paper. Patterns may become clearer and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to "get" what you're supposed to be learning from the whole experience if you've been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself from having gone through it all with your heart open to both joy and pain. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you're meant to be.
8. Keep fond memories. Sometimes there are things that remind us of another person. Say, you hear a song or see a picture that reminds you of your ex, you probably get all sad and worked up. Well, instead of feeling that way, try to think of how happy that memory used to make you, and leave it at that.
9. Don't overreact. You may be feeling lonely, and want to be with someone, but don't go back to your ex unless you really believe you should be together. Likewise, don't jump into another relationship as a rebound, just to make yourself feel better. It's not fair to the other person, and will eventually lead to another breakup.
10. Find happiness in other areas of your life. Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, taking up that class you've always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that there's more to life than being in a relationship. Indulge in those things. As they say, the best revenge is living well.
11. Let go. See that there is no sense in still being heartbroken, regretful, and having hatred toward that person. Realize that although your relationship with that person was very unique and special in a lot of ways, all good things must come to an end. And when they do, that's when you see all the flaws in your relationship and that it's best that you aren't together.
WARNINGS
• Don't look for distractions from the pain, emptiness, or heartache. You're *supposed* to grieve a lost relationship in which you'd invested yourself emotionally. Ride it out--turning to destructive distractions like drugs, alcohol, casual sex, etc. will only make things worse, and can actually prolong the entire grieving process. If you try to hide from the pain, it just waits around the corner and jumps out at you as soon as the temporary relief of your "distraction" wears off. The best and only way to get to the other side of the sadness is to go straight through it with a clear head. Believe it or not, it's the fastest way as well. You will feel better.
• If you were the one who got "dumped," avoid the temptation to chase after your ex, ask them questions about what went wrong, and try to "fix" everything. It will only strengthen your ex's resolve to push you away, and will make the breakup much much harder and more painful than it needs to be.
• Be wary of people who are willing to let you prove how sexually proficient you are. They will have as many feelings for you as wolves do for rabbits. All you’ll be to them is a handy way to satisfy an appetite.
• If your ex has done things to hurt you (other than breaking up), don't drop to that level. It's pathetic and cruel.
• Although you may be tempted to take revenge, or send notification through third parties about your great success in life without them -- don't exert the energy. Allow Karma to take care of everything on its own.
I hope this helps.
Eve
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