A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello, my long distance boyfriend just disappeared after a 6 month relationship without giving me any explanations, and i knew he called his ex girlfriend.. his birthday is coming soon in few days, and im confused if i should send him a birthday card or an email or just drop a private message saying happy birthday..should i do that? or ignore his birthday as if i dont care and stay silent? please help me to know what to do
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ex girlfriend, his ex, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): first of all, i feel for you. i went through similar thing just recently. but seriously, why would you even bother sending him a card when he left you without a word, not even a goodbye? clearly this guy does not respect you and does not value what you both had. so think about it, does he deserve a birthday card? don't waste your time on this pathetic jerk.
A
female
reader, CEEMEE +, writes (10 November 2008):
Similar situation here, girl :( Hard part for me is for 2 years he's been the best b/f ever even over long distance. But, You've probably been told your 'too nice' just like me. But I guess we gotta face, they are big boys and could contact us if they wanted. Wanna start a support group? lol. But good luck !
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A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (13 October 2008):
 This could be a situation where anything could have happened.
The problem is that you are left hanging and not knowing what is going on one way or another.
I would say you should go ahead and send the card because, to me it seems that you are a caring person and I doubt your motives for wanting to send the card is ONLY because of your relationship with him.
However, you may add a little message on the card as well that you sense that something is wrong between you and you would like to get it out in the open be it good or bad.
You need closure on this matter even if he is leaving you so one way or another you need to know.
Don't go on borrowed trouble though, there could be a ligit reason for him dropping contact with you so wait till you re-establish contact to worry.
Doc
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A
female
reader, ortis  +, writes (25 May 2008):
just let him go and stay with our own life and know that you will meet your guy, he just wasnt him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): My long distance boyfriend just did that to me to. Ignore him, he is probably with some one else. He probably was with someone before you. I know how bad all of this feels, and I wish it on no one except him. Just move on, and we will find some one worthy of us.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): if i find another boy will that help me to forget him?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): To the female questionerand the female anon below: Girls, both of you are behaving desperate, confused and needy. Stop doing that-keepyour pride intact and don't send anything. No contact...zilch. Both of you--heal, recover and get over it. You both are no longer in relationships with these guys. Look it-one of you had a jerk just disappear on her..the other has a guy who doesn't like that age gap. If these guys truly loved you girls-number one, he would not have disappeared and number 2, the age gap wouldn't meant a hill of beans to him. Make some brave choices here and do some brave actions (no contact) and your self-esteem and worthiness will be well earned, by both of you. Give that to yourself-today. No birthday cards, no messages...nothing. Move on to happier times.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): i dont know what to say cause my english sucks but i got almost the same problem.i just broke up with my bf and he has a b-day tomorrow.i dont know to do now.i love him,he said he loves me,but the thing that is bothering him is that he is 15 years older than me.tell me what to do-should i give him a call or send him a message for his b-day?
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A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (11 February 2007):
 This was a long distance relationship to start with, so who knows what he has been getting up to before this. LDR's can work, but sometimes they never really get off the ground if they originally start off as long-distance unfortunately.
This guy is a 'jerk'. I can guarrantee at some point in the furture he will attempt to make contact with you, claiming some sorry excuse for his behaviour. I (in your situation) would not give him the time of day. REALLY!!
You ahve asked for advice, and it seems like everyone on here thinks he has been playing you and that you shouldn't send a card or even bother to acknowledge him ever again, and I tend to agree with them.
Please walk away form this situation with your dignity and self-esteem intact. If he gets in touch again IGNORE HIM.....
Good luck, stay strong...you can do it!!
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A
male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (10 February 2007):
I would not waste any further time on this trash. If he was a stand up guy and felt that your relationship with him would not work any further he should unconditionally let you know the 5Ws. (Who, What, When, Where, and Why) You sound like a very nice person and people like you don't deserve to be dumped on. If he treats you like this now you can be assured he will continue to treat you the same way as long as you carry on a relationship with him. It may be hard to swallow but it sounds to me like he wants nothing more to do with you so don't wast any further time on him. There are lots of other guys out there who would be more than happy to treat you as a queen, the way a woman should be treated always. A woman should not be made to feel guilt for something they may have or have not done when their boyfriend or husband goes off the deep end for a problem he needs to deal with. Go and find your Prince Charming. He is out there. Doc.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (10 February 2007):
 You're being far too kind. I can tell that you're a nice woman who wants to do the right thing. Ordinarily, I always condone kindness... even if it's to someone who doesn't exactly deserve it. But this guy REAAALLLY doesn't deserve it.
Would he send YOU a birthday card? Probably not. Don't waste your time with this jerk. Feel sorry for the universe on his birthday, because they've had to put up with him for another year.
Spend the money you would've on a card on YOURSELF.
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, Daysie +, writes (10 February 2007):
 Definately not! I was pissed off when my ex boyfriend disappeared for a weekend. Don't stoop to his level, if he hasn't the guts to tell you the reason for his disappearance then don't even waste time thinking about him!
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (10 February 2007):
 I certainly wouldn't send him a birthday card! If he hasn't the decency to get in touch with you then he doesn't deserve you OR a birthday card.
Eve
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A
female
reader, baby blue fairy +, writes (10 February 2007):
aww well maybe you should just forget the boy hes obviously not that into u (no offence) and u can do better so go on out there and find someone new forget the boy hes soo not worth it
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2007): There's no point giving him a birthday card or e-mail if he just finished with you with no explaination whatsoever. Just move on and forget about his birthday.
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