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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: i dont know what to do. my dad has had 3 affairs.he has been begging mum to have him back for over a year now. she had him back just beafore christmas, then left again last week. she is totaly totally heartbroken AGAIN,, and keeps asking me why she is so bad that he would leave her. im at university and she rings me crying down the phone at night saying she cant sleep or eat!!!she has no friends at all, and the rest of my family just keep saying to her 'i told you so' and have no sympathy at all for her!!! I am so worried bout her..she has my little sister living with her who is a night mare to look after-just coming into her teenage tears. She hasnt got enough money for counselling and is a very shy, unsociable person. please give me advice on how to help her. im the only person that can!!
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (10 February 2007):
 Your mum seems to have had a bit of a rough time of it lately, I really sympathise with her. She needs someone to talk to about this. Like CD said, there are counsellors available free on the NHS (if you live in the UK - not sure about overseas though.) There is also pages and pages of help on the internet if she wanted to have a look.
Does your mum use the PC at all? Would you be able to direct her to this site? If you can, tell her to email me directly if she doesn't want to pose a question in the room and I'll talk with her one to one. I can give her information that will build her up to get her confidence and self esteem back again. Show her your letter and the answers from the other aunts and tell her I'm more than willing to help her on a one to one basis if she wants to talk, otherwise get her to post in here and she'll get good advice from one of the other aunts or uncles.
The good thing is she CAN overcome this with help, it's just hard to do when she feels so isolated and alone.
Eve
A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (10 February 2007):
 This is obviously a very distressing situation for you but one in which you may be able to do nothing about. It sounds like you have lots of loving concern for your mother and are undoubtedly frustrated with your father at the same time. The best advice I can give is this; I presume you are in the UK. I don't know what resources are available to you there but here in the USA we have services available to those that fall below a certain income level which it sounds like your mother does. The only drawback is that though they are usually readily available they are not well advertised and thus not easy to find without lots and lots of research. You may start with your local library or health department, etc. They should be able to get you pointed in the right direction. I hope things work out for you and your parents. Doc.
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A
female
reader, RachakaRoni +, writes (10 February 2007):
 I know exactly how you feel, my mum had this problem a few yrs ago. All I cud do though was be their for her and try and keep her positive.so, all I can say to you, is try and be their for her as best as you can. Mayb you cud try and get some of your family to be more caring for her- if you let them know how your mum is because no1 wants sum1 to be upset.Hope this helps.xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2007): I know exactly how you feel, my mum had this problem a few yrs ago. All I cud do though was be their for her and try and keep her positive.so, all I can say to you, is try and be their for her as best as you can. Mayb you cud try and get some of your family to be more caring for her- if you let them know how your mum is because no1 wants sum1 to be upset.Hope this helps.xx
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (10 February 2007):
 Counselling is free on referral from a doctor on the NHS although there is a waiting list. You have to remember first of all that your mother's happiness isn't your responsibility. It's great you want to help her but you can only do so much so keep that in mind and try to enjoy your uni experience. Things you could do to help her could be chatting to your sister and asking her to cut your mum some slack (she'll probably listen to you cos she sees you as an equal) You could also tell your relatives to look out for her because despite whether she ignored their suspicions before they're adults. Saying I told you so is something ten year olds do. She needs their support and as family they owe it to her to help her. Concentrate on getting her through the immediate pain for now. She may be shy and antisocial but those are things you can deal with when she's ready to go out and make new friends etc.
CD
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