A
female
age
,
*oslonelygirl
writes:This is to thank those of you who took the time to email me back. I haven't had sex with this married man. It just seems as though he and his wife live seperate lives. She does her thing he does his? I really don't know if I should just dump him because I need to find out the truth. I guess you may all think that I am crazy, but I feel this connection to him. It's not just after having a few drinks. I am so damn confused. Thanks again. Pam
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (11 February 2007):
 I'm so so sorry to hear of your loss Pam. I can't begin to imagine how you must have felt (feel). Seeing a married man is not the answer though and I think you know this. He's taken, pure and simple. Unless he's willing to move out and make a break then you should call it a day with him love. You'll only get caught up in your emotions and end up being the one hurt.
Eve
A
female
reader, loslonelygirl +, writes (11 February 2007):
loslonelygirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEve I am green at this computer copy paste stuff but I did send you all another update. Pam
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A
female
reader, loslonelygirl +, writes (11 February 2007):
loslonelygirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAfter the feed back that you all provided for me in this mess. I told him that I would not allow things to go any farther. My head was spinning with the what if's, maybe's etc. I told him that " I would rather break 2 hearts, instead of breaking a third". That is the truth and I am not taking his pleads of "don't do this". I suppose that I fell hard because I lost the love of my life, who was ripped from my life after a fatal car accident in Oct.2003. I cherished and adored this man for 7 years. I mourned over him for 3 years. There were no goodbye's. I thought that it was time to move on. Still miss the crap out of him, and then to meet someone who had me hooked at Hello. All of you posse great moral character.Thank you all for your support. Pam
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A
male
reader, Dagwood  +, writes (11 February 2007):
 Hi Pam. Well let me give you the male perspective. Based on my own experience as long as you are willing to get into a relationship with this man before he ends it with his wife then he'll probably never leave her. We men like to "have our cake and eat it". If you love him and him you then don't get intimate before his current relationship is over. You'll get hurt and land up feeling used and his wife may end up heartbroken. Having an affair is wrong, don't go down this route. I'm sure you'll do the right thing! Take care.
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A
female
reader, Carina +, writes (11 February 2007):
 I didn't read your first posting but I've also gone through something like this. In my case it took me four years to accept that he was never going to leave his wife and in that time we had sex because I felt that he was the love of my life. I honestly think he loved me too, and this may be true in your case. However, the big problem is there are a lot of men who will NEVER leave their wives, even if the relationship is not good. Most men are a)cowards and b)ruled by their heads rather than their hearts. It may well be that this guy and his wife lead separate lives but you never know quite how a relationship works. My feeling is to keep this as a friendship if you can. I know that's difficult for you but in the end, if you do enter into a sexual relationship, I have a horrible feeling you'll end up hurt and devastated. It's not a nice feeling. I agree that if he really cares for you he'll leave his wife and that you should wait and see. In the meantime go out and focus on other things and see if you meet a single guy who has the same connection with you. There are plenty of them out there!
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (11 February 2007):
Pam,
That last answer didn't read very well did it? lol I'll try it again. If you want any more advice on this then send the link from your last question to this, your latest post okay?
Eve
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (11 February 2007):
Pam, if you want any more advise on this then send the link to your last question to your latest post okay?
Eve
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2007): Hi Pam,
I would stringly advise you leave it while you still can, especially since you haven'y had sex with this man yet. Whatever the situation may seem to be with his wife, there's no harm in telling him you'd rather wait until he is single before continuing.
I was in a similar sitution to you before Christmas and also was led to believe he and his wife led seperate lives, but unfortunately, the moment we slept together he cooled off altogether, stayed with his wife and our two year friendship was lost.
If he really likes you and wants to be with you then he will finish off his current relationship before beginning something with you, and you don't deserve any less.
I know how tempting it must be for you, and how easy it is in the excitement of it all to tell yourself it will all be okay, but I only found this website while searching for advice on how to get over being shattered by my experience and if I had known about it before, and how many silmilar stories Ive subsequently read about, then I would have ended it long before crossing that line.
Good luck and hope this helps a little xxx
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