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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: hey.i really need your help.i was seeing this guy, he was really really attractive and yeah i really liked him a LOT. I thought that i had finally met mr.right. However i am very insecure. He met my best friend the other day and had expected that they would be attracted to each other. so when it was the three of us, i used to ignore him and be really cold with him!!anyway, me and my friend went on a nite out, i got drunk and text him saying 'i dont like you, my friend does!! do u want me to set her up with you? It's insane becos i DO actually like him!!!!!!!we went round to his house and i pretended i was asleep while they sat up talking-they clicked so well. it hurt so much. she said he was trying to get with her that nite. he text me the next day saying he was really hurt becos i was talking about other lads!!i always seem to drive people away before they hurt me!!do u understand what i mean??please help!do u think im insecure or just weird! x x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): I'm assuming that you've driven people away in the past, which leads me to believe that you're not unfamiliar with this feeling. What do YOU think drives people away? Search your soul and see the different sides of yourself....then ask yourself if you'd be happy with someone like yourself. If not, then why? A good self-analyzation will do wonders for you now and for your future relationships. Good Luck!
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (10 February 2007):
 Okay, first can I ask you... why do you feel so insecure? Is it something that stems from your past? Did something happen or someone say something to you which has made you feel this way? All you need is a bit more confidence and to believe in yourself. You sound as if you don't think you're good enough for anyone or that maybe if you met someone they'd have alterior motives for going out with you? You're needing to trust people more. Do you trust your friend? You seem to have a nice relationship with her.
Even if he does like you, (and I think he does and I'll tell you why in a minute) your body language and attitude is telling him "back off mate". You said you ignored him all the time the three of you were together. Being unapproachable like that won't earn you any brownie points, it will only say to him "stay clear buddie, don't even try!" And of course blatantly texting him and saying "I don't like you but my friend does..." is just plain silly and not doing you any favours either.
Okay, why do I think he likes you? He text you back to say he was hurt that you were talking about other lads. Maybe he was really hurt or maybe that was an excuse to text you. Now the ball is in your court. Why don't you text him back and apologise for being so stand offish to him. Let him know that you do like him, even if it's only as a friend (give him the option ;o)) and you really didn't mean to offend him. Then see what he answers.
The best thing to do in life if someone hurts us is NOT to take it personally, maybe THEY were hurting or angry to say the things they said or do the things they do, everything is for a reason...
Meanwhile, try to be a bit more friendly, smile more and compliment people if they look good or do something nice for others, if you do that then you'll attract people TO you instead of giving them the icy stare and the silent treatment. It really does work you know! As for the drink, I'd stay off that if you can't control it. No one should drink till their drunk, especially a woman. It just lowers them and is NOT cool!
Let me know if you want some links to help build your confidence and self esteem up and I'll certainly send them to you. Good luck, you KNOW you can do it! :o)
Eve
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (10 February 2007):
 It's not about being insecure or weird. You're terrified of rejection so you hurt yourself before anyone else can. I'm really sorry but I think you have to write off this guy to experience. You've messed with his head too much but for future experience in other relationships try and chill out because really, it doesn;t matter if they last five minutes or a lifetime. What's important is that you're happy in the moment. Every relationship holds the potential to get very very hurt but it also has potential to be something amazing if you let it be so just relax and remember to live for the moment with your next boyfriend.
CD
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