A
male
age
41-50,
*enMacCarty
writes:We used to have a great and enjoyable relationship with each other where we'd go do all sorts of things all the time. Since school has started, everything changed. Last semester, she spent most of the time with me and things were good (when school wasn't stressing her out). This semester though she never seems to want to come to see me (we live about 45min. away). I try to see her whenever possible. I even bring flowers and other gifts just to be a little romantic and brighten her day. but she has cats (i'm allergic) and nowhere for me to sleep so I can't stay long even though I try to fight through it. She tells me she loves me, she misses me, that I'm the most important thing in her life, and I know she means it because it usually makes her cry. It's when I say I'm unable to do something when she asks or when she's just really stressed out from her day, she just wants to end everything and will say that she's not happy with us. then the next day she'll say she's sorry and can't live without me. I'm lost here. We have talked about all this. She tells me she hates it when she hurts me, but when she gets upset, she puts up a brick wall to her emotions and just gets cold. The distance between where we live is nothing to me. She likes it here when she's here, but hates the city I live in. I've told her that things will be different when I finish my degree as well as when she finishes hers. I never planned on living where I'm at my whole life. We are both working for our futures and do give eachother space to do so.I haven't seen her in about a week. We just call each other to say we love each other and give good day wishes. We've talked and agreed that we need that space, but then she'll call out of the blue and say she misses me and wants me to come down. I usually try to, but when I can't (work, school), she gets upset and thinks things aren't going to work out. I've told her that I can see her the next day or what not when we're both available, but she's still upset from before.She's also starting to sound jealous. She'll ask me if I want other girls and I tell that I gave HER the ring and made that commitment to only HER because I love only HER. She likes to snoop and I let her get that out only to prove to her that I have nothing to hide. I know she has self-esteem issues and anxiety (dad was dead-beat who left and other boyfriends treated her like crap) so I try to respect that and tell her everyday how beautiful and great she is. It's always her excuse that I can do better than her is why she wants to end things and that I think comes from those bad guys. I am a good guy and I know she knows that and I don't want to be identified with those other guys in her life. I'm not just doing it for her either. She's the one who inspires me to work harder and want a future and when she's not upset and trying to break it off, she supports me, encourages me, and helps me with that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2007): Hello.... 45 minutes really isn't that long/far... my ex bf and i lived 45-55 minutes from each other, i was in school full time and worked full time job BUT we still made time to see each other almost every single day... sometimes it was just for 30 minutes and we had to drive through terrible rush hour traffic-but sometimes thats all you need to make someone feel special... to tell you the truth, he was a lot like you and i was the one many times going through mood swings and jealousy stages... i always wanted him to prove his love to me and at the end it got so big that we ended up breaking up... i always felt like i did more for him and that he needed to change some things and be more romantic or caring etc... anyway to make a long story short, try to make your gf feel special by maybe sending her a text msg a day saying :i'm thinking of you" or "muah" or small things like that... you already give flowers etc and that is wonderful but maybe try to improve it little more.... however, if at the end that doesnt work than she might be asking for too much and in that case maybe you two should consider a break (as bad as that migh hurt)....
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (11 February 2007):
 Hi Ben,
You love her very much don't you? I can tell by the way you write. You also are very understanding and very intuitive of her needs, I commend you for that. Guys like you really don't come around often, she's so lucky to have you.
Her problem, as you rightly mentioned is her insecurity. The fact you're living 45 minutes from her is as good as a million miles away when she can't just run round and see you. She seems to have very little confidence and self esteem, possibly from her upbringing so it's up to you there to boost that and tell her how wonderful she is and how nice she looks and how lucky YOU are to have her! Let her know how much you care for her and how much she inspires you! If she talks about breaking up with you again and that you'd be better off without her, hold her close and tell her how silly she can be sometimes and that she's the only one you want. ;o)
You are both doing everything right. You are both sticking in to finish your degrees and giving one another space to study. It might be a good idea to call her every couple of days just to let her know you're thinking of her and can't wait to hold her again. This will alleviate her jealousy a bit. Once you both finish your degrees you might suggest to her about finding somewhere together to live. It will give her something to hold on to and will also reassure her that you're not going anywhere or thinking of cheating on her.
Lots of love, lots of reassurance, lots of understanding and lots of cuddles and I thinks she'll come on heaps and bounds. I wish you both every happiness in your future together and just wish more men would take a leaf out of your book.
Eve
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