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Ever since I can remember people have always fascinated me. I seemed to be very adept at solving people’s “life” problems and I never tired of the constant flow of friends asking for my help. I have always been a great listener and have a lot of patience and empathy for people and have written for advice columns in the past.
I am a Relationships Councillor and Life Coach and have a special aptitude with people. I have been active on this site for a number of years. I'm very much a positive thinker and hate being around negative people. Life is for living, it's too short to moan all the time. I'm determined, very spiritual, grounded, independent, strong willed and love life. Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.
If you realized just how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought. The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
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| Latest articles: REAL Love!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 July 2010: I have written this blog a few times but I thought I'd write it in an "article", that way people can always view it. To love a person, first and foremost you must KNOW them personally. Lots of teenagers say they "love" a celebrity or are "in love"...
Some tips for a happy marriage!
This question has 9 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: MARRIAGE - WHAT IS EXPECTED IN A MARRIAGE? Once you marry, don’t expect everything just to fall into place. Marriage is a serious commitment but it needs to be continually worked at. Too many people today go into marriage for the wrong reasons, t...
20 questions to ask someone on a date!
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: So many of the younger ones on this site tend to be a bit tongue tied about what to ask their date so here are 20 things to ask someone on that first date. 1. What do you like to do when you're not working? 2. Where in the world would you most...
Why do you think marriages break up more now than in the past?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: Do you remember years ago when families used to sit in at nights? They had no TV, no computer games, no telephones, no DVD's, no video recorders etc etc. They had one another! They had TIME to get to know one another, to BE with one another to ...
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Because of previous relationships Im coming over as Needy with my new man, how can I better handle this ??
Q. I have horrible insecurities and they're turning my life into a living hell! For 10yrs i was married to a man who drained every last ounce of self confidence from me (you're too fat, too stupid etc). My new man and the love of my life is 3yrs ...
A. 24 February 2007: Here are a couple of links that will help you to keep the romance and passion alive in your relationship.
http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/men/menu/articles/0,,426361_285737,00.html
http:... (read in full...)
Should I call him and just be single so I don't keep making him mad?
Q. hey, again. i'm the one that loved my boyfriend but liked two other guys. well anyway theres this new kid at school and me and him flirt well today at luch i was sitting with my boyfriend and the new kid past our table and he smiled and shook hi...
A. 23 February 2007: No, I wouldn't call him. I would wait and see if HE calls you. There's nothing wrong with smiling at someone, just because you do doesn't mean you fancy them. Seems to me your boyfriend is the one with the problem here, he seems jealous. If he ... (read in full...)
What on earth can I do to put him out of my thoughts?
Q. I have been seperated from my ex for over 5 years, for some reason he still is on my mind and i have moved on as has he but i constantly see look-a-likes and i have had boyfriends since him, what can i do to get him out of my thoughts which i do not ...
A. 23 February 2007: Subconsciously you must be thinking of him and aren't even aware of it. It could be a song you hear in the background that triggers your brain off or a saying you hear that he uses. The more you think about this the more it will lie in your ... (read in full...)
How can I tell her it's nothing personal, I'm married and just want to keep my distance...?
Q. Hi, I'm a married man and the girl I work with is in a long term relationship. About 8 months ago, I started getting real strong feelings for her. Rightly, or wrongly, I thought the best way to deal with this would be to put a bit of distance ...
A. 23 February 2007: There's no reason why you can't still be friends with her. If you feel she's coming on a bit strong or touchy feely then mention something you're doing for your wife like taking her to a movie tonight or preparing a special surprise for her, taking ... (read in full...)
I have all the symptoms of serious emotional immaturity, can anyone help?
Q. I am 55 years old, and have all the symptoms of serious emotional imaturity, and am not able to cope with major adult problems like decision making and ending unhappy relationships. I have spent hundreds of pounds on counselling which has not ...
A. 23 February 2007: Has there been anything that's happened in your past to make you feel this way? Do you often feel insecure and that you find responsibilities hard to cope with? The main thing is you realise you're like this so that's the first step on your road ... (read in full...)
I'm scared to go out with him in case he just wants to have sex with me.
Q. well ive never been in a proper relationship and theres this guy and he keps tellin me how he feels about me but i dont feel as much the same as hes 2 years older and has had sex and i havent and im scared to go out with him and he just uses me fo ...
A. 23 February 2007: The best thing you can do is just tell him you're flattered but you don't feel the same way, you're just not interested in him and walk away. Stay well out of his way so he can't get the impression you like him. I'm sure he'll get the hint. If he ... (read in full...)
He just wants to be friends, he needs his space for now he says... just as I've fallen for him!
Q. I finally met a good guy to be with, but he had only broken up with his ex-girlfriend just over a month before and said that he needed his 'space' to be single because he wasn't ready yet to be a boyfriend again. Trouble is, it was already after ...
A. 23 February 2007: You respect his need to remain single and continue to be his friend. Don't expect too much from him and give him his space when he feels he needs it. I'm sure in time, he'll come seeking you out and continue to have a close relationship with you ... (read in full...)
How can I get this guy to leave me alone?
Q. I broke with my ex boyfriend 6 month ago, but we remain friends. recently he shared with me that he moved with his new girlfriend. This news was irritating me. I spoke this week with him that I needed space, that there is no need for us to be ...
A. 23 February 2007: You have told him how you feel and asked for space and he hasn't respected your needs. If I were you I would change your phone number or have his number blocked from your phone so he can't bother you any more. If he's with someone else and is ... (read in full...)
Because of previous relationships Im coming over as Needy with my new man, how can I better handle this ??
Q. I have horrible insecurities and they're turning my life into a living hell! For 10yrs i was married to a man who drained every last ounce of self confidence from me (you're too fat, too stupid etc). My new man and the love of my life is 3yrs ...
A. 22 February 2007: The good thing is you're AWARE you are this way, that's important! You just nead to learn how to fix it! Okay, so he's had lots of women before you, where are they now? They're out of the equation because he's chosen YOU! You obviously have a lot ... (read in full...)
I dont get on with my sis as she can be a bit self centred, How can I get along with her better ?
Q. How can I get along with my sister when I don't even like her? I am the youngest daughter, my 2 sisters are at least 9 years older than me. I don't get along with the oldest very well, and i can't trust her with personal problems because ...
A. 22 February 2007: Don't tell her your personal problems, you know she gossips and can't keep a secret, you've seen that from past experiences so don't trust her with things you don't want anyone else to know. She can't help being that way, it's just the way she is ... (read in full...)
I have been with my BF 3 years, but have never told him I love him, is he just not right for me ?
Q. Hi, my boyfriend and i have ben going out for 3 years now and i have a problem saying the words "I love you" i really like him, hes a good guy. Also i have never ben able to say these words to anyman and i thought i just havent met the right person ...
A. 22 February 2007: Maybe you just don't know what real love is? It could also be that when you were younger, you were brought up in a household where family members found it difficult to express themselves in this way. Maybe you've been really hurt in the past where ... (read in full...)
I discovered that my boyfriend has been visiting a known cruising place, a place where guys meet to have anonymous sex. He's told me to trust him but how can I? What do I do here????
Q. I’ve been dating this guy for the last 5 months and I really love and care about him. Last month, I discovered that my boyfriend has been visiting a known cruising place, a place where guys meet to have anonymous sex. I know he had been there a...
A. 22 February 2007: He lied to you continually telling you he didn't frequent that place. He would have continued to lie to you had you not shown him the proof you had. Now he's saying he didn't go there for sex! Hmmmmmmm.
Okay, so we give him the benefit of the d... (read in full...)
My husband wouldn't let me touch him. What should I do or say to him about this?
Q. my husband has gone off sex - but last night he had a sexy dream which woke him - when I approached him and tried to touch him - he would'nt let me. felt very rejected what do you think i should do/say?...
A. 22 February 2007: How do you know he had a sexy dream... did he tell you? If he continues to reject your advances you need to ask him why? What's the matter? Doesn't he find you attractive any more? Is there something else on his mind? Is he seeing someone else? ... (read in full...)
Is it me he misses or the sex !?
Q. What did he mean? I have been having sex with a friend for some time now, and it slowly died off. We ended up sleeping together last night and he said that he misses this, does he mean me or the sex?...
A. 22 February 2007: The simple answer to this question is.... you need to ask him! Plain and simple!
Eve... (read in full...)
I really don't know how to take this any more, is she taking me for a mug? What's wrong with her?
Q. I am married and have been for over 20 years. In that time I have had a few flings, as sex with my wife has always been difficult (she was never that interested). However I decided that for the sake of my 2 children that I would never leave my wife. ...
A. 22 February 2007: It sounds to me like she's not really over her husband and may even be regretting leaving him. She's seperated from him so her life is her own now! She doesn't need to take his feelings into consideration, she's a free woman for goodness sake! If ... (read in full...)
I've been in a relationship for the past 10 months with the perfect guy but I have a friend and there's something about him that just doesn't go away...
Q. I'm 22 and have been in a relationship for the last 10 month with the perfect guy for me. For both of us,it's our first relationship but we plan to marry in the future. My problem is that i've a friend whom i've known longer than my boyfriend who's ...
A. 22 February 2007: Yes, you're absolutely crazy thinking the way you are. Your boyfriend seems a very tolerant man to put up with all this nonesense. This "friend" only got with her because she fell in love with him and he didn't want to hurt her? I've never heard ... (read in full...)
Does he stay with me and be happy in his relationship but run the risk of losing his unborn child?
Q. I have recently started a new relationship with a wonderful kind and caring man, we were only together for a short time when the bombshell that his ex girlfriend is pregant with his second child hit. My partner has told his ex that he will stand by ...
A. 22 February 2007: Oh dear... pressure pressure pressure. That's the LAST thing he needs at the moment, to choose! You didn't need to give him an ultimatum. Even if he DOES go back to her, if he truly loves you he would have come back to you. He might just have ... (read in full...)
How can this be love????
Q. why would my fiance want to dump me every time we disagree,how can this be love?...
A. 22 February 2007: It's NOT love. If you truly love someone you want to sort out your differences not just "dump" them every time you disagree. Your fiance seems to be a bit immature and certainly not ready for marriage when he's feeling this way. The best thing I ... (read in full...)
I am going to court soon for a rape assault on me. I am really scared, how do I cope?
Q. I am going to court for a rape assualt on me and i am really scared i need some advice because i feel like i want to run away or take an overdose becuase i would rather do this and wake up in hospital than going to court. i need advice n how to cope ...
A. 22 February 2007: Speak to your parents about how you feel, let them know you are terrified and you don't want to appear in court. There are leaflets you can have a look at that let you know that you don't have to appear in person in the actual courtroom. You are ... (read in full...)
He likes me a lot but I am thinking...is he "too keen too soon'? What do you all think?
Q. Hello I'm 33, female and single! Have had so many ups and downs in relationships - tend to always attract the "bad boys"..... Anyway, have just met a nice man via online dating....and he ticks so many boxes in terms of what I want in a relat...
A. 22 February 2007: You said yourself, in the past you always seem to attract the "bad guys" so things seem to be looking up here. You have obviously been giving off vibes (kissing comes to mind) that you like him a lot too. To me he's just comfortable with you and ... (read in full...)
my ex broke things off with me but he keeps coming round yet he's filled with resentment. What does he want from me?
Q. My ex broke things off with me 2 months ago, but still wanted to be friends with me. I keep telling him that I don't do friends with exs, but he keeps calling me trying to arrange for us to go out or turning up on my doorstep. I haven't contact him ...
A. 22 February 2007: Next time he calls you or comes around, (whatever he does first) then tell meet for a coffee (or take him in for a coffee) and TALK to him. Ask him exactly what it is he's wanting from you. Remind him it was him that broke things off with you and ... (read in full...)
A girl at school that I've fallen for is ignoring me, what should be my plan of action?
Q. A girl at school that I have fallen in love with is ignoring me, she is aware that I fancy her, and seeing her a school is painful, I refuse just to forget about her, what should be my plan of action?...
A. 22 February 2007: Don't keep following her all the time and don't keep staring at her. Admire her from afar if you must but that's it for now I'm afraid. If she was interested in you then she'd soon let you know. Girls like a challenge so don't seem so desperate ... (read in full...)
My ex told me I'm bad clingy and annoying, what does he mean?
Q. Heres the deal: Im 15 almost 16 and my boyfriends 16. He just told me i was really clingy, sometimes not bad and sometimes realllly bad, to the point where he breaks up with me. We've been dating for 17 months and we've done everything together, but ...
A. 22 February 2007: By "clingy" he means you're too dependent on him, you don't give him enough space to breathe and he feels claustrophobic around you. Like he said, you call him too much and you try to control him all the time hence you are "clingy" to him, NOT ... (read in full...)
My mum and I aren't very close, how do I tell her I have a boyfriend? I'm really scared to tell her.
Q. hey there, i have a boyfriend and have been going out with him for a few months now. my mum and i arn't very close and i feel i have to live up to my older sisters reputation. how do i tell her that i have a boyfriend? im not very good at talking to ...
A. 22 February 2007: I wouldn't spring this on her just yet, instead I would try and spend some quality time with her. Ask her if she wants a cup of tea or coffee and sit down with her and try and talk to her, not the fact that you have a boyfriend, just things in ... (read in full...)
Why did he make out with me then dump me? I feel so used!
Q. hey guys i got a question reguard that one question about josh thompson and me. Well here it is. I went to my school's dance on friday because it was a valentine's day dance and then Josh came so as you know I went out and greeted him and then we ...
A. 22 February 2007: It looks to me like you and Josh really aren't made for one another. You've both gave it a good try but he's still breaking up with you. I would forget about him, he doesn't deserve you. Go out there and enjoy yourself with friends and give guys ... (read in full...)
I think he is "the one!" How can I bring the subject up to see if he feels the same?
Q. I've known the guy I'm dating for well over 14 years and we have been dating for 5 months. The thing is I have this extremely strong feeling that he is 'the one'. Me and this guy have so much in common, the good things, mind you. There have been ...
A. 22 February 2007: Hey, enjoy your vacation and don't start to put pressure on him when you've only been together 5 months. Guys don't like pressure like this so be very careful here. What you could do is ask him if he believes in soul mates. That everyone has that ... (read in full...)
My guy is in the army and his mum hates me and keeps making up stories about me to him! How can I win here?
Q. hay guys! ive been going out with this lovely guy for 1 yr! hes perfect for me! now hes just gone away with the army! missing him but everythings fine with us its just his mum! she hates me... she keeps lieing to him and telling him ppl have told ...
A. 22 February 2007: Why is she being so horrible? What have you done to make her feel this way? If you have always just been nice to her then she must be jealous that you are getting her son's attention and she isn't. For some mothers, no one is good enough for ... (read in full...)
When I see her and know she can't be mines, what do I do?
Q. About 4 months ago I fell in love with a girl at school, I made my feelings clear but she is not interested , this is eating me up inside it is painful when I see her and know she can't be mine, what do I do now?...
A. 22 February 2007: If she doesn't like you then she doesn't have much taste does she? You move on and find someone else who is more worthy of you. She's not worth it.
Eve... (read in full...)
My son goes gambling during his school lunch break! He became livid when I tried to talk about it. Is professional help the best solution?
Q. At school recently one of my 16-year-old son's teachers phoned up saying she'd seen him go to gambling arcades during lunchbreak, frequently. She's already had to bring him back to school 3 times this week. I got a phone call off her this mo...
A. 21 February 2007: He's growing up quickly and is trying to make a statement to you that he's a big boy now! How are things at home? Does he always swear that way or is this a one off? He doesn't seem to have much respect for you swearing at you the way he did. ... (read in full...)
My ex and her new bf are always kissing in my face! What do I do??
Q. ok so, my Ex girl-friend has a new lad. They're always kissing etc. which sounds ok, but they always do it in my face. What do I do? any ideas?...
A. 21 February 2007: What do you do? Laugh, shake your head at both of them and go and have fun with your mates. She's only doing it for a reaction, you know that don't you? Rise above it!
Do you really want to be with a girl with no morals????
Eve ... (read in full...)
I'm 15 dating a 19 year old guy. Is anything wrong with that?
Q. i am 15 dating a 19 year old guy is somthing wrong with that?...
A. 21 February 2007: There is nothing wrong with that if you are grounded and have a good head on your shoulders. You are very young yet and too young to have sex so don't let him pressure you there.
Concentrate on your studies for now and continue to get to know one... (read in full...)
I told him I wanted to marry him. He said he's not sure he'll ever be ready for marriage. I'm heartbroken!
Q. I am 25 and my boyfriend and I have been together for close to 4 years. We have talked about our future and marriage many times. I will admit that lately I have been pressuring him to marry me. I went on a trip for work and while I was gone I ...
A. 21 February 2007: You have admitted to pressuring him lately about marriage. This has made him think! At the moment he's not ready to settle down and you going on about it all the time will only add more pressure and make him run in the other direction. You still ... (read in full...)
How do I move on to sex with my girl? We have kissed and hugged and stuff.
Q. need advice for first time sex. Me and my gf have been going out months and are both ready and have contreception sorted. trouble is shes a very nervous person not just for sex but alot of things. We have done stuff like kissing and hugging etc but ...
A. 21 February 2007: Choose the right time to talk to her about taking your relationship a step further. Ask her how she feels about it. If she's at all hesitant then she's not ready. Sex isn't a thing that can be rushed. If you pressure her at all she'll only take ... (read in full...)
What is the normal amount of time to spend together in a very committed relationship?
Q. I've been dating a great guy for 7 months. We enjoy doing everything together, and became emotionally connected many months ago. We are comfortable with each other in every way (especially the bedroom!) and love each other. We live approximately ...
A. 21 February 2007: No, he's right to have his own space some of the time. If you tell him you want to see more of him you'll only put pressure on him and push him away. Let him tell YOU he wants to see you more. In the meantime I would use those 3 nights to catch ... (read in full...)
My friend feels like a prisoner in his own home - his mother is so controlling. What can I do to help??
Q. Hi all.. i got a small problem.. my friend hes male 22 lives at home and no job.. his mother is very controlling and christian too, she treats him like a 5 year old.. this is stressing him out he sleeps all the time and is getting very depressed im ...
A. 21 February 2007: Okay, I'm going to give it to you straight here! Your friend is spending far too much time in bed. He's lazy and should be kicked out of his bed to find a job rather than have his mother keeping him. She's probably at her wits end telling him to ... (read in full...)
This boy and I are just friends but I'm starting to feel jealous when I see him talk with other girls. Please help.
Q. hi, me and this guy i no from school have met up twice to kiss and cuddle. he wanted more but i told him that i just wanted to mates wiv him and meet for kissing and stuff. he repsected me for telling him the truth. im not interested in a ...
A. 21 February 2007: First of all I want to say Well Done there for having good morals. Kissing and cuddling is all fine and well but if he wanted to take things further so quickly and you weren't ready then he's not worth bothering about. Now he's flirting with other ... (read in full...)
I think he loves his DOG more than he loves me!
Q. My boyfriends dog was diagnosed with cancer, and it tore him up. So much now that he spends more time with his dog than me. Im worried about him and jealous of his dog, wierd as it may sound its true. He sleeps on the sofa to be closer to his dog, ...
A. 21 February 2007: I'm not particularly an animal lover but the dog is dying and you'll be there when it isn't. Bite your tongue for now and try and support your boyfriend through this. If you don't then it's going to come between you and because it hasn't got long ... (read in full...)
I'm seeing a married man and I know it's going nowhere, so why can I not say goodbye?
Q. I have been having an affair with a married man for three years and i know it is not going anywhere.So why have i not got the courage to say goodbye? As i know it,s what i need to do before someone gets really hurt...
A. 21 February 2007: The reason you can't say goodbye to this man is because you have become emotionally attached to him. You know there's no future there for you both so the sooner you leave him and move on the sooner you'll start to heal again.
As nice as it wa... (read in full...)
Do I wait for him or do I tell him that nothing can ever happen? I still love him, but I'm confused!
Q. My boyfriend split up with me 2 months ago after two and a half years. we have just got back in touch and he says he misses me but doesn't want to settle down at the moment. we are both young but i think it's as though he wants me to wait, he said ...
A. 21 February 2007: If you both love one another and are meant to be together then you will. Be his friend for now and keep in touch with him. It may be that he's wanting to concentrate on his studies at the moment or he just wants some space to think things through. ... (read in full...)
I was molested and b/c of it have a hard time dating. I've broken it off w/ a guy b/c I was scared of getting too sexually involved! What should I do?
Q. so i have relationship issues. i was molested when i was 6-7 years old and its hard in relationships because of it. i never told my exboyfriend even tho we didnt date long. i broke up with him cause i was afraid that we'd get too sexually involved ...
A. 21 February 2007: I would advise you NOT to have sex at your age. You're between 13 and 15 years old and you are still developing. Have some respect for yourself now that you are growing up and don't worry about your past. Just remember it wasn't your fault, you ... (read in full...)
I dumped him b/c I was told he was cheating on me! He wasn't and now he won't get back w/ me. How can I get him back?
Q. i dumped my boyfriend a week ago because his mates were saying he was 2 timing me. i didnt belive them as he told me he wasn't and i knew he wasn't anyway. now i feel really bad and want him back so i asked him out again but he said no and now i re...
A. 21 February 2007: Oooooh you should never have taken your friend's word over his!!! You should have talked it over with him and told him about the rumours you'd heard first, that way you might have been able to sort it out.
Now he's hurting and feeling you didn... (read in full...)
I know he just uses me for sex, but I want to tell him how I really feel about him. What should I do?
Q. im 17 and started having feelings for a 22 year old. we got really close and ended up having sex but he didnt want anything serious just fun. we have ended up having sex regulary but now my feelings have become really strong for him. i want to tell ...
A. 21 February 2007: That's the problem when you have sex with no strings attached. What do you do? You know he doesn't want anything serious so you stop letting him use you in this way and let him know that you don't want to do this any more. You don't need to give ... (read in full...)
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