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Ever since I can remember people have always fascinated me. I seemed to be very adept at solving people’s “life” problems and I never tired of the constant flow of friends asking for my help. I have always been a great listener and have a lot of patience and empathy for people and have written for advice columns in the past.
I am a Relationships Councillor and Life Coach and have a special aptitude with people. I have been active on this site for a number of years. I'm very much a positive thinker and hate being around negative people. Life is for living, it's too short to moan all the time. I'm determined, very spiritual, grounded, independent, strong willed and love life. Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.
If you realized just how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought. The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
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| Latest articles: REAL Love!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 July 2010: I have written this blog a few times but I thought I'd write it in an "article", that way people can always view it. To love a person, first and foremost you must KNOW them personally. Lots of teenagers say they "love" a celebrity or are "in love"...
Some tips for a happy marriage!
This question has 9 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: MARRIAGE - WHAT IS EXPECTED IN A MARRIAGE? Once you marry, don’t expect everything just to fall into place. Marriage is a serious commitment but it needs to be continually worked at. Too many people today go into marriage for the wrong reasons, t...
20 questions to ask someone on a date!
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: So many of the younger ones on this site tend to be a bit tongue tied about what to ask their date so here are 20 things to ask someone on that first date. 1. What do you like to do when you're not working? 2. Where in the world would you most...
Why do you think marriages break up more now than in the past?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: Do you remember years ago when families used to sit in at nights? They had no TV, no computer games, no telephones, no DVD's, no video recorders etc etc. They had one another! They had TIME to get to know one another, to BE with one another to ...
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I want to leave my husband but I'm financially strapped. Any suggestions?
Q. I have been married for over 3 years, but don't know if I love my husband anymore. I keep catching him in lies, and then he promises not to lie to me anymore. This has been a pattern for over 2 years. I have lost all trust in him. The most ...
A. 5 February 2007: I can totally understand how you feel. I too, was in a position like you and had 2 young kids. My mistake was staying with this very passive man who left me to do everything and I was higher paid than him. It sounds identical. I stayed with him ... (read in full...)
Me and my gf both have Cerebal Palsy. Her parents are very protective of her and it's hard for us to meet up. What can we do?
Q. I am a 25-year-old man who has Cerebral Palsy. I have been with my 26-year-old girlfriend, who also has Cerebral Palsy, for over 5 years. The relationship between ourselves is great and we really love each other. We are soul mates who met in our ...
A. 5 February 2007: Keep in touch and let me know how things go okay? Keep thinking positive always and things will change for you, you'll see!
Eve... (read in full...)
Me and my gf both have Cerebal Palsy. Her parents are very protective of her and it's hard for us to meet up. What can we do?
Q. I am a 25-year-old man who has Cerebral Palsy. I have been with my 26-year-old girlfriend, who also has Cerebral Palsy, for over 5 years. The relationship between ourselves is great and we really love each other. We are soul mates who met in our ...
A. 5 February 2007: Then for now love the best way is to just continue being her friend in email. If her parents have such a big hold over her the way you say they do then there is no alternative. She can't just walk out and do her own thing unfortunately, which I'm ... (read in full...)
Are women more sentimental than men?
Q. Are women more sentimantal than men? I feel as though in a relationship there's a big difference between things that women hold dear to them compared to men (eg keeping love letters, presents etc.). Do they just handle it differently? ...
A. 5 February 2007: Women tend to use the right side of their brain (emotions, creativity etc) and men mostly use the left side (analysing). There are vast differences between men and women. I suggest you buy the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John ... (read in full...)
Husband left her but he's back on the scene but she says she loves me! What's really happening with this woman?
Q. Hi to all, seems I need your advice again. One month before Christmas I met someone and it seems I am now in love with her. Here is her story: been married very young with someone that was not treating her very nice (he was abusing her is more...
A. 5 February 2007: I think this woman is having her cake and eating it. Her cell phone is switched off because she's terrified you call because she's told her husband (for whatever reason, I get the feeling it's financial) that she'll give it another go with him. ... (read in full...)
Loved him for 2 years-had sex with him for 1 year...he doesn't want a relationship with me, though! What should I do?
Q. right i'm in love with a guy who i have known for nearly two years and we have been sleeping together on and off for about year but i have fallen in love with him but i think he doesn't want a relationship with me... so what do i do? say to him "its ...
A. 5 February 2007: What makes you think he doesn't want a relationship with you any more? Is he acting differently towards you?
Eve... (read in full...)
Did he mean actually love as in 'in love' do you think?
Q. hello im 16 and i have a bf and we have been going out for over a month now. today i went round his house and we were sitting on his bed just talking. then we started play fighting and then he was pretendng to strangle me (only pretend! lol). th...
A. 5 February 2007: He was only "feeling you out," to see what you'd say. It was all in good fun and now he knows you really like him. Hey that's what relationships are all about! If you can't have fun with your boyfriend then what's the point of having one! I ... (read in full...)
Do I acceptmy marriage has failed and go to this other man, I have been seeing?
Q. I am in an impossible situation, not knowing which way to turn. I really need some advice but those closest to me are reluctant to tell me what I should do. I am struggling to choose between 2 men. The first is my husband. We have been together ...
A. 5 February 2007: You told your husband you were having problems in the marriage and he said "he could get away without trying once we were married." WRONG!!! A marriage needs to be worked at and he obviously isn't trying. After all the travelling about and coming ... (read in full...)
I'm female and straight and so is she. But I have fallen in love with her. Any thoughts?
Q. Hi! I am a straight female who has fallen in love with my straight female best friend. I have been struggling with my feelings towards her for some time now and have come to a resolve that I must be attracted to her. We are very close and have a ...
A. 5 February 2007: Lots of girls are very lovey dovey to one another, it's a "girl thing". I don't think you're bi, I think you just really admire her as a friend and the jealousy towards her boyfriend is because he's with her a lot of the time instead of you.
... (read in full...)
How can I stop feeling really obsessed with my ex bf?
Q. Me and my ex broke up 3 weeks ago and i still really like him but he is already with someone else we were together for 2 years and i'm really hurting, i don't really have anyone to talk to but him and all i want to do is ring him and talk to him, ...
A. 5 February 2007: You are both still young and 2 years is a long time. You are maybe more dependent on him than you first thought and of course he would have been your life, your best friend as well as your lover and now it's all so totally different. How can you ... (read in full...)
I want to leave my husband but I'm financially strapped. Any suggestions?
Q. I have been married for over 3 years, but don't know if I love my husband anymore. I keep catching him in lies, and then he promises not to lie to me anymore. This has been a pattern for over 2 years. I have lost all trust in him. The most ...
A. 5 February 2007: There is obviously something lacking in your marriage when he feels he has to call phone sex lines. Do you talk regularly? Are you still intimate regularly? Communication is a big part of any relationship and if this is lacking then you need to ... (read in full...)
Guy at work admits he likes me but won't me as he doesn't date co-workers. What can I do?
Q. I have been going out with some guys from work once a week for a month or two now, a big group of us go, but I have two particular friends who I always thought were gay, who I'm closer to than the rest. The first is most definitely gay, however ...
A. 5 February 2007: Have you never heard the old saying "never mix business with pleasure?" Maybe this is how he's thinking. There's like and LIKE... it could be that he does like you, but only in a platonic sense and doesn't want to start a relationship with you. ... (read in full...)
Two brother's...I live with one brother and want to be with the other! What should I do?
Q. I have had a crush on my boyfriend's brother for as long as I have known my boyfriend which is 7 years. I actually told my brother's boyfriend about 3 years into my current relationship. He told me he liked me too but he was with his girlfriend at ...
A. 5 February 2007: Okay, the first thing you need to do here is talk to your boyfriend and tell him how you're feeling. You like him yes, but you like him like a brother more than a boyfriend and you love his company, in fact you look to him as your best friend. ... (read in full...)
Me and my gf both have Cerebal Palsy. Her parents are very protective of her and it's hard for us to meet up. What can we do?
Q. I am a 25-year-old man who has Cerebral Palsy. I have been with my 26-year-old girlfriend, who also has Cerebral Palsy, for over 5 years. The relationship between ourselves is great and we really love each other. We are soul mates who met in our ...
A. 4 February 2007: Then I suggest you keep at it and be her friend for now. I'm sure she'll be able to get through to her parents soon enough. They have to understand she is a grown woman now and she DESERVES to be happy. Can she not write them an email if that's ... (read in full...)
If somebody was raped are they still a virgin??
Q. If some one was raped and they never has had sex before would they still be a virgin. When you ask poeple that know what has happened then if you try to talk to them they just say what you want to hear so it dosen't upset you and not wat they think ...
A. 4 February 2007: First of all if you have been raped love then I am so sorry this has happened. There is help out there for you and you don't have to go through this alone. (I can give you some links for help if you want to know more, just email me okay?) Now I am ... (read in full...)
How do I keep it cool??
Q. Hi, I have just started in a new relationship and i really like this new guy. He has just brought a new house and is spending allot of time on this, which i understand. We have not seen each other other allot over the last few weeks , and i ke...
A. 4 February 2007: He's really busy just now with his house. Call him and ask him how things are going with it. Say to him if he needs any help from you then he only needs to ask. See what he says. If he was really keen on you he'd jump at the chance for your help ... (read in full...)
I thought he was joking about dating me so I said no. Now he doesn't like me anymore! Any advice?
Q. I like this guy angel, and he liked me back. He said he would break up with his gf for me! And his friend said do. I want to go out with Angel and I thought it was a joke so i said no and now he doesnt like me anymore! My friend wants to fix it with ...
A. 4 February 2007: She can't! You are barely out of diapers love and shouldn't be dating anyone at your age. You should be concentrating on your school work and enjoying life with your girlfriends just now. There is plenty time to date in a few years time when you ... (read in full...)
Planning to invite this older guy (26) I like to my 17th b'day party...will he feel out of place with my friends?
Q. I'm 17 next week and having a party to celebrate it on friday! I am planing to have many friends their but they are all 16-19... there will be about 25 of them.... thing is im seriously upside down in love with a 26 year old man and i wanna invite ...
A. 4 February 2007: I'm sure if you're having a party there will be older ones like your parents and relatives there, will there not? There is no harm in asking this guy you like. Let him know how many will be there then leave the decision up to him.
Happy 17th whe... (read in full...)
My ex bf or my current bf....which one do I pick?
Q. Hi im sam and i have been going out with a guy for 8 months now. last night however i kissed my ex boyfriend and i know that he really does like me. the guy im going out with now, i only went out with on the rebound of my ex. I dont know what to do ...
A. 4 February 2007: Okay, first of all you DON'T love your current boyfriend or you wouldn't even THINK about having a relationship with your ex. Secondly, you don't love your ex either or you wouldn't be with your current boyfriend.
You said your boyfriend left you... (read in full...)
Have a guy and a baby but want to have 'fun' with another fellow. Any advice?
Q. im in love with my bf we been 2getha 3years and av a baby i meet someone and i like him i dont wanna relationship with him just fun am i wrong my bf has cheated on me 3 times ...
A. 4 February 2007: I don't have a clue why you and your boyfriend are still together? Surely it's not because of the baby? You can't love your boyfriend if you want to go out and "have fun" with someone else. YOU are a mother now and you have to take your ... (read in full...)
Thinking of ending my relationship because it's getting too serious. What do you think?
Q. i have been going out with someone now for 3 months and it is going quite well but after past relationships i do not want a serious long-term relationship yet and knew this from the moment i met my current partner. it is starting to get serious and ...
A. 4 February 2007: If you don't want it to be serious then I suggest you cut back on your days to see him. Let him know you feel things are moving too fast and explain to him you feel this way. If he has any respect for you then he'll agree to slow things down a ... (read in full...)
He cant see me because of his mum and it's driving us crazy!!
Q. I'm 14 and my bf is 13 almost 14 and weve been going out for a little over a month (we broke up for 5months from an 8month relationship with each other) but any ways....his mom wont let us see each other over the weekends!! and its becoming very ...
A. 4 February 2007: I have to say I agree with my colleage who answered before me, your friend IS only 13, hardly the age to start dating. That's why he won't kiss you in front of his friends, HE'S TOO EMBARRASSED! As you both grow older that will leave him and he ... (read in full...)
Can one of these internet chat and flirting men really fall in love (with me)?
Q. I was seeing this guy for a few months and it wasn't serious but i found out on the internet that he talks to other women and that he's a proper flirt.Anyway i ended it and told him that he was nothing more then a player.He's been emailing ...
A. 4 February 2007: Hi, thanks for the response. Young, middle aged or old, men are very visual and always have an eye for a pretty woman. Now you know that he has been asking to meet other women I would certainly stop sleeping with him.
Now he knows you found ou... (read in full...)
Should I bite my tongue or should I open up to him and tell him how I feel?
Q. I am female in my 40's and have been seeing a guy who is 32 for the past 6 months. (We have known each other over 10 years) We have been best friends for several years and became intimate with each other last year. We spend a lot of time together...
A. 4 February 2007: You say you have known him for 10 years but have been "seeing him" for the past 6 months, does this mean you're an "item" or are you both just friends still?
If you know each other so well I'm sure deep down he knows how you feel about him. I ... (read in full...)
I want to see her as an innocent princess again... but can't get the explicit stuff she told me about her past out of my head!
Q. How can I get over the details my girlfriend has told me about her previous sex life? I've been living with my girlfriend for around 9 months now, there is very strong love and co dependency going on both ways. We have had a rocky relationship to ...
A. 4 February 2007: You need to sit and talk with her and tell her exactly how you're feeling. Tell her some of the things she told you blew you away. Ask her exactly how she feels about you now. Does she love you? Does she WANT to be with you? Let her know that ... (read in full...)
Should I break up with him to please my mom?
Q. I am Russian and Lithuanian and my mother wants me too date/marry only a Russian or Lithuanian, well right now im dating an Irish boy, but my mother doesn't like it at all. What do I do? I really like the boy and he really likes me but my mother ...
A. 4 February 2007: There is no reason why you can't remain friends with your Irish friend. It's not as if you are engaged to be married. You have your whole life ahead of you and you're only getting to know different people. Let your mom know you are a sensible ... (read in full...)
How long does it take for a partner to 'find themselves'??
Q. Hello, When in a relationship the one half says they need to find themselves, how long does it take , and how do you find yourself? Do you ever find yourself, then from there find or reconnect with the person that you loved, and the person that ...
A. 4 February 2007: Lol, I kind of agree with maxsteel. If someone wants to "find themselves" they are usually saying they want to take a break from their relationship to find out who they really are and what they want from life. It could also be a very polite way of ... (read in full...)
Me and my gf both have Cerebal Palsy. Her parents are very protective of her and it's hard for us to meet up. What can we do?
Q. I am a 25-year-old man who has Cerebral Palsy. I have been with my 26-year-old girlfriend, who also has Cerebral Palsy, for over 5 years. The relationship between ourselves is great and we really love each other. We are soul mates who met in our ...
A. 4 February 2007: Would you be able to move over there to be with her? Why don't you write a letter to her parents explaining to them that you don't want a sexual relationship with their daughter but you do have a lot of feelings for her and would love to be friends ... (read in full...)
Can one of these internet chat and flirting men really fall in love (with me)?
Q. I was seeing this guy for a few months and it wasn't serious but i found out on the internet that he talks to other women and that he's a proper flirt.Anyway i ended it and told him that he was nothing more then a player.He's been emailing ...
A. 4 February 2007: You have obviously made some kind of impact on him or he wouldn't bother contacting you again. Is this a long distance relationship? You say you have been "seeing" him... Have you met him before? Have you slept with him before?
If you do l... (read in full...)
What do I get him???
Q. hi, Me an my bf have been together for a month and we are both 16. Valentines day is coming up! What shall i get him!?! He likes mini's (the cars 'mini'). He has calanders and posters an stuff up in his room cos he just really likes the look o...
A. 4 February 2007: Why don't you buy him a diecast model of a mini (link below)
http://www.minimodelcars.co.uk/list-diecast-model-cars/&D=Cars&T=d2&C=Mini
You could also buy him a hand carved mini car ornament (link below)
http://ww... (read in full...)
I have lost everything...please help!!
Q. Dear friends, My name is Seb and i'm 18. i have been bi curious now since i was 11, which is a long time but i have never done anything homosexual until recently. It has caused a huge amount of problems for me. Firstly, i cant deny my feelings...
A. 4 February 2007: Hi Seb,
You need to talk to Sam again and let him know you've always been bi curious. Let him know you value his friendship more than anything else in this world and you aren't the slightest bit interested in Jimmy! Tell him Jimmy charmed ... (read in full...)
Should I continue my affair??
Q. I have been maried 15 years. Over the last 5 years my wifes sex drive has been in decline whilst mine has increased. We now have sex very rarely . I practiclly have to beg for sex but she wont give in. I recently made contact with an old friend a...
A. 4 February 2007: You know if you continue seeing this person it IS eventually going to come out about it. These clandestine relationships are only secret for so long until the shit hits the fan. If you really love your wife then I would stop this now. You have ... (read in full...)
Is there something wrong with boys not wanting to date fat girls?
Q. I have never ever had a boyfriend. I say it is because I am fat and ugly, but all my other friends say it is because nobody is interested in my yet. Is there somethng wrong with me? Is there something wrong with boys not wanting to date fat girls?...
A. 3 February 2007: The only thing wrong with you is you have no confidence in yourself. Yes, guys look firstly to see what you look like but the personality of a person is far more important than what's on the outside. You come across as shy and very insecure about ... (read in full...)
Do I tell him how I feel and work it out as good friends and rational adults? Is it possible? What if he feels the same about me? Will I be the worst kind of home wreker?
Q. Hi, I'm in love with a friend - my partner in our small business. I can't quite figure out his fellings for me. He just got fake-married for legalization issues. He is a very kind and great friend, but he didn't told me about the marriedg...
A. 3 February 2007: I would be very careful here. If you DO blurt out your feelings for him it could change your whole working relationship. He's married! Why did he not tell you he'd gotten married? Do you think it was to spare your feelings? Has he said anything ... (read in full...)
I feel like I have to nag her for any kind of intimacy... We've gone from 10 times a week to once a week, if that!
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for 14 months. We live together and are completely commited to eachother. In beginning, as in most relationshiops, we had a very intense sex life. However, During the first six months, we had gone from having ...
A. 3 February 2007: Okay here's what I suggest. You're going to have to be very patient here but if you love her you'll be willing to do this. Give her plenty hugs and kisses, let her know she's still sexy but DON'T have sex with her. Nuzzle her neck or her ear in ... (read in full...)
He said he's not ready for a long term relationship so does that mean it's over between us?
Q. for the past week my relationship with my boyfriend seems to getting worse. he just seemed to be really distant. last night he picked me up after work. and i asked him what was wrong and he said he has been thinking about us. and said he just came ...
A. 3 February 2007: It DOES seem as if your boyfriend is having second thoughts about his relationship with you. Maybe he feels you're wanting to get too serious too soon (you don't say how long you've been together.)
Talk to him and ask him if he wants to break up... (read in full...)
I fancy the sister of my friend's wife. How can I show her that I'm interested?
Q. I really fancy my best friends wifes sister not sure how she feels. I am 38 and she is 34, I was married for 10yrs and didn't really know her since seperating i have grown a close friendship wiv her. I have been out with her as mates a few times ...
A. 3 February 2007: Why don't you ask your best friend to have a word with his wife and get her to ask her sister if she likes you? If you're really serious about her you need to finish the relationship you're in of course, it's not fair to be with your present ... (read in full...)
I'm cheating on my boyfriend with a married man. I feel guilty so should I stop?
Q. Dear Cupid, My boyfriend of six years moved thousands of miles away a half a year ago to pursue a teaching career. In the first two years we were together, we knew we were done with dating other people and had an understanding that we'd eventual...
A. 3 February 2007: You say your boyfriend is your soulmate. Do you understand what the word soulmate really means? I had to come back and let you know -
Your soulmate is a person with whom from the outset, you have a special connection. He or she is someone ... (read in full...)
I'm cheating on my boyfriend with a married man. I feel guilty so should I stop?
Q. Dear Cupid, My boyfriend of six years moved thousands of miles away a half a year ago to pursue a teaching career. In the first two years we were together, we knew we were done with dating other people and had an understanding that we'd eventual...
A. 3 February 2007: Okay, let's put yourself in your boyfriend's shoes here. How would YOU feel if you were him and found out about this? He'd be crushed! You both made a commitment to each other and although he's away at the moment he should be able to trust you. ... (read in full...)
Re: sex She said that girls are the only ones who give, to a man it means nothing too him. Advice?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been going out for over a year and we both love each other and are committed. However I find her a bit one sided most of the time and today she said that when we had sex, she gave me somthing and I didn't give her anything. ...
A. 3 February 2007: Then that's the problem. When you do it sometimes, you have to do it "quick" because other people are in the house and you're afraid of someone walking in on you. A woman takes on average 25 minutes to heat up and come to orgasm so you can imagine ... (read in full...)
I need tips on sex...how do I "ride" my bf? (me on top)
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for a while now but everytime we have sex it is always missionary because i dont know how to 'ride' him(me on top). i have tried in the past but i seem to always do it wrong and stop then we go bk to missionary. coul...
A. 3 February 2007: You'll learn with experience. There isn't a right way or a wrong way to do this, it's really down to both individuals. Here are a couple of websites that should be able to help you. They have the position you're after but they have more besides. ... (read in full...)
He's just split up with his gf...should I tell him I love him?
Q. I have a friend, who lives in Bath and i live in Cardiff. we've become so close that we tell each other everything, but now i think i love him, and i think he loves me too, but hes just split up with his girlfriend, shud i tell him how i feel?...
A. 3 February 2007: No, give him time to get over his ex. You'll only confuse him. He needs to sort his head and his emotions out. If you let him know how you feel about him just now he might get with you for the wrong reasons, on the rebound?
Just continue... (read in full...)
He feels inadequate and can't get past the fact I had sex with another man! What should I do?
Q. I started dating a guy (Dave) 2 years ago. I had three serious relationships prior to Dave, while he didn't really have any. Dave and I were, however, both virgins when we met. He and I had a very off-and-on relationship, but we always enjoyed ...
A. 3 February 2007: He'll be feeling both jealous (because you've slept with someone apart from him) and inexperienced (again because you've had more than one partner.) Why did you tell him anyway?
Tell him it's really all in his mind. Tell him the guy meant no... (read in full...)
Do I apologize to her for an incident that happened a year ago?
Q. hey need very desperate help! last year i used to like this guy we were in the same bus. and there was a girl the same grade i was inthe same bus aswell. well one day my sis took photos of the girl's friend, and she wanted to look at them so she ...
A. 3 February 2007: Like you said, it's in the past. I would forget about it unless she ever brings it up. If she does, then apologise to her. You're both older and wiser now so hopefully it's forgotten about and you're just feeling a bit guilty about it.
I wou... (read in full...)
Re: sex She said that girls are the only ones who give, to a man it means nothing too him. Advice?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been going out for over a year and we both love each other and are committed. However I find her a bit one sided most of the time and today she said that when we had sex, she gave me somthing and I didn't give her anything. ...
A. 2 February 2007: Sounds to me that she's saying she gives her all to you, in other words she gave you more love and attention than you give her. She feels she puts more into love making than you do. You need to ask her to be more specific here and tell you exactly ... (read in full...)
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