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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Do girls enjoy having their bodies rubbed with other men in crowded bus?
Q. Before I continue, I want you to know that I am around 19 and an attractive male. People and friends adore me every now and then, I don't have girlfriend though and don't even have female friends. The reason for all that is I am shy and not much ...
A. 13 April 2015: Chigirl said perfectly, but once more can't hurt.
If the bus was so crowded that she was pressed against your body, well, where was she supposed to go ? Why did not YOU move back , or left, or right, so that you did not have to rub against her.... (read in full...)
Is this just a good friendship? Or is she flirting?
Q. Okay, I really don't know what to think about this, like at all. My best friend, let's just call her Katy, I've been crushing on. I think she may like me too, but I don't know exactly. A few nights ago, her and my other friend "Kelley" invited me ...
A. 12 April 2015: She is SO flirting :). And for being 13-15, she ain't even half bad at it...... (read in full...)
Colleague turned off by platonic comment I made?
Q. I was talking to a male colleague about keeping in touch when he leaves for vacation. I joking said, "you're not going to blow me off if I try to reach out to you over the next few weeks?" and he became really uptight and offended. He just ended the ...
A. 12 April 2015: I don't see how your black race could have anything to do with this. Of nothing else because, yes there are stereotypes referred to black people, and sadly many of these stereotypes are derogatory and negative... but I have never heard anything ... (read in full...)
My mother needs to stop undermining my parenting!
Q. I have a four year old daughter who Macey who is my whole life and I have tried to do everything in my power to do right by her. However, my family keep undermining my parenting. For example, when she was a baby I breast fed, and they made fun of ...
A. 12 April 2015: Eh grandmothers . They are all the same :) aren't they ? They like doing things their own way, and if it won't be food, it will be another issue... It's a hard, ongoing battle...
I think you need : a ) either to put your foot down , and tell her ... (read in full...)
I am not coping with our breakup!
Q. My ex and I broke up 4 weeks ago yesterday. We were together for 5 years. We haven't spoken in 7 days today. When we spoke a week ago it was about 3.5 hours of going over shit that happened in our relationship from years ago. We discussed our trust ...
A. 11 April 2015: I am afraid you won't ever feel much better until you give yourself your own closure, and until keep just paying lip service to the fact that this is a break up, but without really accepting it as such in your heart and brain.
Like, the best... (read in full...)
He wants casual but I want a relationship, should I give him what he wants?
Q. I feel like im loosing my mind. I met a mysterious guy and we got on so well, he told me he felt comfortable around me, making me feel relieved and srawn even cloaer to him, but recently he told me he only wanted a casual relationship.I'm 18 and ...
A. 11 April 2015: No.
What would you answer if I told you : I need nail polish, should I enter in that wine store to get some.
You'd tell me : no, don't waste your time. They sell wine there, not nail polish.
You want to date , and he wants to fuck. Quit... (read in full...)
Could there be anything there?
Q. Don't know what to do?? There is this guy I know from years ago, I am friends with him on Facebook but we haven't spoken to each other properly for years. We don't live close by to each other anymore and not in the same social circles. We are...
A. 11 April 2015: I disagree with the " easier said than done " comment. It's only easier said than done if the OP attaches LOTS of hopes ( or worse , ALL her hopes ) of contentment and fulfillment in life to a positive result from this message, and from this man. ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for wanting to know if she enjoyed it and if he wore a condom?
Q. I have a 27 year old girlfriend of 3 years and we have recently been having some issues in regards to spending time together. She has been spending a lot of time with a co-worker (going out, going to his place but just as friends as she claims). ...
A. 11 April 2015: I am pretty sure about the answer to one question. Yes she is bullshitting you, at least about the condom. " I don't know " means no, we did not use one. How could she possibly not know ?...Unless the guy is the Guinness recordman as the fastest ... (read in full...)
Why is it worse for a man to be bitter and resentful than it is for a woman?
Q. If a man is bitter, resentful, is filled with feelings of bitterness, resentment, no woman will want him, but a man is generally more forgiving if a woman is feeling bitter, resentful, why is this? Why are guys expected to always, or almos...
A. 11 April 2015: I agree with llifton. Yours is a wide generalization and it comes from your personal, subjective experience. But it's not necessarily shared by the world at large. My observation, for instance, is that bitternes and resentment are equally ... (read in full...)
I'm confused and upset over my ex and how to treat the situation! I'm only young but I was with my ex for a year and a half and it was a pretty intense and loving relationship.
Q. Ok so I'm confused and upset over my ex and how to treat the situation! I'm only young but I was with my ex for a year and a half and it was a pretty intense and loving relationship, in which we spent a lot of time together. During our relationship ...
A. 11 April 2015: As you said, you are only young- and you are getting your very first lesson about the fact that every action has consequences, every cause you put in your life has effects.
Of course, everybody makes mistakes, ... but not everybody can get away... (read in full...)
Sharing and Caring? A time for advice that is empathic, not judgemental? Some notable differences I've noticed that have saddened me. Can this be addressed?
Q. This is not really a question as it is a suggestion for this site that I would like to share. I've been visiting this site on and off periodically for several years. And because my visits here are intermittent and sporadic, I never made my own prof...
A. 10 April 2015: As a matter of fact, I thought this had already been abundantly addressed before in other threads, but, if it has to be addressed again, here we are.
- This is a public forum, where, within the limits of certain precise guidelines, everybody is F... (read in full...)
He cancelled out on meeting me last minute?
Q. I have been seeing this man for around 2-3 months (we are not official). He admitted to me a few days ago that he likes me a lot and wants to get to know me and would eventually like a relationship with me. We arranged to meet today, and last nig...
A. 9 April 2015: I guess it's a matter of points of view . Maybe it's not a big red flag ( because , if I got it right, it turns out it was true, he was actually babysitting that night ). But to me it would be ... a pinkish flaggie maybe ?.. It shows how seriously ... (read in full...)
What should I do about my nitpicking fiancé?
Q. I am at my ropes end. My fiance asked me to move in with him. I will admit I had a lot of stuff from my previous marriage (I am widowed) when I moved in with him. I was married for 24 years, so take that into account when a couple accumulates ...
A. 9 April 2015: Well, to tell you the honest truth, I see what you are saying but I can't help feeling bad for your nitpicking fiancee'. Two years of a breezeway lined with boxes ?... That would make me depressed- maybe it would make me want to stay away from ... (read in full...)
I don't think he will ever change. Should I just move on once and for all?
Q. I was supposed to get married approximately a year ago, but called the wedding off about a month or so before it was supposed to happen. If I hadn't called it off, HE would have gone ahead with it, even though we were not getting along at all. I ...
A. 8 April 2015: I think you are just desperately clinging to an excuse to not let finally go and not cut the umbilical cord with Old Yeller .
Of course he does not " get it " that his remark offended you, he is an out -of-control nutcase and a self cent... (read in full...)
Does he just want sex? I'm too afraid to ask!
Q. I'm confused, I'm not sure if I'm liked as just a friend or sat not, met this guy since wen I was 18, we spoke alot and distant 4 a while till I was 21 at that age he came back, we skyped spoke about us and all , then once I asked wat he wants from ...
A. 8 April 2015: I agree with the other ladies, there's nothing complicated in this, it's quite simple.
You just need to decide if you want apples or oranges.
He is offering you apples = casual, non monogamous sex. Instead you want oranges = a relation... (read in full...)
Six years together and he hasn't proposed. Am I stupid for hanging on?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. Although he talks about the future, he has not proposed to me and says he is not happy to do so until he is happy in himself (his family life is difficult due to bereavement etc). I feel like a mug holding ...
A. 8 April 2015: Chigirl's is a good idea.
Maybe you do not literally need to go down on one knee with a ring in your hand, but hopefully after SIX years together ! there's enough mutual confidence and ease between you that you can sit him down aand tell him, more... (read in full...)
If he doesn't want me why shouldn't I get it else where?
Q. I'm entering the 10th year of my relationship and my sex life has been on the decline for the past four years and my bf says he doesn't know why he just hasn't got the urge and he doesn't even pleasure himself. My dilemma my sex drive is higher now ...
A. 8 April 2015: But nobody , unless they have married Othello the Moor of Venice, has to report their every move or put up a fight to wear lipstck ! I don't know where you draw this conclusion from. In an average couple, with a decent level of mutual trust and ... (read in full...)
I think that I might be in love with my best friend but he is ugly and I have no idea if he likes me like that!
Q. I think (80%) that i'm in love with my best friend (boy) but he is ugly and i admit that. Beside that fact that his face is full of pimples, he has elephant ears, a very long face and he is like 10 15/64 inch (26 cm) taller than me, he is funny and ...
A. 7 April 2015: I don't think you are in love. People in love - KNOW and believe they are in love ; and many times, in hindsight, it turns out that they were wrong and it was just a passing crush or infatuation, not real love- but that's another story. At the ... (read in full...)
Text overload and being clingy may have scared him off!
Q. Hi there, I am looking for some honest advice and interested in hearing views from men as well, if possible. Basically, if a guy really genuinely likes a woman and is 'into her', during the early dating stages and she freaks him out with text ov...
A. 7 April 2015: Well, if you say it all ended up " pear shaped " after your texting overdose,.. I guess your guy did not find it
" cute ", wouldn't you say ?
Anyway, we are generalizing here, of course there's no one -size-fits - all in these things. Neverthe... (read in full...)
Do I need to stop believing?
Q. Hi, I'm the kind of woman that stands for her own. I'm 29 years old, I'm a doctor with a nice monthly income, I own my own apartment and car, I'm intelligent and thankfully good looking. My question is why I can't attract an understanding man? I'm...
A. 7 April 2015: No, you do not need to change your moral and religious beliefs, and, if your beliefs could be so easily changed to facilitate your sexual and romantic life... well I suppose they could not be very deep .
But, you just need to realize and acce... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for your bf to take his daughter to a party you were invited to?
Q. Is it wrong for your bf to take his daughter to a party you were invited to? This is how it started. I asked my bf to go to a Billy Joel concert with me, but he didn't seem to interested as his ski trip was in the same month and as of yet did not ...
A. 6 April 2015: I think the only one who should have been asked if the girl ( your bf's daughter ) could attend the party .... was the birthday guy ! , ( hopefully he was , it was his party after all ). If he was cool with a plus one... I fail to see what you ... (read in full...)
What are the signs a guy may give when he likes a girl or is starting to get feelings for a girl?
Q. hi! I like a guy from my college. He has got to know that I like him from someone. He doesn't have any idea that I also know he has information about me liking him. So whenever we come across each other he looks at me from far and every time when ...
A. 6 April 2015: If he is a professor at your college, hopefully he is smart enough and professional enough to keep you at arm's length, also because he knows that anything romantic with you could cost him his reputation and his job.
If he looks at you, - mayb... (read in full...)
Did I just get hot and steamy online with a married guy?
Q. Hi everyone, I'll try not to ramble too much. Well basically I play the online game World of Warcraft and I talk often to a guy on there who is two years younger than me. Although we are from very different social backgrounds I do enjoy talking to ...
A. 6 April 2015: Probably I am being thick, but I still do not understand what difference does it make to you if the guy is married or just in a relationship.
If he is married, you'd feel used. Why, if she is just a Gf you would not feel used ?.. what's the poor... (read in full...)
My boyfriend won't stop taking drugs. should I leave him?
Q. I am 25 and my partner is 30. We have been together for 8 months and have had an uneasy relationship. We love each other very much, but he takes class A drugs occasionally and I did not like this. When I came to the decision to leave him he told me ...
A. 6 April 2015: Yes, you should. As a matter of fact,tbh, if you are serious in saying you do not approve or condone the use of class A drugs- I don't see why taking up with a class A drug user to begin with. What,like, you hate bank robberies.... and you 'd ... (read in full...)
Is he trying to tell me something?
Q. After 7 yrs together my boyfriend gives me an Easter card that came as a freebie and signs it only "love" when he always signs it "love always" or "I love you". I asked him what's up with that (he knows I love cards) and he said he just liked that ...
A. 6 April 2015: I think you are a first class overthinker and you could easily win an overthinking contest ! :)
Unless of course this is just the tip of the iceberg, you know , the last one in a SERIES of tiny little signs of boredom indifference negl... (read in full...)
No boundaries crossed, yet. But will my feelings for my friend affect my feelings for my partner?
Q. About 6 years ago, I met someone at a festival. We hit it off, and became good friends. Nothing untoward and beyond friendship occurred at that time. We've gone to that same festival together every year since, and we meet up outside of it an...
A. 6 April 2015: WiseOwlE is SO right.
So, you do not believe in a possessive love... f; and what about your partner ?.... Do " they " believe in possessive love, and will they be forced to adopt another view of love...without even knowing it ?...
Do they bel... (read in full...)
Am I just wasting my time hoping for a long term relationship or should I give him the space to figure out what he wants?
Q. I met a guy, who is new in the city 4 weeks ago through a dating site. He is 44 and divorced in another country nearly a year ago. On date one he told me that he wants a chance to date and meet women, but that he does not rule out a long term ...
A. 5 April 2015: I tend to agree with Janniepeg. He told you, he's on the dating site to meet and date WOMEN ( plural ), although not excluding blah blah. Even supposing it was not just a PC statement in lieu of " I want just to kill some time and to get laid " ... (read in full...)
Is there any positions that will help me to please him and increase the amount of him that I can feel?
Q. Hi, I have started seeing a guy with a very small penis. I love being around him and love being intimate and don't mind the size but unless I am on top he seems to go soft or fall out often. I would really love to have great sex with him,...
A. 5 April 2015: Doggy style- you can bend forward onto your elbows / forearms and squeeze your legs together to shorten the vaginal canal and make penetration deeper.
Variation : you still lower yourself on your forearms and really push back onto your part... (read in full...)
I'd like to see him again, would it be okay for me to message him?
Q. Hey everyone! I just need some fast advice :) i broke up with My boyfriend about 3 Weeks ago and it took sometime but I'm feeling a bit better now ... So I met this guy 3 days ago at a party and we hit it off. He's friends with a guy I know and we ...
A. 5 April 2015: Look, if you want to message him, do, it's not such a big deal . Either way. We are talking about one message, not a siege of never ending texts.
BUT : if he specifically mentioned a "next time "... why don't you leave him time and space to actu... (read in full...)
How can I tell someone to stop flirting with me in a work place?
Q. There is this older man at work who is getting too friendly and I want to put a stop to it.I don't work with him everyday since I have a part time casual position and he has permanent position on different floor. I am casual wh...
A. 5 April 2015: It is perfectly possible, - more so if we are talking about something based on physical attraction. Married people too can like what they see .... (read in full...)
I'd like to see him again, would it be okay for me to message him?
Q. Hey everyone! I just need some fast advice :) i broke up with My boyfriend about 3 Weeks ago and it took sometime but I'm feeling a bit better now ... So I met this guy 3 days ago at a party and we hit it off. He's friends with a guy I know and we ...
A. 4 April 2015: It's OK if you are being honest with yourself, i.e. you are really not attached to the outcome of your message, and you'll be happy anyway : happy if he gets back to you for another date, and happy, or at least serenely indifferent, if he ... (read in full...)
He has a Gf. He also told me he loves me. I have a crush on him. What should I do ?
Q. Last month (February) I told my male best friend that I have developed feelings for him. For a while we flirted but he had a girlfriend. Yesterday however we went out to the park and he told me that he loves me when he still has a girlfrie...
A. 4 April 2015: You want to sort this mess out and you want to do all sort of things BUT the simplest one :
let him be. Let them be. Keep your distance. Back off. If he wants to kiss you and give you secret dates, he is not acting as a good friend, so you are ... (read in full...)
After me being madly in love with him for years, he wants FWB!
Q. Soooooooo after 5 five years being maddly "in love" with a friend who always blew me away, he finally decided to tell me about his feelings and, he want to be friends with benefits , and idk i like him IN THAT WAY but i also want him in other way ...
A. 4 April 2015: Oh enough already with the teen male " bodily cravings ".
So the young man has bodily cravings. Of course. It's normal. It's natural- he's a young male, and his bodily cravings are part of his being a young male.
And ?... Does the fact of havin... (read in full...)
My potential date might be in an online porn video, should I let her know
Q. young woman who I have been growing closer to over the past few months has taken a romantic interest in me and she wants to try dating me and I have agreed to go out on a date with her. She is very much the good girl type and is extremely innocent ...
A. 4 April 2015: I'd totally let it slide, since the chances the performer is actually your friend are slim.
- So do you mean to say that this is a split personality / secret identity case ? Virgin Sunday school teacher at daytime, vixenish porn star at night ?...... (read in full...)
We're on a roller coaster and I want to get off
Q. Dear Cupid, I read this site often and am always struck by how great the Agony Aunts/Uncles are in giving out advice. It always done with common sense, compassion and empathy and no judgment. I hope you can give me some advice too, as I need t...
A. 4 April 2015: Sageoldguy's post , and your comment about Russian lit, reminded me of something that may belong to your situation...
In " Anna Karenina " , at the very end, on her way to the station where she will commit suicide, Anna Karenina sees some stre... (read in full...)
Is he bisexual? Just a bit worried about the kinky things my BF enjoys
Q. Hi. First to give you a little background, me and my boyfriend have been together for just over 10 months, we are generally happy together, we argue like most couples but over all we get on just fine. There is just something I am a bit worried ...
A. 4 April 2015: He woud be gay or bisexual if he liked anal play with a man.
Being that he enjoys it with a woman , that does not make him gay or bisexual, makes him a guy who likes anal play
( which is far from uncommon, btw ) ... (read in full...)
How can I tell someone to stop flirting with me in a work place?
Q. There is this older man at work who is getting too friendly and I want to put a stop to it.I don't work with him everyday since I have a part time casual position and he has permanent position on different floor. I am casual wh...
A. 4 April 2015: Uhm, maybe you did not handle this too well. If when he ( clumsily ) tries to flirt, you ask him " what is it that he wants " and " what he wants to talk about " - he may think you dig it and you are just acting coy !
I know this was not your inte... (read in full...)
Am I being moronic about all this? Or ungenerous as my mother implied? And what should I do about it?
Q. My sister is 27, living in a house of her own with a partner who is very likely potential marriage material. She's not too far from our mum, who's only about an hours drive away. I'm in Student Halls over 5 hours drive away, I'm 21, coming back ...
A. 4 April 2015: That's ridicolous. Just stand your ground. Politely, ... with a smile... but firmly. Your sister is behaving very inappropriately- not only she is the older and more financially stable, and hopefully she does not need to literally take the shirt ... (read in full...)
Will a married man ever replace his long term mistress with the next best thing?
Q. I am here to ask a question to everyone but WITHOUT JUDGMENT or PREACHING. I know affair posts get everyone very worked up. But I am not here to be crucified. Just to get help. I want to know what you think the answer is. It will help me immensel...
A. 3 April 2015: Eh, that's the problem with beng a mistress - that's very diffocult not to have to deal with trust issues. Why ? Because a married man with a secret mistress is obviously a skilled ,consumed liar ,with also no scruples in bending the truth for ... (read in full...)
He has told me he really wants to be Friends with Benefits, I don't know what I want1
Q. MOD NOTE: Previous question from same asker can be accessed here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/after-me-being-madly-in-love-with-him.html hi:) ( i'm a fan of himym so i'll use the names, it is not related to the personalities of the characte...
A. 2 April 2015: You are one stubborn teenager, OP :) ( of which, I am not surprised ).
You posted the same question, in a shorter version, and you've got 8 or 10 people who, with different motivations , all told you : no, OP, this is definitely a bad idea, whic... (read in full...)
I burst into tears when I saw how my boyfriend lives in squalor, what now?
Q. My 38 year old boyfriend of one year knew I was on my way round. What I saw horrified me. He is living in complete squalor. Dirty filthy conditions I would not put a dog in. He smoothed over it all saying he's busy with work and replacing a chimney ...
A. 1 April 2015: You know, OP ?, I have been at times accused of being selfish or self involved or a me-first type. Generally by people who would have an all too evident benefit from me being instead all meek and selfless and prone to sacrifices !.:) but, yeah, ... (read in full...)
After me being madly in love with him for years, he wants FWB!
Q. Soooooooo after 5 five years being maddly "in love" with a friend who always blew me away, he finally decided to tell me about his feelings and, he want to be friends with benefits , and idk i like him IN THAT WAY but i also want him in other way ...
A. 1 April 2015: Don't be a fool. Btw, I don't know if you can really call a friend someone who basically wants to steal your virginity then go on on his merry way right after; yes of course he is not responsible for YOUR sexual choices, but, a friend is someone ... (read in full...)
He has a Gf. He also told me he loves me. I have a crush on him. What should I do ?
Q. Last month (February) I told my male best friend that I have developed feelings for him. For a while we flirted but he had a girlfriend. Yesterday however we went out to the park and he told me that he loves me when he still has a girlfrie...
A. 29 March 2015: Oh sweerheart- what advice do you think you need ? ither than wake up and smell the coffee...
It's even easier so- the timeline is very telling. In Feb, you tell him you have feelings for him. And he, instead of saying, "wonderful, I reci... (read in full...)
He has a Gf. He also told me he loves me. I have a crush on him. What should I do ?
Q. Last month (February) I told my male best friend that I have developed feelings for him. For a while we flirted but he had a girlfriend. Yesterday however we went out to the park and he told me that he loves me when he still has a girlfrie...
A. 28 March 2015: If he still has a Gf, you should simply stay away from him. You should not go out on dates with him . You should not kiss him. I was going to say " you should treat him as you treat any other friend "- but you can't do that, because he is not ... (read in full...)
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