A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm confused, I'm not sure if I'm liked as just a friend or sat not, met this guy since wen I was 18, we spoke alot and distant 4 a while till I was 21 at that age he came back, we skyped spoke about us and all , then once I asked wat he wants from me cause I started to really like him, he said he wanted to show me what I was missing, all that time he just n wanted to screw me. after that we became distant again till 5 months after he showed up in my whatsapp again. We spoke , this time he said he's ready for me hes serious now, so I took him serious, that guy is really gorgeous and has alot of women after him, but he was too self conscious so I played a bit hard to get, he invited me to his house, and I went since we been up m down speaking and we never met.i went,he picked me up in town bought me food and treated me really well, when we got there I was introduced to his mom with no title but I said hi anyway. We sat at the table talking as he kept complementing me on how beautiful I am he said he wants me to find a good man cause I deserve it.we went to his room and them we had sex unexpectedly, I was kind if desperate so I did it since I had not had sex in a while. After he dropped me in town and messaged me wen I got home, wasn't expecting it. Thought he wud of just used me n run.day after he said hi and the conversations started getting very short and he started messaging me very seldom, iv fallen 4 him but I won't tell him cause I believe that was his plans to hav me under his wing when he wants.after a week he invited me over again but was canceled cause he has studio practice, he's self employed and always busy never hav time.he invited me another time but wen I went we only spent 2 hours had sex and he dropped me off while I was there he showed me pictures of women he has had sex with and referred to one as being very sweet, I hav to admit it made me jealous . after that we continued talking seldomly. I really like him and I want more but I'm afraid he ignores me if I message him everyday.im a jealous woman and there are times we speak and he reads my message and ignores or reads it and closes my convo to speak to someone else he doesn't treat me badly but he doesn't treat me like I'm important, I'm trying 2 ignore him cause he mostly speaks to me when he wants me to come over and I never get to sleep.i don't want to get hurt I want to kno if I should continue ignoring him or respond, I'm afraid if I ignore he never speaks again. And km afraid to reply 2 be ignored help? Tell me please what do you guys think, cause it's complicated.
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female
reader, Aileen  +, writes (9 April 2015):
It's very simple - stop having sex with him! You're not respecting yourself so he doesn't either. If he's decent he'll make an effort and not care whether you have sex or not. If he doesn't make an effort (and it doesn't sound like he will) then he's not worth your time or tears and certainly not your body! You have to make yourself the most desirable prize that a guy needs to work hard for so stop giving it away - he's treating you like the freebie you get out of a cracker, playing with you for a few minutes then throwing you away.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2015): Ignore him. Forever.He is a loser.He is just using you for sex. Along with all the other girls. He is good at it. He knows it.You can do better.It is OK to be alone. You will find a good guy eventually. Do not try to solve your loneliness and "brokenness" with this man's attention. He cannot fix you. Only YOU can fix yourself. It is only going to get worse. And your heart will be broken as you fall in love with a man who will never love you back and have sex with you and other women all at once! He is treating you like a piece of meat. He does not value you, care about you, love you, respect you. The fact he showed you pics of the other girls? WOW! Talk about a full of himself, heartless prick!Be strong. Walk away. Cut him out of your life. Do it now.You can do better!!!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (8 April 2015):
 It's really NOT very complicated. He's learned that you will make yourself available to him for sex.... SO, he's quite willing to take advantage of that... and to Heck with what it means to you, and how you feel....
Gather your courage and tell him not to contact you any more... then stay away from him....
No guy is sufficiently "gorgeous" (your word) as to make it worth YOUR WHILE to sell your soul in order to be his "bit on this side."
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 April 2015):
 I agree with the other ladies, there's nothing complicated in this, it's quite simple.
You just need to decide if you want apples or oranges.
He is offering you apples = casual, non monogamous sex. Instead you want oranges = a relationship, something serious, with feelings, etc. He may have said differently, but his ACTIONS belie him and he is treating you as a casual sex source, nothing more.
Therefore,yes you should ignore him. And yes, after maybe a couple of more attempts, he WILL disappear. But, since you wanted oranges anyway, and he's only got apples, you aren't losing anything .
Or, you can decide you will make do with apples. Which, I won't berate you for. You know it is not a smart choice, but there are phases in our life when we can't handle
" smart ". Maybe you feel very lonely, maybe you lack self confidence, maybe you are bored and your life feels empty,... for whatever reason, you may feel that
( temporarily, while you work on your loneliness, self confidence etc. ) for a time you should still accept apples. In this case, reply his messages , and stay at his beck and call . Only, do not expect you can squeeze an apple and find it full of orange juice !
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 April 2015):
 SVC has this dude pegged, e's a user/abuser..Just breathe and move on down the road. There's lots of good guys out there that also want a relationship along with the sex.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (8 April 2015):
 I agree 100% with SVC. There is nothing complicated about this man/relationship at all. When he wants sex he comes to you. When he doesn't, he has no reason to be in contact. If you want more than sex you aren't choosing the right man.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 April 2015):
 It's not complicated at all. He's a player. A sweet talker who is using you for sex.
If you stop having sex with him he will stop calling.
Since you like him more than a FWB I think it' better for you if you go NO CONTACT with him and get over him.
He's never going to be the boyfriend you want.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2015): Hello,
My personal opinion is that you are one of the dolls in his bedroom show case. Whenever he feels like playing he plays and selfs it back. It is your choice to decide whether you want to be ONE of his dolls. If you are looking for fun then go ahead, don't get serious. It is better to be a love of a normal looking guy than being a doll.
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