A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone! I just need some fast advice :) i broke up with My boyfriend about 3 Weeks ago and it took sometime but I'm feeling a bit better now ... So I met this guy 3 days ago at a party and we hit it off. He's friends with a guy I know and we all went to the same highschool and he's 2 years older than me. We talked a lot and kissed and Left to grab a bite to eat and then went to his place. I didn't think anything else would happen but it did ( don't judge please it's my choice :) ) it was really good and we then slept while spooning and in the morning we woke up and did it again and he made me coffee and we cuddled some more and so on. We then did it a 3rd time when it was early afternoon and he came after like 1 minute.. I said it was okay but I think he thought it was quite embarrassing especially after it was the third time we slept together in 6 hours maybe haha... We became friends on Facebook the night before .. We talked some more and then I left. He didn't ask for my number but he kissed me goodbye and hugged me a couple of times and kissed my cheek. He also while we were together kissed my neck a lot and my body after sexy time... The day after I got home I'm thinking to myself that I'd like to see him again, nothing serious just fun :) but he hasn't contacted me... So my question is can I message him and say thanks for last time , would you like to meet again or is that desperate? I have nothing to lose and maybe it was just a one night stand it just seemed like he would like to see me again and he might be embarrassed... What do you think I should do?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 April 2015):
 Look, if you want to message him, do, it's not such a big deal . Either way. We are talking about one message, not a siege of never ending texts.
BUT : if he specifically mentioned a "next time "... why don't you leave him time and space to actually follow through and show you that he meant it ? (or,alas, pull back and show you he didn't ). In this way you can assess yourself how significant what he said was.
Otherwise, ... you'll never know ( well, not for a good while , at least ) if he likes you too... or if he takes what's on offer just because it's being offered so anxiously, eagerly and conveniently for him.
And - watch out : if it's 4 days of no contact and you are all a-flutter tryng to engineer your " next time "... then maybe for you it's not just carefree casual fun.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2015): If you are sure that is just fun, then do that. I have.
Men can women are more alike than we would like to admit... Sometimes, all you need is a good F*^k.
Sorry to be blunt.
But,why do you describe all that he did to you (i.e. hugging,kissing in between,making you coffee) etc.?
Sure,he should make you a coffee after that! That's just polite! It would have been extremely rude of him not to (and it lacks manners) but it still IS just sex.
Just sex with a person who has some basic manners, that's all.
ps: I personally think that after only 3 weeks, you might still be in a raw place even if you don't feel like it right now coz your head is full with the new guy and the memories of that night BUT do not make yourself too vulnerable. (i.e. don't open up too much in front of him-he might listen till it's time for the next round BUT that does NOT mean it's something more. And if you do open up in front of him and start chatting about this and that too much, then you might very well get too attached...and then you know how it ends.)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (4 April 2015):
 Further to WiseOwl.... and more succinctly stated:
Women need a REASON to have sex; Men just need a place....
YOU decide if you are going to chase this character. It's you choice... and your's only....
Good luck..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2015): Women tend to attach their feelings to sex easier than men. I'd say it's quite alright to contact the guy if you want to. Just remember, he didn't ask for your number. Nor has he messaged you since your first romantic-encounter, which included sex. Your choice.
The problem with sex on the first night is; there is no mystery left, no need to offer you much of himself aside from the superficial, and he got what he wanted straightaway. That doesn't allow for any emotion to come through to substantiate any feelings that could have developed. Men do not always use sex as an emotional expression; it can be purely physical. Some guys may not care if they never see you again. Men and women have all the same feelings and emotions; but we don't think the same.
It all has the makings of a one-night-stand. You might be looking for more; but not being totally honest that you're not. Your need to contact him is evidence you are hoping for a continued romantic-connection. You are young and quite naive.
I'm warning you to be prepared, if it isn't the warm reception you're hoping for.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (4 April 2015):
It's OK if you are being honest with yourself, i.e. you are really not attached to the outcome of your message, and you'll be happy anyway : happy if he gets back to you for another date, and happy, or at least serenely indifferent, if he ignores you / blows you off.
Which, I have some little doubts that you are ( totally honest with yourself ) : otherwise, if you had zero emotional attachment, and you were just looking for round two of sexual fun- what would you care even if he should think you are desperate ?! You'd just try your luck, and go with whatever happens ; you would not worry about how it is going to look.. in the eyes of some guy that maybe you won't even see again .
Anyway , if you are sure that a possible rejection would not even feel like rejection , and you can shrug it off nice and cool, by all means go ahead.
If you've got to feel hurt by a possible "thanks but no thanks", hurt in your feelings or even just in your pride , I'd let this go for the time being. You are still recovering from a recent break up , and you may be still a little raw, a little sensitive, a little vunerable even if you don't quite realize it. So... be gentle to yourself and treat yourself kindly :).
Tbh, I feel there's the possibility that this guy MIGHT have seen your night together as an one-time-only deal. ( Yes, there's Facebook and Twitter and whatnot, he can reach you , but , even in our high technology times- if you made a big impression, they won't let you go without asking " When will I see you again " or " Would you be free on.... " ) But, if this does not bother you and does not complicate things in your post break-up phase, go ahead : often , the simplest way to get what you want is to ask for it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2015): It's been 3 days so messaging him would be fine. You may hear from him or you may not. It becomes desperation if you hear nothing and KEEP ON messaging him.;)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHmm okay good :) he said a few things like I'll make it up to you next time and asked if I wanted to borrow his headphones or socks (it was in an appropriate context) :) is that good or insignificant? Maybe I'll message him because why not... I'm just away from the city until Sunday evening and he knows that as well so I'll wait till tomorrow :) thanks for the answer
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 April 2015):
 Of course it will be okay. Who cares if he thinks you are desperate? It's not like you have a lot to lose. You have to understand how a man thinks. Although there seems to be a lot of men who jump at chances to get laid, they still worry that they are hurting and using the women. They struggle with the idea that if they don't take you out on dates, you are just a penis holder and a bed warmer. If they take you out on dates, then you get the wrong idea, get attached and clingy. So one night stands are called that when there is no continued friendship. It's far too easy to add people on facebook. When people disappear It's not because the other person is not attractive or the experience wasn't good. Even when he came too fast he still appreciated a woman's body that night. It's just that it's hard to handle the interactions when the interest isn't sincere. They find it's easier to just have one time, no mess fun with strangers. It's not only your feelings they have to worry about. Some guys, not in relationships get territorial and jealous if you sleep with others too. If he would like to see you again he would have said something before you left.
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