A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: young woman who I have been growing closer to over the past few months has taken a romantic interest in me and she wants to try dating me and I have agreed to go out on a date with her. She is very much the good girl type and is extremely innocent looking and acting to the point that you might be mildly surprised to find out that she has dated and kissed a few guys in her past. She is also a very religious young woman who often leads a Bible study for high school kids, is very active in the church and in the community, and currently dose not believe in sex before marriage. Surprisingly I found a porn video featuring a girl that looks, acts, sounds, and behaves in a manor that is dead on to her description other than the sex act being performed. Part of my mind tells me that this is a girl who would be socially burned at the stake of knowledge of this video goes beyond me and that I should mention it to her privately so she can get rid of it to prevent social judgement and the video from going viral. Inspite of this, I also run the risk of being wrong and her not being the video girl and then I risk burning my bridges and being labeled as a sick pervert for ever thinking of such a notion as to the possibility of her ever having done a homemade p*rn that is now on the internet. Should I approach her by just saying the facts, that a video exist of a girl who has an unspeakably striking similarity to her(about 90-98%) and that IF she ever did something like that in her past now would be the time to deal with it from the source. Or should I just not run the risk on myself of burning my bridges with her and risk getting labeled as the adult video creep within the community( although the charge against me would be 100% true). Do I admit my own sins and take on personal risk for her reputation, or just let it slide because I don't owe this girl anything as of yet?
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (5 April 2015):
Once it's out there, it's out there. Whether she was paid for it or if it was just an amateur vid, once someone decides to put it online, you can't "get rid" of it. So even if it's her, telling her will not accomplish much; it's not like she can do something about it.
So the real question is, why do you want to tell her? Is it really from some (naive) altruistic belief that by telling her you think you might be doing her a favor, you know, like girls telling girls their hair extensions are showing so they can do something about it? Or is it just a way for you to 'uncover' her mask of innocence? Think it over well. Your reasons might not be so nice as you think.
Also, the anonymous poster has a point. There have been estimates that every single person has around 6 people walking around the world that resemble them. I probably have a lot more, because people tell me all the time that I look like their friend, sister, family member, etc. I apparently just have 'one of those faces'. So unless you've seen her naked you can't really be sure.
I wouldn't tell her unless it comes up for some reason and you think the information would be beneficial for her. For example if you come to suspect she hasn't got a clue it's up (and some ex asshole put it online against her wishes) AND you're 100% sure it's her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2015): Tell her about it.she will appreciate it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2015): People can change and have a right to redeem their past. You have no right to confront her about something you're not even 100%...repeat 100% sure of. If it does come-up, why does it have to be you to bring it to her attention? If it was her in the video, she doesn't need you to tell her so. People who make porn videos know they'll be seen on the internet. I'd think she'd already know that. People make very foolish mistakes, and they find ways to turn their lives around.
For all you know, she is who she is NOW!!! Unless you feel you can't avoid judging her, be on your way. She doesn't need some jerk to come and throw that up in her face; when it is nowhere near what she is doing with her life now. You never know why she was in that video, if it is true. There are people who are blackmailed into doing this stuff, they payoff drug-debt (sometimes for other people), or are victims of human-trafficking, the sex-slave trade, and prostitution through coercion. Even if she flat out chose to do it, it's none of your business; and she has been nothing but nice to you and everybody else!
So keep it to yourself, unless she decides to share it with you.
Porn stars don't hide undercover in churches. She has sought her salvation, she is helping people, and her life is on the right path. If it's out there, it's out there.
If you're not 100% sure, nor can anyone else be absolutely sure. If you're 100% wrong, she would have every right to kick you in the balls. The odds are far too high that you are wrong. So zip it!!!
Feel free to go about your business and let her be, if you feel you've been deceived.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2015): I don't know. One of my friends from high school told me he was watching porn one day and came across a video of this girl we know from high school giving a guy a BJ. He was positive it was her. We used to hang with this girl, and like he said, he recognized her eyes, her face, immediately. No doubt it was her.
This girl, however, is a total loser, always was and it came as no surprise to us that she would do that. Always had a reputation for being easy and after high school developed a bad drug habit that she never overcame.
Usually people who do that have a lot of personal turmoil in their lives. Often have drug habits and whatnot. You would definitely be able to recognize just by looking at the way they live, the things they say, the way they act that they are in fact capable of engaging in that kind of work.
If this girl you are dating leads a pretty wholesome life, I highly doubt that was her.
And no I would not mention it. That is very insulting.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 April 2015):
 You said 90-98 resemblance? But you have not seen her boobs and ass yet. If you searched her name and her name came up, then you have your answer but what's the coincidence that you found that random porn clip and it happens to be her. Even if some people know her found the same clip it won't go viral. That's there's a person who's vindictive and wants to stir up trouble. She is not Miss America or any celebrity. Sex scenes can not go up on youtube. Unless the porn is professionally made it won't make it to the big sites. I think part of your post is fantastical thinking. You are wondering if some innocent virginal girl could be a naughty one deep down inside. In your mind you created drama out of something so simple. If she found out you were watching porn she could be hurt that you think it is her, but you won't be labelled as a community porn creep. Do you think she will start telling everybody at church that she thinks you are watching porn and the said girl was her? She would rather keep it private, don't you think? Also what are the odds that few people in the community also saw that clip, then talk amongst each other, and point, it's her it's her, hypocrite! Burn her at the stake!
Talking about being horrible at resemblance. I am 34 and a high school student would ask me if I went to the same school as him. I have been told I could be Japanese, Korean, Phlipina, Thai, and Afghani.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2015): I am one of those Doppelganger people. I work with the public and people are forever saying things like "Didn't I go to school/used to work with you?" Thankfully no-one's ever asked me if I've been in a porn film - yet. I'd be absolutely horrified! I must have a generic Northern European look. Oh well, hey ho, it might come in handy if I decide to rob a bank!
Anyway back to your problem. Having seen a little bit (uhm) of porn myself I know that American porn participants in particular seem to have a very generic look eg blonde hair, perfect teeth and lythe bodies (British porn on the other hand is known for having more "real" people eg bad hair, dodgy teeth and wobbly bodies). All the women in American porn look virtually the same to me and I'm a woman.
She's probably just got this look. I very much doubt she is in this porn film. Do you really want to mention this to her particularly as you barely know her? You must know what her reaction would be. She may tell other people and then how would you feel?
Lots of people watch porn, some rarely, some regularly. If you are in the latter category you may want to be a little wary of dating someone who will probably have strong opinions on the subject.
I suggest you date her and see how it goes. If she has a double life you will probably get an inkling early on when you can do something about it and her experience (or lack of) with men will become apparent. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 April 2015):
 I'd totally let it slide, since the chances the performer is actually your friend are slim.
- So do you mean to say that this is a split personality / secret identity case ? Virgin Sunday school teacher at daytime, vixenish porn star at night ?... Improbable ( athough, of course , not totally impossible. Stranger things have happened )
- Men are notoriously bad with resemblances, go figure why, but they ARE
- You are probably just practicing selective attention, you know like when you are planning a trip to Brazil and all of a sudden you start meeting Brazilians and hearing Brazilian accents everywhere ? You have this girl in mind, you are thinking of dating her,,, and you are inclined to notice whomever has SOME resemblance to her.
- These girls' faces may be similar, ( or, made similar by lights, camera angles etc. ) but, for all you know, their bodies, breasts etc. are completely different .
- The girl in the porn home video is not necessarily au naturel ,she may be quite different IRL and be wearing make up, wig, hairdye, extensions ,glasses etc. which by chance make her sinilar to your friend.
- A 90something % resemblance is high, but not so weirdly surprising, there ARE people who look very similar to other people and without even being related. Once I chased all over Zurich airport a gentleman whom I thought was my BIL because I wanted to know what he was doing in Zurich where he had no business being, eventually I cornered him at his departure gate, ... and obviously he was not my BIL . Rather embarassing.
Conclusion, I feel that the risk of you committing the foot-in-mouth of your lifetime is too high compared to the actual odds.
Plus, suppose instead she IS the girl from the video. Well, what is she, stupid ?
She shoots a porn video and she does not have a clue about the possibility of said video ending up on the net ?... If she did, she knew there was a distinctive risk and she decided to run it, and/ or she decided she did not care anyway.
Oth, imagine if, more likely, your Bible class good girl is not the same as the one in the video- she'd be furious that you may even have suspected her of something like that, and you'd be history even before starting. Plus, you have to explain her how and why you were checking out porn videos on the net- which, I guess, if you date WOULD have to come out, but perhaps is not exactly conversation material for a romantic first date .
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2015): Maybe not on the first date,but eventually and soon I would have a convo with her about it with a full explanation as to how I came across the video, and perhaps approach all that with some humor, but seriousness of that would quickly be figured out.
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